By | July 24, 2010 28 Comments

The foreign student and the con man

It’s a classic story of sociopathic brainwashing. A young woman comes from Korea to study at the University of Washington. She meets a guy online; he turns out to be a con man. The guy takes complete control of the woman’s money and her life—until he is finally arrested.

Read Con man accused of living off UW student for year, faking his own kidnapping, on

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Frank Lee Speaking

“(She) was extremely frightened,” the detective told the court. “She thought that we were there to harm her and it took several conversations with her parents and academic adviser to see the reality of the situation.”

You think this story could not be more tragic and surreal and then you read this at the end of the article:

“Clark remains free pending the case’s resolution.”



She must have had no friends, no reality check..this is so sad. It is so so dangerous to be in a new country, new boyfriend, endless opportunity to gaslight someone…

The P was particularly active in his own country, he was more confident and used the gaps in cultural differences to gaslight me to the hilt and I was vigilant, I re checked everything and watched him like a hawk…I still have flashbacks to times over there, where my stomach began to churn and the hairs on the back of my neck brislted as I watched him in converstion with his father or a friend usually male, they spoke the foreign language…but I strained to understand….their body language said more…they were plotting the whole time how to get things from me….but mid conversation he would throw me a smile, or reach for my hand as if all was normal…it’s mortifying…. FREAKY HIDEOUS times, that flash at me 24/7…the flashbacks show me the other side of it…the REALITY…no denial, that’s why flashbacks are so hard but healing….I had picked up on every nuance of change in the air…I could see him having a pain in his ass trying to prove things to me…Thank God I was so perceptive and Thank God I had LoveFraud when the game was up…

Can you imagine the flashbacks this woman will have to endure….in fact she will be a long time coming to terms with it…I hope she can “come back” and regain trust eventually.

Frank Lee Speaking

She would of also not have known the culture – a prime target. I actually had a lump in my troat when I read the part about she thinking the police were coming to kill her.


“Clark remains free pending the case’s resolution” What is wrong with this picture?

Mine did Identity theft, but the attorneys gave me no support because I’d be seen as a scorned woman. WTF?

From my previous dealings with the police, they are really reluctant to deal with Identity Theft issues, and the prosecutor apparently has “better things to do”. It just goes on file. Good thing this guy was at least INVESTIGATED

Ox Drover

He must have used some of her money to get the bail, but at least his parents weren’t fooled. They knew he would skip. Would be interesting to follow this and see if he doesn’t skip out on the trial.

This is the kind of case though, that the cops usually LAUGH AT but do not prosecute and just say “welll she gave him the money” and if it was stupid so what? I am glad to see that this was prosecuted.

What a horror story for a bright young woman from another country and culture to come to the US and live this night mare! It isn’t even about just the money, but the HORROR of what she lived through, the confusion. I pray for this girl, she probably has no idea what hit her.


Matthew Clark should be sitting in a damn jail cell. He is a totally unscrupulous criminal. What a hard life lesson for this young woman, making me mad. The way Matthew Clark had a story (explanation) for everything that befell them reminds me of my h-spath, trying his best to keep the girl from knowing the truth. Poor girl – she was living in absolute uncertainty, fear, all due to Matthew Clark. This is another upsetting story to read about.

Ox Drover

Dear Bluejay,

They are all upsetting, because we know pretty much how these victims feel, and we have empathy for them. I also agree with you, he ought to be in a cell with “Bubba” the 6 ft. 6″ 320 former hells angel leader who is a sex addict and serial rapist. Did I leave anything out?


OxD, and Bubba has a penchant for showering with other men…….

Is it really such a LOW percentage of sociopaths, then? Sometimes, I entertain this fantasy of living in a cave without electricity, technology, or people – just me and Nature. I haven’t met a sociopathic squirrel, yet……

Ox Drover

Dear Buttons, I think CATS are psychopaths, at least they are very narcissistic and you can’t train them to do diddly, I think dogs are more inclined to be either victims, taking anything that’s dished out by the owner, where as a cat would scratch back or bite! LOL

I think if you look at ALL the different classifactions of Cluster Bs and different kinds of personality disorders, if Ps are 1-4% and X is 2-6 % and something else is 1-3 % and borderllines are !-3 % and so on, by the time you add up all the personality disordered, and people with SERIOUS mental disorders, I think half the population is BAAAAAAD problematic, so if you work all the numbers out that leave only you and me as “perfect” people, and I’m beginning to wonder about you Buttons! LOL ROTFLMAO

Yea, I’m kind of living in a tree lined hole in the woods so that’s pretty close to a cave, but I have indoor plumbing.


OxD…….”beginning” to wonder???? Sheeeeyit, I thought it was obvious! I’ve known about me for years! 😉

You’re a flipping HOOT, OxD…..LOLOLOL


Oh, any my cats aren’t psychopaths OR narcissists…….they’re just stoopit


god is great – beer is good – people are crazy


especially on beer!


Cats are spiritual…I have my cat nights where we all lounge around..there is a wonderful energy on those nights. cats are very beautiful, very loving (if you understand them)…their purring is doubt and I can feel myself relaxing ten time deeper in the company of my cats…they make the atmosphere crackle with mystery the way their eyes shine and blink lovingly at me, they can stretch out stay so still as if affectionate…they actually release pheremones onto furniture and owner to calm everything down a notch and feel secure. They are brilliant mothers, completely loving and natural..not a hint of psychopath..

UNTIL a mouse appears, then my beautiful little princess turns into a complete psychopathic biotch from hell…but she looks at me as if to say….”what the hell is wrong with you?…I’m a cat?” and its familiar…. that look and that question…ooh yes very familiar….and a MYSTERY…a big mystery.


Bulletproof, indeed they are spiritual, as all creatures are. I take great pleasure in having all 5 of our cats around, from the old, old man (23 yrs) to the youngsters. They each have their own personalities, and they do the oddest things.

Brightest kitty blessings! 😉


Cats are CRAZY- “they do the oddest things”. Like they try to scratch your eyes out when you go to pet them; jump on your face when sleeping; and use your baseball card collection box for their toilet. This Clark is crazy too, and I hope he serves significant time although the statement about the charges falling under domestic violence isn’t reassuring. We all know how much those crimes are prosecuted- rather not. At least this is a step for the many others enduring similar treatment.


you guys need a chuckle, read our blog.


Enough of the advertising PLEASE!
Donna offers paid spots to advertise.


Dang I knew it…. thought LF had a policy about posting links too…ok I can see maybe once…but every day…every post…

It really is enough. Thanks style for the recommendation…but Ive never chuckled so much as I do here at LF!

Good luck with your business endeavors!


Also, telling people who are traumatised that they need a chuckle … please. If a chuckle happens, like it often does on here, all well and good — very good — but that’s a little bit insensitive when it’s just advertising.


In all fairness to Style, she is a survivor also and has a lot to give to LF.
I don’t think there was any malice in attaching her blog address….just a bit overzelous.


Maybe I was over zealous too. I am finding my anger these days and it might get misplaced.

Style, I meant no offence but it was getting a little bit much for me. Maybe that’s an overreaction and I should just pass on by. After years of underreacting I am doing the opposite more often.

Attaching a blog addy is cool. It’s when it was only advertising that I had to throw my rattle out of my pram. But now I can see that I am taking the anger due to the spath and giving it to someone ‘safer’ to have a go at. That is something I will watch for. 🙂 Yes, good luck Style.




I am new to this world of trying to understand what happened to me. Can someone tell me if I imagined things or I was really dealing with a sociopath?
We were together 17 years. When I met him I had a 10 months old son. We met at a party made out the first night and when I told him about my son he said he would love to meet him. He was great with my son and helped me alot. (was I an easy target? Someone that neede some help raising a son? Did he see this? + I had money and he was out of job?)

We had another son 2 years later. We lived in a nice house I paid for most things but he helped and I love him. Sometimes he would lie if he wanted to do things with his friends. But when I would catch him he would say it was because I was controlling that he had to lie.
My father helped him to go back to school and paid his fees. He never liked his jobs so we tought going back to school would help him find something he would like (he was then in his 30’s)

he never felt shame, or that he was responsible for anything. He believed I had it easy cos my dad had money. But I went to university (my dad did not do this for me) and I am now a teacher and I love my job..

He got some money when his dad died about 3 years ago. We bought a new house and he put up a third of the money. the rest he spent …all of it , about 100 000$ in one year. + loaded his credit cards and did not make his car payments. he was in deep shit + had lost his job.
He complained that I was bossy and controlling. !?! By then I was getting discouraged and was feeling stressed out because we had this big house and I had trusted him. Where did the money go? He won’t say. he said grocery + stuff …I don’t see it, no family trips, no furnature …nothing I can really see. I asked him if he gambled he got mad and said NO! He said he did nothing wrong he just wanted to do things for the family. He did not even pay our son’s school (I got a cal at the end of the year that said it had not been paid.

After a while and lots of stress on our relationship he said one morning: I am not sure anymore about my feelings for you. That hurt so much ,,,I got angry and told him to leave. I told him I was willing to support him when he had no job, when he lost his money …but if he did not love me anymore – that was enough!
He did not argue , he left! ..but he wanted his money back from the house. I belived it was selfish since me and the boys lived in that house and I would have to sell it first. But he wanted his money badly.

Aftr 3 months we got back (or did he come back to make sure he stayed close to his money? We had a nice 6 months, he lived in his appartment, I lived in the house but we were always together, making love and enjoying our quality time. I sold the house, bought a new one and got a divorce (I had no choice because if he went backrupt I would sink with him)
He helped me move in May (this May). I gave him his money, he got another appartement above his sister’s place. he said he wanted to prove to everyone he could be by himself have a job and have his own place. I accepted all of this because I truly tought that we were building something new, something better for ourselves and our family.

But NO! one night after we took a walk and he said , again: that he wasn’t sure of his feelings for me. WHAT? we had just spent a nice 6 months together sleeping together (always great togehter in bed -a sociopath trait?)

So this is it! I am broken , sad and I don’t understand. How can he cut me off lie this? 17 years. I tried to talk to him saying I realized where we went wrong how we could fix it … but no he is done he wants to move on. He doesn’t see the boys often (they are 14 and 18) and he plays music with his friends. He has not really offered me any money for the boys and he lives a totally free life. He is 43 years old.

How can he just cut off like that? Move on, no news. Ho! once in a while he will call and sound sad. One day he came over and said : can I hold you in my arms. I said yes , but it hurts.
How can he do this? people around me say he will come back when he is done having his fun! He will come back because … he uses me?
I can’t belive that 17 years is only that ; being used?

Does this sound like a sociopath? he has never been violent or agressive, he is on the contrary very passive. He has never said he was sorry for anything. I feel bad, sad, exploited.
is this it , an encouter with a sociopath?
(by the way , my mother hated him, said he was a lie and that a manipulator and that he would never change) Mothers know best?

Thank you

Ox Drover

Dear Loubeird,

It sure sounds like he is definitely high in psychopathic traits for sure. No responsibility, no conscience, liar, manipulator, not wanting to work, wildly spending money….but whether or not he is 100% of the “diagnosis” the point is that he is TOXIC and he is NOT GOING TO CHANGE….your mother is right about that.

Many times they are great in the sack other times couldn’t care….but they CAN use you for 17 years, or 27, or 47 and it means nothing to them. They don’t bond with their mates or their kids….or anyone else.

I’m sorry that you ahve been through all of this pain for so long, but I am glad you found your way here and I hope you are able to read and learn. The archives have so many wonderful and good articles. Read and educate yourself about them. There is wonderful support here. Again Welcome! God bless.


Hello Loubiere

I’m sorry you’ve found your way to LF in one sense that you’ve suffered enough to need this blog. Another sense I’m glad as you may find some of the answers your looking for, support and healing from the great folks on LF.

Although no-one can ‘diagnose’ a Sociopath from descriptions on a website – it does sound as though your ex has PUT YOU THROUGH HELL and shown many sociopathic ‘traits’.

I would advise that you take time and B-R_E-A-T-H-E first and maybe read through the articles here on LF first without reading the comments whilst trying to come to some conclusions of your own.

Post your story if you think it will help to ‘get it out’ or read what others have said and learn a little for your own sake.

I’m really sorry that you’re hurting right now. People here on LF will completely understand where you are as everyone, everyone here has suffered at the hands of a Sociopath or personality disordered person.

Bright Blessings


Yep…..sounds toxic!

Don’t wrestle so much with the ‘diagnosis’…..because you have all the signs of an unhealthy relationship already.

I do know the feeling of wanting to be able to ‘figure’ it all out…..and you will……now that you’ve removed your rose colored glasses and are in pain.
The answers will come to you. Just stay away!

No contact is important to be able to see it all clearly.
Your easy for him….your a comfort zone….he already knows how you’ll react and what buttons to push.
(IE….can I hold you? yes, but it’ll hurt). I bet he did huh…..didn’t matter how hurt you’d be… see.

It’s all about them……me, me, me, me, me,me!

You don’t matter, the kids don’t matter….to him.

He won’t work, why should he….he’s always been successful at finding another victim to con his way through with.

Those three words I found very powerful…..once I really ‘heard’ them.
I had to be open to ‘hearing’ them……
It took me 28 years!!!!!

Thank god your divorce is finalized……now don’t give him anyomore….NOthing, nada, zilpo…..
You’ve spent too much time on him……NOW IT”S YOUR TURN!!!!

Make your life all about YOU!

I’m sorry your hurting, and I understand your pain.
I’ts not you, your not reading him wrong… yourself, trust your gut…..and give yourself enough credit to follow it.


Good luck….and Welcome to LF….


Loubeird: Welcome to the site!

I don’t know whether to call it a quits in my relationship with my little sister or to have more patience. My mother keeps pressuring her to allow me to hangout with her friends. I enjoy her friends. Now, one of her friends likes me a lot. Since I don’t have a phone in this foreign country, he calls her cell phone. Last night, I caught my little sister complaning (lying) to my mom that I waste her credits. Her phone system is sort of like a go-phone. The funny thing is the guy pays to call me, so it doesn’t affect her phone credits at all. I think she’s upset because I’m dating a lot these days. She has a boyfriend but still feels the need to flirt around. She thinks what I am doing is wrong because I’m dating more than one guy. This day and age, there’s a difference between dating and becoming boyfriend/ girlfriend. I don’t have a boyfriend but I’m talking to guys to see which will be a fit. But I think she’s mad because she didn’t get that opportunity. Yesterday night, I confronted her about talking about my personal business to my mom. The funny thing is she wants me to keep it a secret on who she is dating from my mom. I don’t think that its fair that she can talk about me behind my mother’s back but then expect me to keep her secrets. Especially keep the annoying things she does between her and I. She’s only two years younger than me and Ithink its about time she starts acting a little more mature.

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