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By | March 5, 2013 36 Comments

2013 Battered Mothers Custody Conference May 10-11 in Washington, DC

The 2013 Battered Mothers Custody Conference (BMCC) will be held at George Washington University Law School in Washington DC, on Friday, May 10, from 10 a.m. till 9 p.m. and Saturday, May 11, from 9 a.m. till 4:30 p.m. This conference includes programs to help mothers who are representing themselves in legal battles with ex-partners.

This year the BMCC joins forces with the Mothers of Lost Children, the Center for Judicial Excellence, and other groups to raise awareness of mothers losing custody to abusers. The conference will be followed by a March on Washington on Sunday, May 12, Mothers Day, coordinated by the Mothers of Lost Children. Lobbying will take place on Monday, May 13 at the United States Congress and Senate.

The host conference hotel is the DoubleTree Washington DC — Crystal City, 300 Army Navy Drive, Arlington, Virginia. Ask for the BMCC Conference rate, which is only available through March 30, 2013.

BMCC has partnered with Flower Power Fundraising, which offers top-quality flower bulbs for purchase. For every purchase made through the special BMCC fundraising site, Flower Power will give 50% back to Battered Mothers Custody Conference. All purchases ship directly to you and your friends and family and come with a 100% money-back guarantee. Flowers can be purchased online until April 26, 2013

For additional information, go to www.BatteredMothersCustodyConference.org.

You may also contact Mo Therese Hannah, Ph.D., BMCC Chair, at [email protected].


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Ox Drover

I have followed this group for several years on the internet and I think they are a great group, but I DO WISH that they were GENDER NEUTRAL, like “Battered Parents” or “Nurturing Parent” because I think with it being for and about women only, it comes across as a “man hating” group…and yes, I realize that most REPORTED BATTERING is done by men, still I wish this group was more gender neutral.

alivetoday

I’m looking for some input from LF. I just looked up the “P” wife on google, mind you it has been over for a very long time. I am no where where I once was. After the break, I ended up sending information to the FBI about the fraud so to have his name on file because I felt that he will one day hurt his wife..when say hurt, I do mean kill her. When I googled her name, I saw a court process of a divorce that she filed and started by taking out a Temporary Restraining Order. They have a child possibly two. I was so happy for her to be getting out of that lie and that hell she was living in. He of course has gotten an attorny and filed a counter. Months into the proceedings, he requested a Psychiatric Exam to be done on her..(the smear campaign at it’s best) it was denied Yay!! A jury fee was paid. Right before they were getting ready for trial, he apparently fired his attorney as he was removed as attorney of record. The “P” is manipulating the court system. He will be so calm and charming. He will cry at the drop of a dime. He will make her look like she is crazy. He is full blown NPD and BPD and P. He has guns, he is on steroids (really the steroids mean nothing, the crazy is all him with or without the steroids) He is a textbook Psychopath. He can not deal with abandonment and the thoughts that come to my mind is that he will get rid of whatever may bring this feeling on to him so that he will not have to endure it, basically because he cant. He is active with many women in other countries and frequently told me how he want to get off the grid so no one could find him. …

So to my question, her attorney is listed and the telephone is provided. I want to make an anonymous call and ask the atty to refer 3 websites, inclusive of LF and 2 books. She needs this support and knowledge desparately. I know that she does. I know that she would not have received this information in the past at least she would not be able to see it clearly then. I know she is in danger. I do not even want the atty to provide this information telling her it was from an anonymous caller. I want the just to refer the materials to her. I want the attorney also to know the danger she is and how he will be manipulating the system. He thinks he is a genious and above them all. He has conned so many in different ways but he has plenty of money to pay his attorney where she does not. He also does illegal dog fighting. I truly am only focused on her life and the childs wellbeing. I am the one victim who knows what he is. I am the one who saw the slip ups when he accidently spelled her name and it was an odd spelling name and I googled it. I found her and where he lived and their phone numbers in the first year with him. I never used this, but I did provide it all to the FBI. Unfortunately, when I was involved with him, I always told him everything where he slipped up because I wanted him to know that I was smart…(If I had left sooner that would have been everything I needed to show that I was smart!) …..In just thinking about doing this anonymous phone call, my anxiety is so high. I am shaking. I have not felt this pain in quite some time that I had forgotten the feel of it and knots in my stomach and throat. The confusion. I feel that she needs to have this information. It may save her life and her child’s life. Any feedback is appreciated.

alivetoday

Oh, one more thing…this divorce process started 10 months ago and I just saw this a couple of days ago when something inside told me to google her name……

Tea Light

Alivetoday could you put something in writing to the attorney? That may be easier than having the stress of explaining your perspective in a call, which the attorney may not take or may cut short if they have no clue about personality disorders. Can you put something succinct and fact based in writing alerting the attorney that you believe due to facts a,b,c etc that their client is in danger and that these sources may help her? Then you will have done your best and should focus on your own recovery and implementing no contact to protect yourself I would suggest, as even what you are (selflessly) doing to alert his wife is clearly causing you great stress. Peace and love x

alivetoday

Thank you Tea Light…In my practiced phone conversation , I was planning on suggesting to the atty that they read Sandra Brown’s book “Women Who Love Psychopaths”. I also am concerned about my healing and the stress that is appearing. I spoke with my therapist and told her that I felt that there would be some kind of redemption in doing this. ..I also thought today to ask my therapist to make the call as she is very concise and to the point. I dont know if she would do this but she did tell me the first thing that came to her mind was a homicide or a homicide suicide. She has heard many years of me dealing with healing from this damage.
The letter would probably be a much better way to deliver this information if written well, however, I can not mail it from my state. I would be revealed if for some reason this information got back to the “P”. In the meantime, I will work on a letter to help me to be concise and to the point.
Tea Light, thank you so much for your feedback. Thank you for not judging. This was my journey and I have learned from this experience.

Tea Light

Glad you have a good therapist to support you Alivetoday, and I’m in no position to judge you whatever your experience was, I didn’t leave my abuser for two months after I finally learnt he was married. We live, and we hopefully learn. Take care x

Ox Drover

Dear Alive today, e mail Donna Andersen and see if she will remail it from her state if you mail it to her, I bet she would.

I do think warning this woman via her attorney is a good idea. I would suggest that instead of “women who love Psychopaths” that you SEND a copy of Dr. Robert Hare’s “Without conscience” with the letter and say in the letter that this man “qualifies” as a psychopath and psychopathic liar, manipulator, etc. and may in fact be dangerous.

alivetoday

Thank you Oxy. I will e mail Donna. I have that book. After I wrote my comment earlier, I decided to send the wife via attorney “women who love Psychopaths”, “Dangerous Liasons” and now I will add Dr. Hare’s book along with the recommended websites.I thought she would see her life in black and white in the first two books. I also was thinking about printing out the ebook, for her atty, I have from Sandra Brown’s website made for friends and family to gain some understanding of what the victim has gone through. It is a short 12 page ebook. I will e mail Donna tomorrow…I just was checking the site and I’m glad I did:)…Thank you again. Good night.

Alivetoday,
I’m not sure what exactly you could say to the lawyer that would make her listen. For all you know, she’s a spath too.

Regardless of that, all lawyers like to WIN. If you have facts to pass to her, then she will listen. Whatever you told the FBI might be of interest to her.

Not trying to be a wet blanket, just trying to be realistic and give you the best angle for making a difference. If you don’t know much about her, then it’s hard to say what she is open to learning.

Maybe your angle could be that you will show her how to win cases and make a name for herself.

Truthspeak

Alivetoday, most divorce attorneys with some experience under their belts are familiar with ppaths, even if they don’t know the clinical diagnosis. I agree with OxD, TeaLight, & Skylar on this – a copy of the book mentioned and a written explanation of WHY you believe the soon-to-be-ex-wife’s life might be in danger (referring to FBI, of course) using only facts and not feelings.

Attorneys deal in facts, alone. If you can present documented facts about the “P,” the attorney will hear you, especially if you ever heard the “P” threaten the safety of the ex-wife.

Eugh…..bad people are so crafty…….

Brightest blessings

alivetoday

Thank you Skylar and Truthspeak.

I too wondered if the atty would be a spath. I also knew facts without emotions would be the best approach, a more credible witness so to say. I will make some rough drafts…This is very emotional for me and I want to scream with warning to them (atty and wife)(just the way the “P” likes his victims to look – crazy) but I know the basic facts will need to catch their eyes. I have to think how this can be done making the best impact to them without revealing myself. I can put myself and my family in great danger as well and I have to protect my home first now i that have opened it up to danger from my past choice.

I am sensing that all 3 books may excessive but I know the original 2 helped me tremendously.

I remember th “P” beady black eyes that were empty and had no depth, showing no soul. I have read that this is a common physical trait that they carry. … thank you so much to all of you for your support for in this matter. I am very grateful to find understanding and input.

Tea Light

Alivetoday just remember to vigorously protect yourself – do not expose yourself to any potential future threat form the abuser – his wife, well my heart goes out to her and I think you are to be commended for your wish to help her understand the danger she may be in, but please place yourself and your safety first, I’m sure you will, but just wanted to suggest that. Perhaps when you have a draft you are satisfied with you could run it past someone you trust, get a second opinion to make sure any identifying information is not present x

Ox Drover

While the first two may have helped you PERSONALLY, I honestly think Dr. Hare’s PhD and RECOGNIZED EXPERT STATUS is goiing to carry more weight than the other two combined. We are lookiing here for a “quazi diagnosis” of the hubby…and you can point out the passages in Hare’s book that match the behavior of this man, the other books are geared more toward HEALING and the attorney and even the wife need a DIAGNOSIS (or as close as they can get to at least know WHAT they are dealing with to start out. My advice iis Don’t overwhelm them

alivetoday

Thank you Tea Light and Oxy!

I appreciate this input tremendously. My first concern is my family and myself. However, if this notice is possible, it may be saving not only soul but a young life and her childs life.

Oxy, I agree not to overwhelm them. I do not want to close their minds so not to see the truth. I am in my office now and will peruse Dr. Hare’s book.

I will send a reference list (typed) along with the book. If there is any particular passage in the book that you feel will make make a direct impact to the atty and/or wife, please let me know. I have emailed Donna this morning. ….

thank you all from my heart.

Tea Light

Alivetoday, I think it’s very big hearted of you, what you are doing, well done, and take care of you x

amanwhocares

Ox Drover is so very correct and I will extend what he said. The Center for Judicial Excellence rejects the existence and credibiity of Parental Alienation (PA). It along with other groups like the National Organization of Women and Justice for Children also reject PA. Justice for Children has said that “it is a ruse a predator father will use to get custody from a protective mother”. Justice for Children and I have had a close and personal experience, as it is responsible for returning my younger daughter to an extremely diabolical narcissistic, sociopathic, PARENTAL ALIENATING mother. I wonder how they manage all the hatred in the room for men and fathers at their conferences.

lovingthem

Just wondering is anyone checked out the website. There is a very interesting research publication that you can click on and read. It supports so much of what we have been complaining about in regards to family court and the way battered women are disbelieved and abusers are given custody or unsupervised visitation.

Ox Drover

Dear AMANWHOCARES,

Thank you for your post…one small correction, though, I am a FEMALE ox drover, and yes, I really did have several teams of oxen which I drove both on my farm and for historical demonstrations, otherwise, I am styled Joyce Alexander, a retired registered nurse practitioner…I wish the group was more gender neutral, because it is NOT ONLY men who are domestic abusers.

In fact, iif you will go to the blog roll here and click on “female offenders” you will find that the experts there (and BTW they ARE experts, I know them personally) at least 50% of child sexual abuse is Done by FEMALES. Only a SMALL minority of these are reported and even less prosecuted. So I do hope this group is not actually a “man hating” or “male blaming” group.

LoveFraud is primarily women, with a few men, both gay and straight here but overwhelmingly female, but there is little to no male bashing here on LF.

But, I can understand, though NOT CONDONE, how some of these mothers may be “man haters” but my bet is the majority are NOT. I applaud nurturing fathers the same way I do nurturing mothers and I firmly believe that it takes a special kind of man to go through what a psychopathic “co parent” puts a man through…just as it takes a special kind of woman to endure what a P co-parent does to her children.

Truthspeak

Amanwhocares, I’m quite gender-neutral on a personal level. My spath experiences have included male AND female entanglements. I have no bias against men, in general, and am not a “man-hater.” I’m a “predator-hater,” if there even needs to be a definition.

Donna just posted an article about how we do not discuss sociopathy/predatory human beings as a matter of course, and my feelings with regard to this are pretty succinct.

There must be more in-depth discussion from men who have recovered from their spath experiences in order for ANY balance to have a snowball’s chance of being achieved. There also must be a complete reversal of thinking within the professional communities that sociopathy exists as a “condition” without cure or effective treatment. There also needs to be a complete overhaul of the legal system to include educating attorneys, judges, Law Enforcement, social services personnel, and other agencies about sociopathy and its ramifications upon children and society, as a whole. One sociopath can leave a wake of destruction that extends beyond the primary targets into the hundreds, sometimes, thousands (Lance Armstrong).

Until we get back to the basics of disallowing “bad behavior,” people will continue to exploit other human beings for their own benefits. As in the case of “no fault” divorce, it’s NOT about holding either party (or, both parties) responsible for violating a legal, binding contract of marriage and implementing CONSEQUENCES. That’s just one example.

So, Amanwhocares, I would encourage you to speak about your experiences, write an article for Donna to post, and take a proactive role in getting the word OUT that there are female predators just as much as there are male predators. Remove the emotion from the equation, present the facts as they happened, and let people out there KNOW what you experienced.

Brightest blessings to you

Ox Drover

Truthy,

Unfortunately I disagree with you on this statement in your post above.

“There also must be a complete reversal of thinking
within the professional communities that sociopathy
exists as a “condition” without cure or effective treatment.”

I do not believe that there IS a successful treatment for adult psychopaths, because they do not want to be treated, first off, but just as a kitten would be blind if you covered its eyes for the first six weeks of its life, a sociopath must develop a conscience and empathy at an early age or NEVER. Some development milestones in animals and in humans must be met at a critical age.

The thinking that there is “good in everyone” and that anyone, no matter how “bad” can be “redeemed” is false thinking I believe. There may be some inmates who have murdered or done horrible things who have indeed “found Jezus” in prison, but I still do not think they should be allowed out. Let them continue to receive the consequences of their bad acts, and let them serve the cause of Christ (if they really believe) in Prison. I figure if it was good enough for the Apostle Paul to serve from prison those inmates can as well.

I DO agree though that the “allowing” of bad behavior in our schools and homes is not helping the situation, nor is the “family court” allowing unsupervised visitations or custody with abusive parents is helping the situation. We need CHILDREN’s RIGHTS not parental rights. A child should have the right to live in a nurturing environment.

And Yea, Truthy a psychopath can extend their terror to MILLIONS of people…Hitler, Mao, Stalin, North Korea now.

Truthspeak

OxD, I didn’t word my response as I meant to. LOL

Children with spath traits can learn to understand empathy and remorse, early on, I agree. But, once that window of opportunity closes, it’s sealed shut, forever.

I’m of the belief that an adult spath cannot be successfully treated. There’s no medication, surgery, or religious epiphany that has been successful as a treatment of this disorder, to my knowledge.

When prisoners find “Jeebuz,” I think some intend to make changes, while others are obviously using it as a cloak of redemption.

Sometimes, I don’t type what I’m thinking very well…..LOL!!!

Brightest blessings

EDIT ADD: I think what I meant to type was that the professional communities need to acknowledge that sociopathy cannot be successfully treated or cured. Kinda tired, this morning! LMAO!!!

Ox Drover

Yea, my son who is very bright memorized the Bible as a child, word for word,, and he is very good at pretending to be a Christian. He participates in all the religious services at the prison and had some of the ministers thinking he was “redeemed”—well, he has what the Bible calls a “reprobate mind”—one that cannot be changed.

Yea, I type things bass-akwards too. LOL

lovingthem

Ox Drover,

I think it’s possible that “reprobate” is the biblical term for psycholpath. What do you think?

Ox Drover

Oh, absolutely, look at the post that Radar on made on Sociopaths the giant skeleton iin the closet thread just a few minutes ago.

lovingthem

Yes, I went back and read those comments. They are right on! The thing I can’t understand is why Christians are so blind to this truth? We put ourselves in so much danger by not recognizing and avoiding these people.

Ox Drover

When I was a kid, the Baptist and other churches and even the Catholic churches would “kick out” a person who lived an openly “sinful” life. Some Amish groups today will “shun” a person who violates the beliefs of the group. Now though it is the rare church which will openly confront a person’s behavior. I believe that Jesus confronted the hypocrites openly and that is why he was crucified. I confronted the psychopaths and tried to get my church members to see what was going on. Nope! They refused to accept my word or proofs. Turned out the minister himself was a pedophile and was later arrested because of it. No wonder he didn’t want to upset the pedophile in their midst.

The belief that “anyone can repent and be saved” keeps people I think from confronting and shunning the evil doers.

The verse about “Judge not..” is also quoted as telling us not to “judge” people’s behavior, but I believe we MUST judge the behavior of others and if it is deceitful we need to either confront it or get away from them or both, whatever is appropriate.

People whose heart is s hardened (reprobate mind) are not going to change, maybe they could but they do not want to, and without wanting to, there is no change.

aintgonnatakeitnomore

<>
this so describes my situation. its why its been so hard to let go of the narc/bpd. he could change, he’s got feelings, he fits like none of the spath symptoms. but HE WON’T see wat is rite there: his disordered thinking and emotional overreactions due to his need to not be “mistreated” yada yada yada ad nauseum. interestingly, he is quite anti-Jesus. i need to study the word reprobate. i thot it was like God gave them over to their reprobate minds… maybe im mixing up degenerate and regenerate with reprobate and thinking reprobates cud still find redemption if they wanted it as, “as long as there’s life, there’s hope” (i do not think this of a spath, they are subhuman ). i gotta get that bible out! 🙂

Truthspeak

Lovingthem, it’s not just “Christians” that are blind to “bad” people, but it’s like this: to be a member of my club, you have to agree that everyone wearing the color green is guaranteed redemption. People wearing the color blue are only DESERVING of redemption if they agree that the people in green have already been redeemed.

What it all boils down to is faulty doctrines and demands. Most people that I know who abide by specific doctrines do not intend harm to others. Those people have a desire and mandate to HELP OTHERS and trust that others are able and willing to change for the better. Those trusting, caring, and vulnerable people are the perfect targets for predators. Especially within Christian doctrines, I was taught that we were FORGIVEN of all of our sins when we accepted Christ. Okie dokie. To a predator, regurgitating the words GUARANTEE that they have been forgiven for everything that they’ve done, that they’re being forgiven for what they’re doing, right now, AND, that they will BE forgiven for future sins against humanity. They’re given the platinum “Get Out Of Jail, FREE” card and they exploit that card at every opportunity.

Spaths hone in on these core beliefs and values with surgical precision and dismantle victim targets before they even know what’s hit them.

Brightest blessings

Radar_On

……and the most dangerous Christians are those that Claim Jesus as their Savior and that they can basically do whatever they want, and still go to heaven. Predators in churches, have done so much damage to the name of Christ, the cause of Christ, to me, these are some of the most dangerous of predators…except for child predators, that is. Also there religious arrogance, is unparalleled…

lovingthem

Yes, I agree Ox Drover, Truthspeak and Radar_On. Just the other day my children told me that the spath told them that he believes that when a person dies they will meet Jesus and Jesus will ask them if they want to go to heaven or hell and that the person’s choice will be honored!!!!!!!!! I wonder if he really believes that. So basically, according to him, you can do anything you want in this life and Jesus lets you choose between heaven and hell regardless of what you’ve done. Unreal. Well, that explains his utter lack of concern over suffering any consequences of his evil deeds.

Radar_On

Lovingthem, All I can do is just shake my head, At what that creature told your children! Just o….m….g……..

lovingthem

Me too. I shudder when they tell me these things.

panthonyt

I found the article of interest and I thought I might add a bit of my life story. I went through a similar experience. I didn’t divorce my partner but have tired to deal with his issues and had to deal with my own depression from his problems and behaviour.

I stayed in therapy for a lot of our marriage first to resolve childhood issues then for the support it brought me in raising a family. The Doctor’s I saw were mostly woman and it proved helpful. The Doctor I saw said that one day I would leave my husband. This was not helpful as I didn’t want to lose our home or our children’s school as they had learning issues.
I saw my MD, also a woman. Three other doctor’s, a nurse associated with a hospital who I felt really could care less about people. I eventually worked for a psychologist actually in a practice and then after a double hit of depression I found a psychologist and stayed with her. I also decided at one point to have a complete break and took a holiday a long way away. I visited a distant relative whom I had a lot in common with then decided I would go back to see her again. I had by this time been married over thirty years. THe Christmas of 2011 I found an article in a Canadian magazine on a sociopath and it describe some of the behaviour I had to live with and deal with on an on going basis. At the end of the article was the internet site for Lovefraud. com. It was like an epiphany and the websites besides Lovefraud painted a very clear picture of these oddball characters and their antics.
I think it helped save my sanity. The damage had been done to me, my children and to our lives. I felt that I had been dealing with someone with severe mental illness. I bought books on how to deal with a narcissist. Eventually a comment I read and I can’t remember where it was from said that these sociopaths, as you build up a life they will tear it down and that has happened to me several times. Anything I ever wanted was pushed by the wayside of life. I decided I would protect my children and would treat my husband with kindness but he wasn’t going to try any of his games again. Also the worst side effect is the on going abuse. I realized if I tried to be intimate with him the abuse would continue. Fortunately, I had stopped any intimate relationship with him after my first long holiday as it seemed to me it was all about him. There was no us every decision and plan had to revolve around him. I did explain it to my children. I told my son that the only real person he ever loved was himself. My son relayed this to his Father who was upset by the reality of how I felt. The older he gets it is true he can’t relate to other people or their feelings and used me to have a normal family life one he could never have created along. The best or funniest part of this is he told my daughter he would do it all over in a heart beat! I thought what did he ever have to lose? He got his way by being a bully and ignoring me or what I wanted.

The amazing part is that every Doctor I ever talked to couldn’t explain what I was going through. I had to explain it to my Doctor and to my psychologist and gave her the website information. I have a quest to inform as many people who will listen. It was in my family and caused my own Mother’s mental health breakdown. i saw it in my Aunt’s marriages and other family members. I have thought often about leaving my husband but I fought long and hard to keep some semblance of family together and a home. I talk at length with my daughter about it and tell her to seek therapy to help her own relationship issues. Woman have to tell there friend’s and keep talking who have lived through this we are the hope of future generations to put a spot light on it. Thank you Donna, keep exposing the abuse and shine a light on the reality of sociopathy.

Ox Drover

Welcome, panthonyt,

Thank you for sharing your story…a semblence of a “normal family” is still living in a “war zone.” I am assuming your kids are grown now, and they also may not “get it” about what their father is. I AM glad that you have gotten it and that you have had some support through this all.

I think your one therapist that said you will eventually leave him is right. Living with one is, IMHO worse than hell.

Again, welcome. There’s lots of good information and support here.

lovingthem

welcome panthonyt. I agree with Ox Drover about that one doctor who told you that you’d eventually leave him. The first therapist I saw after I married the monster told me to leave him and never have children with him. I suffered and paid dearly for not following her wise advice. Of course I am thankful for my children and love them dearly, but it’s never a good idea to have children with a spath because the monster will treat his children with the same blatant disregard with which he treats you. I wish more women knew this before it was too late.

Thank you Donna for this site and for trying to get the word out.

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