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Explaining the sociopath

Translating a sociopath’s text message as he attempts to hoover back his ex-wife

Editor’s note: The following article was sent to Lovefraud by a reader whom we’ll call “Maura.”

My friend Annie was sent this text from her sociopathic ex. Three and half years ago, he abandoned her and their sons after a 17-year marriage. No doubt other readers have had similar hoover texts, and either ignored them or fell for them.

For entertainment and education purposes, we’ve analysed his standard manipulative ploys and use of charm to break down her defences and weasel his foot in the door. On the surface his text seems contrite and genuine enough. However, he is a sociopath who will do and say anything to lure her back in. The bottom line — it is all a con and he wants to exert control and hurt her further. He cannot change and any attempt to change will be very short lived.

The Sociopath Channel: Investigation Discovery

If you want to know how sociopaths behave, just watch any TV show on the Investigation Discovery channel. All the stories are true. They’re all about sociopaths. All the stories will enlighten you about disordered behavior — if you know what to look for.

In fact, I found a page on the ID website with helpful information: 5 Signs you share your home with a psychopath. The descriptions are reasonably accurate.

I often turn on ID while I’m cleaning the house. Because of the reality show format — narration, interviews and reenactments — I find that I can listen to the shows while I work, and still follow the whole story. Time and time again, I hear perfect descriptions of sociopaths seducing and then exploiting their targets.

12 ways sociopaths say, ‘It’s not my fault’ — what have you heard?

One of the defining characteristics of a sociopath is that they never take responsibility for anything. Nothing is ever their fault. Any problem they face is always caused by someone else, or circumstances beyond their control.

I’ll bet that a young sociopath invented the excuse, “The dog ate my homework.”

Early in my relationship with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, he explained that his innovative business venture wasn’t built because “the government took his land.” Of course, he never mentioned the fact that he never owned the land, and never raised the money to buy the land. He just blamed the government for his business failure.

The answer: Why psychopaths do what they do

Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Terminator."

Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Terminator.”

Perhaps the biggest question asked by people who have been targeted by psychopaths is, “Why?”

1. Why did he work so hard to win me, proclaiming his love and promising a beautiful future together, and then suddenly dump me?

2. Why does she intentionally scare, upset, demean and embarrass her own children?

3. Why does he lie about stupid things, even when he’d be better off telling the truth?

4. Why doesn’t she care that she’s hurting me?

I’m sure you have your own list of “why?” questions.

Sociopaths keep changing their demands, keeping you in turmoil

When you’re dealing with sociopaths, figuring out what they really want is nearly impossible. Why? Because they keep changing what they want.

When my ex-husband, James Montgomery, moved into my house, I agreed to convert my basement, which I used as a small gym, into an office for him. I put away my gym equipment. I hired builders to install more electric outlets to run his array of computers, televisions and business equipment, which required enclosing the lower part of the walls. Making the improvements, and installing a small bathroom downstairs, cost me $6,000. (He promised to pay me back, but of course he never did.

A sociopath claims, ‘We are evolution’s next step’

Do sociopaths know what they are? Many, many Lovefraud readers ask me this question. The short answer is that some of them do and some of them don’t.

The man who sent me the following email certainly has insight into his own personality:

Donna Andersen’s interview with Tracy Malone of NarcissisticAbuseSupport.com

If you want to understand the terms sociopath, psychopath, narcissist and borderline, and you want to know the Red Flags of Love Fraud, check out my new interview with Tracy Malone of NarcissisticAbuseSupport.com.

Tracy has posted many interviews related to dealing with sociopaths. She has a new series called “Meet the Experts,” and she included me in that series. The interview is an hour long, and we cover a lot of material. Check it out — I think you’ll find it informative.


‘Liar’ by the Rollins Band — singing about a sociopath

Check out this music video of the hard rock song Liar by the Henry Rollins Band. It’s clearly about a sociopath.

What’s interesting is that this song was recorded in 1994. Without Conscience, Robert Hare’s book that introduced psychopaths to the world, came out in 1993. I don’t know if Rollins read the book, but he is certainly describing disordered behavior.

Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.

Sometimes “no contact” is not an option

For more than two years, I’ve shared my story and relevant insights here once a week.

That’s coming to a close.  My book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath chronicles my marriage and the painful lessons learned. My book, Narcissists, Sociopaths & Wolves  includes a summary of some of the warning signs of being in a relationship with a sociopath. I hope the excertps I’ve shared from them have been helpful.

Husband Liar Sociopath

I didn’t know.

BOOK REVIEW: ‘Psychopath Free’ — helping you understand your disordered romance and recover yourself

Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People, by Jackson Mackenzie

Review by Donna Andersen

I admit I’ve been remiss. Jackson Mackenzie’s book, Psychopath Free, came out in 2015, and I just finished reading it. I think I need about 48 hours in the day.

Anyway, if you’ve been romantically involved with a psychopath or other disordered individual, Psychopath Free will ring true for you. Jackson does an excellent job of describing the cycle of an involvement with a psychopath, from the glorious beginning when you’re feeling high on all the attention, to the confusion of the mind games in the middle, to the utter devastation when you are brutally discarded.

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