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By | February 19, 2012 40 Comments

Woman gets 40 years for molesting 14-year-old boy

Shannon Schmieder, a teacher assistant from Georgia, was sentenced to serve 20 years in prison and 20 years probation after pleading guilty to molesting a 14-year-old boy. She was a friend of the boy’s family.

Read: Ex-Teacher Asst.: Parents stunned, realizing woman no stranger, on Times-Herald.com.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.


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Ox Drover

Well, here is another one teacher and 15 year old,, but this teacher is “mentally ill” and needs “treatment” and gets ONLY 10 YEARS

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2103180/Teacher-39-jailed-10-years-having-sex-15-year-old-student-car.html

So what’s the difference? Why the disparity of sentences?

Ox Drover

The victim’s family says: “It’s been a terrible year for us,” the mother said. “We want to thank the authorities, the victim’s advocates, our friends, family and especially church members for working so hard to help us. We couldn’t have made it without them.”

The young boy’s mother and father realize that their family members are not the only ones that have suffered.

“We know it’s been terrible for her (Schmieder’s) family, too,” the boy’s father said. “We hope and pray they will get through this.”

The difference between the two families though is that the family of the victim in this case at least seem to have community-wide and church community support and caring. In a bad situation like this COMMUNITY and friend support is CRUCIAL to recovery and healing.

Unfortunately, the family of the victim-izer generally does NOT have community support or church community, or many times even friend support. As the family of the CRIMINAL PERP, they face a shame that the family of the victims do not and generally have little support from the community either.

Having personally been on BOTH sides of the aisle as parent of the criminal and as victim of a criminal psychopath as well, the lack of support is very very painful and delays healing, especially for the family of the criminal victimizer.

No matter how you slice it, whether it is a male/female teacher and a female or male student (Read: Sandusky) it is a SAD story without any “happy ending.”

woundlicker

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darwinsmom

It is something totally beyond me… I know it happens, but I can’t but think that something is really screwed on the responsibility feeling of a teacher who abuses their pupils in that way, not even if the pupil actually has a crush on a teacher of theirs.

It doesn’t happen often, but I’ve noticed at times that a teen boy suddenly starts to act strange around me… they suddenly seek my company, their eyes get a special gleem, or the girls even tell on them, saying the teen boy thinks I’m beautiful. I always took it as a compliment, and if it was betrayed to me by them or classmates orally, I’ll say I find it a comliment. I’ll be sensitive about it towards the pupil with the crush… but I can’t for the life of me comprehend stories of teachers being attracted to their pupils: they are so innocent, it is a fantasy… it’s something they need to enjoy as a fantasy on their own. All my feelings of responsibility too stand in the way of such a thing. I’m working! I can’t even begin to understand how a grown person (female or male) can be attracted to a child.

Sparklehorse

darwinsmom,

Thanks for your comments. My spath told me that he lost his virginity during the summer after he graduated from high school. He had a summer-long affair with a teacher from his school. She was in her mid-30s if I recall correctly. The spath spoke very fondly of this time and I never gave it much weight in understanding him before. I believe his elderly father may also be a spath and there was much emotional abuse in his childhood. But the affair with the teacher and the power issues probably shaped him more than I realized when he talked about this. Just as he never allowed himself to think about the bad parts of his childhood, he never allowed himself to feel how this affair with his teacher was exploitative.

Thanks for helping with another piece of the puzzle (and a red flag to watch for in the future)!

skylar

I truly believe that these child molesters are acting out or re-living their childhood in some way. They are emotionally arrested, still feeling like they did in their childhood.

My spath told me that his first sexual encounter at age 10 was with a 12-year old Native American girl. After I left him, I found out that he had, had sex with two 12-year old Native American girls when I was 17 or 18. After I left for work they would drop by after school and hop into bed with him.

What exactly they are needing to re-live, I’m not sure. I know he never wanted to grow up, so maybe this helped validate his wish and made him feel like he hadn’t grown up. What an idiot, all he had to do is ask. I could have told him that he was a big freakin’ baby.

Wow, I must say I’m rather impressed with how well the parents are handling this. They seem to be staying rather cool-headed about it. I’d be furious and wouldn’t likely be able to keep it from showing in my tone. They are so level-headed and calm about it. It’s almost strange, but maybe they are just strong people who can deal with a hard situation head-on.

There is a part of me, though, that wonders if they really understand the magnitude of damage done to their son. The lack of anger in their tone makes me think they don’t fully understand how hurt their child is. Maybe I’m wrong, but I just find it a bit odd. The mother is getting proactive in the community right away, which is great.

Perhaps this is just the way good, normal parents handle this. I wouldn’t know. Mine weren’t like this.

But something seems odd about it to me.

darwinsmom, I second that! I am not even attracted to men 4-5 years younger than me, let alone someone who hasn’t even hit puberty yet!

sparklehorse, my ex told me a similar story. He had so many stories. He said he’d lost his virginity when he was 10 to a 30 year old woman. Later he said this never happened. He loved how concerned I suddenly was when I heard this story and told him that what the woman did was wrong, that he should seek out therapy to work through the damage she may have caused him. I am just suspicious of stories like that. Maybe your ex was telling the truth, but I never believe anything that comes out of a spath mouth. It’s either completely bs or full of bs.

darwinsmom

Yes, it is exploitive.

There is nothing wrong with a teen having a crush on one of their teachers. It’s not an uncommon fantasy with teens, girls or boys. Some teens fantasise about an actor, or a music artist and others about a teacher, or perhaps a pupil in the last grade. The common aspect in all of these is that the crush is unreachable and in theory unconquerable. I think it is part of the love lessons… to experiment within a fantasy world of their own, to discover how it feels to be in love, but it’s safe, because the idolized person is not someone who would be available to them.

I feel it’s my responsibility as a teacher to a teen with a bit of a crush on me to not spurn the beauty of their experience, to handle it with care and with respect, but purely as an adult it is also my responsibility to ensure it remains that individual safe experience for them. If the adult steps out of the role of being unreachable, they actually destroy the purpose and safety of that crush fantasy.

And a teen with that fantasy doesn’t really yet know what he wants. In his or her fantasy they want the unreachable person to recopricate, but always with the underlying notion that this will not happen in reality. If it does happen, then I’m sure that does a lot of damage to the learning process, to learn the difference between a fantasy love and a reachable love, and damages feelings of safety. The most ugly thing a teacher could do to a teen with a crush is give them exactly what they fantasise about.

I remember I had a crush on an Italian of 21. I was 16. He knew it and started to seek me out. It would have been cool if it had just been kissing, and holding hands. But he pushed me to do a blowjob. It was quite a shocking experience to me, that deep down made me feel used. It felt unsafe and just very very strange and uncomfortable. I certainly did not enjoy it. Luckily he had to leave soon and my parents put me on a curfew hour once they realized I had a bf of 21. And I know that once he was my “holiday bf” I really didn’tfantasise at all anymore. Once it became real, I actually only wanted and needed at the most small, romantic stuff, and little or nothing physical.

woundlicker

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darwinsmom

woundlicker, what happened to your post?

Stargazer

Darwinsmom, your story about the 21 y.o. brought back memories for me (though a slight hijack of the topic). My mother actually SET ME UP with a 21. y.o. who was an orderly at the hospital where she worked. He was known to be bisexual and was very promiscuous and just very old for me. He also tried to push me to do things sexually that I didn’t want to and wasn’t ready to do. It was really creepy. And the fact that my mother set me up with him was even creepier. You’d think she’d be trying to protect me from that. It was right around that time that they decided to have a family showing of Deep Throat, the classic porn film, with my younger sister and me watching. It’s surreal to think that ever happened. Looking back it’s a wonder I managed to stay a virgin till I was 20 with all the covert sex abuse going on in my home.

darwinsmom

Ok, deep throat sounds too much to watch with kids. What was your mom thinking (goes for the deep throat and 21 year old)?

But it reminds me of my sexual education at home. I remember that when I was 6 or 7 they played Ryan’s Daughter on TV. And I wanted to watch it. At least I got to see the first part of the movey. It was split in two parts: early evening, late evening. My parents ordered me to bed for the second part, where Ryan’s daughter has sex with the PTSD WWI soldier. They sent me to bed because they didn’t want me to watch that. Or perhaps because my grandparents were visiting, and didn’t want to have to explain to them why they’d let a 7-year old watch it. On Saturdays I usually was allowed to stay up rather late otherwise. Anyhow, I got up anyway, complained about beng thirsty (always my excuse to get another half hour peek at the TV) and at least watched the suicide end of the movie with the soldier dying. The next day, I nagged their heads off to find out what had happened between the parts that I had seen, and made a whole set of drawings of a WWI soldier with only one leg.

I must have been likewise annoying about the Animal Farm drawing movie. Must have been of about the same age. COuldn’t for the life of me comprehend they’d forbid me to watch an animated movie. Weren’t those for kids? By the time I was 10 I bought the book with my savings, lol. Problem solved.

And then my parents were gonna go to the movies with their friends to watch “The Elevator” (Dutch horror movie with a murdering elevator). I was 8 and had to stay the weekend at my grandparents. But I had so much wanted to see it myself, couldn’t stand them telling me it wasn’t a movie for me to watch, and I was just immensely curious. So, I asked around with other people and somehow pieced the plot together and used it as a subject for a school paper, including drawings of an elevator chopping a blind man’s head off and blood driping from the elevator doors. My paper was a huge scandal, with parents accusing my parents of taking me to the movies to watch it and how irresponsible it was to take an 8 year old to that horror movie… they were baffled, because I hadn’t seen it at all.

I believe that was the last time my parents attempted to censure what I could watch or not. They had come to realize that when they censured a movie or something on television I’d get so obsessed and focused on finding out what I wasn’t supposed to see that it was a bigger hastle (and not just for them, since it preoccupied my brain by making drawings and asking people) than just letting me watch it. So, after that I got to see the Giant Ant black and white horror movie (I was 9 when I saw… big scary ants in the NY sewers I think). And I was allowed to see the Gremlins with them and their friends and their friends’ children when I was 9 (which is a pretty scary movie to watch when you’re that young)

Anyhow, when I was a teen, one of the Dutch networds had this erotic show, every Wednesday night. Don’t even remember the name of it anymore. You saw nothing more than bare breasts in it (and in European movies you see sex scenes and naked people all the time – spath thought I was watching a porn movie when I was watching a Belgian movie once), and it was actually kinda pastiche and tongue in cheek. By then I was allowed to stay up until 10 pm, maybe even later. And I used to watch that show together with my parents. We’d laugh together often about the absurdness of it sometimes.

I think they allowed it for 2 reasons: no point in censuring me in the first place, secondly they considered it harmless (nothing explicit, not porn either), and thirdly I think they believed it would create a humoristic hour of the week where I’d feel free to ask them things if I wanted to. (I was 14-15 at the time)

Anyway, is it possible your mother wanted to gross you out with that family showing?

Stargazer

Darwinsmom, that is just good parenting censoring movies their kids watch or at least trying. Mine used to take us to the drive in to see R rated films – some really horrible and gory. I remember at 10 or 11, we went to see Macon County Line about a bunch of thugs taking women into the woods and raping and killing them, then carving KKK on their chests. I probably would have been more disturbed if I actually UNDERSTOOD what was going on. My mother later told me that they showed us the porn film at home because she thought is was better for me to learn about sex at home. This might not have been so horrible if not for the fact of my stepfather’s constantly covert sexual abuse. I was 15 and my sister was 13 or 14 when we watched that film. It was just awkard and disgusting to have him sitting there in his underwear watching it with us like we were all watching a Disney movie. I heard later that he had been impotent for many years during that time, so he was probably pretty harmless then. And yet, he was still tiptoeing up the stairs to our loft trying to catch us undressing and making constant innuendos.

I think all teens are obsessed with sex and trying to find out as much as they can about it. This is normal. But my stepfather’s disgusting habits really tainted it for me, even though he never raped me. I had to keep my sexual curiosity under wraps. I never mentioned anything to my parents about it.

anam cara

Sociopaths do not love their children. Their children are considered possessions, “owned” by and for the use of the spath. Problems arise when they(children) behave as the beautiful human beings they are, with genuine needs of their own, they are seen as a threat to the spaths needs(wants) being met. In comes the control and the child is programmed/conditioned by threats, manipulation, intimidation, pred. stare…..etc. over the course of time, to believe they are wrong. The child supresses their own needs to “earn” their parent’s love. How sad!
Children’s love is unconditional and of course they expect that their parents and family will feel the same and have their best interests at heart.
Spaths sabotage, steal and blame shift. “They” are the cause of wars, genocide, disharmony, suffering….etc. in our world.
I wish for the “Rise of the Empaths” 🙂

woundlicker

Darwinsmom,
I deleted my post because when I read it I was surprised at how harsh I came across. This is a great place to come for support and here I was putting people (cougars) down. It sounded like I was calling them all child molesters and perverts and that wasn’t fair of me.

Stargazer

I’m not sure what the definition of a cougar is, but I have always disliked the word because represents a double standard in our society. I have a male friend who met his second wife when he was 45. She was 30. They have a wonderful marriage, going on 3 years now, and have a child together. No one thinks anything bad of that or calls him any name. Yet when I dated guys 10-15 years my junior when I was in my 40’s, I was teased and criticized and called a cougar.

I don’t see age difference itself as the problem, but the fact that a 14-y.o. is a child. Sexualizing a child – or even a barely legal teen – can destroy their lives. There is no 14 y.o. who is so mature that they can handle a sexual relationship with an adult. There’s a reason why it’s a felony – it’s morally wrong, I don’t care what the circumstances. And it’s the responsibility of the adult to say no.

woundlicker

Yes, and I should have kept my comment as such, about anybody whether male or female preying on children.

woundlicker

I’m not trying to sound like a double standard but I have to watch the terms I use. I was venting about my co workers the wrong way.

I see nothing wrong with two consenting adults being together no matter the age difference. It is only when one of them is underage that it really disgusts me.

I’m sorry, I’ve always had a hard time controlling my emotions when children are abused. I will work harder to say what I mean from now on and not generalize.

Stargazer

Woundlicker, your comment didn’t bother me at all – I didn’t mean to come off as offended by anything you said. You didn’t invent the term. It’s one of the double standards of society. It’s always bothered me. There really isn’t a derogatory word for a 45 y.o. man who marries a 30 y.o. woman.

skylar

Star,
I’ve heard them called cradle robbers. But they usually get a look of approval from their friends.

darwinsmom

Star, there is perhaps not a one-word term for men, but in my language I know a few expressions and in English there is one too… in Dutch we say “Ouwe Snoeperd”. A literal translation would be “Old sweettooth”. And in English they say “Dirty Old Man”?

woundlicker, I understand now why you removed the comment. But you can also just edit a comment, and remove what you think is possibly offensive or generalizing.

woundlicker

I felt it was ALL offensive. I was venting and not using my head.

Stargazer

I happen to know the 45 y.o. man married to the 30 y.o. woman. I don’t think he is a cradle robber by any means. They have a good marriage. It’s the second time around for both of them. People love to look for reasons marriages won’t work out, and this is one. Fact is, 50% of all marriages don’t work out anyway. So they have the same 50% chance as any other couple. Maybe I’m nuts but I don’t find a problem with their age difference. He is of course taking a chance that she will some day want a younger man. She is taking a chance that she will be widowed early in her middle-aged years. But there is always risk in loving someone, isn’t there?

woundlicker

Er……if my former high school art teacher still lived here and wasn’t married, I would not mind going out with him. And he’s 20 years older. Adults getting together is one thing, but an adult trying to get with a child is just despicable.

This woman in the article was a trusted family friend and that’s how it usually happens. I’m glad the parents took this to the police. I have heard about a lot of victims of child molestation who said the parents, usually the mom, did not believe their own child because the predator was someone they knew.

darwinsmom

It is true, woundlicker… Most crimes aren’t done by strangers, but people you know. They know your routines, your house, and use familiarity and disbelief as a cover.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

woundlicker – my mother went to a shrink (oh my!) so she could find some idiotic way to still be in relationship with my grandfather (my dad’s dad) after I finally told her that he grabbed my breast when i was 21. She and said shrink actually came up with, ‘some old men forget that the person is their granddaughter.’ oh, fuck off!

i have to listen to this, now demented, woman talk about how much she loved him and how good he was to her. BLIND. BLIND. BLIND. But, she thought her abusive alcoholic, murderous father was a good guy, too. To this day she holds this to be the truth, and i can’t put that off to her dementia. No wonder she married that n prick of a father of mine…she thinks all these abusers are A-Okay.

exhale.

Stargazer

One joy, I don’t know how you handle being around all the denial. My mother is is denial, too, and I just deal with it by NC. I honestly don’t know how to be around it otherwise To me, it’s just unacceptable to sit and shoot the breeze with someone who thinks it’s okay that the man she married was abusive to us. I sometimes wish I could overlook that aspect because I love her very much and I miss her. Perhaps if she got some affliction where she couldn’t talk and we could just sit and sip tea together or I could give her a massage, it would be okay. But once she opens her mouth, I figure I have an hour or two before I need to leave the premises.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

sky – we had agreed not to talk about grandpa years ago – I insisted on it. But now she has dementia…so, it kinda is like just sipping tea on my good days. it hurts some days. hard to listen to, regardless of her condition. doesn’t matter that she is demented, it still can hurt quite badly.

she was always werid about her dad – i mean – he tried to kill her mom and her sib (who killed him in self defense). he was a drunk and an adulterer and she still blames her mother for that.

and about dad – i didn’t really figure out who he was, or rather, what he was until these last 2 years – i didn’t know, so her denial, although difficult, didn’t affect me as it would now. but again, she’s so ill…

i just have to stay away to take care of myself.

skylar

One,
I don’t know if you’ve followed the Josh Powell thread here, but it really illustrates what denial looks like. The cops, the family, the judge, the social workers EVERYFUCKINGBODY was in denial of all the things that were SCREAMING PSYCHOPATH.

People DON’T WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, THEY CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH.

If they see that truth, then they have to see the WHOLE truth, which is that the human race is hopelessly dysfunctional and that evil people are everywhere.

And finally, they will have to see the fact that the evil people don’t always look like THE BAD MAN BEHIND BLUE EYES. Josh Powell had a lost boy pity ploy expression plastered on his face.

There are all kinds. You wanna know what they often look like? They look like a little old lady with white hair. They sew curtains and make dolls with loving care. They take care of the sick and they bake cookies. I’ve met several of those types of spaths. Starting with my own grandmother.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Hi Sky, I haven’t been following the thread. I think it’s REALLY hard to see the ones that look like they are doing good. I have someone on my board who I have come to realize WANTS people to think he is good…i don’t know how bad he is, but i know not to trust him now. His wife gave me a clue to his personality (sure she had no idea what I got from a simple statement about his upbringing), and i have been gathering pieces of info since that show me he’s not so nice.

it’s almost done. the job that is. I have a few more weeks. i am interviewing for a consultants position with a charity. I am chuffed to have gotten an interview. I read 67 pages on planned giving and ‘bequests’ – one area i don’t have experience in in fundraising as part of my prep for the interview this week. i am rather excited about it.

skylar

One,
your job sounds fascinating and very exciting. I’d love to do that kind of work – I think.

I’m glad you are getting better at peaking behind the veil. It will surely serve you well in the future.

In a way, we can thank our spaths for this new ability. The only problem is that it’s almost like xray vision. When you see the truth, it’s just depressing. My spath used to look at me and say, “You live the life of Reilly. Living is easy with eyes closed.”

I always just thought he was an idiot and didn’t respond. But it was a tell.

MoonDancer

Oh Grandmother what big eye’s you have – the better to see you with my darling..
Sky I bake great cookies…want my recipie for Treasure Cookies? Oh and I have white hair, but I dont sew curtains or make pretty doll’s…

one/joy_step_at_a_time

ouu hens, that’s a very good parable to explain spaths.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

sky – yes, they are damn fuckers.

fundraising is about creating and maintaining relationships. o, yah, i really like that. the job i am interviewing for is with a women’s shelter. 🙂

(but fundraising wears my freaking adrenals out – but that’s more the event’s part of fundraising…and trying to hit goals that are difficult to get to – lots of room for failure (especially when the board of directors are not behind me – like now) and that’s anxiety producing.

skylar

Yeah hens but I doubt you poison your cookies…
I have white hair too, but I dye it. 🙂

I’m realizing that these little old spath ladies are everywhere. I remembered today, an incident from when I was about 27. I was at the health club in the locker room and saw that I had a new gray hair. I exclaimed without thinking, “oh no! another gray hair!” It didn’t dawn on me that there were half a dozen gray haired women all around me. One fat little white haired lady walked up to me and said, “here, let me pull it out for you, dear.” then she grabbed a clump of my hair and ripped it out! WTF? she said, “I got it.” and walked away, quite satisfied with herself.

Back then I didn’t have a clue that people could be two-faced – I was the most naive person on earth, I think. I just stood there perplexed.

MoonDancer

Sky , Well I dont think the old lady was a spath, just pissed at your comment …lmao

skylar

Hens,
you’d have to have been there.

The way you know a spath is this: when you and I hate someone, we will avoid them or we might bitch them out. We might even run them off the road.

When a spath is pissed at someone, they do 180 degrees the opposite. They call you sweetie, give you the Judas kiss, tell you they love you, then they let you have it. That’s the difference. That’s how you know a spath. Albeit a little late.

This woman approached me with a smile and an attitude of helpfulness. She never stopped playing that role, when in fact she just wanted to hurt me. BTW, back then I was so toned, I was all muscle, less than 10% fat. In retrospect, I can see that lots of people were envious. I’m even envious of my past self!

G1S

We had an incident with a social studies teacher at our high school three months ago. First, she was put on leave and then she was fired, with a personal lawyer and one from her union involved. We heard next to nothing about what happened, yet two weeks later, when a school bus drove too close to a telephone pole and the side mirror got clipped, we had photos, parents outraged over “the accident,” and quotes from school officials.

Below is the letter that I wrote to our town newspaper, which was published right after the first of this year. Not one word of response. The editor of the town newspaper had been shot down from asking questions and receiving information, which was evident in an editorial that he wrote when the news broke.

What I said…

“This is an ugly topic. I let it wait until after the holidays. Like the proverbial elephant in the living room, the subject is one many would like to ignore.

Earlier in December, an unidentified BHS teacher was fired. How ludicrous is it to keep that information from the public when a school full of students can easily identify which social studies teacher is no longer working there?

At first, an allegation was that this teacher may have struck a student, which the School Administration assured us did not happen. Instead, a deflective tactic was presented, “Sources inside BHS said the teacher worked in the social studies department and may have helped one or more students cheat on a test late last school year.”

On October 25, 2011, the (town newpaper) reported, “(Elementary school) Principal CK had violated standardized testing rules and altered students’ answer sheets. Mr. K resigned his position”,” but when “the (BHS) teacher”is reportedly being represented by a private attorney and the general counsel for the teachers union” and is fired, the community cannot know why?

School Superintendant, Dr. McI, said the teacher “was terminated for good and just cause.” Two lawyers and a firing are very serious and the tax payers, particularly the parents of current BHS students, have the right to know what and who was involved, especially when one persistent rumor is that “she slept with a male student-again.” Our children’s safety is the Town’s first priority? We heard more about a broken bus mirror than we heard about this.

Every week recently, there are news reports about adults accused of being sexually inappropriate with their students. If it involves younger children, the abuse is obvious. Less outrage happens with older children because, I suspect, they look more like adults. The truth is the body matures faster than the brain and the emotions. Statistically, one in four girls and one in seven boys are sexually abused in childhood. It is not OK if it happens to a teen.

What exactly happened? Was it sexual in nature? If so, I understand that the student and parents might want privacy, but I also know that when it comes to pedophiles, their victims are many because the silence and fear of the community enables them to perpetuate their abuse. A former Middle School teacher is now a registered sex offender because that child’s parents spoke up.

We do not need to know the student involved. We most certainly have the right to know who the teacher is and what exactly she did because there are other teens with whom she came into contact. Standards are clear when unacceptable behavior is not tolerated. Anyone working with a vulnerable population has a responsibility to protect the vulnerable.

Let’s talk about this so we know what needs to be addressed. No town official or teacher has the right to leave this town in the dark. Children are our priority and they need to see that we insist on their protection.”

woundlicker

Onejoy and Star,
My heart goes out to you. It is horrible enough being the child victim of a trusted family member or friend, but to have your own mother deny your painful truth is just unfathomable.

You have my admiration for being strong and helping others through the trauma of similar experiences rather than letting it disable you from society.

Peace.

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