The sound of abuse on the Mel Gibson tapes

The violent tirade spewing from the mouth of Mel Gibson may be shocking to the general public, but it is disturbingly familiar to those of us who have experienced such white-hot abuse up close and personal.

Five taped telephone conversations between Mel Gibson, the movie star, and Oksana Grigorieva, his former girlfriend and mother of his eight-month-old daughter, were posted last week on the celebrity gossip website

A bit of background is in order. Gibson apparently left his wife of 28 years, Robyn Moore, with whom he has seven children, for Oksana.  In 2009, photos emerged of Gibson embracing Oksana on a beach in Costa Rica, and after that, Robyn Moore filed for divorce.

Oksana is a Russian pianist and singer-songwriter, who studied music in Moscow and London. She moved to the United States and wrote a hit song for Josh Groban. In 2009, she released an album called Beautiful Heartache; Mel Gibson was the executive producer and director of a music video for the album.

Oksana and Mel Gibson had a daughter in October 2009 who is now the subject of a child custody battle. Los Angeles police are also investigating an alleged incident of domestic violence that occurred in January 2010; Oksana filed a formal complaint a few weeks ago.

Extreme abuse

In February 2010, the abusive phone calls between Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva allegedly took place. No one has confirmed that the voice on the phone is Mel Gibson, but no one has denied it either. The caller sure sounds like Mel.

And Mel sounds vile. He is beyond belligerent—he is raging, panting and hyperventilating. He cusses Oksana out. He calls her denigrating names”—whore” is one of the milder ones. He threatens to burn the house down—but first Oksana will give him sex.

What sparked the tirade? Apparently Oksana’s offense was falling asleep before Mel received the sexual gratification to which he felt entitled.

Five tapes, uncut and unbleeped, were posted on They are disgusting. They are offensive. And for some of you, they may be triggers.  If you want to listen, please be sure that you’re strong enough.

What’s wrong?

So now there seems to be a new celebrity parlor game going on called, “What’s wrong with Mel?”

The Week magazine published a story called Diagnosing Mel Gibson: 4 theories. Lundy Bancroft called Mel Gibson a classic batterer. Some psychologists say he’s bipolar, others say he has a sociopathic personality. One therapist actually said Mel was feeling powerless.

Two Lovefraud readers sent in a link to an excellent article in the New York Times called The Gospel of Mel Gibson, by journalist David Brooks. Brooks says Mel is a narcissist:

The narcissistic person is marked by a grandiose self-image, a constant need for admiration, and a general lack of empathy for others. He is the keeper of a sacred flame, which is the flame he holds to celebrate himself.

And, as I wrote this post, an article was posted on, entitled, Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva: why their custody battle went nuclear. People quotes some unnamed source who said, “This is a case of a woman scorned.”

Are you kidding me? My guess is that the “unnamed source” was a spin doctor in Mel Gibson’s camp who was attempting damage control by painting the woman as the villain.

One variety of verbal abuse

The most helpful article, from Lovefraud’s point of view, was posted by Tina Brown on She wrote:

If this tape is allowable in court it may happily be just the evidence needed to land him in jail for domestic abuse. This is no “he said, she said” argument now, it’s Mel, clear as a bell, admitting he hit Oksana “while she was holding a child in her hands” because she “f—- deserved it.”

It’s a payday for Oksana who, like every woman in a battle for child custody with a powerful man, finds herself painted as a lying opportunist. Most of the rancor coming Mel’s way so far has been about his racist comments. But his vile misogyny is more unsettling still. It’s as if a curtain has been raised on the window of every house where a frightened woman is living in fear of a man who has all the financial cards.

Sometimes, foaming-at-the-mouth rage of the alleged Mel Gibson tapes are what abuse sounds like. Other times, the abuse is calm, cold and collected. I hope another celebrity records an abusive partner who speaks in a cruel, calculating manner, so that people learn what that type of abuse sounds like as well.

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348 Comments on "The sound of abuse on the Mel Gibson tapes"

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alot of people with high IQ’s dont have enough sense to come in out of the rain…


I do get triggered when I hear about those of us who choose to stay or rationalize it or make excuses for it or erroneously believe they are doing the smartest thing by playing at their game… yes it triggers me…because I know all too well it just leads to more and more chaos confusion frustration and unhealthiness every step into it one keeps taking in that direction.

I do not judge you though. While i cant support you I can say I understand you are in the place you are in because of your choices – ones of which you will either learn and grow from or spiral downward into a deeper darker pit with them..but it is your life – and your own to choose, create, make what you would like to of it.

I was thinking this too…what if your house was burning down and inside the house was a safe filled with instructions and directions and pathes for your daily life/your long term future … would you risk your life and go back into the burning home in order to feel safe/good about how you are to proceed in your life or would you perhaps save your life and take a chance on trusting yourself, believing in yourself that you will be ok without having all the answers…because you will have new boundaries and knowledge about YOURSELF – what you will and wont accept. Its not so much about OTHERS (although the knowledge you now have should help you really be able to steer clear of letting Socio’s into your life) but its about YOU – commiting to yourself to respect you, love you, trust you and rely on you! And believing that you can and will navigate your way on your own – without negative draining controlling manipulative gameplaying people in your life as you go forward.

So think about it next time you have the choice to jump into the flames for answers about them …or walk alway for answers about yourself and finding new inspirations and new directions in your life.

You are an intelligent strong willed woman. There is more than one way to do things .. Open your mind to the possibilities of handling them/yourself differently as you try to accomplish your goal of getting him/them out of your life. (If thats your goal here – )

Skylar the blunt scary truth is that no matter what you or anyone else do there is no way to 100% “protect myself”. Just from what little you have typed out on here shows how your observations are seen through the lens of your own experiences, opinions, beliefs.

No matter what you might think you can learn it still wont “protect” you. There is a million and one ways to come at someone and frankly the ones who think they know better or are smarter than others are the ones that often make the best targets because they are openly displaying their blindspot and how naive they really are.

As someone who has professionally been involved in working with a population that has a high number of psychopathic individuals I can say that I have watched other professionals fall because they became complacent, arrogant, thoiught they knew better or were smarter (watched a few co-workers almost be killed over the years because of this). If your “strength” is your “intelligence” than that is also your weakness and one area that a good con would use against you. And to be even more blunt – sometimes they are no rational or logical answers. Sometimes bad things happen.

As for some of your other comments about never meeting an honest man and types of people you attract, well that has nothing or very little to do with other people and more to do with you. Maybe you should turn your intellect into studying that. And your recent comments do not come across in writing as coming from a place of empathy or even sympathy.

But just like everyone else on the planet you have a choice.

thanks for everyone’s concern. I really wish I could post here without getting everyone upset. I feel like I need a sounding board sometimes especially when I get an insight that I want to share. From the first moment, I felt like Joe was a P because 1) I know my exP only reveals things that he knows will be acceptable to you and Joe told me that exP had admitted liking 12 year old girls. DUH. Why would he tell Joe, if he thought Joe would disrespect him for that? 2) Joe has always had financial problems – mostly paying what he owes and walking away from responsibilty. If you had to pick ONE THING they all have in common, it’s that they don’t like to pay what they owe. They are entitled to take what they want. Some, like my brother in law, will learn the system and clean up their credit scores using shinanagins they learn in books, then attach themselves to a wife with a pristine credit score in order to blend into society, but they always show their true colors when it’s time to pay. Joe wants to clean up his act and become – correction – appear to become an upstanding member of society so I was taken in for a bit. I’m still holding out a teensy bit of hope that Joe can learn the error of his ways but not holding my breath. If he doesn’t, it will just be that much more SPATH-Vaccine, for me. It’s not hurting me to have a job, pay my bills and listen to his lies. This situation was actually a God Send and I’m grateful for it, as with anything that God sends me, looking at it with gratitude and learning from it has kept me alive and thriving despite the hell I’ve been through. Seriously, I came out of hell like tempered metal and after the evil demon that I lived with for 25 years, Joe is a walk in the park. He is now so scared of what my exP will do to him that he’s toeing the line with me. He still denies he was in on a game with the P but his actions speak louder than words. And my bills are getting paid! yay!

I am anxiously awaiting the prosecutors decision with the Mel/Oksana case.

I just dont see how there wont be a domestic violence case against him.

It will be interesting to see how this case is handled.

Hens – Im glad you went to the Dr! Hope you are feeling better. Take it easy over the weekend and keep that pen nearby you whenever you are doing gardening, weeding, etc!

Thank you Learning – I have not kept up with the Mel -o-drama lately, it will be interesting to see what happens, but I bet ya a donut hole Mel never does any jail time..

Here we go…Mel is now doing what he does best BLAMING the medication he was on….”the pills I was taking made me nuts” how convenient!!

Liten here buddy, there has to be that toxic stuff IN you in the first place to come out…gimme a break…this is what really annoys me about this man…I’d respect him more if he stuck to the truth and owned his nastiness…all he does is say the booze made me do it…the drugs made me do it..big baby are a big baby!!!

hens- “Mel-o-drama” the one -line poet strikes again!

and he won’t do any jail time…it would do him good..a spell in jail without drugs and booze…see what he is like au naturelle

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