How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Sociopaths are fundamentally incapable of being supportive partners or loving parents. So what do you do, especially when there are children involved?

Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath

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SPONSORED CONTENT The most heartbreaking dramas that sociopaths create are those that involve children. Many sociopathic parents stand up in court proclaiming that they “only want what is best for the children.” They're lying. What they really want is to use the children as clubs to beat their ex-partners into submission. There is no such thing as a simple phone call to find out what little Johnny needs to bring to soccer practice. Every phone call or e-mail is an opportunity for the sociopath to manipulate, denigrate and infuriate the ex, through lies, innuendo and misinformation. For the parent trying to protect the children, it's exhausting. A few months ago, Lovefraud published …

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Parental alienation: My son’s sociopath father turned him against me

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story about parental alienation from a reader whom we'll call, Jennifer20. Well I honestly wouldn’t know where to begin. People are always telling me I should write a book. Maybe one day I will, but I will start here. I was 17 and I was pregnant with my boyfriend of 3 months. My mother felt bad for me and my father was completely ashamed and embarrassed. I was young, naive, and really, really stupid. I didn’t realize the sociopath the father of my child really was until it was too late. I was about 8 months pregnant, scared, and in a very vulnerable state. I make decisions against my family’s advice and soon found myself regretting all …

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Childhood trauma inflicted through narcissistic families continues into adulthood

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by Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., BSC/MT "These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them." —Rumi Let us say in the present moment you are a 45-year-old man or woman who experienced childhood trauma. You may have children you are raising and an array of responsibilities. Perhaps you have a university education or have been on a quest for self-improvement. On a less positive note, let us say that you are struggling emotionally. You know that there is something wrong with your spouse, but you doubt your gut instincts. You believe you are too hard on your spouse and are being overly judgmental. However, you understand that the spouse mistreats you often, but you never connected the …

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How narcissists use COVID-19 against their targets

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., BSC   "When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser"--Socrates It comes as no surprise to me that during this "crisis" of COVID-19, narcissists capitalize on the misfortune of others and use the quarantine to take their abuse and lack of respect to new heights. Divorced and separated individuals are especially susceptible to the narcissist’s pathological rage during a time like this. Let’s examine an example of a narcissist using the crisis as leverage. Rob’s ex-spouse wants 100% custody Rob has 4 children all under the age of 11. Rob has partial custody  and has them in his home most weekends and other …

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Emotional incest and enmeshment in narcissistic families

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., BSC/MT Since Joseph was very young, he lived with his mother, father and grandmother, as well as several other older siblings. Joseph’s mother was always controlling. Any time Joseph protested the demands she place on him, she said, “I’m the mother, and what I say goes." And the demands were relentless. Instead of allowing him to socialize with his friends, she wanted him to stay home so she could always monitor him. Never mind the fact that she did not even interact with him while he stayed in the house. All she needed was for him to be present physically. Joseph’s father was a workaholic and was never home — which enabled him to avoid confronting his …

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Video: To parents who must send their kids to spend time with a disordered ex

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  You left your partner because he or she is disordered. Unfortunately, you have kids together. So now, you must co-parent and send the kids to spend time with your ex — alone. Knowing the sociopath's abusive personality, you worry. And you wonder — what can you do to help them? Claudia Paradise, LCSW-R, a psychotherapist in New York City, helps parents like you all the time. So now, she is sharing her knowledge and experience with all Lovefraud parents who are in this situation in her upcoming webinar: Empowering the child who must spend time alone with a disordered parent Wednesday, November 20, 2019 • 7 to 9 pm ET • $50 Instructor: Claudia Paradise, LCSW-R This course …

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Avoiding narcissistic abuse and PTSD during the holidays

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M. ED, BSC/MT “Do not just slay your demons. Dissect them and find what they’ve been feeding on.”—The Man Frozen in Time Angela was married to a personality disordered husband. She was already traumatized by the threat of danger with each day that she continued a relationship with him. With the prompting and help of her friend, a clergyman,  she filed for divorce. As the divorce was unfolding, her siblings, as was custom throughout the years, continued to demand her presence at all family functions. She had young children, and knew that she should not subject them to the heavy drinking and other activities not appropriate for them. Whenever Angela had …

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How did your family member become mind controlled by a sociopath?

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Perhaps you're a heartbroken mother or father, worried sick about your adult child, who is entangled with a sociopath and becoming more and more distant. Or perhaps you're an adult child, afraid that the new person in the life of your mother or father is an exploiter, angling for your parent's assets. Whether it's a family member or friend, it's painful to see someone you care about being mind controlled by a human predator. And you wonder, how did this happen? Here are some points to help you understand the process. Essentially, sociopaths —people with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorder — take advantage of the characteristics that …

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Fraud at first sight — seduced by a sociopathic woman and her parents

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed BSC/MT Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud — Sophocles Sociopaths scramble their target’s ability to discern the truth about how a situation or person could potentially be dangerous. Our brains are designed to notice patterns, and make decisions based on the anticipation of these patterns. Because the sociopath confuses the target with lies and alternate kind/cruel behaviors, it becomes nearly impossible for the target to identify that carefully constructed façade that hides the true self, which in reality, is an empty vessel with no identity. Let us consider “Michael,” a tough military guy trained to detect danger. Michael meets …

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Sexually abused as a child, she later chose three abusive partners

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By Eleanor Cowan Bullied incessantly by an older brother, "Emily" got called fat, stupid, and ugly…all projections of her sibling’s own worst fears. From childhood, Em was sexually molested by him so much that she “got used to it.” Her mom screamed viciously at anyone not removing their filthy boots at the door, but remained silent about the muddy molestations tracked by her extremely isolated and overweight son. That’s the backstory. Fast forward fifty years. Emily just left her third partner. The first two also disqualified themselves: The first was a shameless bully. He insisted his slaps and punches were harmless, just as he emphasized that sex on demand was a marital right. …

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How my sociopath ex-husband used lies and CPS to take my kids away

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Andrea19." Names are changed. I separated from my ex husband/sociopath in May of 2014. He lied in court under oath in on February 2015 and I had full custody of both kids for 8 months. We divorced in July 2015. October 2015 we had joint custody of both kids. Then my ex had both of my kids for three weeks in a row to take them on a cruise. I had a bad feeling with him having them for an extended period and I was right. He used the time to coach my daughter to say my boyfriend at the time had inappropriately touched her. On the day my daughter went to an unscheduled counselor …

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