How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Lured and caught by a sociopath

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a reader called "Makemenew2012." She describes how she was lured and caught by a sociopath. The Lure I met my second husband, an African immigrant, on a social media site in early January of this year. Mr. C (as I'll refer to him) connected with me through a mutual acquaintance and began sending me e-mails every day. At first, his messages seemed rather innocent— Mr. C asked how my day was going, what the weather was like, etc. But after a few days, he began fishing for information, inquiring about my husband and children. The first time, I ignored his question and responded on my own behalf. The next time, I replied that I di …

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10 reasons why the fireworks of a romance with a sociopath are duds

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UPDATED FOR 2025. In honor of July 4th, let’s talk about fireworks — the really dangerous kind. These are the fireworks that you feel exploding all around you early in your relationship with someone who later turns out to be a sociopath. Unfortunately, the fireworks of a romance with a sociopath are duds. Here’s what you see and experience, and what it really going on. 1. You see: Nonstop texts, emails and social media postings Reality: You’re not the only one receiving them. The Internet and social media make it easy for sociopaths to work multiple targets at once, and they do. 2. You experience: Conversations that last for hours Reality: The sociopath is pumping you for information, which h …

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Real hope, false hope and sociopaths

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Sociopaths promise to make your hopes and dreams come true. It’s their most insidious seduction strategy. Yet when their promises crash and burn — as they inevitably will — real hope is the emotional force that can help you overcome the betrayal.  Real hope Hope isn’t just wishful thinking. New research shows that hope is a powerful emotional force that directly fosters a sense of meaning. After you discover the lies, when you’re trying to escape and recover from a sociopath, hope is the sense that a better future is possible. Traditionally, psychology researchers have tied hope to goal-setting and motivation. But Megan Edwards, lead author of the University of Missour …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Are you seeing someone else?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we'll call “Adelle.” The sociopath asked, "Are you seeing someone else?" Here's her answer. A little over a month after leaving an abusive relationship and refusing to have any type of communication with him, he asks if I'm seeing someone else, as if that would be the only way I could get over him, or as if after such a hurricane of a relationship anyone would be inspired to move right into another. Could it be that I finally opened my eyes, that I finally picked myself up from the floor along with my self-esteem? As I walked the other day, I pondered on that question, “Are you seeing someone else?” I'd like to answer tha …

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9 reasons why you can’t spot the sociopath’s lies

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All sociopaths lie. Lying is their most basic and common manipulative behavior, and they are very good at it. But research shows that people can usually identify a lie only 53 percent of the time. Here are nine reasons why you can’t spot the sociopaths’ lies. Most of the reasons relate to them, but a few relate to you. 1. Everything is a lie Once you realize that you’re dealing with a sociopath, you must understand that absolutely anything he or she has ever said to you could be a lie. Sociopaths lie like they breathe. If you don’t have independent verification of what he or she has said to you, it may be false. This may be really difficult for you to grasp. When normal people lie, i …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He assured me he would never, could never hurt me like that again

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Bernice." Her new man assured her that he could never hurt her, but it was an empty assurance. I had been out of an 18-year marriage for a year when I met my lovefraud. My husband was a selfish man who enjoyed his pornography. At the beginning I tried to be the good wife, experience things with him. The pornography I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy. I explained to him that for me it was a major turn off, almost sickening some of it. All that accomplished was him watching alone. When the children came along we only grew further apart. Over the rest of the marriage he became more and more independent …

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10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath

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Escaping sociopaths (or antisocials, narcissists, and psychopaths) can be tricky. Some disordered partners are violent, but even when they’re not, they’re typically skilled at controlling you through emotional or psychological intimidation, making it hard for you to leave. If sociopaths sense you are pulling away, they will either charm and love bomb you until you change your mind or lash out and make your situation worse. Therefore, your objective is to escape before your sociopathic partner realizes what you are doing.  10 crucial strategies for leaving Here are 10 crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath that will help you get away — and stay away. 1. Keep your mouth s …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: One-year anniversary of the SNAP that was my sanity speaking

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who uses the name "DamselflyNOTdistressed." She writes about her nervous breakdown that was her sanity speaking. OCTOBER 24, 2012 - That was the one-year anniversary of my breakup from a SPath and the "nervous breakdown" that followed. My body and life at that moment felt viscerally like the total collapse of everything I thought I knew about myself. It was undoubtedly one of the worst moments of my life. And I am grateful — it was my sanity speaking. It had only been five months, and what a grand rollercoaster ride! We were fellow bohemians, and we met as nude models in a grand tableau vivant performance by an e …

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Sociopaths prime you to ignore reports of their bad behavior

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The sociopath’s greatest skill is probably impression management. They are excellent at presenting themselves in a positive light — even when they have a long history of abusive relationships, exploitation, unstable finances and even criminal convictions. One of their tricks is priming you in advance to ignore reports of their bad behavior. The most fundamental sociopathic strategy for preventing you from learning what they truly are — lying, cheating parasites — is to keep you away from anyone who knows their past. This is one reason why sociopaths typically move around a lot — when they’ve caused too many problems in one town, they relocate to a new town where nobody knows them o …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call "Filippa." She found relief by letting go of monetary justice — even though she was entitled to it. I've been reading Lovefraud for years. I've also been in a legal battle with the ex that has been clinically diagnosed as narcissist, OCD, paranoid that has a father of the same, with millions who loves to be in legal battles for sport, and whose motto is, "I'll show you how to screw over an ex-wife." Yesterday, seven years later, we finally went to trial. Yesterday, I figured it out — releasing all his obligations to me, means I free myself of him ever having any more control to man …

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