How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan
By Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com
How do you recover from the devastation of a sociopath?
Donna Andersen thought she’d found the man of her dreams. James Alwyn Montgomery, originally of Sydney, Australia, proclaimed his love and proposed marriage. He painted a glistening picture of their life together—entrepreneurial success, social standing, a happy family.
The picture turned out to be a mirage, and it cost Donna almost everything—her money, her business, her sense of self.
How did this happen? And how could she overcome it?
In Love Fraud, Donna bares her soul and tells the complete, highly personal story. She reveals why she was vulnerable to the con artist’s scam. She relates the promises Montgomery made, and her confusion as she began to realize that they were lies. When Donna discovers the shocking truth—much more sordid than she ever imagined—her profound sense of betrayal and anger is palpable.
At that point, Donna could have crumbled. Instead, she chose to fight. Love Fraud describes how Donna teamed up with Montgomery’s other victims to pursue him with every tool they had—legal and not-so-legal.
The main battle, however, was internal. Donna reveals her anguish and emotional pain. How could she have been so naive? Why did this happen to her? But as she struggled to rebuild her life, much to her surprise, she learned that the entire ordeal had a spiritual dimension. Donna takes the reader along with her as she gradually becomes aware of the real purpose of the experience—releasing traumas of the past so that she could find a true, lasting love.
Love Fraud is written with lush description and gripping tension of a novel. But it is a true story, a story of one woman’s journey from outrageous betrayal to peace and contentment. For anyone who has suffered the treachery of a sociopath, Love Fraud explains how it happens and why it happens. The book proves there is a reason for the pain, and a path to recovery. It is a beacon of hope.
The e-book edition is abridged, yet is still a riveting tale with empathetic character development, dramatic tension and a satisfying, inspirational ending. It is available in all e-reader formats.
Excerpts and reviews are on the Love Fraud book page.
“Love Fraud is a new classic on sociopathy”
“The writing is so vivid and lush with detail that I had the sensation of having been invited into a real-time world with a real-life sociopath, the effect of which was to leave me with a sense of having had a powerful virtual-reality experience.” Steve Becker, LCSW
“A courageous work helps readers comprehend the reality of sociopaths in our midst”
“Helps readers comprehend the reality of sociopaths in our midst beyond what is normally covered in mainstream media. It’s one thing to understand sociopaths in generalized or academic terms, and quite another to experience them in real life.” Fannie LeFlore, MS, LPC, CADS-D
“A guide to taking back our lives”
“This book is not about being a victim, but about being a victor.” Kathleen Hawk
For more information, including a sample chapter, visit the Love Fraud book page.
Ox Drover –
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
Donna Andersen, a successful journalist from New Jersey, who is the author of the Lovefraud.com site and blog, has written a book about her life experiences, both before and after her marriage to James Montgomery, who she believes fits the profile of sociopath (psychopath). Donna’s journalism degree from Syracuse University and her experience as editor of Atlantic City Magazine contribute to the readability of this book, called Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan.
The day I received my copy of the advance uncorrected proof of this book, I was entirely excited and rushed from the mail box to my favorite chair and perched there the entire night — that’s right, I read through the night until the rays of daylight the next morning and my complete fatigue from being up all night pushed me toward the coffee pot. I couldn’t put it down.
The book is actually two stories in one volume, one story about Donna’s spiritual journey, and the other about the physical, emotional, spiritual, career and financial devastation she suffered at the hands of James Montgomery.
Through these stories, you come to recognize not just James Montgomery himself, and a couple of other, less devastating encounters, she had with toxic (probably sociopathic) individuals, but to recognize psycho/sociopaths in general.
In addition to learning about the toxic people that Donna interacted with, you are introduced to the spiritual aspects of Donna’s life and see that aspect of her growth as she learns from her trials and tribulations in dealing with toxic people.
The reader also learns about:
The true nature of sociopaths: no heart, no conscience and no remorse.
How sociopaths deceive and manipulate their victims.
The limitations of the law in dealing with sociopaths.
How metaphysical concepts play out in an individual life.
How traumas from past lives affect our present life.
Why our souls choose painful lessons.
Fortunately for Donna, her life-path and spiritual-path both lead eventually to a “fairy tale ending” when she met the love of her life, Terry Kelly. Terry has supported Donna in her efforts to make Lovefraud.com into a haven of comfort and education for other victims of toxic people. Donna has turned her own personal journey into and out of hell-on-earth into something positive and productive for both herself and others.
Kathleen Hawk –
By Kathleen Hawk, author of the After the Sociopath: How Do We Heal? series on Lovefraud.
Donna Andersen is living proof that even the most successful, confident and assertive people can get emotionally entangled with a dangerous predator. Her story is a textbook case of how a professional con man can seduce his victim by offering her the dreams she has not yet achieved by herself. And then ups the ante of what she has to pay until the relationship becomes not just expensive, but destructive and toxic.
But this book is not about being a victim, but about being a victor. It covers three main topics. First the awful relationship, which followed a pattern that is familiar to anyone who has been sucked into a commitment with a predator. Then, the rude awakening, extrication and recovery. And finally, the exploration of his previous relationships and the work, sometime in collaboration with his previous victims, to seek repayment and revenge, as well as publicity and education to prevent future victims.
For me, it was the final chapters delivered the greatest value. This is not a short book, and frankly, by the time I realized that Donna intended to write about the other women, I was tempted to put it down. I am so glad I didn’t. For anyone who has asked herself “How do they do that?” the answer is in these chapters. Listening to the way this man lured other women — of different ages, financial circumstances, and relationship status — was extraordinarily instructive. The pitches were all different in their approach and their promises, but they were also the same in one crucial element. They all pivoted around the circumstances of the targeted women’s lives, and what they needed to feel okay with themselves or their lives. And they all came down to him taking money from them, unpaid work or sex — and sometimes all three.
One of the wonderful things about Donna is that she takes herself and her life very seriously. There are no questions in this book about whether she has a right to take care of herself, or to protect what is hers, or to attempt to recover what she’s lost. To see a “victim” with that kind of temperament react to being betrayed at virtually every possible level is a lesson in healthy reactivity. She was horrified and broken-hearted, but then she became angry and determined to right her situation. She figured out quickly that dealing with sociopaths requires a different set of rules, and she was smart and mature enough to be ruthless in dealing with him, but not to let it destroy her compassion toward the rest of the world.
For the thousands of people who have discovered Lovefraud.com and spend time healing on its blog, this is the story behind this wonderful resource. The character of the Lovefraud blog is shaped by Donna’s single rule of operation — that participants be supportive of one another. This simple bit of emotional intelligence, backed up by Donna’s willingness to enforce it, has created an collaborative environment of vibrant compassion and growing wisdom.
Donna Andersen is no fool. But that didn’t protect her from being fooled.
This book is part of her mission to help other people recognize, protect themselves and recover from these experiences. There is life after the sociopathic relationship. Donna’s story is a guide to taking back our lives.
It may take a village to raise a child, but it takes just one woman to bring down a sociopath. And Donna Andersen became a one-woman wrecking crew when she set out to seek justice against her sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. Ms. Andersen has written a riveting story of her simultaneous journeys seeking justice against Montgomery, and inner peace from the havoc he wreaked in her life.
Ms. Andersen was forced — by both internal and external facts and circumstances — to pursue two very separate yet intertwined paths. The first path was through the US and foreign court systems as she battled her ex-husband trying to collect her $1 million plus divorce judgment from him. As Ms. Andersen realized that the justice system had failed her and would continue to fail her, she took matters into her own hands. From an emotional standpoint Ms. Andersen had to adopt the policy that “to get rid of a sociopath, become a sociopath.” And boy did she.
Ms. Andersen turned her energy into getting back everything Montgomery had stolen from her and then some. Trying to find records of where Montgomery was hiding his money, Ms. Andersen showed pure resourcefulness in breaking into and clearing out a storage bin belonging to Montgomery and his new wife. Trying to shake money out of Montgomery, Ms. Andersen showed unadulterated moxie when she teamed up with another of Montgomery’s victims to convince Montgomery the other woman was pregnant and needed money. And to expose Montgomery to all of Australia and New Zealand as a fraudulent war hero, Ms. Andersen showed pure ruthlessness. Yes, Donna Andersen out sociopathed a sociopath.
The second path Ms. Andersen took was her spiritual journey to recovery and healing. Ms. Andersen makes a very convincing case that while none of us takes the same path to healing and recovery from a sociopath, we all ultimately have to find a path.
Ms. Andersen pursued her spiritual journey with the help of energy healers, psychics and past life regression. Being a hard-headed realist, I at first thought Ms. Andersen’s path to spiritual healing was a “bit out there.” But, as I read her story, I saw that her two-pronged approach to recovery — the factual and the spiritual — are both necessary components for recovery.
Ms. Andersen’s message for me was that in order to reclaim your life from a sociopath you must be proactive. Once you become proactive, the spiritual healing follows. When I looked at my recovery through the prism of Ms. Andersen’s, I realized that after I did everything I could legally do to the sociopath I had been involved with, I had come to a place of acceptance and could move on with my life. Or, to put it another way, once you expose the sociopath and putting him in a real or de facto prison, you will be freed from the prison that the sociopath has made of your life. Ms. Andersen’s powerful story is not only a gift to all survivors of sociopaths, but an inspiration.
I just finished Lovefraud the audiobook. I was listening to Donna tell her story as I walked my dogs, cleaned my house and drove my car. While appalled at the illegal and immoral shenanigans of the sociopathic ex husband, I was completely captivated by her story. Donna made the right choice by doing the narration herself. Her familiar style and open, friendly essence shines brightly in her voice and in her words. Other reviewers have done a super job of describing her journey so I will focus mainly on the emotion in the book. While describing the horrors of her ex husband, she remains rather distant in her description, rather like a weather report. Except for some anger and frustration when outlining the series of events which lead to her victimization by fraud, strong
emotion in her delivery is reserved for those for which she cares deeply, including her pets and other victims of Montgomery. I found myself despairing for her as she described the colossal lies of her marriage to the sociopath and cheering her on as she described the arduous process of coming back to herself and embracing her strength, vitality and courage to love again. Well done Donna Andersen!
AtPeaceToday! (verified owner) –
Donna Andersen has written many books over the years in order to educate the public (i.e. those of us who are loving and empathetic and NOT personality disordered) about sociopaths.
“Love Fraud – How Marriage to a Sociopath Fulfilled My Spiritual Plan” was her first book (Originally Published: August 2010). I am thrilled to say it is now available in an audible version, which Donna is the narrator.
When I first started listening to “Love Fraud – How Marriage to a Sociopath Fulfilled My Spiritual Plan”, I found myself so confused with all the twists and turns of the story that I questioned the need for all the exorbitant amount of details. However, I soon realized this is exactly how this story needed to be told: as if the reader / listener came across someone’s personal journal / diary and was transported back in time as to what exactly it felt like to be targeted by a sociopath and not understand what was happening.
This book gives the reader / listener an opportunity to experience all of the “crazy making” and “self-doubt” a target goes through and lives through when they are targeted by a sociopath!!!!!
“Love Fraud – How Marriage to a Sociopath Fulfilled My Spiritual Plan” is an excellent book, and Donna is a brilliant writer!!!!! Therefore, I highly recommend this book it to anyone who has been targeted by a sociopath whether or not your relationship was a romantic one. Thank you Donna for always being a shining light in the darkest of times!!!!!
Kathryn Tabler (verified owner) –
Very interesting and helpful read. However, I found plowing through the past lives and fortune telling along with sexually explicit parts a bit annoying. I ended up skipping those parts and reading the actual experience with interest. This parallels my recent experience/relationship and was very illuminating. Looking forward to reading the your other books I’ve purchased.
louise78 (verified owner) –
A very interesting book. Well written and very helpful.
Christine P. (verified owner) –
I’m about to begin reading it. I am super excited about it
Rhonda Keogh (verified owner) –
I’ve both cried and laughed listening to this book. I listen while I drive, clean, paint or what ever else I’m doing. I’ve been affected by two con men in my life and this book resonates with my experiences. Donna has played a huge part in my healing. It’s a shame she had to endure so much to provide the insight she has. Great book.
Anonymous (verified owner) –
I haven’t even finished the book yet- but I have really enjoyed it- can relate to the struggles and to the relationship with the universe!