How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Military love fraud: Navy husband moves her to Guam, then abandons her

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story about military love fraud from a reader whom we'll call Sally20. I am a Navy spouse and my active duty husband was the first man I ever met online. He convinced me my 3 kids and I deserved better than their abusive father and the life we were living. He convinced me to marry him and fight to move myself and my 3 kids to Guam for his overseas tour. I did. I won and we all moved to the other side of the world where things began not seeming normal. He became very critical of everything we did from washing to dishes to sitting correctly on a couch. I was not only finding evidence of other women but was also contacted by other women, …

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My cheating sociopathic fiancé

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter about a cheating sociopathic fiancé from a reader whom we'll call, "Mandy20." I met my ex-fiancé in 2017 at work. He was attractive and charming. I found out he was engaged and although a co-worker thought he was flirting (he asked me if I had ever been to the Melting Pot) I didn’t pursue anything at that time. I ran into him at work after Christmas and when I asked about his holiday he said his fiancé gave him his ring back. We then connected on Facebook and started “talking” via Messenger (first red flag!) I told him I had recently broken up with someone too and suggested we go to the Melting Pot to commiserate. He then said he …

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Range of sociopathic behavior: From sleazy to serial killer

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UPDATED FOR 2020: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Jason." It's an opportunity to explain the range of sociopathic behavior. My best friend of 20 years I believe is a sociopath. It's very sad because you want to give a person the benefit of the doubt, but after awhile it becomes apparent. He displays all the characteristics of the sociopath. I'm smart, but I can't convince myself with 100% certainty that he's a sociopath (maybe most people can't.) It's hard to reconcile with it. Is there any advice you can give me? Yes, Jason. First I'll give the somewhat easy explanation; then I'll give the more technical explanation. Cluster of traits and …

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Sociopath ignores his child, the ‘dirty little secret’

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Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, whom we'll call "Abigail20," describes how she met a man, had a child with him, and now the sociopath ignores his child. I met the sociopath at a birthday party in 2004, after exchanging numbers and a few dates I realised I only liked him as a friend, he tried to get tactile very early on but I rejected his advances, truth is my feelings lay elsewhere and regrettably I let the sociopath know this yet still he persisted, he still wanted to be around me, he knew exactly what he was doing and what his motives were. During the initial stages we were hanging out together as friends, so I thought, I learned that he was living as a tenant with a former …

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‘Love Fraud’ on Showtime – four-part docu-series begins Sunday Aug. 30

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Love Fraud, a four-part docu-series, is coming to Showtime beginning Sunday, Aug. 30, at 9 pm ET. It's not my story, but that's okay — I'm all in favor of anyone drawing attention to the massive problem of sociopaths using love to manipulate and exploit people. I will be discussing each episode of Love Fraud on Showtime on my Lovefraud Live! YouTube show beginning Tuesday, Sept. 1 at 8 pm ET. This four-part docu-series follows the search for one man, Richard Scott Smith, who over the past 20 years has used the Internet and his dubious charms to prey upon unsuspecting women in search of love — conning them out of their money and dignity. The story as it unravels in real time, as his …

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The smear campaign: when sociopaths lie about you

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UPDATED FOR 2020: It's bad enough that sociopaths lie to hook you. But they also lie about you, which is known as the "smear campaign." Anything they tell you about themselves may be false — their age, education, credentials, family details, income, criminal record, job or work history. And of course, sociopaths typically lie about their relationship history and status. They claim to be single when they are married; they claim to be childless when they have many offspring — even with multiple partners. Sociopaths lie — it's the key characteristic of the disorder. When you fall for the lies, you feel like a chump. But what often turns out to be even more devastating is the lies they …

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Comparing relationships with sociopaths and borderlines

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UPDATED FOR 2020 — Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from reader Victimcindy about relationships with sociopaths and borderlines. Donna Andersen  responds after the letter. My first relationship, after my 18-year marriage to a sociopath, was with a borderline personality disordered (BPD) man. Do you find this common, as the disordered traits are opposite in some areas?  We think we are getting something new and healthy. Comparing relationships with sociopaths and borderlines Spath vs BPD: sex My spath-ex withheld sex as power. The borderline was highly sexual. My spath-ex was charming, but lacked empathy and was emotionally unavailable. He also abused substances, …

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Not listening to intuition costs her 10 years

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader, whom we'll call Barb20, about the price of not listening to intuition. I was in a relationship with a sociopath for 10 years on and off. Two of those married to him. I am currently separated from him and living in another state. I originally met him online and we started dating. I remember the first few dates I had a little person inside telling me I was too good for him but quickly squashed that because it seemed so conceited. He came from a low income family, didn’t graduate high school and drove a truck for a living. I come from a middle class family, I’m a college graduate and had a good career. Knowing what I …

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Sociopaths, pain and the Primal Scream

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UPDATED FOR 2020: The Primal Scream — I remember this book being all the rage when it was published in 1970, even though at the time I had just started high school. Everyone was talking about the book, by Arthur Janov, and the therapy he developed, called primal therapy. For me, that was the end of it. I never read the book. I never heard anything more about Arthur Janov. I haven't thought about Primal Scream or primal therapy in more than 40 years, until a Lovefraud reader brought it up. The reader sent me a link to an article on Arthur Janov's blog. (He was alive until recently. Janov died in 2017 at the age of 93.) The article was is entitled Why we need safety, and it was published …

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Trying to protect a child from parental alienation

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Suzanne20," about her quest to protect a child from parental alienation. The story of my 4-year long battle for my granddaughter and my son. My then 19 year old son Robert (not his true name) had ABI (Acquired Brain Injury) in 2000 as a result of sporting accident. He came out of it well, as he was highly intelligent before the injury. Robert was always a top student, quite creative and artistic who loved science, and he was a much liked young person known for his kindness and adventurous spirit. He has been drug and alcohol free; he never smoked. He never had any involvement with police. Three years …

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