The foreign student and the con man

It’s a classic story of sociopathic brainwashing. A young woman comes from Korea to study at the University of Washington. She meets a guy online; he turns out to be a con man. The guy takes complete control of the woman’s money and her life—until he is finally arrested.

Read Con man accused of living off UW student for year, faking his own kidnapping, on

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28 Comments on "The foreign student and the con man"

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In all fairness to Style, she is a survivor also and has a lot to give to LF.
I don’t think there was any malice in attaching her blog address….just a bit overzelous.

Maybe I was over zealous too. I am finding my anger these days and it might get misplaced.

Style, I meant no offence but it was getting a little bit much for me. Maybe that’s an overreaction and I should just pass on by. After years of underreacting I am doing the opposite more often.

Attaching a blog addy is cool. It’s when it was only advertising that I had to throw my rattle out of my pram. But now I can see that I am taking the anger due to the spath and giving it to someone ‘safer’ to have a go at. That is something I will watch for. 🙂 Yes, good luck Style.


I am new to this world of trying to understand what happened to me. Can someone tell me if I imagined things or I was really dealing with a sociopath?
We were together 17 years. When I met him I had a 10 months old son. We met at a party made out the first night and when I told him about my son he said he would love to meet him. He was great with my son and helped me alot. (was I an easy target? Someone that neede some help raising a son? Did he see this? + I had money and he was out of job?)

We had another son 2 years later. We lived in a nice house I paid for most things but he helped and I love him. Sometimes he would lie if he wanted to do things with his friends. But when I would catch him he would say it was because I was controlling that he had to lie.
My father helped him to go back to school and paid his fees. He never liked his jobs so we tought going back to school would help him find something he would like (he was then in his 30’s)

he never felt shame, or that he was responsible for anything. He believed I had it easy cos my dad had money. But I went to university (my dad did not do this for me) and I am now a teacher and I love my job..

He got some money when his dad died about 3 years ago. We bought a new house and he put up a third of the money. the rest he spent …all of it , about 100 000$ in one year. + loaded his credit cards and did not make his car payments. he was in deep shit + had lost his job.
He complained that I was bossy and controlling. !?! By then I was getting discouraged and was feeling stressed out because we had this big house and I had trusted him. Where did the money go? He won’t say. he said grocery + stuff …I don’t see it, no family trips, no furnature …nothing I can really see. I asked him if he gambled he got mad and said NO! He said he did nothing wrong he just wanted to do things for the family. He did not even pay our son’s school (I got a cal at the end of the year that said it had not been paid.

After a while and lots of stress on our relationship he said one morning: I am not sure anymore about my feelings for you. That hurt so much ,,,I got angry and told him to leave. I told him I was willing to support him when he had no job, when he lost his money …but if he did not love me anymore – that was enough!
He did not argue , he left! ..but he wanted his money back from the house. I belived it was selfish since me and the boys lived in that house and I would have to sell it first. But he wanted his money badly.

Aftr 3 months we got back (or did he come back to make sure he stayed close to his money? We had a nice 6 months, he lived in his appartment, I lived in the house but we were always together, making love and enjoying our quality time. I sold the house, bought a new one and got a divorce (I had no choice because if he went backrupt I would sink with him)
He helped me move in May (this May). I gave him his money, he got another appartement above his sister’s place. he said he wanted to prove to everyone he could be by himself have a job and have his own place. I accepted all of this because I truly tought that we were building something new, something better for ourselves and our family.

But NO! one night after we took a walk and he said , again: that he wasn’t sure of his feelings for me. WHAT? we had just spent a nice 6 months together sleeping together (always great togehter in bed -a sociopath trait?)

So this is it! I am broken , sad and I don’t understand. How can he cut me off lie this? 17 years. I tried to talk to him saying I realized where we went wrong how we could fix it … but no he is done he wants to move on. He doesn’t see the boys often (they are 14 and 18) and he plays music with his friends. He has not really offered me any money for the boys and he lives a totally free life. He is 43 years old.

How can he just cut off like that? Move on, no news. Ho! once in a while he will call and sound sad. One day he came over and said : can I hold you in my arms. I said yes , but it hurts.
How can he do this? people around me say he will come back when he is done having his fun! He will come back because … he uses me?
I can’t belive that 17 years is only that ; being used?

Does this sound like a sociopath? he has never been violent or agressive, he is on the contrary very passive. He has never said he was sorry for anything. I feel bad, sad, exploited.
is this it , an encouter with a sociopath?
(by the way , my mother hated him, said he was a lie and that a manipulator and that he would never change) Mothers know best?

Thank you

Dear Loubeird,

It sure sounds like he is definitely high in psychopathic traits for sure. No responsibility, no conscience, liar, manipulator, not wanting to work, wildly spending money….but whether or not he is 100% of the “diagnosis” the point is that he is TOXIC and he is NOT GOING TO CHANGE….your mother is right about that.

Many times they are great in the sack other times couldn’t care….but they CAN use you for 17 years, or 27, or 47 and it means nothing to them. They don’t bond with their mates or their kids….or anyone else.

I’m sorry that you ahve been through all of this pain for so long, but I am glad you found your way here and I hope you are able to read and learn. The archives have so many wonderful and good articles. Read and educate yourself about them. There is wonderful support here. Again Welcome! God bless.

Hello Loubiere

I’m sorry you’ve found your way to LF in one sense that you’ve suffered enough to need this blog. Another sense I’m glad as you may find some of the answers your looking for, support and healing from the great folks on LF.

Although no-one can ‘diagnose’ a Sociopath from descriptions on a website – it does sound as though your ex has PUT YOU THROUGH HELL and shown many sociopathic ‘traits’.

I would advise that you take time and B-R_E-A-T-H-E first and maybe read through the articles here on LF first without reading the comments whilst trying to come to some conclusions of your own.

Post your story if you think it will help to ‘get it out’ or read what others have said and learn a little for your own sake.

I’m really sorry that you’re hurting right now. People here on LF will completely understand where you are as everyone, everyone here has suffered at the hands of a Sociopath or personality disordered person.

Bright Blessings

Yep…..sounds toxic!

Don’t wrestle so much with the ‘diagnosis’…..because you have all the signs of an unhealthy relationship already.

I do know the feeling of wanting to be able to ‘figure’ it all out…..and you will……now that you’ve removed your rose colored glasses and are in pain.
The answers will come to you. Just stay away!

No contact is important to be able to see it all clearly.
Your easy for him….your a comfort zone….he already knows how you’ll react and what buttons to push.
(IE….can I hold you? yes, but it’ll hurt). I bet he did huh…..didn’t matter how hurt you’d be… see.

It’s all about them……me, me, me, me, me,me!

You don’t matter, the kids don’t matter….to him.

He won’t work, why should he….he’s always been successful at finding another victim to con his way through with.

Those three words I found very powerful…..once I really ‘heard’ them.
I had to be open to ‘hearing’ them……
It took me 28 years!!!!!

Thank god your divorce is finalized……now don’t give him anyomore….NOthing, nada, zilpo…..
You’ve spent too much time on him……NOW IT”S YOUR TURN!!!!

Make your life all about YOU!

I’m sorry your hurting, and I understand your pain.
I’ts not you, your not reading him wrong… yourself, trust your gut…..and give yourself enough credit to follow it.


Good luck….and Welcome to LF….

Loubeird: Welcome to the site!

I don’t know whether to call it a quits in my relationship with my little sister or to have more patience. My mother keeps pressuring her to allow me to hangout with her friends. I enjoy her friends. Now, one of her friends likes me a lot. Since I don’t have a phone in this foreign country, he calls her cell phone. Last night, I caught my little sister complaning (lying) to my mom that I waste her credits. Her phone system is sort of like a go-phone. The funny thing is the guy pays to call me, so it doesn’t affect her phone credits at all. I think she’s upset because I’m dating a lot these days. She has a boyfriend but still feels the need to flirt around. She thinks what I am doing is wrong because I’m dating more than one guy. This day and age, there’s a difference between dating and becoming boyfriend/ girlfriend. I don’t have a boyfriend but I’m talking to guys to see which will be a fit. But I think she’s mad because she didn’t get that opportunity. Yesterday night, I confronted her about talking about my personal business to my mom. The funny thing is she wants me to keep it a secret on who she is dating from my mom. I don’t think that its fair that she can talk about me behind my mother’s back but then expect me to keep her secrets. Especially keep the annoying things she does between her and I. She’s only two years younger than me and Ithink its about time she starts acting a little more mature.

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