UPDATED FOR 2020 A girl walks into a bar. A band was playing and the place was packed, so there were no empty bar stools. The girl had had a rough few years. First she married a man who turned out to be a con artist that took all her money. Then she dated a guy who wasn't a con artist, but broke her heart. A tall, nice-looking man leaned against the bar. He offered the girl a place to put her coat. Then he offered to buy the girl a drink. She accepted. They chatted. They danced. And they lived happily ever after. This story is true. The girl is me, and this happened on April 28, 2001, when I met Terry Kelly, the man who became my husband. Did I know on that day that I had …
How narcissists use COVID-19 against their targets
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., BSC "When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser"--Socrates It comes as no surprise to me that during this horrendous outbreak of COVID-19, narcissists capitalize on the misfortune of others and use the quarantine to take their abuse and lack of respect to new heights. Divorced and separated individuals are especially susceptible to the narcissist’s pathological rage during a time like this. Let’s examine an example of a narcissist using the crisis as leverage. Rob’s ex-spouse wants 100% custody Rob has 4 children all under the age of 11. Rob has partial custody and has them in his home most weekends and other …
FREE Lovefraud talk group when you buy the Best of the Lovefraud Blog Series
Discussion Groups April 23 - May 21, 2020 My new book series, Best of the Lovefraud Blog, is a collection of my best Lovefraud articles. They explain, in bite-sized pieces, how sociopaths behave, how they seduce their romantic partners, how to interact with them if you must, and how to recover from the emotional and psychological damage that they cause. Buy the collection, and you are automatically invited to join the weekly Lovefraud Discussion Group. We'll talk via a private videoconference, although you can also join by phone if you like. I'll do a short presentation on a topic related to recovery from sociopaths, and then open the floor for questions and comments. Discussion …
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Kidnapped by sociopathic ex-husband; suffering complex PTSD
Editor's note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call, "Caroline20." I'm a 53-year old divorced woman diagnosed with complex PTSD as a result of four years of ongoing abuse by my ex-husband. I had known him for fifteen years and though he had some substance abuse problems, which resulted in our divorce in 2003, his abusive behavior did not truly come out until our reconciliation in 2011. When we got back together he had four years of sobriety and I was thrilled that we would have another chance to be together because I had never gotten over him. It turned into a four-year nightmare within less than a month. He choked me unconscious over a minor …
Kidnapped by sociopathic ex-husband; suffering complex PTSDRead More
Is the corona virus a psychopath?
By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW The current global crisis has me thinking of you, and how folks in relationships with personality disordered people face special challenges during this pandemic emergency. Before we talk about that, let's think about how the novel coronavirus is similar to something less novel to you: the tricky, toxic patterns of folks with anti-social, narcissistic, and borderline personality problems. Here's what comes to mind for me: 1. Novel coronavirus is parasitic --- exploiting the very life of a human being who was minding their own damned business when the virus decided to move in and make itself at home. 2. Novel coronavirus doesn't reveal itself up front --- an …
Fighting the sociopathic con man — and winning
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Lisa20." Names are changed. What happens in Vegas really should stay in Vegas. Unfortunately I didn't take this advice. I was taken to Las Vegas almost exactly one year from the day that my husband died suddenly in a ski accident and left me a widow with two young children. The trip was my "New Years". I made March 1 my new year, the date I was going to make an effort to stop living in the past and move forward emotionally and personally. The man who called himself Alain literally walked into my life while I was sitting in a lounge with my two girlfriends. I didn't see him but he saw me, came up to …
Narcissistic abuse — how to spot it, what to do about it
Due to technical difficulties, the revised webinar is cancelled. The original version is still available. Until recently, there was no recognition in the mental health field of narcissistic abuse. Plenty of people suffered psychological and emotional abuse, gaslighting, and complex PTSD, but there was no term for what the perpetrators were doing. Narcissistic abuse still is not an official term or recognized in the bible of psychiatry — the DSM-5. But because of the Internet and social media, survivors are talking about it, and now therapists are too. Tiffany J. Kettermann, LPC, specializes in treating survivors of narcissistic abuse, and in this webinar she teaches therapists to …
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How to remain calm and collected during family court cross-examination
If you will be facing an abusive ex during family court cross-examination, your emotional state is probably somewhere between apprehensive and terrified. You know how he or she twists the truth. You may have discovered that your ex's attorney is just as bad. But when they make unfounded accusations against you, will you be able to remain calm and collected so you can refute their lies? Yes — if you are prepared. Lovefraud's upcoming webinar will help you prepare: Take back your throne: Reclaim your power in family court cross-examination Presented by Attorney Caroline Solo Wednesday, March 18, 8 - 9 pm ET Thursday, March 19, 10 - 11 am (AET Australian Eastern Time) Restore your …
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My husband used me to create the perfect image while he chased transvestites
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Marilyn20." It's coming up a year ago since the world as I knew it changed. I had been with my husband for 14 years and married for just under 6. As far as I was aware, he suffered from depression. He didn't think he needed help, but eventually he went on medication. He wasn't easy to live with, but what kind of person would I be if I didn't support my husband who was depressed? He had his own business hut told me he hated what he was doing. I helped him find alternative types of income, but spent more time running it than he did. For 3 years he only earnt enough money to cover his luxuries. …
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Emotional incest and enmeshment in narcissistic families
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., BSC/MT Since Joseph was very young, he lived with his mother, father and grandmother, as well as several other older siblings. Joseph’s mother was always controlling. Any time Joseph protested the demands she place on him, she said, “I’m the mother, and what I say goes." And the demands were relentless. Instead of allowing him to socialize with his friends, she wanted him to stay home so she could always monitor him. Never mind the fact that she did not even interact with him while he stayed in the house. All she needed was for him to be present physically. Joseph’s father was a workaholic and was never home — which enabled him to avoid confronting his …
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