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We must have been ‘daft’ to fall for the con

Mary Turner Thomson, who lives in the United Kingdom, was one of the first people that I knew of who wrote a book to tell her story of being conned by a sociopath. The perpetrator was Will Allen Jordan, an American who claimed he was madly in love with Mary, claimed he couldn’t have children and claimed to be a CIA agent. All lies.

I’ve collected some unbelievable and frightening tales of deceit, manipulation, and betrayal. I can say with confidence that Will Allen Jordan ranks as one of the most dangerous sociopaths I’ve ever heard of. With his brainwashing skills and his ability to fabricate “proof,” I think he could convince anyone of anything.

Here’s the True Lovefraud Stories profile of Will Jordan:

Convicted sex offender and bigamist deported from the UK, returns to New Jersey

Mary’s book was originally called The Other Mrs. Jordan, because her malicious hubby was actually married to two different women, and maintaining two separate families, at the same time. The book was later reissued with a new title, The Bigamist.

Here’s my original review of the book:

Book Review: The Other Mrs. Jordan

Mary tells an incredible story. And for some readers, it is just too incredible.

Feeling crushed

I received an email from Mary the other day with the subject line “Feeling crushed.” Here’s what she wrote:

My publishers put my book ”˜The Bigamist’ on Kindle in the US for a crazy price of 89 cents.  As a result it has sold quite a few.  The trouble is that as there are a lot of people buying it for the cheap price there are a lot of people writing reviews who don’t understand what the victims really go through.  The latest review is extraordinary — see a bit of it below: —

“… I found it eye-opening and informative but at the same time I found it almost impossible to feel any kind of empathy for this daft, gullible woman. I’m sorry but anyone that stupid for that long is just asking to be taken for a ride ”¦ it’s just plain sad. And to liken it to the abuse suffered by rape and molestation victims in terms of not being ashamed to speak up ”¦ pfft ”¦ there is no choice in rape or molestation, whereas the author did have a choice and more or less allowed herself to be a victim ”¦ and that IS shameworthy.”

I have always said that the victims of this kind of crime should not be made to feel ashamed. I admire the first victims of rape and child molestation that stood up to be counted against the social stigma, making it possible for others to come forward and stand up as well without shame – many of the people who have written to me, with messages of support, agree with me. This reviewer disagrees and thinks we SHOULD be ashamed. Can we get some of the Lovefraud readers to comment on his review?  I want to personally tell him what I think but can’t.  It is idiots like him that keep allowing this to happen and makes people hide away so that the abuse continues.  For the first time in years I feel really crushed.

Scathing reviews of Love Fraud

The same thing happened to me. My first book, Love Fraud How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, tells the story of how I was seduced by, and almost destroyed by, my ex-husband, James Montgomery. Most of the reviews on Amazon.com are good. But several are really scathing.

For example, here’s part of what a person by the name of Jessa Larson wrote (complete with her original typos):

She decided to take a chance with James, believing due to his charm and influence, that this indeed was the man who would fill the void she felt inside. Donna’s life goes downhill for many years after that. James turns out to be a manipulative man full of lies and deceit. He has great dreams and aspirations as well as a seemingly endless list of accomplishments and goals. He sounds excellent on paper and seems to be quite the impressive man. I believe the first giant red flag pops up right about here. After 2 days of meeting, James had announced that he was head over heels in love with Donna. 3 days later, he proposes. Within a month of knowing each other, Donna dishes out approximatly $35,000 dollars to a man she barely knows and she marries the guy. She continues ignoring red flag after red flag as the relationship continues. He has more accomplishments written down on paper than I believe is possibly for 98% of the population to have completed in such little time. His claims to fame seem proposterous since if you even began to look further into it, you’d find that is name is not associated with ANY of the companies he’s listed. And if he WAS with those companies, wouldn’t he have quite the income or at least a lot of money in savings somehwere? Also, at this pointf NONE of his goals and investments have come thru whatsoever. This is just the beginning of things I can’t figure out why someone wouldn’t notice even a LITTLE bit of what has to be false.

Here’s what I’ve discovered: People who have tangled with sociopaths understand what Mary and I are talking about. They find our stories to be validating, because they’ve experienced the same thing. They feel like we are talking directly to them.

People who have not tangled with sociopaths think we’re “daft.”

Why they don’t get it

So why is this? Mary and I are both good writers. In fact, I intentionally included a lot of detail in telling my story to make it as real as I possibly could. I’ve been criticized for that—some people consider the detail to be “boring.” But my goal was to paint a complete picture of the experience, so people would “get it.”

Why, in some cases, did my efforts fall short? I think there are three reasons.

First of all, the readers, when they pick up the books, already know the outcomes. My book is called Love Fraud and Mary’s book is called The Bigamist. Readers know we are writing about con men. So yes, when you know you’re reading about con men, the red flags are obvious.

But as we were living the experiences, Mary and I did not know that we were dealing with con men.  So even though we were aware that things were amiss—I knew James Montgomery was lying to me—neither one of us ever imagined that we’d come across someone who would intentionally scam us.

Secondly, I believe the written word simply cannot do justice to the experience of sociopathic manipulation. Linguists and anthropologists have determined that 65% to 90% of the meaning in human communication is nonverbal—tone of voice, body language, facial expressions. That means in written communication—whether it’s online or in a book—65% to 90% of the meaning is missing.

I think the keys to sociopathic influence are their “energy” and “presence.” I have yet to find the words to adequately describe the magnetic, charismatic and convincing way that James Montgomery presented himself, a presentation that made me believe he loved me and he would accomplish everything that he promised. I do think, however, that his behavior could be replicated by a skilled actor. I hope that someday a producer will want to make the Love Fraud movie, because then I may finally be able to convey what it was really like.

Finally, as I said earlier, readers who have not experienced a sociopath simply cannot identify with the manipulation, self-doubt and brainwashing that go on in these encounters. Perhaps they are naturally suspicious and non-trusting enough to keep sociopaths at bay. More likely, they’ve just been lucky. But for whatever reason, they’ve avoided involvements with sociopaths, and assume that anyone who admits to being duped is stupid.

Please comment

Anyway, Mary Turner Thomson and I wrote books in the hopes that our willingness to stand up and tell the truth would help people avoid being scammed like we were. Or if it’s already too late for that, we hope our books help people recover from the experience. So it’s unnerving to be trashed by people who obviously don’t get what we’re talking about.

Lovefraud readers get it. So we’d really appreciate it if you would post a comment in support of our books.

Here are our books on Amazon.com. Just click the “customer reviews” links to see what has been written.

The Bigamist  (look for the review by “Blitzen prancer” on February 4, 2012)

Love Fraud

You need to be an Amazon customer in order to post a review or comment, but you do not need to have purchased these books from Amazon. Here’s what to do:

How to post a review

Mary and I have started the conversation. As more of us tell our stories, I hope the world will wake up to the danger of sociopaths.


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51 Comments on "We must have been ‘daft’ to fall for the con"

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I admit to not having read through all of the comments here yet, but the part about the negative comments because of the mirroring of that persons own shortcomings and being too close in relations certainly hits home with me.

I have felt the reppurcussions of seeing the truth thru the veil of lies and misconceptions. Knowing about the mask
and knowing others are aware of their part in all of it. My FIL is guilty as hell of this very thing. To point out that his son has a problem would be admitting to his having failed to notice and get some kind of help. His profession dwells in this and deals with it daily. It would be admitting his own failures and nobody as ‘highly regarded’ as he is can possibly do that or be wrong…

So they live in the land of denial, overlooking the beaches of whoops, we f%cked up big! But if they close their eyes to all of it, they are invisible. It never happened that way and just hush honey, we will pay for it and things will be all right.

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