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The baby fake

Daniel Barberini of Wales dated Victoria Jones for about 16 months, while both were students. Jones started getting extremely possessive, so Barberini ended the relationship. Then, a few months later, Jones tells him that she’s pregnant, and he’s the father. It was a complete ruse, and she kept it going for two years—using photos of someone else’s child from Facebook.

Read The child who never was on DailyMail.co.uk.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.


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138 Comments on "The baby fake"

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I think that One/Joy can most likely relate to this one, and I know that One has not been the only person to become attached to a fake person/child. This is just another example of this horrible practice happening.

I dont’ know what the rest of Jones’s life history is or what she has done in other relationships, but I htink she must be pretty high on the P-traits scale to even think of doing something like this out of revenge or to keep this guy communicatng with her.

It is sort of like the psychopaths who “co-parent” children they apparently care little about just in order to jerk the other parent around with because they know the nurturing parent loves and cares for the child and that is something that can be used to “drive nails” into the heart of the nurturing parent. Since this woman didn’t have a child, she INVENTED ONE to accomplish the same thing.

I wonder just how long she would have gone on with this if life hadn’t fortunately outed her scheme?

I wish she could be prosecuted for this emotional “murder” even though the child never existed, the man’s attachment did. May the fleas of 1,000 camels in habit her arm pits! I sincerely hope she never gives birth to a REAL child to use as a tool to torment her next X partner

I saw his name and was triggered into a depressed state. Is this normal?

yes, recovering, it is.
Time will heal you.

Absolutely Oxy, and I am a little depressed having spent 6 hours doing court papers again!!! The idiot has filed again to reduce child maintenance to nil, because he claims to need £68,567.99 a year for his personal needs …lol! Worse his salary has gone up! Vindictive and cruel, jealous of his own children. I hope to get the same judge on the 4th Nov who will hopefully see it for what it is.

He even claims in his sworn statement he is divorced from second wife, lets hope he can come up with an absolute and a sealed clean break order ..me thinks bullsh*t.

I find even handling the same bits of paper he has sent me revolting, totally irrational, his voice in court creepy, I know I shouldn’t but I hate him and wish he would just drop down dead.

Dear Movingon,

I can understand why you would hate to touch anything he has CONTAMINATED with his touch, or breathe the same room air he breathes….might be a molecule of HIM on the paper or in the air! TOXIC!!!!

Well, hopefully you can get the child support RAISED and every time he takes you back to court to get it lowered, I’d request a RAISE since he has so much money to hire an attorney–STICK IT TO HIM!!!!! ((((Hugs))))

RECovering
Skylar’s right. The trigger into depression is normal but let’s work on not staying there if that’s okay with you?

Is there something that we can focus on together that talking about it brings you joy? I’ve got a little time. Maybe I’ll just settle for rum punch and skip the store run. Think it might be risky for chocolate fix anyway. Hens can afford the calories. I can’t.

Will watch if you reply.
Katy

one/joy_step_at_a_time

…and now i can post on this thread – how odd.

movingon – i have been wishing my dad drop dead for almost two years now. it’s a part of the acceptance/ denial process. i have stopped wishing for t. it will come on it’s own, and sooner than later…because he is old. i *win* by virtue of age.

recovering – anger as an emo response will kick the butt of depression as an emo response. I really think that depression as an emo response (not as an illness) is about fear and a loss of power. anger and emotional depression cannot exist at the same time (whereas clinical depression and anger can/ do).

so maybe getting angry will help move you out of the depressive response.

onejoy,
when I was a teenager, I was angry all the time at my parents. I wished them dead. Then I grew up and thought that I must’ve been so hormonal to think those awful things about them. I was so glad that I got over my anger.

Then 2 years ago, I began to see what they were: LIARS.

I remembered everything that I had blocked out. Now I feel revulsion for them.

Anger is an emotion that worked to protect me when I didn’t know what I needed protection from. Revulsion is the emotion that tells me that something is toxic.

I wonder if there will be more revelations in the future, as I continue to grow. There are many medicinal plants that are toxic to healthy people but also helpful when you have a disease. I’m keeping my mind open for new revelations.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

hi sky – i was angry as a teen also, i just chugged it down with drugs. i still remember sitting at the dining room table with my parents after being on the street for a month in a large city when i ran away. for the first time i felt i had their ear, and felt like i had some power. it was a turning point for me – i separated from them on some level.

my parents were very driven by their emotions, and pretended not to be. i grew up in a very dishonest household with a man who had a lot of animalistic urges which he kept thinly wrapped, and a mother who was very damaged emotionally and physically. i did drugs often when i was a teen. i didn’t have it in me to confront them – i was a child, and a child of those circumstances.

i think revulsion is a form of protection, too – it’s a mix of fear/protection/ and the marking of them as ‘other’.

and i am sure their will be more revelations as you go on.

http://www.autismuk.com/?page_id=262

here’s a fascinating article on malice and autism.

I think the crux of what it’s saying is that malice, in some cases, is an attempt to pre-empt a situation that makes a person feel powerless. And that powerlessness is due to the inability to interact with or interpret facial expressions.

My exspath was not at all aspergers or autistic. He was glib and superficially charming when he wanted to be. But he WAS obsessed with facial expressions. He didn’t intend for me to know this, he kept it hidden except for a few times when it became apparent.

It seemed to me that much of the evil he did on a daily basis was just to see the expression on someone’s face in response to him.

So bizarre. Who lives like that?

one/joy_step_at_a_time

star – unfortunately, your last sentence is not a rhetorical question.

this line in the article was very interesting to me: ‘This explosive anger is frightening can lead to hitting or breaking things. However, it may also have a detached quality as if the person does not feel their anger, only shows it.’ hmmm, and how do our spathy friends fare in comparison?

the spath was always working me to see what set of diagnoses i would accept about ‘him.’ since ‘he’ was ill in so many ways, she trotted out a lot of diagnoses, some of which she shares in real life. one of the diagnoses was aspbergers; makes me wonder if someone hadn’t tried to label her with that at some point. AND makes me wonder if she has ever been diagnosed as sociopathic. (like, before I did. 😉 )

the ideas/ theories posited in the article explain a potential model, that could well explains some of our spaths. there is so much under the sun that we do not know and haven’t yet drawn the lines between.

I am trying not to think of it. When I get angry I only want revenge. Ive tried telling people and as you all know Im just “psycho”. I hate him so much for causing me all this pain. Everyone keeps saying he isnt happy because its just not in his makeup to be joyful but he could have fooled me and everyone around too.

I know what he is. I know he lies. I know he is SICK. The most puzzling part is knowing these things are fact yet I still cant get him out of my head, dreams, life. I want him to suffer like I am.

One joy: I was also a very angry teenager and I often lashed out at my dad. Never my mother, always him. We learn so much about our own demons, feelings, and emotions after experiences with the disordered.

Sky: Can you elaborate on the facial expressions. I think my spath was intrigued by them as well but I want to know more about your encounter so that I can compare.

I will never be th same. I no longer trust anyone. Im constantly looking for clues hints anything that will help protect me from anuther monster. I dont like being this way. Its scary and I dont feel safe. I feel like I have no place in this world anymore. I feel I wont ever live a normal life without my mind constantly racing and wondering. Its like spath gave me a piece of his personality. To live in a world in a constant state of paranoia. Im uneasy. I feel like people are out to hurt me. Now that I know human evil DOES exist, I no longer believe that good lives in everyone.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Recovering – i didn’t lash out. everything i did i did to myself. I wish i had lashed out.

Recovering,
if you haven’t read the article I linked above, you may find it slightly helpful. It does attempt to explain the emotional dysfunction that accompanies their behavior.

I’ve told this story before regarding my exspath and faces.
My BF was spath’s bestfriend for many years. He has a very expressive face. When he pouts, it just melts me.

So one day back in the early 90’s, spath heard that a girl had drowned in the river and her body was missing. He told BF that they should try to find the body by flying over the river in his open cockpit experiemental helicopter. (I’m sure that spath had already found the body but just wanted to create an adventure to share with BF) So they flew along the river and spotted the body. Then they went back to the airport and grabbed a rubber raft with a small engine (mine), drove back to the river and snagged the body, bringing it to shore and called the authorities, etc…

When spath told me about what happened, you would think he would focus on describing the corpse or the adventure of flying around or the media, or the police. Nope, instead he repeated over and over with glee, “You should have seen BF’s face, you should have seen him queeb” (queeb is a word he made up to describe distress – another tell BTW, because who makes up words to describe distress?)

Recovering, the article above is interesting because it describes a motivation, very different from the one that I had deduced. But both theories involve facial expressions. I would be interested in tying them together, if possible.

The article says:

The common theme is, I think, a sense of powerlessness which a person with TFAS tries to circumvent by using their power to shock or to disrupt.

But this raises a further question. Why should a person with TFAS be powerless? The reason is, I think, because they are very poor at non-verbal communication. However, their difficulties are not the problems of non-verbal expression that other people with Asperger syndrome have, but problems of non-verbal interpretation. They have difficulty reading other people’s faces, and probably their gestures and tones of voice, too. Being outrageous helps to overcome this problem because other people, when they are very emotionally aroused, emit more and more obvious cues about what they are feeling. And the fact that you have predictably elicited strong feeling in someone else may be more rewarding than the fact that the feeling is hostile or distressing.

People with TFAS may seem uncannily good at winding others up, but they have had plenty of opportunity to learn how to do this. What they cannot so easily do is to participate emotionally themselves in the social encounter. They learn about social situations, rather than learning in them.
This problem may be associated with other difficulties, like an impaired ability to tell yourself the story of how another person will look at a behaviour, and like the tendency to lump everyone together in the same group of people who are against you. More research needs to be done to find out what the difficulties are precisely

This explanation ties in very well with what I saw in my exspath’s fascination with BF’s face.

On the other hand, there appears to be an element of “acting out” and sliming us with what they feel. As you said, you feel like he turned you into him. I do believe that this is their intent. They can see that we are happy and trusting but they are not. So they want to take away from us, what they can’t have themselves. My spath used to say to me, “living is easy with eyes closed.” I never knew what he meant but now I do.

It’s a good thing to have this knowledge. We can make better sense of other people’s motivations. I’m glad to find out that my mother is a spath and my dad is an N because it explains so much. It’s unfortunate though that this knowledge causes so much anxiety.

How do I know if I may be a borderline? I dont know if I am all that sane myself. My codependent tendencies are through the roof.

One: Do you feel your childhood plays a part in the partners youve chosen?

Sky the article is very interesting. I am still trying to save up for some psychotherapy, I really need it.

Sky

I read the article on the link fully. I’m not clear, what is your hypothesis?

Superkid

Recovering,

Call around in your area and see if there are some free standing mental health clinics that are funded by “Title 19” it charges on a “sliding scale” and after my divorce years ago I took my kids and myself for 2 years of counseling almost for free. I have also worked in these clinics and the services they provide are very good, so check it out. There are sometimes other services available from other sources, so don’t give up and say “i have to save up for it” see if you can find some services NOW at free or small cost.

Anger is a normal response to being injured. The desire for revenge is also a normal response to being injured as well. So those are NORMAL RESPONSES. We also are dealing with GRIEF a part of which is ANGER as well. When we LOSE something we value we grieve until we come to an acceptance of the loss. The steps (but not done in any order) are Denial, sadness, anger, bargaining, and Acceptance. Acceptance is the end product that we work toward, but we may take months or years to get there and STAY there in acceptance. It is NOT like climbing a ladder toward the top, it is more like a maze that leads around in circles but eventually we can get to the prize (acceptance) and stay there.

BTW you can have issues with co-dependency, enabling, and not be “borderline personality disordered” An Alanon group might be helpful for some support if you do have codependency/enabling issues as well, and they are free and usually available most places.

Superkid,
I’m not clear either, the information is still burbling in my head.
So far, I see a connection between the spathy behavior and an inability to communicate emotions.

The article says:
However, their difficulties are not the problems of non-verbal expression that other people with Asperger syndrome have, but problems of non-verbal interpretation.

I think the article is on to something but they missed the target.

I’ve read about a syndrome called alexithymia, which means “having no words for emotions.” It describes the inability to understand what one feels, when the body reacts emotionally. Instead, the emotion is interpreted as a bodily function.

My spath used to get a rapid heartbeat. His heart would speed up off the charts and he would calmly drive himself to the emergency room.

I think the disconnect in communication which is happening is not between the spath and the normal person, but actually inside the brain. The spath can feel some of his body processes, but doesn’t interpret them as emotions. He thinks it’s an illness.

This disconnect over the years, has many repercussions including the inability to feel empathy. That inability makes the spath unable to connect to others and consequently feels mistrust/paranoia toward everyone. I imagine there is lonliness too, but they can’t feel that either.

As the article said, “they learn about social situations, rather than learning in them.”

That would explain the “shallow affect” of emotion.

From the article :

“I didn’t know what to make of it. It couldn’t be true, but then who would make up such a thing?” – Daniel Barberini

Sounds familiar.

Dancingnancies: I know right….crazy. I knew my n was sick when he told me stories about breaking the law, some were fabricated but either way it was sick. To committ the act sick to lie about them, sicker! I had a flashback of something my ex once said. He said “I wish I loved you more, I don’t know why I don’t love you like I should, maybe one day I will get there”. Maybe this was him trying to express his inability to feel anything.

Skylar

I think you are right that the spath can feel some body processes but doesn’t recognize what they are (e.g. emotions). It’s alluded to in that Alexander Lowen book I’m reading FEAR OF LIFE. It’s the split self. Spaths learn as babies not to trust, not even themselves.

My spath emailed me this weekend asking for my forgiveness given that it’s YOM KIPPUR. I am a little pissed off because it took up space in my head yesterday.

I harbor no anger. He hurt me. There were things he did that hurt me, and things he didn’t bother to do that also hurt me. I don’t want to hurt any more. i don’t want him in my life any more.

I could have responded with that, but I chose to not respond.

By responding, it lets him back into my life.

Ain’t happening.

I recognize that it’s going to take a good 3 – 6 months, maybe a year of more of his emails and my IGNORING THEM before he tires of it.

I also realized yesterday that he was cheating on me in more ways than I originally thought. When we sit back and reflect on things, the clouds clear.

SK

Recovering, I personally think your ex’s statement was a ploy for your sympathy… to give the impression that he’s going to do more. ( To keep you hoping. To hope beyond his twisted actions and lies. ) I think when someone with empathy ( especially if you’ve a LOT of empathy ) hears that, they think- “Oh, poor X, Y, or Z. They’re so thoughtful… ” ( it’s likely that if you’re still in the initial stages of the involvement, that they’re talking big about “doing things for you” … when all they really have in mind is stabbing you in the back while you aren’t looking. ) but having been caught right in the haywire of all of that bull SHEET (as Ox would say) I can feel/hear the incredible AFFECT in that statement…

“maybe one day i will get there” Said so innocently, so coyly. I smell a swamp of malignance behind that statement though. I don’t think it was a moment of self-reflection- I think it was heavy use of AFFECT to draw your sympathies and respect for his “highmindedness”. It’s subtle to catch, but it’s there.

I remember when I caught a P in one huge whoop ass of a lie, he started saying things like “I was going to tell you how I know I haven’t treated you as well as I should have, but now I’m not” ( i don’t think i need to provide more context for this one, he was pulling the classic “guilt-trip” into having you grovel for my forgiveness to deflect MY [read:his] slime. Disgusting. I see it for what it is : dangling a carrot…. except normal people don’t have to dangle carrots… only predators. )

nancy,
what a sicko your exspath is.
He was going to tell you that he should have treated you better, but because you caught him in a lie, you don’t deserve to be treated better, so he won’t tell you.

You are such a bad person for catching him in a lie, you should be ashamed of yourself.

spathological.

Hello everyone,
I have a bit down, I had the restraining order hearing last Thursday and Spath didnt show up… I was thrilled since I though it was over, however, when they called out our case number, HIS attorney was there… that hurt me, i felt like a slap to my face… he hired an attorney to fight a restraining order?

Anyhow, I have been working with the detective on this case to provide him with as much evidence as possible of him breaking the emergency restraining order… he denies ever doing that.

Anyhow, to make matters worse, I found out last week that I am expecting his child. So many mixed emotions… good vs evil battle is going on inside my head.

I talked to my therapist about all these issues and all seems fine when I am in his office and feels like I am strong and will make it but then I am the real world and fear takes over.

As happy as I was with the news, I know it will be a took, a window of opportunity for spath to continue to manipulate, control, hurt me…

Alina I was there a few months ago, be strong. Dancing you are so right, everything is always a freaking game. They always twist things with intent to confuse you. Ugh! Once again….who does that!??? Spaths do! If I ever talked with mine again it would all be comedy knowing what I know now. I wouldn’t dare wreck my brain trying to figure fact from fiction or switching his ups to Downs. it’s so sick. I’m glad I had you to help me understand that.

Alina,
DON’T tell him.
I don’t know your situation, but since spaths never pay child support anyway, it does no good to tell him you are having his child. Get away from him and don’t let him hold any control over you.

Dear Alina,

I agree with Skylar about the DON’T TELL HIM….if he finds out you are preggers, DENY it is his…..if he insists it is his and so on, make him PAY FOR A DNA TEST….don’t ever admit it is his if you can help it. If you can move away from there before he finds out you are preggers even better. If he finds out then he has a NOOSE AROUND YOUR NECK as well as the neck of the child forever…. God bless.

Skylar,

I read your post about your “spath” (I’m guessing that means sociopath or psychopath?) and his mistake of assuming his emotions were heart problems. Anyway, I was wondering if he had ever been officially diagnosed. If I’m not mistaken, it sounded like he was having an anxiety attack, which goes against every thing I know about psychopathy.

Alina-I agree with everyone else-DO NOT tell him. Mine wanted me pregnant right before he left me and I wanted it too. Thank GOD I am hard to knock up and it didn’t happen. Oxy is so right. He will have a noose around your neck. Mine was so narcissistic and worried about appearances that he would have insisted on “doing the right thing and taking care of his child”, just so he would look good-not because he cared about me or the child.

It would be way too much of a way for him to control you and you will never get rid of him.

Circus,
Panic anxiety disorder is what he diagnosed himself with. But this guy flys a helicopter with the precision of a swiss watch at 90mph 2 feet off the ground. He doesn’t show panic anxiety. In fact, he also cured himself. He says he trained himself to calm his heart down. I personally think that his 4 quad lattes a day had a lot to do with it. I got him taking magnesium and potassium so his electrolytes are better.

Whatever the cause, what is interesting to me is his reaction. He intellectually decided to stay near hospitals but he never actually showed fear or anxiety.

The time he did show some fear was when he was in severe pain from a haital hernia. He was very worried about dying and even wrote a letter to God. (I found it 25 years later, after I left him)

I believe that people think spaths don’t have “anxiety attacks” because they don’t behave the same way as normals do when they are having them. But the anxiety attack is a series of physical responses, which spaths can have, they just don’t connect any emotion to it.

I also met a man who says he was hiding his bisexuality from his family, including a wife of 25 years and 3 grown sons. In the last few years he suffered from anxiety attacks. He says they went away when he confessed the truth. I’m not buying that story completely.

Then there is the evidence that spaths have wierd electrical wiring. They are more prone to epilipsy and certain types of muscle twitches. The heart is a muscle so that is a clue.

Lots of stuff for you to study. you’ve got your plate full.

I’m glad you are here learning. Hopefully you will make a difference in your field when you graduate.

I agree Alina. I was in your shoes a few months ago. I dumped my apathy and later found out I too was pregnant. I told him and he treated me like crap. This gave him the opportunity to have something over me and go in for the kill further hurting me telling me how much he didn’t give a damn about me or pregnancy. It hurt like he’ll. But yes they make terrible parents. Mine has a daughter that he only bothers with because his mother makes him and he tries to keep on good face for others. It’s sad. he will only use that child to further break you and the connection to cause you further pain.

skylar:

I’m interested in what you said about spaths and evidence that they have weird electrical wiring. Can you tell me more about that or have links to articles about it? Thanks.

Um.. I’m not sure I understand. You’re saying his “anxiety attacks” were actually a physical condition as opposed to something brought on by an extreme negative emotion? I ask because conventional wisdom of psychopaths indicates they have an under-aroused autonomic response (the autonomic nervous system controls heart rate, salivation, digestion, pupil dilation, etc). Basically, they don’t respond to fear or anxiety.

Yeah, I’ve read a few studies that suggested patients with temporal lobe epilepsy have high incidences of psychopathic behaviour, which makes sense considering the affected area is the moral centre of the brain.

skylar- yep. you can say that again.

Louise,
I couldn’t find the links to information about epilepsy and muscle twitches in spaths. I have read that many of them have different types of brainwaves.

Circus,
My spath had the anxiety attacks, muscle twitches and also severe acid reflux. All of these things could be caused by drinking too much coffee IMO they can also be caused by repressed emotions.

Apparently, the gut has some of the same receptors as the brain. So there is a thing called the “gut brain”. I think that’s why so many of us feel our emotions in the gut. Or we try to deal with emotions by overeating.

I think that some spaths don’t react normally to fear stimuli, but there are other physical responses which seem to me to be the result of supressed rage.

skylar:

OK, I will Google it and see what I can find. Thanks, though! 🙂

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Alina – oh dear girl, of course he sent his lawyer! don’t expect him to be anything but vile. plan for it. It sounds like you haven’t quite realized the truth of these people or let go of the hope that he may be other than what he is – don’t expect any good moral decent behaviour from him – and if he does act in any of these ways, KNOW that it is part of the con.

never ever tell him the child is his; you will regret it. here’s a list of possibilities of the outcome of his knowing: he will use that knowledge to manipulate you, love bomb you, take things from you, stay in your life for years and years, manipulate the child, use the child to con others, harm you AND THE CHILD. Do not bring that evil into this child’s life. make a good lie and stick to it.

I am so sorry you are in this position, but you have to steel yourself – you cannot go to him in hope of love and compassion for you and your child. the child’s existence will not change him or how he acts toward you in any way; it will only give him another way to ‘play’ with you. it is very dangerous to give him this ammunition…you and your child will both suffer.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

circus – i’ll jump in here as I am pretty sure I know sky’s reasoning: the spath (yes, sociopath) was unable to recognize the physical component of emotions and therefore thought them to be manifestations of illness.

So he had an emotion, but didn’t recognise it as such? That sounds more typical of Asperger Syndrome than psychopathy.

Also, I was wrong about low autonomic arousal, and for that I apologise. Conventional wisdom did suspect that psychopaths had low cortical and autonomic arousal, but recent studies have found that low-anxious psychopaths’ autonomic and cortical response is not significantly different from non-psychopaths, while high-anxious psychopaths have underaroused cortical and autonomic responses. I have no idea how that makes sense, but that’s what they found..

one/joy_step_at_a_time

recovering – hi, somewhere up-thread you asked if I felt that my home life affected my relationships/ choice of partners.

yes, it did in many ways. I suspect making a chronological history of all my lovers and friends and the pros and cons of all those relationships would help me to understand the full extent.

i became very good at identifying, feeling comfortable with and communicating emotions – in direct opposition to how i was raised. but in direct compliance to how i was raised i chose many people who were not, which allowed me to feel both alienated and alone (my family experience) and over time, feel like i inhabited a rarefied landscape compared to those i was involved with (my parents outer presentation).

Bad communicators abound in these groups: alcoholics, drug addicts, people from dysfunctional homes, those who have been beaten and sexually abused as children, n/s. (not saying all those who have experienced these are bad communicators – people make different choices as they start to understand where they came from, but the numbers in the landscape are abundant).

my mother had a bad car accident when i was 8 – changed our family life, and her life forever. it also means that i felt really comfortable in an Alanon meeting as my mom’s state was always the elephant in the room. it also meant that i am trauma bonded to my mom (she was out of the home for almost 2 years, and came back irrevocably changed), and that i started to see my sib’s narcissism at an early age. it took much longer to see my father’s. but the fact that we stayed on the farm and that she eventually had to return to work to support the farm (when she was in no physical shape to do so) speaks volumes in and of itself. so i learned to be supply, to be trauma bonded, to serve. makes it wayyyy easier to attract the dysfunctional. it taught me the worst lesson – not to expect to be supported when I am treated poorly; and when i am treated poorly, i often go immediately into a bad place, that i then have to dig myself out of.

We didn’t have a lot of support because the pride and stupidity of my parents prohibited it. so we were rather alone, and i felt cut off from love and life. i taught myself to reach out for life and community. I did really well with it for decades – but since the MCS and spath ….l have not done well with it. back to being alone and not asking for help and making choices (consciously or unconsciously, that continue to support that – AND these experiences, as we all know, can be quite alienating in terms of friends, community and family.)

all i can write for now – it started thinking about some stuff about my father and it’s triggered me. rats.

all the best to you, recovering.
on joy

Alina- I am happy that you are pleased with the news as scary as it might be.
This is only my opinion but I say this from experience….do not tell him. He can and will use this to manipulate and control you forever…or as long as he can.
They do not pay child support and legal fees in protecting you and your child will be incredibule! Walk away if you can…while you still can. The stress of a spath during pregnancy and with a newborn is not worth all the gold in the world.
Also, you will ultimately be doing this on your own anyway…having him in your life will only make things harder.
((hugs))

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Circus – ‘So he had an emotion, but didn’t recognise it as such? That sounds more typical of Asperger Syndrome than psychopathy.’

certain attributes are not wholly exclusive to one group or another.

i think you would need to know sky’s story to recognize that her ex was surely a spath, and that she has been working hard to understand the underlying basis for his behavior. she was with him for 25 years and he poisoned her for years (literally).

amended to say: not having a connection to empathy and conscience changes the emotional range one is connected to and one how one relates to the emotions one does have. is it such a big jump to speculate that spaths actually wouldn’t understand that certain physical sensations are connected to emotions?

Alina-
I need to add this because if I could turn back the clock I would change many things.
If you decide to move forward with the pregnancy you might try some “misdirection”. This may seem and is dishonest however your life could be so much easier. Spaths use many tricks…maybe you could try the same (IF ONLY FOR YOUR PROTECTION). Put out the news you are seeing someone else…in love…ect. Start now before you start to show…maybe this will deter him. If he thinks its not his he will no longer pursue you….go NC….He doesn’t love you-they can’t love!! He will eventually hate you regardless..don’t give him a reason to hold on to you forever!! Protect you and that child!!!

one/joy_step_at_a_time

coping – good strategic advice!

Hm. I’m not sure about that. I once witnessed a conversation between a person with Asperger Syndrome and a low-anxious psychopath. The person with Asperger’s was describing her difficulties with relationships. She said that she felt love and devotion for her partner, but she didn’t know how to express it. The psychopath chimed in, saying his experience was the exact opposite. He felt no love or devotion, but he was able to express something which he didn’t feel.
Also, in a few of Hare’s interviews with psychopaths, the experimenter asked the participants how they felt in emotionally loaded situations. The participant would go on to list a bunch of emotions. Then the experimenter asked them to describe how they felt “inside”. They couldn’t, because they didn’t feel anything. So they were actually just describing how a reasonable person would feel in that situation, not what they felt.

I’m not saying he definitely isn’t a psychopath. He could be a high-anxious psychopath, as they are physically capable of feeling the full spectrum of human emotions, but they still behave like a psychopath, even worse.

circus,
as one joy pointed out, my exspath was an UBERSPATH.
He could sell snow to eskimos and is loved dearly by those he intends to kill. His calculated charm seems so real that when I explain to the few people who believe me, what he is, they reply, “Oh that’s sad because I REALLY liked him.”

He is like the tony robbins of spaths, he trains other spaths to be successful in their evil. When he tells stories, people are enthralled and he’s always the hero – the modest hero. He had me convinced that he was the most genuine person on earth – all while feeding me tiny bits of strychnine in my food for over 20 years to keep me sick.

There is not even a hint of aspergers in this creature. He’s pure spath.

It’s my theory that most of us learn to numb or disconnect many of our emotions in order to survive. I think that spaths just do it more completely through their use of willpower.

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