The sociopathic MO

Donna

Brutal truth a year on I am only barely able to describe what happened me (I go into denial easily, I cry, I stare at the walls for hours)
The P assessed me very well, he wasn’t obvious he was sneaky. I had no visible financial worth but he knew I was educated and from a “good” (that’s another story) background and I had an okay job I loved. At first he wanted someone to support him (he was working but wanted to stop and start his own business)
then he needed a stop gap (place to live) after giving up his job (because he loved me so much he would do anything to be near me)
that got him the sex, he played the perfect partner for 6 months (I still think it was nearly worth it I was so happy, I didn’t care if he was a P he made me the happiest Ive ever been with a man! now how the hell is that possible!!) He asked me to marry him countless times, He crashed his car (not his fault), I loaned him money for a new one then he pleaded with me to buy a little house in his country in my own name, he would rennovate it into a holiday home- the plan was he could use it as a base to set up his “new Business” (Which was visiting prostitutes, travelling all over the place, attending car rallies, drinking beer, bragging to friends, neighbours and various internet women that he had this house bah de blah)
I borrowed the rennovation money and happily sent in to him….bye bye money!!! his ultimate goal was this…the money to spend in his ‘hometown’ to ‘look good’ infront of mammy and daddy (2 very strange people in their own right) all his friends and neighbours. There was nothing being done on the house. He sent over photos of what looked like the reconstruction but (I later learnt he did alot of damage)

I still find it hard to get these words OUT, my instinct was to curl up in a ball and just die when I started experiencing how viscious he was underneath….enough for today. little doses, little doses as it is indeed a Brutal truth.

He wanted many things from me and sauntered through my fragile life with a trawl net to see what he could catch. But there is something he also caught in his net….my innocence, beauty, love and that’s what will bring him down in the end….the fact he can never, never fully enjoy and appreciate those traits or know what it is to be human.

A pride of lions can pick out the one animal in a h erd of 1000 that is old and ailing, very young with a new and inexperienced member, or one with a thorn in its foot almost by just glancing at the herd as they go by. This tiny “weakness” in the prey animal makes it less able to run from the attack, and increases the chances of a successfrul attack.

I think Psychopaths/predators are quite adept at picking out the one child that is needy or abused at home for his “love object” when he is working with his prefered ages.

I think they are also equally good at picking out a woman or a man who is “needy” for a relaltionship, or one who has just come out of one, or has other problems. I was a “fresh widow” (husband died 8 months before) I also had PTSD from his death, and Mr. P spotted it, moved in on it land I FELL FOR IT! Hook, line and sinker! P:ulling that hook out ripped my guts out with it.

If you are having family problems, job problems, stress problems, financial problems, divorce problems, low selfesteem problems, problems of any kind these are all things that they will mirror to you and assure you that they will helpl you fix these problems and that they think you are their SOUL MATE.

Bingo, you become a possession, and anything you own is their possession as well, then before long you’d be “perfect” if you just didnt do x,y, or Z, and cause him to have to get mad at you…

Well, my eyes are closing so I have to go to bed….

Oxy, the 1st Spath I encountered after my divorce finalized, told me he could size people up in 10 seconds or less, who was a giver and who was a taker. I said, really, what about the givers who give you the business? He said, well, it isn’t fool proof … then I go out and throw out my line a 100 times just to get one nibble. No one is the wiser, everyone assumes I get whoever I want at the first toss.

Therefore, we don’t know how many times they threw their fishing nets out to capture that one fish.

Speaking of predators, did anyone catch that interview last night with the other big con artists they caught? He was a highly respected attorney who went to two ivy league schools. Was considered top of his class for everything he did. Inside himself, he wanted more. Had his Ponzi scheme going for years, bilking investors for more than 40 million dollars. Then (boo hoo) he was interviewed in prison, explaining how he lost everything … his family, his friends, all his possessions (correction, he must have meant possessions he acquired by bilking folks out of their money) …

Does he expect us to throw him a pity party because his slimy butt is sitting in prison … NOT!

His name is Marc Dreier who spoke about himself and Bernie Madoff On “60 Minutes”.

If I were the judge sentencing these two predators, I wouldn’t allow them to sit in a cushy prison cell for life. I’d make sure folks who stole other peoples money would do hard time laboring on a rock pile until their scanky bodies withered and died … then they could be buried under their prison numbers in the prison cemetery.

Our judges have NO bite any more. These cushiony sentences just allows other predators to say … oh well, if caught … I get 3 meals a day and a clean cell to sleep in. Big deal.

Oxdrover;

Again, a very wise comment. Jamie had me thinking I found a “soul mate” and I almost never use that term. The combination of mirroring plus the pity-play can be quite compelling and I experienced it first hand. Yes, I was also needy and I am sure he sensed that.

It is neediness that allow us to ignore red flags. I maintain that if victims do rigorously honest soul-searching, they find that red flags, some obvious, some subtle, were existent from the start.

Now that I am no longer so needy, I heed my red flags. I did so Saturday Night and I am certain that if I met Jamie today, there would be no story…

I don’t understand how and why when the prisons do the psyche evals as a matter of course to evaluate this very thing that they release these disordered to prey and feed on the unsuspecting.

I don’t understand it. Who lets these dogs out???

The man who doesn’t sleep here anymore is a repeat offender, but the records are sealed. One reason they can be sealed is because of a psychological profile or information from a therapy professional. One would think that for the benefit of society at large, these would be exactly the ones which were visible.

Bullshit on E Caveat Emptor I say!

That’s like having Ted Bundy in jail, knowing he was a P and then turning him loose and hiding that information from anyone who’d have tried to look him up.

How can you even get a context on these people when the people who know them don’t know?

The real serious ones are going to fool and fool again and there isn’t much which can be done about it.

I feel very frustrated that the world says that if we, the victims weren’t needy then it wouldn’t have happened and therefore the victim is guilty because the “judge” wouldn’t make that mistake.

I say Bullshit! I didn’t lie. The disordered did. And they should absolutely be held to account for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If any one here was “needy” because our life situation was lonely or embattled in some way then where were our family and friends? I’d like any of the too busy, too important and too perfect people who tell me how sorry they feel because I was too needy to have an opportunity to experience how it goes with a professional con.

There is nothing in my previous life that suggests that it should cost $1500 in PI fees to find out who I am dating. That is a huge deterrent to the whole thing. And none of them did!

It just makes me ballistic to think about. Especially since I didn’t see the “red flags” until he was hauled out. I had no idea about these people. Who failed me?

I don’t think I fell because I failed. It was someone else who lied. It was HIS fault. Not mine.

One Step, that IS the answer and that IS the truth……..

check this out

http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com/2006/12/lures-of-online-predator.html

The excerpts used are from the book THE ART OF SEDUCTION by Robert Greene. Many of these seduction techniques are time-tested and often used in sales & marketing as well as the training of Neuro-Linguistic Programming for salesmen and advertising persons.

For anyone who thinks those “seduce women now” sites are total b.s. – think again. There are 1000s of sites to teach predator HOW TO all over the internet. Some even FREE & interactive. This is powerful, covert stuff that can penetrate even the smartest minds. BEWARE

The seduction should begin at an angle, indirectly, so that the target only gradually becomes aware of you. Haunt the periphery of your target’s life-approach through a third party, or seem to cultivate a relatively neutral relationship, moving gradually from friend to lover. Arrange an occasional “chance” encounter, as if you and your target were destined to become acquainted-

this is an example. Oh this scares the Bejayzus out of me. what do we do?

check this out too
http://www.cbc.ca/airplay/2010/06/research-shows-bullied-brains-never-fully-recover.html

implications for those of us who are ill.

SILVER – beauty one. hi! i have not been here much and i sure miss hanging out with you. hands are a bit better, but i have to take care. was given some speech recognition software and will set it up asap.

i so hear you.

i met with my friend – the one who has been pulling away. we talked last night. will talk again last week. but i am VERY sure that i cannot and will not do anything to be more or less or better or any other feaking thing to keep this relationship. i told her that i am like someone who has just had surgery – to treat me like that. (or someone with lung cancer – as in, YES I SMOKED, but now i am ill) someone in long term crisis. if she can’t, i have no problem…i told her i let her go, with love. but i WILL NOT SUFFER MORE, TRY MORE TO PLEASE YET SOMEONE ELSE. I AM BEAUTIFUL AND I AM FOR THE TIME BEING, DAMAGED.

deal or leave. i got nothing left.

one step

Don’t let some freak of a woman get you down. stop giving when you have nothing left to give, it’s like judy garland sing somewhere over the rainbow for the millionth time…she has nothing left!!! Be YOURSELF let us give to you for a change…what do you need, let yourself need…let it out

Hi. I suffer from PTSD from abuse from my ex, the Sociopath. I recently moved to get away from him because he found out where I was. This time I was careful not to leave a trail.

Now there is a man in front of my house, in his SUV. I have small children in my home, so don’t like a stranger just parked in front, where he can see my kids playing in the yard. I took the kids inside the house and after an hour, went to address the situation, by walking up to his car and asking if he needed help. He didn’t really respond at all, so I firmly stated my observation that I saw he had been parking in front of my house and was wondering if he was lost or needed to borrow a phone. I kept my voice very calm, but strong and assertive. I looked him very directly in the eye and let him know I meant business. He then told me that it was just a nice spot to have lunch and rest for a minute in the shade. I have big shade trees, but most people on my street and in my neighborhood do as well. There was not a sign of lunch anywhere in the car. He was figiting with a phone.

The weird part is that he did not leave after that. I waited 30 minutes and after I got my children down for their naps, I went to confront him again. This time I clearly told him that he had crossed the lines of social propriety and that he was to leave my property immediately. I told him I was a mother with small children in my home, so having a strange man parked in front of my home was not something I was not okay with. In case he has anything to do with my ex, I told him that I had taken down his license plate number and that I had just completely a nasty custody battle with a man who was now out of prison and was considered to be at high risk of kidnapping my children and had hired a PI in the past. I told him that if anything happened, I had his information and he could be implicated, as my ex has access to a large inheritance and could easily pay someone to do the kidnapping. I told him that I had just contacted my attorney when he failed to leave my property and she advised me to call the police. I then told him that I was ready to do so, but was warning him first, in case he was just hanging out in front of my home for no reason. I also told him my new husband would be home soon and that I wouldn’t want to be him and still in front of my house when he got home. I did not call my attorney and I don’t have a new husband, but in case he has anything to do with the Sociopath, I had to be strong and scare him. I have had to learn to be quick on my feet and do and say what I need to in order to stay safe and keep my children safe from their abusive father. The law is not enough. The police are not here all of the time and my restraining order is just a piece of paper.

I came here to vent because now I’m feeling worried and scared. I don’t want the fear to grow again. I had finally gotten rid of it and moved on. I have been feeling safe, happy and peaceful. My children are thriving! I don’t want to lose the ground I have gained in recovering from the Sociopath.

I should add that I told him all of this because he was refusing to leave, even after I clearly told him to leave. He was trying to argue with me about why he thought it was okay and his business to park in front of my house for a couple of hours like that. I was having none of that.

silvermoon,

I feel sorry for all of us! Knowing that my h-spath’s family knew things previous to my dating and marrying him, really bothers (hurts) me. I’ve thought to myself, was I not good enough for someone to warn me, helping me to avoid incredible, unbelievable pain? If I knew that a person was dishonest, doing things that could put him/her in jail, I would warn that person’s girlfriend and/or boyfriend. All of the emotional turmoil is too much – it has taken a toll on me, period, feeling weighted down by everything. I am like everyone else, I will never be the same. Today has been hard emotionally. I would like to be clear of the ugliness, having a future to look forward to. I say, let another person judge me, only do so after you have walked in my shoes, then give me your opinion. I am venting. You don’t have to respond, just thinking about your most recent post.

springtime

if he was someone planted by your ex, some kind of PI then you were very direct with him..I’m not sure I would have confronted him, but I admire your courage to confront him….I see it as keep your friends close but your enemies closer..so you know what they are doing…

wow I can hear your strength, your determination that NOTHING is going to come between you and your childrens peace, and just be careful you lay the strategy calmly and keep it to yourself. Get allies, support, police…make a statement, get evidence, witnesses, tell everyone of your plight so you can really keep your ex at bay till you have decide what you are going to do….

By taking action like you did, there is no way the old fear can take hold…you have EXPRESSED it out, dealing with the situation at hand.

Well done, well done…just stay strong, keep talking and cover your tracks, only niggle is did you give that guy too much information? Who was he do you think? was he still silent when he pulled off? maybe he was nobody?

then just mind yourself, stay comfortable, warm remember to eat and look after yourself. Reassure yourself that the sociopath is gone and you are free, how good it feels maybe….have cups of tea, savor the children as they begin to thrive without threat, may God be with you.

bp – ty! i need a hug.

springtime – i wouldn’t give so much info away. just call the police.
tell them you have young children and that this guy was watching them – that oughta work.

take care.

one, thanks for that link to the audio about bullying. I have long suspected that my low self esteem came about from being teased and called names while I was in grade school. I was scarred for life. I have only in the last few years been able to value myself and to believe I am pretty. My life at home as a child was ok, dad not around much, me, brother and sister calling each other names and hitting each other, nothing new there, mom trying to cope with insanity, never really told us much about what to expect in life.

BP, I’ll have to check out that link you posted. Sounds chilling!!!

shabby – i heard ehr speak on the radio today. she spoke about the links between what happens with cortisol levels in response to social rejection and how that changes the brain STRUCTURE, and how emotionally charged memory – either physical or emotional – are stored in the same place and play off one another really clicked for me.

you know, so much is hefted on the shoulders of physcology (aka WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO CHANNNGE THAT THING THAT SOMEONE ELSE DOESN’T LIKE ABOUT US), and i belive so much of it rests in pysiology – both mechnical and chemical/ hormonal.

off to the garden. 🙂

One,

Its been a while. I wonder how your friend took what she was told. I hope she heard you. How could you have been more honest or more resolved?

I said the same thing to my father over the weekend. He comes back and asks if I would benefit from 12 steps and I told him WTF??? If you need it, you go for it. I am healing well enough on a different process.

Your post about Cortisol and Brain chemistry is very fascinating.
We must all have this experience because the “Lets Fix you” mentality prevails.

It makes me livid. I was not broken before I was abused and the whole deal with the con man? Well, it appears the experience is cumulative and everyone I ever loved is involved- good bad or indifferent.

Yeah, one part of 12 steps is to walk away from the toxic relationships. Is it all or nothing? Well. maybe.

I have spent hours thinking on it. The cost of the spath so very high. They are expensive.

It is enough to make you want to put the brakes on – but its not possible.

I know I don’t have to be popular to succeed. In fact the BIATCH factor will make more contribution than the SUZY SWEET.

Sigh. I miss the illusion today because I don’t want to expel my Dad. But what must be must be. And when the battles are over, there will be time for sorting the deleted from the wounded.

But after two years of insult without apology and a lifetime of passive aggressive bullshit, I finally went up there and confronted him. He made comparison between me and his pet airhead and that was it. I told him I wanted to inherit two pieces of furniture, that he has wasted his relationship with my son and that in the final analysis he has been played by my sociopath sister in law and it will cost him our relationship until he changes his stinkin thinkin’ about women and me in particular.

Then I left.

Today, I hurt. Tomorrow I will be better – or sometime after the big break comes and it will. Its just about how long it takes before I let it happen.

It wasn’t me that was broken when it started and I don’t have to accept being broken anymore. I am a brick wall. And I may weather to a lovely patina, but I will not crumble my stand against the abuse any more.

There is no inner or outer person. There is an integrated woman of wisdom and power who recognizes where it started and what has to happen to nurture the krone who emerges from the ashes of being burned by love that was not real.

I wish I had a garden. Soon. Very Soon.

Donna, thank you for this article. Predatory – yes, indeed, absolutely, and HOW.

Even now, having read books, blogs, watched programs, and spoken with counselors, I understand the predator on an academic level. The thinking part of me accepts this. But, the other part of me just says, “WHAT?” Predator? People actually scope OUT a possible “target?”

Indeed, they do. The former spath friend was so much of a predator that it’s almost spooky. How a person can look at another person while they’re speaking and only pick up those words or gestures that indicates a possible target is something that I can’t even fathom. It’s just creepy. Then, it goes back to the predatory stare – it is real. They aren’t looking at other human beings as other human beings. They are looking at people just like a buzzard eyes a dying sheep.

Hi, I haven’t posted for awhile. I’ve been reading and honestly am so sick to my stomach about the spaths in my life I find it difficult to write.

I have such a long history with spaths and this blog Donna was so timely for me.

This is their MO.

I was targeted again 2 weeks ago and I knew quickly what a monster I was dealing with.

I can’t write about it in detail right now but anyone reading this believe what Donna has explained. They are so obvious and can move so fast but if you’re here reading this you are probably already a “target”.

As much as I know about spaths and have been used I am angry I let this man go through his “target” list with me. I knew after I left what had happened and am sick over it.

I let this spath know a little too much because they are a relative of a man I care about, but now I think the man I care about is also their “target” and “victim”.

I can’t say anything to my friend at this point, it’s best I just stay away.

silver – i went nc with my dad in november of last year because i realized he is probably an N. 🙁

he is a jerk for sure, and has had no care or compassion for the situation i am in. he has resources to help me, and chooses instead to not help and to continue to withhold on an agreement to pay back money he lost by seriously effing up an investment of a trust.

but it hurts. and it hurts a lot right now;cause i want to see my mom and through him is the only way.

i hear ‘i am going to do this, because i feel i have no choice’ tone in your writing and i am so sorry it is like this. i feel the same way and i am effing tough in my actions, but i am hurting. the misogony – my dad too. and really he couldn’t have had a sweeter, better child (and son) in me (even though i am a girl). i loved him fiercely….and over many years he has continued to hurt, dismiss, use and devalue me. i truly pray for his death. but that is the solution of the disempowered….

must be why i want to murder the ppath. i have never felt so utterly disempowered by anyone and anything. i cannot believe the amount of fear i am carrying in relation to her. it’s immense.

your old man an alcoholic? i wasn’t aware there was a 12 step program for spathed people? P-anon? what you say – involvement, good bad or indifferent – I feel the same way. And i thought maybe it was just me. some of the peeps in my life, like my dad and sis (who i also went nc with in november) don’t even know what happened with the ppath. who/ what she really is, etc. and yet, they are implicit in the lack of support and care they have for me in general.

i feel like it is all falling apart – but i think i would rather let it than TRY at all. i have no energy, i DON’T EFFING WANT TO *TRY* ANOTHER F88KING THING TO *WORK ON* ANY RELATIONSHIP. If people aren’t there for me, then begone! I’d rather be lonely and not angered by BS presence. In fact being alone is looking really appealing.

big hugs silver

i am not so far away if you want to visit.

one step

Dear Silvermoon,

Darling I know it is HARD!!!! I never ever considered that I would be able to go NC with my egg donor “forever”—we had “not talked” several times, but it was not “forever” it COULDN’T BE IN MY MIND (don’t think in hers either) but mostly she would punish me by passive-aggressive “I’m not talking to you” carp.

Devalue and discard—and that’s what she did to me when I iwouldn’t be her “slave” at her beck and call and she thought the P-X-DIL and the Trojan Horse Psychopath would be, right there to jump when she said FROG!

Then of course once they were in jail she was by herself and all of a sudden she wanted to have me back and “pretend none of this (what she did to me) ever happened” NAH!!!! NOT GONNA PLAY THAT GAME ANY MORE.

If some one chits on me, and is really sorry about it and wants to reestrablish a relationship with me and apologize, we are going to sit down and TALK ABOUT WHAT they did.

They are going to acknowledge that what they did was WRONG and that they KNEW it was wrong, and they are sorry and they REALIZE HOW BADLY I was hurt, and they will make amends if that is possible, AND they promise never to do it again.

In that case I MAY GIVE THEM ANOTHER CHANCE to gain my TRUST again, but it will NOT COME QUICKLY OR EASILY and they should NOT expect INSTANT TRUST EITHER.

I am not going to just take “I’m sorry if you perceived anything I did or said as hurtful” SHEEET! Gimmie a break!

At one point she even admitted that she had accused me of trying to get her money when she knew it wa s NOT true but she WANTED to hurt me. She was upset when she said this and crying and I don’t think she realized she had TOLD THE TRUTH BY ACCIDENT. Which Ps sometimes do! And when they do it is almost FUNNY.

She also didn’t realize WHY I was more hurt from knowing that she had DELIBERATELY HURT ME than the original hurt had been! WHO and WHAT kind of person DELIBERATELY tries to hurt someone they SUPPOSEDLY love by accusing them of something they know is NOT true?

I think that ACCIDENTAL TRUTH was a big turning point for me with my egg donor! I realized she could LIE and before I honestly thought she would NEVER under any circumstances lie to me. BOY WAS I WRONG! LOL

HENS – in case you show up, just wanted to say hi, and i hope all is well. nwhen are yo going for your cataract surgery?

best
one step

one,

that is the TOWER. everything falls apart and then what is new grows out of it.

I hear you. We don’t want the towers to fall. the chaos is immense. the turmoil from chaos is immense.

No, I don’t want to put energy into anything besides being fed up with all the crap that has been directed my way. I am very angry and the specific words don’t come.

Sometimes its like the scene in Indiana Jones when she screams GET US OUT OF HERE and Indiana say I’m Working on it and she replies WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING – Do it FASTER.

it reminds me of the mind set of jumping a horse: You point at the fence and then you have to be very sure your intention is go over. there is a wave of determination and effort. I guess Marshall arts – body memory, fluid motion.

It gets easier. The determination is the will to survive.

I bought the freedom I have the way a coyote buys its way out of a trap. The second time is easier and the next easier than that.

just a few minutes before bed, but i’ll be back tomorrow.

Just wanted to say to springtime that all you really required to do is observe quietly (like a predator) from your home, just watch, take a non-flash photo a few times over a period (if the camera captures times, good.) The police is always there to give advice and alert just in case. You don’t need to say anyhting more than that. Do NOT give out that kind of personal information if you ever feel similarly vulnerable again. You just exposed a tremendous vulnerability to a stranger. Just state your piece – ‘what you doing hanging around?’ Quietly alert the police about the obvious fact you observe. break it up piece by piece: a man in a car for 2 hours – what’s the obvious thing wrong with that? That is all you need to deal with now. If you are able to, alert any good family neighbours you have. They automatically keep vigil also. We have something called ‘Neighbourhood Watch” in the UK – a street agrees to alert one another of any suspcious activity, they hold regular meetings to discuss any issues (graffiti, vandalism, antisocial, noise, pollution, dog mess, parking issues, school children, loitering, suspicious behaviour… ) And so people contribute and by their association with the neighbour scheme, they by default should alert the police or other neighbours of anything they wish to disclose. When you tell a neighbour about a strange man parked outside, they’ll notice it also, the more people take notice, there is stronger unity in numbers. They won’t question you. Just don’t say too much to strangers.

You are strong. I detect you are.

Hi Onestep I went to the eye doc a few days ago. If I wait for my indian tribal health to help with the cost it will be jan. of next year before I am even put on the list, so no time soon unless I save up some cash. I have started wearing an eye patch over right eye when I really need to see clear. Thanx for asking and remembering Onesteppers and how are you doing?

Btw, brilliant article, Donna. Spot on. Barebone writeup. Specific facts. No matter how many times it is documented, there is always a good reason to write another article, another analysis, in a yet more precise manner. I thank your friend for their contribution.

This story reminded me .. of all the people in the world.. Paul McCartney. Straight after Linda passed, he met Heather. Well we know what happened there.. Even Paul with his legacy fell [edit] for someone we are all familiar with..

Dear Henry,

Well, you are blind and I am deaf, but I will be getting hearing aids in about 2 weeks (the 17th) cost more than any car I have bought in the past 15 years though, and had to take it out of savings, but decided that I would do something for ME and not sweat about it. The guy tested me and I am PROFOUNDLY DEAF in all but the very deepest and lowest tones, in other words, the range of human speech is EMPTY unless it is above 90 decibles. Which means I can’t hear anything but a ROAR! I am getting pretty good at lip reading though.

I can see far off but can’t see up close enough to count my fingers without those dollar store reader glasses in 3+ doppler, and for very fine work I have to have Them AND a magnifying glass. Whew, getting old sucks!

But I’m grateful for every day on the green side of the grass, so guess I ought to quit whining!

IF YOU ARE LIVING P-FREE NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!!!!!

erin1972 – thanx for my guffaw for the day!

Dear Sotired,

Welcome Home, sweetie! Sorry you are down right now! (((Hugs)))) Yea, as much as I think I know about Psychopaths, I still get sucked in a bit from time to time, did last summer with a woman I was trying to help—she presented as a victim, but she was an abuser down on her lluck! I finally saw through it, but took a while.

I am keeping my EMOTIONS more protected with new people I meet before I see what kind of people they really are.

Not “distrusting” so much as CAUTIOUS. I think caution is a GOOD THING! A smart thing even! ((((Hugs))))

Nah, it’s not anything “funny” PureWAters, I got a thing once, and it wouldn’t recognize my password and took Donna a couple of tries to get it to work. SHE had to put in my password. It did that a couple of times, but finally settled down. Don’t be paranoid here. Just e mail donna directly. Her e mail is [email protected] Believe me if Donna had a problem and didn’t want you to be here, she would contact you DIRECTLY not behind your back. LOL

Just use the 2, and if you have more problems contact Donna. (((hugs))))

PW2, hello! Yes, I have heard a few people on this site say they had a problem logging in… and they had to alter their name a bit. One of them was a person who had been on the site for about 2 years. I believe a few problems occured a few months ago after some improvements were made on the site. I hope it’s not because somebody hacked into your account!!

Yeah, I know, and once in a while they make an appearance here.
Sometimes you can’t spot them immediately.

It bothers me too!
You got the ignore & deflect right…
Donna has asked us to ignore them,
once we figure out what’s going on.

one step

a ((((((((hug))))))) for you

PureWaters, when you drop that instinctive reaction and ‘go with the flow’, you are genuinely experiencing good times, and you can feed from positive experiences. The horrible injury that causes stress causes us to respond irrationally – *before* we never did this. Even if we met with a bad experience we didn’t react as much, their problem not ours. Move on. With an injury it is so important to understand that people don’t know the about the injury and so they’re confused at our reaction. We realise we made an error and we have to learn from the whole experience, understanding the nature of ptsd and how we can minimise its effects. being abused presents a serious assault on our psyche. Understand how thatmanifests and how we can overcome and control the instictive reaction that is heightened. Forgive yourself, as we have been injured.

An acquaintance once had a cat that never allowed around them. It had clearly been abused and sought shelter and food with that famlt. I spoke gently in its direction in a soothing voice. After a few times that cat that always scratched and screamed eventually allowed me to touch its head, it purred and felt the pleasure. Family members couldnt believe the difference in that cat. It met with trust and love and felt less agitated (still defensive), but scratched less and pushed itself in our hands direction. We must allow wounded people to heal. That starts with ourselves.

Somebody thought I was an imposter, it affected me deeply. I don’t know if that person still posts, but I hope she can trust me and feel comfortable in my presence as I find this site a good place to be, and I can extend my support to her. I eventually felt safe again as I knew I’d exchanged some good posts with a number of people, and I kind of missed that rapport.

I had 2 recent experiences that triggered something negative from the past. I realised I made a massive error and fortunately the misunderstanding is ‘water under the bridge’. ‘Tarred with the same brush’ is the expression one of these people said to me. He’d been there and understood that feeling. I’m so glad I got a validation from him and now I see how my reaction can cause us to destroy friendships and connections of all kinds. That’s the injury. It’s like a startling noise we hear in our minds, when there was none at all. You’d actually be surprised how many good people are there ou there – you know them as you feel good around them. Don’t be afraid of using the site’s pages. The first place people should go to is the ‘forum rules’ page and the contacts page and the ‘manual how to post’ page. Authentic sites will always have these pages and links.

I am so sorry hearing aids costs so much in the US – I’m sorry to say that the case in the UK is very different. I’m alarmed they cost so much. Why then are cigarrattes and fast food that cause so much harm a couple of dollars!? Health costs an arm and a leg, damaging health costs nothing.

according to martha stout, who wrote “the sociopath next door”, the first clue that someone is a sociopath is if they try to get your sympathy. my ex sociopathic boyfriend did this! and once i fell in love with him (didn’t take long, he was so charming and sweet!) he started taking whatever he could. as soon as we signed a lease and moved in together, he became bossy and controlling, and within a month had attacked me physically. he told lies about me, stole from me, cheated on me, and made me miserable. he even abused my cat, who bit him in the thumb and caused a severe blood infection, which put him in the hospital. i left him while he was in the hospital and lived in a hotel for almost three weeks while waiting for my new apartment to be ready. then he moved into the building right across the street from me, where we could see right into each other’s windows! then he stalked me and harassed me, tried to woo me back….all the while he was sleeping with at least two other MARRIED women, selling drugs and stealing. and drunk every day. his drinking did him in – last december he took a bad fall, hit his head, and died …. possible from blood loss or a brain hemorrage, or choking in his sleep. his family has not gotten the autopsy results – he was at odds with them, and had been for a long time. that’s another clue – he was the black sheep of the family. and he already had a criminal record when i met him – for consipiracy on wall street – but he spinned it in a way that i would feel sorry for him. i still miss him, but it’s a relief to have him out of my life, at least physically.

sugarbooger? thats what my X called me…I am off to work.