How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

Sociopaths are fundamentally incapable of being supportive partners or loving parents. So what do you do, especially when there are children involved?

Our Family Wizard can help you co-parent with a sociopath

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SPONSORED CONTENT The most heartbreaking dramas that sociopaths create are those that involve children. Many sociopathic parents stand up in court proclaiming that they “only want what is best for the children.” They're lying. What they really want is to use the children as clubs to beat their ex-partners into submission. There is no such thing as a simple phone call to find out what little Johnny needs to bring to soccer practice. Every phone call or e-mail is an opportunity for the sociopath to manipulate, denigrate and infuriate the ex, through lies, innuendo and misinformation. For the parent trying to protect the children, it's exhausting. A few months ago, Lovefraud published …

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Sexually abused as a child, she later chose three abusive partners

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By Eleanor Cowan Bullied incessantly by an older brother, "Emily" got called fat, stupid, and ugly…all projections of her sibling’s own worst fears. From childhood, Em was sexually molested by him so much that she “got used to it.” Her mom screamed viciously at anyone not removing their filthy boots at the door, but remained silent about the muddy molestations tracked by her extremely isolated and overweight son. That’s the backstory. Fast forward fifty years. Emily just left her third partner. The first two also disqualified themselves: The first was a shameless bully. He insisted his slaps and punches were harmless, just as he emphasized that sex on demand was a marital right. …

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How my sociopath ex-husband used lies and CPS to take my kids away

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Andrea19." Names are changed. I separated from my ex husband/sociopath in May of 2014. He lied in court under oath in on February 2015 and I had full custody of both kids for 8 months. We divorced in July 2015. October 2015 we had joint custody of both kids. Then my ex had both of my kids for three weeks in a row to take them on a cruise. I had a bad feeling with him having them for an extended period and I was right. He used the time to coach my daughter to say my boyfriend at the time had inappropriately touched her. On the day my daughter went to an unscheduled counselor …

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Children with a sociopath — do you stay or do you go?

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Finally figuring out, after years of marriage and a couple of kids, that your partner is a sociopath, is a good news/bad news situation. The good news: You are not crazy. You were not imagining things and you were not overreacting. There is a bona fide, medical reason for the insanity you have been enduring — your spouse has a serious personality disorder. The bad news: Now that you know what the problem is, you need to figure out what to do about it — and all of the options are difficult. I'm writing this blog in response to the post in the Lovefraud Forum submitted by "Gccc," called 16 years, 2 children later, my life imploded. A death of sorts. Following is what she wrote. The …

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Translating a sociopath’s attempts to hoover his ex-wife via text, part 2

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Editor's note: Once again, the Lovefraud reader "Maura" analyzes a sociopath's texts to her friend as he tries to hoover her back into a relationship. Read Maura's previous translation of the sociopath's hoovering. Introduction — sociopathic hoovering This is another text that my friend Annie was sent from her sociopathic ex. Four years ago, after a 17-year marriage, he abandoned her and their sons for his new flame from Craig’s list. Once again, on the surface his text seems genuinely caring and that he is truly motivated to mend his ways. However, he is a sociopath and he’s simply toying and baiting her. We’ve analysed all the standard sociopathic ploys he flips through to get a …

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Claudia Paradise, LCSW: How to talk to kids about an absent daddy

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Lovefraud received the following question: Can you address absent sociopathic fathers and how to respond to a young child who has begun asking about him? My 4-year-old has started talking about her “daddy,” who she could not possibly remember. The last time she saw him was when she was 2 and the total time spent with him in her lifetime has probably been 12 hours total. I have cut things off with him entirely since his last visit. Anyways, lately she pretends to call him on her toy phone, or tells me that her daddy is going to pick her up from school. I think all this talk has stemmed from her best friend at school, whose dad comes to pick her up every day. Not surprisingly, none of …

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My ex wants to eliminate me from my son’s life

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Editors note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as "momto4kiddos." I dated my psychopath for almost 3 years. He manipulated me into having a child with him. My son is now 5 years old. I battled at court with him for 4 years now. He retained an attorney as ruthless as he is to obtain custody and put him on a path to totally eliminate me from my son’s life, including trying to put me in jail. He even filed bogus reports with CPS to have my then-boyfriend ordered out of my son’s life. My psycho took his truck door and slammed it in my son’s head causing head trauma and concussion and blamed it on my then-boyfriend. He has manipulated several people, …

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At the end of our honeymoon, he FLIPPED into a different person

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "EllenMarie." I met a covert malignant narcissist on an online dating site. I had no idea such people existed. I had lost my wonderful husband of almost 30 years to cancer 4 years previously. We’d had a terrific, healthy relationship, and I wanted another one. I have two master’s degrees, one in psychiatric social work, and have always considered myself very intuitive and a good judge of character. Not this time!! I met the narcissist on Feb 3, 2017, and was thoroughly love bombed for 5 months. He proposed after 6 weeks, and we were married on June 30, 2017. I saw no red flags. He was really a pro at …

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How psychopathic parents can affect children

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A Lovefraud reader who posts as "Mani" asked a question that I'm sure is of interest to many others, so I'll address it in a blog post. Mani writes: I was one of the children who lived with a psychopath for a long time. I fought all my life not to let him a part of my personality. In comparison to what I was exposed to I think I have been successful. But is there anybody out there who can shed more light on the effects of a psychopath father on children, particularly boys? I know there is tendency to label these children as secondary psychopaths but I haven't seen anybody talking about the mechanics of it. And I am sure all these children don't become secondary psychopaths. This is a …

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Her daughter’s wedding should be a time of joy, but her ex is causing havoc

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from the reader who posts as "Elle." In 2014, my youngest daughter and I got a restraining order against my husband at the time due to violent rages and terrifying behavior he was exhibiting. Of course he would profess to our older 2 daughters he did nothing and we were lying … this is a man who NEVER took any responsibility for his behavior and was then and still is a pathological liar. At a divorce proceeding in April 2017, in spite of the restraining order in effect, he violated the order and I went to the police. He came after my daughter and I in the parking lot in a terrifying, arms flailing, cocky and belligerent manner …

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Why didn’t his family warn me?

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I want to express my deepest appreciation and thanks for this site. I have questions for which I can't find answers. Admittedly I'm new to this forum and I'm sure my story isn't unique as I've read MY story over and over LOL! I'm clearly among my peeps. I say that with humor and with heartache because my family and friends do not understand my situation by no fault of their own. 1- having never been exposed to a sociopath their advice was based on a normal relationship. And 2- I didn't share most of what happened out of embarrassment. I didn't even realize my X was a sociopath until recently, 3 years after the final breakup. I couldn't figure out why I wasn't bouncing back, why I had no …

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