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By June 16, 2009 Read More →

Victim sues ex for exposing her to HIV

Last year Lovefraud heard from a woman who said her ex-boyfriend had knowingly exposed her to the HIV virus, which causes AIDS. Before she would have unprotected sex with him, she insisted that he get a full screening for sexually transmitted diseases. The guy said he did, and everything was negative.

Nearly two years later, she found out the guy was cheating on her. She also found out he was HIV positive.

Last week, our reader has filed a lawsuit against the guy, and sent Lovefraud a link to a story about the case in the New York Post. For the frightening details, read:

Suit: Ex kept HIV secret


I hope she wins.

People have been exposed to many life altering and life threatening STDs, often by partners who knew full well what they were doing.

To me, that’s definitely a sociopathic act.

Furthermore, I think it’s criminal assault.

Elizabeth, I agree that it is criminal. I even tried to contact an attorney who represents STD victims in MO. But, the STDs I was exposed to are not considered life threatening though they may cause cancer and are definitely contagious. In other words, if it is HPV or Herpes, which my ex denied he had (I also had him tested at the time our relationship started; who knows why I did not demand a paper proof), it really makes no difference to the court that the person knowingly transmitted the illness.

Thanks Donna for bringing this to our attention. STD is another subject we need to keep up front whenever we are dating and/or involved with someone that show strong traits of s/p.

I wish I could count just how many members and short time visitors report how their ex’s have found yet another lover and again in such a short time. As well as using people more as sex object then real living people with hopes and dreams of their own.

It’s obviously those that suffer from personality disorders are very sexually promiscuous and have sexual contact with multiplier partners. How many of these same people practice sex? In my opinion that would be rare based on the fact they tend not to plan long term.

As for this report I did see a statement regarding a “stormy relationship” with her ex and for the fact he did cheat on her while in a relationship (if I read it right?) with her. My question would be what type of “stormy relationship” did she have and wonder just how many red flag there where to see if told about it?

When I was director of a college student health department, I did an intense study of STDs, not “just” HIV, etc. and HIV is not the ONLY fatal disease that can be transmitted sexually, or the only one that is “not curable”—plus, there are MANY diseases that are not even slowed down by a condom.

Even WITH A CONDOM, you are “playing” roulette with your body—and the “gun” can be loaded with a large number of things you don’t want, some worse than others.

I used to ask the students what you called people who used condoms for BIRTH CONTROL–the answer is PARENTS! Condoms are ONLY 90% effective as birth control, and a woman is only fertile a few days out of the month, so just HOPW EFFECTIVE do you think they are for disease prevention? (even for the ones they will prevent—if they don’t break or slip?)

Even a complete STD check may not turn up all the diseases currently being incubated, so having sex with anyone who isn’t a virgin is a GAMBEL—and you are gambling with your LIFE!

I am NO PRUDE and I like sex at least as much as anyone, but I am not willing to put my life on the line to have sex unless I am committed to that person and I know within reason they are committed to me.

JUST from a health standpoint, sex is a risky business! When you are in a relationship that is LESS THAN “FOREVER” with “casual” sex, I think IMHO that anyone who has sex with someone under those circumstances is INSANE or living on the EDGE of sanity! The latest thing of the “friends with benefits” thing just makes me want to SCREAM—– “YOU ARE RISKING YOUR LIFE, STUPID!!!”

For someone to knowingly expose someone else to ANY disease should be a crime like “Typhoid Mary”—she was a carrier (and yes, a real person!) who continued to work in food service and spread the disease. If memory serves me correctly she was put in custody where she could not spread it any more. I think people with HIV, or ANY sexually transmitted diease that cannnot be cured and demonstrate that they will KNOWINGLY SPREAD IT, should be locked up where they are not ABLE to spread it.

OK I am off my soap box now!

OxDrover,

Thank you. That’s the same soap box I stand on quite often. When I do, I always worry that people think I’m judging them harshly for simply being human and needing human contact.

That couldn’t be farther than the truth.

Like you, I’m simply aware of just how many STDs there are, and how easy it is for people to get stuck with them.

THINK! If you’re married, ask yourself, “What kind of person would be willing to commit adultery? How many times and with how many people has s/he done this before?”

If you’re not married, ask yourself if a sensible person would be engaged in unprotected sex at this point in the relationship. Think objectively: “How many times has s/he done this before?”

Married men, I’ll clue you in: sometimes your wife figures out you’re cheating because your little “Suzy Wrottencrotch” passes bacterial vaginosis through you to her. If you add a new strain of bacteria to the fauna and flora of your body, you’re wife will have to contend with it too. What’s benign for you is often miserable for her.

Your wife may not be able to prove it, but she will be PO’d.

The STDs are no joke. Monogamous people get really, really angry when they find out they’ve been exposed to STDs.

When I was a much younger, much more optimistic woman, I concluded that I could snooze during the STD lectures in high school and later in boot camp. I figured, “No sex = No STDs = No problem.” A few years later, a Navy doctor asked me if the vaginal infection I had “could be Chlamydia.”

“What’s Chlamydia?” I asked. He smirked and ordered a battery of tests to check. Most of his patients were sexually promiscuous, so this made sense to him. I didn’t understand until later, but I learned my lesson. I had to know more about STDs, because they were so much a part of the culture that my ignorance had caused me trouble.

I educated myself then and there. It was a repulsive but necessary task. Knowing about STDs has been useful occasionally. A remarkably high percentage of the population has an incurable STD or two. Knowing about the symptoms and treatments has helped me become a more sensitive friend. The knowledge has also kept temptation far from me.

Good for her for filing charges. I am sure the x is not loving the media attention. Cramping his style in the bedroom I am sure.
Hopefully the attention the case is getting will wake more people up to the liars and cheaters in our midst, and the fact that, no matter how dashing a new partner might seem, get it in writing. (the test). Sadly even that does not protect a person if he cheats.

But one more P being called on his “careless disregard for the safety and well being of self and others” is a good thing.
TOWANDA

I hope the courts agree with the victim.

I was wondering, what do all of you think about our president’s trying to deal w/ sociopathic rulers in other countries like Iran and North Korea? Should we be trying to “talk” with them? Will that work? Is is naive to think that we can?

Dear EC,

The statistics on the NUMBETR OF PARTNERS of even high school students is ASTOUNDING!

The son of a woman I know had a baby with this skank (he was also a skank) and the baby was born with HPV on his vocal cords and will never be able to talk correctly. He is only 4 and has had dozens of surgeries already to remove them so he can breathe. the docs are saying that he will probably not have to have more surgeries after puberty, but who the heck knows. If they get in the baby’s lungs at birth, there is nothign that can save the baby.

Statistic: about 90% of the sexually active population between 15 and 35 has HPV. As my grandmother would have said, “Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!” Condoms also don’t necessarily slow down the transmission of it either.

Most people don’t really THINK about the possible consequences of sex with another person in LOGICAL and statistical terms. “Germs” aren’t visible and our “modern” medicine has led people to think that just about anything is cureable or controlable. Unfortunately, this isn’t true at all and with the “smarts” of the germs which are learning to out think our antibiotic supply, it won’t be long before it gets worse.

There are several diseases that are just (or more so) as fatal as HIV and are just as incurable., and unfortunately a great many of them can lie dormant for years without any symptoms. Several of those don’t even show up on the test until you have had them 60 days or so so you can have a “Clean” test and still be infected. A “clean test” doesn’t guarentee that someone doesn’t have something that will show up later.

I used to ask my students “what’s the difference between true love and herpes?” the answer is HERPES IS FOREVER! lol BUT IT’S no JOKE!

PS – I meant that “president’s” as in all of our presidents. Not picking on one or another. This comment isn’t meant for a political statement in any way, so please let’s not start on Republican or Demoncrat bashing:)

OxDrover said:

Condoms are ONLY 90% effective as birth control

If used correctly and consistently, condoms are 98% effective at preventing pregnancy.[1] It is only when one includes people who use condoms incorrectly (or who fail to use them at all) that the statistic falls to 90%. Early and repeated education about correct condom use and about the necessity of consistent condom use are the tools we as a society can use to narrow this gap.

and a woman is only fertile a few days out of the month

Yet most genetically female people are more interested in sex just before and during the fertile period. It’s misleading to allude that the length of the fertile window demonstrates that condoms are supposedly ineffective.

so just HOPW EFFECTIVE do you think they are for disease prevention?

Correct and consistent use of latex condoms reduces the risk of HIV/AIDS transmission by approximately 85% relative to risk when unprotected.[2] This does not mean that 15% of condom users will be infected. The data indicate that with consistent use of condoms, the number of seroconversions per 100 person years drops from 6.7 to 0.9. Thus, with consistent condom use, a person’s risk is reduced by 85%. The same report demonstrates condoms’ effectiveness at preventing gonorrhea. Proper condom use decreases the risk of transmission for HPV by approximately 70%,[3] and decreases risk for HSV infection as well.[4]

having sex with anyone who isn’t a virgin is a GAMBEL—and you are gambling with your LIFE!

Yet that is a risk that virtually all people take: fully 95% of Americans have engaged in “premarital” sex.[5]. (I put “premarital” in quotes because marriage is not a given in everyone’s life: not all people intend to marry, and also because same-sex couples who wish to marry are forced to remain “premarital” by law.) Since it is nearly always a given that people will engage in sex without having been married, it is wise to promote correct and consistent condom usage as a method of harm reduction.

When you are in a relationship that is LESS THAN “FOREVER” with “casual” sex, I think IMHO that anyone who has sex with someone under those circumstances is INSANE or living on the EDGE of sanity!

That’s not a very nice thing to say about… virtually everyone.

Oops, I thought I had already sent my 1st comment. Sorry. This is what it was:

What does everyone think about out president’s “talking” with sociopathic rulers like in Iran and North Korea? Does it work? Is it naive to think that we can deal with them in that way?

Daisy – yes I think it will work – and right now it is seriously important especially in Iran – not because of the connections made with the sociopathic ‘rulers’ of these countries – but because the people who LIVE under sociopathic regimes have a long way to go to get their voices heard.Just like a woman/ man married to a sociopathic spouse. It will be a better world for all of us when S/Ps are not calling the shot’s in any country or social rank -we all know their powers of manipulation and exploitation:)

Making those connections- especially at this time is vitally important.IMO of course!:)xx lol. I jumped up on a soap box just then…:)x

Ox,
Sorry, I don’t mean to be so personal, but since you know and I don’t seem to find an answer…. If his ex told me he had herpes and I tested negative for it, does it mean I could still carry it or have it for a blossoming later time? I was under impression that HPV & Herpes only were passed around when they became active… Is that so?

KATYA said:

If his ex told me he had herpes and I tested negative for it, does it mean I could still carry it or have it for a blossoming later time? I was under impression that HPV & Herpes only were passed around when they became active” Is that so?

Katya, truly, these are questions for your doctor. The best way to ensure your sexual health is to visit your doctor for a full gynecological examination and a full STI panel.

About HPV: Many types of HPV are suppressed or cleared by the body within 1 to 2 years; more rarely, warts or cervical changes will result. You can ask your doctor for the HPV test (which can be performed at the same time as the PAP test, but they are two separate tests). Many doctors only perform the HPV test in response to an abnormal PAP test, so if you want the HPV test, make sure to get your doctor to confirm that they will perform the HPV test regardless of the PAP. The HPV test does not test for all strains of HPV, but if your PAP tests return normal and you have no warts, do not worry, just get your annual PAP test to monitor your cervical health. If you are under age 27 or can afford to pay out of pocket, consider getting the Gardasil vaccination to protect against four high-risk strains of HPV.

About HSV: Blood antibody testing for HSV 1 and 2 (the herpes simplex viruses) is available, but are not typically included in an STI panel and may not be covered by insurance. They are not as accurate as a viral culture of a lesion, and may give false positive or false negative results, thus they are not considered as useful for diagnosis. HSV 1 and 2 can be passed to others even when lesions are not present, but the infection risk is not constant: it is higher during outbreaks, and the risk can also become higher for short periods of time when there is no outbreak.

About HIV: HIV testing is available through your medical provider, but if you do not want that information to become part of your medical record, look for a clinic that will perform the testing anonymously, rather than just confidentially. “Confidentially” means that they will keep your name private (though if laws change, you could lose your protection), whereas “anonymously” means that the tests are not personally identified.

Please, though, don’t rely on information from strangers on the Internet: seek in-person medical care from a trusted medical provider, someone with whom you can have an actual conversation, express your concerns, and get accurate answers to your questions.

I am imagining again that this is ‘SNPM’, liar, user, NP, and creep extraordinaire… certainly sounds like it again… about the right time of day for a ‘surface’… just the sort of crap it would come out with… especially considering he doesn’t USE condoms.

As for the casual reader,

Please reread Passing Through’s “reassuring” posts. Do you really want your medical care to be complicated by STDs? Does what Passing Through describes sound fun? Inexpensive? Worth the hassles?

It doesn’t strike me that way.

OxDrover,

“The son of a woman I know had a baby with this skank (he was also a skank) and the baby was born with HPV on his vocal cords and will never be able to talk correctly. He is only 4 and has had dozens of surgeries already to remove them so he can breathe. the docs are saying that he will probably not have to have more surgeries after puberty, but who the heck knows. ”

I’ve heard the voice of a child who suffers this condition. It tore at my heart strings. If I was her mother, the sound of her sad little croakings would have battered my soul ever day.

Her mother had been incredibly promiscuous in her youth. This tragic condition of her daughter’s was not the only complication the mother’s youthful lifestyle visited on the family.

STDs effect real people in ways they never anticipated.

“About HIV: HIV testing is available through your medical provider, but if you do not want that information to become part of your medical record, look for a clinic that will perform the testing anonymously, rather than just confidentially. “Confidentially” means that they will keep your name private (though if laws change, you could lose your protection), whereas “anonymously” means that the tests are not personally identified.”

My question is why anyone would want this information “hidden” from public records? Wouldn’t people have the right to this knowledge for public safety? I believe they would and know I would want it. And if it can be hidden then we need to change that law or have one passed to not allow this information to be hidden from public knowledge.

Oh, and please PT don’t you answer the question it’s not directed at you…

“When you are in a relationship that is LESS THAN “FOREVER” with “casual” sex, I think IMHO that anyone who has sex with someone under those circumstances is INSANE or living on the EDGE of sanity!”

“That’s not a very nice thing to say about” virtually everyone.”

One thing about this site is we all understand that each person has a right to their opinion. We might not see it that way but we respect each other enough to understand this simple principle. Sad that PT doesn’t see it this way. But to go out of one’s way to state such a comment as this is rude and arrogant. Well, in my opinion anyway..

“My question is why anyone would want this information “hidden” from public records? ”

Many HIV positive people are unfairly discriminated against. There are a lot of misconceptions about them and their condition.

How we will eventually weigh their right to privacy against public safety may depend on how soon we can reach a cure.

Make no mistake about it, AIDS has become pandemic in some parts of the world. I don’t think it will get that bad here, but it could. If it’s not HIV, it may be some other disease which tests our willingness to place personal privacy over public safety.

I’m convinced promiscuity is more dangerous than we realize. I think new STDs are looming on the horizon, and we’re not going to like the consequences of our misguided sense of omnipotence against diseases.

James,

For political reasons, I think, HIV status is one of those things that is “protected” health information. If you have other diseases it is mandatory that your partners be contacted, but not with HIV. If I had a patient come in and test + for HIV, I would be FORBIDDEN BY LAW from disclosing this to his WIFE.

When I was in Florida in the mid 1980s you coouldn’t even test a patient unless you were a certified HIV educator, even with the patient’s permission. Since I was working in a orthopaedic clinic where we did many surgeries every day we NEEDED TO KNOW. also, we had a needle stick from a patient in the office by accident and this patienty was a HIGH RISK patient, drug user etc. and without his permission we could not test his blood, much less know the results.

In arkansas if a health care worker is stuck with your dirty needle you can be tested and the health care worker provided with your information. I have actually had that done when iwas accidently stuck by a dirty needle. Thank you Bill clinton for that one thing!

The HPV thing with babies is fairly rare, and when you consider the high number of children born to infected mothers (women in the prolific child bearing eyars are about 90% infected) so thank goodness it is rare, but becoming more common since the number of infected mothers is very high in today’s culture of multiple sexual partners and the virus is so easily passed. (Even with condoms)

You are right, though, Elizabeth it is pitiful. Unfortunately this child has two psychopathic parents. His adoptive parents are sweet wonderful people who don’t have a clue what they have done. The mother (who is a distant relative of the couple) even voluntarily had another baby by some unknown sperm donor to give to this adoptive couple so her child with the HPV could have a sibling!

The little boy has TWO grandmothers who are psychopathic and one of his great grandmothesr on his mother’s side is also a “card carrying psychopath” as well, and from the stories I hear his great grandfather as well. Those children have about 75% of the first 3 generations of ancestors as psychopaths THAT I KNOW OF, the rest of them I don’t know.

It will be interesting to see how these kids turn out. they are with a very loving and good couple as far as I can tell. the mom is a stay at home mom and dotes on the kids. I don’t see them often but can probably keep up with this saga if I live long enough, I think the little boy is 5 or 6 now, might be a year or so older (My CRS is kicking in).

“Many HIV positive people are unfairly discriminated against. There are a lot of misconceptions about them and their condition.”

Thanks Elizabeth Conley,

Yes, this I can understand but wouldn’t it be best to pass laws protecting others from being discriminated against by being HIV POS then “hide” the fact they are indeed HIV POS? Isn’t there already laws against discrimination in other issues that can be updated to support this kind of discrimination?

OxDrover,

“For political reasons, I think, HIV status is one of those things that is “protected” health information. If you have other diseases it is mandatory that your partners be contacted, but not with HIV. If I had a patient come in and test + for HIV, I would be FORBIDDEN BY LAW from disclosing this to his WIFE.”

Wow! Sorry to say I am non to happy to hear this news. Guess you answered my next question before I asked it. “what about people who marry, are they inform their partner is HIV POS? Thank for this information.

James,

It’s hard to legislate against ignorance and nastiness. That’s what discrimination is, after all. Yes, we have laws. That really doesn’t protect people very well.

In some states you used to have to be tested for syphilis when you got a marriage license. Then there was full disclosure or the license was denied. That was reasonable, should probably continue, and should probably be expanded to include a few more STDs.

I know I sound like a meanie when I say this, but I think only a spouse or a recently divorced spouse has the right to know someone’s STD status.

I say this because I think spouses should enjoy certain protections. (A spouse has legitimate reason to expect that his/er marital partner is not exposing him/er to STDs.) I don’t think other sex partners should enjoy even the illusion of special protection or rights. Promiscuity is high risk behavior, and the government shouldn’t even attempt to protect it.

Elizabeth Conley

Thanks for much for the information much I had no ideal about. Hope to get back into later! Have a great day! 🙂

Unless Arkansas has changed it you still have to get a test for syphillis to get married. Oklahoma doesn’t have that so many people here who want a hasty marriage go there to get one. I agree that spouses should have that protection since it is ASSUMED they are having sex with the partner and thus would be exposed. I think ALL STDS should be checked for prior to marriage, and that there should be a “waiting” period until all the tests come back. It wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be better than the way it is now in most places without any check at all.

You are right though, you can’t legislate against ignorance and STUPIDITY and high risk behavior. The legislators seem to think that by “legislating” something as a “crime” that makes it go away—DUH! If that were the case, we have enough laws on the books now to be living in a perfect world. No one would rob, steal, drive drunk, take illegal drugs, sell sexual favors or buy them (except in Nevada)—which brings up a funny story.

My husband when he lived in nevada knew Joe Conforte, (not professionally) LOL the owner of the Mustang Ranch and Joe later got in trouble with the feds over income tax and went to prison, the IRS took over the Mustang ranch and RAN IT FOR A WHILE and then sold it, because they couldn’t make a profit, which proves that the federal government can’t even make a profit selling SEX AND WHISKEY while the private sector made a fortune doing the same thing! LOL ROTFLMAO.

I only met Joe one time when we accidently ran into him on the street and he had his little granddaughter with him which he introduced to us. she was dressed allup in little frilly skirts and so on and was so cute, about age 6-7. He was the poster person for the “slimy mafiaoso” type and I thought, “WOW, you sell other women’s bodies for your money and here you are showing off your sweet little grandchild! WHAT A PERVERT!!!”

James, it’s a privacy issue. Privacy of medical records comes under that heading.

I have an incurable STD which, while not fatal, is something I’m morally obligated to explain to any potential sexual partner. But I wouldn’t want this information available on public databases. In fact, the prospect of it might dissuade me from seeking diagnosis and treatment.

There are other issues related to bias against gay people that come into this. It’s not so much the case now, but there was a time when this was considered basically a gay male disease. And that group had reason to be concerned about the repercussions of public exposure.

If you are looking to legally mandate that anyone with an STD is required to report this information to any past, current or future sexual partners, or that some government agency is going to take on that role for us, I think you’re going to run into some serious opposition.

This is a very tough issue. HIV is a special case because of the seriousness of the infection and its prognosis, and states are passing laws against knowingly placing a sexual partner at risk. But we’re walking a fine line here. If swine flu had turned out to be more likely to be fatal, at what point would carriers be subject to the same potential for prosecution.

And I’m not sure why you specifically mentioned passing through as “not welcome” to answer the question. The information he or she has provided has been factual and correct, as far as my knowledge goes.

The man cited in the article above, if he did what he is accused of, is clearly at fault for criminally irresponsible behavior. But this doesn’t change the fact that we all need to risk manage our lives with the most accurate information possible.

For myself, the odds against marrying again are slim to nil. And if I become sexually active again (which I intend to do), it will be with people who are also not married. This does not make me irresponsible or suicidal. But it does mean that I need good information, as well as understanding of what kind of risks my partner has taken. He will also have to understand what kind of risks come with me.

I realize this is an emotional topic. But I don’t think that anyone has been out of line here.

Kathy

At one point, my boss had me pick up a new VP for our company and told me to make him feel welcome. The new VP and I were alone in a big city, we went out for dinner, we laughed and talked, he started telling me he was looking for a wife, etc. After we got back to the hotel, at about midnight, he soon called me from across the hall, asking if he could come use my coffee maker (in the middle of the night). I told him “If yours is broken, just call the front desk, they’ll send you up a new one.” Later, after he died about a year later, Look Magazine called him the most handsome man in the US. I had been tempted, yes, but I was married and stayed true to my values. He died of AIDS, and another woman (single) who did have sex with him also died of AIDS, several years later. He gave it to her. He knew he had it too, at the time he was seducing me.

People who knew him have a hard time believing that, he really seemed to be a wonderful man. But….!!!!

JAH, that’s a really inspiring story. Congratulations on your caution, your values and on handling it so well.

Even if he didn’t have AIDS, his behavior wasn’t handsome.

Once, late in my last round with my ex-S, I met a man at a trade show and we went out to have a drink after the exhibits closed down. I found myself doing what I never did, breaking down and telling him about what was going on with me. Not only with my ex, but with my main client, who I later realized was another.

He was a wonderful listener, gave me valuable advice and feedback, and then invited me back to his room to spend the night. I knew he was married. Even if he weren’t, I didn’t want any stains on my professional reputation (and this conversation was bad enough in that regard). But I was tempted because the conversation was so bonding and I was starving for compassionate contact.

But I didn’t. I walked away. My reputation was too important to me to risk. I’m still grateful for that conversation. And it’s difficult to realize that he’s a man who was really good for me in one way, but an ethical moron in another. There’s always a possibility that I’ll have to do business with him someday, and this is a piece of information that goes in the mental data bank.

People are what they are. In his case, I’ll always be prepared to set hard boundaries anytime I deal with him.

Kathleen,

“I’m still grateful for that conversation. And it’s difficult to realize that he’s a man who was really good for me in one way, but an ethical moron in another.”

That’s great perspective. I’m glad you dodged that complication. I hope your relationship with this guy is still good.

People are complicated. It’s best to forgive as much as we can, patch over what we can, and generally accept people for what they are.

As long as there aren’t repeated boundary violations, incidents like that can be gracefully ignored, at least on the surface.

I agree, Elizabeth. But with the caveat that these complicated people can create energy drains, in one way or another. I work with them on issues of shared interest, but on a more personal level, I maintain a friendly distance.

Kathleen Hawk
OxDrover
Elizabeth Conley

Thanks again for the information. I never had a STD so I am in dark about the many issues concerning this subject. But I see your point and yes it might be better if this information be protected for those that suffer from it. All of those are very valid reasons. Thanks for taking to time to explain!

“And I’m not sure why you specifically mentioned passing through as “not welcome” to answer the question. The information he or she has provided has been factual and correct, as far as my knowledge goes.”

Well, for one I didn’t like the way he/she? Used information as a tool to point out “his/her” view. Also judging Oxy when stating “your willingness to spread disinformation, etc…
Sorry but this was a attack on the poster and the writer wanted to make sure Oxy knew it.
Let’s take these statement:

“what I assume are your own behavioral goals:”

Smart person? Sure but we all know what happens whenever we assume anything.

“Based on your use of misogynistic slurs” (the historic use of these slurs to vilify women does not disappear when the slurs are applied to men), your willingness to spread disinformation, and your generally negative attitude toward sexual behavior that does not match what I assume are your own behavioral goals: I am glad that you are no longer serving in that position. Misleadingly bleak portrayals of the sexual landscape have no place in sexual health education.”

[email protected]

It is also a common English vulgarism for a woman , that typically carries denigrating or misogynistic overtones —such that consider a …

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Special%3ASearch&search=Misogynistic&fulltext=Search

Definitions of ‘misogynistic’
Dictionary.com · The American Heritage® Dictionary – (1 definition)
(adjective)
Of or characterized by a hatred of women.

http://www.ask.com/web?q=dictionary%3A+misogynistic&content=ahdict|3161&o=0&l=dir

That whole paragraph sounded negative and downgrading.

Now I know Oxy is a big girl and can take care of herself but it just rub me the wrong way.

That’s why I didn’t want that poster to answer the question. The poster has a pompous view again something that rub me the wrong way.

“Ox,
Sorry, I don’t mean to be so personal, but since you know and I don’t seem to find an answer”. If his ex told me he had herpes and I tested negative for it, does it mean I could still carry it or have it for a blossoming later time? I was under impression that HPV & Herpes only were passed around when they became active” Is that so?”

Now KATYA just asked a question but told her to go “ask your doctor”. (From PT) but the question itself wasn’t asked of him/her, Katya asked Oxy. This also rub me the wrong way the way this poster just “took over” told Katya in a nice way to go ask your doctor something I believe she already knows to do. Sorry again the poster is egotistical have show me a sense of entitlement that again rub me the wrong way.

As for questions about HVP, this is a good site for information.

http://www.health-science-report.com/hpv/hpv-pap/hpv-sexually-transmitted-disease.html

I don’t mind people giving me good information “if I asked it of them” but if to do so means you must be pompous and egotistical then I walk away telling myself “Sorry I asked”.

I hope that explains it Kathleen Hawk.

I’m with you James. I thought s/he was a jerk.

Elizabeth Conley says:

I’m with you James. I thought s/he was a jerk.

Ditto, I been thinking about this after I posted my reply to Kathleen and wonder maybe it trigger some kind of EM (emotional memory) in me? I think it did, so again that why I didn’t want a reply from PT. I still have to work on my EM’s and those damn “triggers” and sometimes they get the best of me, but I am working on it..

Yes, it explained it, James. Some buttons got pushed. Oxy pushed PB’s. PB pushed yours.

Oxy has been known to push my buttons too. She has very strong opinions and I don’t always agree with either her opinions or her facts. It doesn’t mean I don’t love her, and recognize what a kind and generous person she is. Nevertheless, we’ve had disagreements. And we’ve stayed friends.

I guess just that there is a fine line between speaking our minds and flaming each other. And sometimes it’s hard to distinguish in a debate that gets passionate.

Kathleen Hawk

Button pushed, interesting?

“KATYA says: (Question)

Ox,
Sorry, I don’t mean to be so personal, but since you know and I don’t seem to find an answer”. If his ex told me he had herpes and I tested negative for it, does it mean I could still carry it or have it for a blossoming later time? I was under impression that HPV & Herpes only were passed around when they became active” Is that so?”

PT (Passing Through) Not sure what PB states for?

Katya, truly, these are questions for your doctor. The best way to ensure your sexual health is to visit your doctor for a full gynecological examination and a full STI panel.

About HPV: Many types of HPV are suppressed or cleared by the body within 1 to 2 years; more rarely, warts or cervical changes will result. You can ask your doctor for the HPV test (which can be performed at the same time as the PAP test, but they are two separate tests). Many doctors only perform the HPV test in response to an abnormal PAP test, so if you want the HPV test, make sure to get your doctor to confirm that they will perform the HPV test regardless of the PAP. The HPV test does not test for all strains of HPV, but if your PAP tests return normal and you have no warts, do not worry, just get your annual PAP test to monitor your cervical health. If you are under age 27 or can afford to pay out of pocket, consider getting the Gardasil vaccination to protect against four high-risk strains of HPV.

Riddle me this? Where is all this does the write even attempted to answer the question?

Sorry but I would have just refer Katya to a web site for the information and then let her makes whatever decision she felt best for yourself.

PT didn’t do this instead the poster goes on and goes.. blah blah..

Whenever anyone tries to impress me but really just ends up wasting my time and money. And you might be surprise how many people will do just that. This I take offense..

Button pushed maybe, wasting my time unambiguously.

Now again this has nothing to do with me and yes I should just keep my mouth shut. But I still felt PT is someone that needed attention more then he/she wanted to help.

The trigger I referring to is how my ex s/p wasted my time and money. I will never get back the 17 years with a “fake” person and God only know how much money, so whenever I see or come across someone who thinks they can do this with me? Well, Think again…

I remember when I was one year into my marriage I had someone come out to my school to talk with 6th graders about sex and STD’s. While I was walking the speaker to the room she was talking about HIV and how she tells married people to get tested at least once a year. I didn’t think much about it until two years later when I discovered my husband was cheating.

Going to get an HIV test was the scariest time ever. I knew I was at risk because my husband had unprotected sex that resulted in a baby. Thank God my results were negative!

To this day I am trying to get over the fact that my husband put my life at risk and did not have enough respect for my life or my children.

Dear nic,

After having read your story and all the things that X-creep of yours did, what makes you think that he would value your VERY LIFE or your children’s lives? SHEESH! (Not making fun of you sweetie, I just think your X is the “poster child” for psychpaths this month!) I don’t even know the guy and I would like to infect him with some non-fatal case of crabs or something—maybe his new “love” will bring him home a case, or he will catch some from the next bimbo!

Life is a risk – protect yourself – don’t leave it up to someone else – if you get crabs it is your fault for sleeping with some one you dont really know – Passing Through thank you for your knowledge and I welcome you….Ox get off your soap box before you fall and break a hip…kathleen as always I treasure your words…

nic,

I did the same thing after my ex p/s was told to leave. Having sex with someone else when in a relationship and not telling them can and will put them at risk.

At one time it was describe to me like this; whatever you sleep with your partner then he sleeps with someone else there are three people involved (sexually) and if she goes on and sleep with yet another person and then has sex with your partner again then numbers goes up and then he come back and then sleep with you again, then you have had sex with people you didn’t know about unless your partner told you.

So if your partner is cheating on you and then she cheats on him everyone is at risk if a STD is introduce by only one of these many partners. So honesty is best whenever we are sleeping with other people but “cheaters” aren’t honest people. So if you found out your partner is “cheating” then I think one should get tested asap just to make sure.

This is why we need and want trust in an partner. The problem of course is when one is involved with a s/p then trust is hard to come by. This of course goes for “cheaters” as well.

“Life is a risk – protect yourself – don’t leave it up to someone else -”

Really henry that’s all any of us can do realistically….

Which is yet another good reason to stay away from dysfunctional people who carry with them a higher risk albeit sexually emotionally psychologically physically and/or financially .

As individuals we are responsible for our own health. People who think they are in a committed relationship and ‘safe’ could get a surprise. I was in what I thought was one and found out otherwise.

This guy is culpable. This is one subject where ignorance is no excuse I think. However I can understand in a committed relationship where you trust your partner implicitly it must be horrific to find out they have been unfaithful this way.

Most of us know what its like to trust someone in an intimate relationship.

We already know the stats about those who are in long term relationships who cheat, male and female. My friend was in a happy marriage (yes, her husband would have agreed to that too). She was in her late 40s. Her husband used to travel every now and then to Kazahkstan where girls were offered to you along with vodka – all local business practices. She didnt suspect anything. He didnt think there would be an issue. Roll on some time down the track – she thought she had terrible menopause symptoms, sought yreatment too late and she eventually died of AIDS. This would be horrific but deal with it she did. She also forgave him.

There must be lots of people in similar positions. And I think it is the middleaged who need the education on this subject the most (and I am middleaged).

After my experience with a psychopath I would never play russian roulette again. On any score. Thats my view and even in a committed relationship regular testing is a must.

I guess we are the lucky ones. We get that all is not what it seems – forewarned is forearmed however its a personal decision and a definite gamble we all take. That’s life I guess.

The number of sociopaths out there is very low. Would I take the risk of getting together with one of these people again? Not on your life and I am going to protect myself in every way I can to keep safe. So regardless of what stats you quote about STDs and who is right and who is not, I am also going to do all I can to avoid them just as carefully.

Kate, you are absolutely right!!!!! Quote: “I am going to do all I can”

Henry, dear, I am less likely to fall off the soap box and break a hip than I am to fall off the jackass and break a hip! LOL Besides, a soap box is fun to ride once in a while! ((hugs)))

kate592 -thanks for your posts, very insightful. I totally agree. Your one comment that read “the number of sociopaths out there is very low-
From my experience, after learning what a S really is, I am seeing them come out of the wood work with bold red flags! They are on the news, in our churches, in corporate America, they are our children, lovers, and supposed friends.They seem to be survivors like cock roaches, feeding off anything or anyone that provides life to their otherwise lifeless, self serving pathetic existence. If not all card carrying S ‘s , you will find your garden variety of dysfunctionals in the mix of histronics and so forth. Sorry to sound so dismal, but just as there are geniune, emotionally healthy people, bet your sweet niblets that dark entities are plentiful. The bible warns us of these people and to get away from them.

Like Kate said, we are the lucky ones-we get it. All of us on LF can be considered “experts” on the subject. We lived to tell about it, we got out alive, as many have not been so fortunate. Even so, I still struggle to make sure I am not placing myself into harms way with the likes of these subhumans. I dont trust my judgement completely even tho I have been on a mission to research and learn all I can about the S and similar dangerous entities out there. We must always educate others so they can be armed with knowledge as well. Peace, have a blessed day..

On Thursday, 18 June 2009 @ 7:16am,
kate_592 said:

>> I think it is the middleaged who need the education on this subject the most

Your guess is correct: when compared to younger people, middle-aged and older people tend to be less aware of HIV risks, more likely to view themselves as “invincible”, and less likely to protect themselves or others.

From the abstract of a report submitted by CDC and NIA representatives, Middle-Aged and Older People with AIDS:

People age 50 and older continue to be less knowledgeable about AIDS risks, perceive themselves to be at lower risk, and, for those with known AIDS-related risks, have made fewer behavioral accommodations to avoid such risks as compared to younger people. With recent data indicating a faster rise in new AIDS cases among the 50-plus population, middle-aged and older people can no longer be ignored in AIDS prevention or treatment efforts.

In other words a middle-aged or older person is more likely to play Russian roulette than a younger person.

Yes James I have had it described to me that way also. Very sick.

Ox, my husband is the “poster child” every month!!!!!!!!!! lol.

James, thank you.

Katya, thank goodness we do not get every disease (germ) we are exposed to. Our body sometimes is able to fight them off. I would advise you to check with your local sex educator at your local health department, they are actually probably better informed than most of your family physicians. Usually testing is free there and you can get the benefit of some of the best counseling about STDS available.

Sexual health is a serious matter, and one I think that should not be taken lightly by anyone. the more we know that there is always SOME risk, even unintentional risk by partners who don’t know they are infecterd, all the way up to the guy like in t6he article above who DELIBERATELY exposed someone to a life altering/threatening disease.

There used to be a guy on here that posted called “dodged a bullet” who also had a partner who deliberately exposed him to HIV, but fortunately, DAB didn’t get it. Needless to say, though, DAB was very very upset about this though. I think anyoone would be!

The better informed we are, the better we can monitor our own risks and our own choices in what we engage in, and protect ourselves from the people who would deliberately deceive us.

SABRINA, yes of course you are right. We tend to see more and more as time goes on and its indeed a wonderful thing if we can avoid them. Not so wonderful if we work with them or they are in our family I guess.

I also think that I was extremely naive. I thought most people had more good in them then bad. Yes tragic. The reality is there is good and bad in all of us and I think we have to see, acknowledge and accept that there is true evil in the world and we have to choose to stay in the light as best we can. To do that well means you ahve to have tight boundaries and great self esteem.

I went to hell and back and its reminded me so much of all the religious teachings as I had as a young child (and discarded) about the devil, being tempted and hell. I danced with the devil and he almost killed me. I never want to go back to that level of pain again. I choose to look after me as best I can (knowing some things are outside our control) and its a struggle getting out of hell as we all know.

PASSINGTHROUGH – Thanks for that. In terms of the middleaged, there are many reasons for this. I think its tough when you are sitting in a 20 odd year old marriage and one party thinks they are safe and the other party is cheating but doesnt feel they can start using protection in their marriage either without being ‘found out’. One of the reasons as I understand that middleaged women are developing full blown AIDS is that they assume their symptoms are age related and to do with menopause and therefore do not get help fast enough. Also when entering new relationships they dont usually have the concerns about falling pregnant so…We just have to make sure this issue is in the public eye moreso. I think we are all on the same side. Be educated, aware and safe. In fact I think I may blog about this – thanks very much for the link.

OxDrover – “people who deliberately deceive us” – oh thats the crux isnt it. I cant trust anyone. Sadly I think I mean that.
By the way if you have been on soap boxes I must have missed them. We all have an opinion and we earnt the right each of us to put it across as best we can. Keep on your soap box, you need the extra height to boink people on the head, lol!!

Dear kate,

Thank you sweetie! Personally, I think anyone who deliberately exposes someone to DEATH deserves more than a BOINK from my “cyber skillet”—whether they expose them to death through sexual contact or a gun, it is the SAME THING in my opinion, ATTEMPTED MURDER! At least though if you k8ill someone with a gun, they don’t suffer for it for years and years, or give birth to a baby that also has the disease.

Not trusting “anyone” is not the way we want to end up, but at the same time REASONABLE CAUTION in trusting others is a GOOD THING. I think at first we tend to lose confidence in ourselves to decide who to trust and who not to because we obviously “failed that test miserably” by trusting the Psychopaths….but, as we get over the initial shocks I think we learn that trusting NO ONE makes us pretty lonely, but we learn to trust WITH CAUTION and not to “give away’ trust BLINDLY just because someone says “you can trust me” we LOOK AT THEIR ACTIONS more closely, and WATCH FOR RED FLAGS.

We realize that giving “almost unconditional trust” (notice the ALMOST in that statement) is a very serious choice and that it takes TIME to know enough about someone to go that far in trusting them. Hell I trusted my egg donor 100% and if you can’t trust your “mother” who the heck can you trust? RIGHT? Well, I found out that I CANNOT TRUST THIS WOMAN! SHE IS A LIAR. Funny thing was, I knew that already from her ACTIONS but I listened to her WORDS instead of looking at her ACTIONS and so I LEARNED SOMETHING. I learned that Imust look at actions to determine who I can SAFELY trust and who I can’t.

I also learned that I needed to set boundaries for what kind of behavior I would tolerate (none of us are perfect) and weaht I would NOT tolerate. Sometimes my best friend of 30 years hurts my feelings, but I have enough history with her to know she did not do it intentionally.

But I have decided that when people (ANYONE) lies to me EVEN ONCE I will NEVER TRUST THEM AGAIN. People who lie to you IMHO do not respect you, people who do not respect you, are not trust worthy. So I have set STANDARDS for omyself. These might not be YOUR standards but they are MINE. I will NEVER AGAIN give anyone who lies a “second chance.” and looking back over my lifetime (62 yrs) ANY time I have given a liar a “second chance” they BIT ME IN THE ASS AGAIN. That is MY experience and so I have set a standard of behavior to keep liars out of my life and my CIRCLE OF TRUST where they can get close enough to really hurt me. NO MATTER WHAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS—blood, lover, husband, friend—no liar will be included in my circle of trust.

There are other boundaries as well, but taht is the first one and the easiest to explain. It is a black and white issue, not one of “gray” or opinion, just a black and white issue of lie to me and you are never again trusted.

Kate, I think you are doing well in your progress, and the trusting NO one is a stage I think you will pass out of as you learn to set your own boundaries for “acceptable” behavior. Keep on the Path to Healing. (((hugs))))

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