How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

Why is it so difficult to wrap your brain around sociopathic behavior? Because their motivations are totally different from yours. Learn how.

5 Reasons why the sociopath’s behavior in your relationship makes no sense

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Shock. Confusion. Disbelief. These are common experiences when you’re romantically involved with a sociopath. You ask yourself, or your friends, or your therapist, questions like: “How can he be talking about getting married one day and ghost me the next?” “How can she be so mean and cruel and then act like nothing ever happened?” “How can he tell me that he loves me while he’s cheating with someone else?” Sociopathic behaviors are so confusing because your expectations about what a romantic relationship is, and how people who are supposed to be in love treat each other, are totally different from those of the sociopath. You believe that when people are in love, you are …

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Is the corona virus a psychopath?

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By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW The current global crisis has me thinking of you, and how folks in relationships with personality disordered people face special challenges during this pandemic emergency. Before we talk about that, let's think about how the novel coronavirus is similar to something less novel to you: the tricky, toxic patterns of folks with anti-social, narcissistic, and borderline personality problems. Here's what comes to mind for me: 1. Novel coronavirus is parasitic --- exploiting the very life of a human being who was minding their own damned business when the virus decided to move in and make itself at home. 2. Novel coronavirus doesn't reveal itself up front --- an …

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Antisocials, psychopaths and sex: What you need to know

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UPDATED FOR 2020 Most Lovefraud readers are here because you were, or are, romantically involved with someone who has a serious personality disorder. Usually romance leads to sex, although you may have noticed that sex with a an antisocial or psychopath isn't particularly romantic. The sex may be exciting, erotic and adventurous. But if you're looking for a true connection, the "sacred conjunction," you're not going to find it with an antisocial or psychopath, and here's why: Power, control and sex According to Dr. Liane Leedom, people who have antisocial or psychopathic personality disorder want three things in life: Power, control and sex. Often, sex is simply an extension of …

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What is sociopathic abuse by proxy?

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED, BSC/MT If you have had the misfortune of dealing with a sociopath in your life, you are well acquainted with many of their abuse strategies that left you feeling you are like a deer in the headlights, taken by surprise and knocked off your feet. However, there are times when sociopaths do not come straight at you on their own, but employ third parties to carry out their control tactics to ensure you are complying with their demands on a continual basis. This is called abuse by proxy. Why does the sociopath employ third parties? There may be several reasons why the sociopath doesn't use direct tactics with you. You may have inflicted narcissistic …

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16 sociopathic quirks — what have you seen?

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed BSC/MT While engaged the struggle with toxic people, I kept a subconscious diary of behaviors, words, movements and facial expressions for various types of sociopaths that I encountered in my life. Perhaps you have observed the polar opposite of my top 16 list. Maybe you have some more you would like to add? Please feel free to comment below. 1 . They are binge-watchers of shows/movies about sociopaths, psychopaths and oversexed women. Some examples: Dexter, Sherlock, The Godfather, Sex and the City, Breaking Bad. You get the idea. These programs glorify their disorder. I believe it validates their behaviors. Perhaps they are picking up on new ideas on …

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BOOK REVIEW: ‘The Batterer’ describes three types of male abusers

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Editor's note: Lovefraud recognizes that sociopaths are both male and female. This article, however, is about male sociopaths. Updated for 2019 Often, the stories told here on Lovefraud about abusive relationships have so much in common that readers jokingly ask each other if they were involved with the same man. Still, there can be profound differences in the stories. For example, quite a few people have said that the men who abused them sometimes exhibited great shame. I was always mystified by this, because I never saw an ounce of shame in my psychopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. I assumed that those who were exhibiting shame were playacting. Maybe they weren't. A few …

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3 vital concepts about sociopaths that are key to our survival

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Two Lovefraud readers recently sent in articles explaining their views regarding their experiences with sociopaths. Their opinions are almost completely opposite from each other. In The importance of recognizing the complexities of sociopath relationships, the reader “Andrea19” suggests a nuanced way of looking at our experiences with sociopaths. Yes, her ex-husband is manipulative and deceptive, she writes, but she acknowledges that she has her own mental health issues that contributed to the dysfunctional relationship. The Lovefraud reader “Lanie19” takes a different view. In her article, I lived among sociopathic monsters all of my life, she comes out and says, “They are all monsters.” …

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7 Classic lies from sociopaths and how to spot them

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Sociopaths lie. No matter what type of relationship you have with a sociopath — romantic, family, business or casual — sooner or later the sociopath will lie to you. The circumstances may vary, the scale of the lie may vary, but at some point the sociopath will tell you something that simply isn't true. Following are seven classic lies from sociopaths (people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders). How many have you heard? I love you Sociopaths are incapable of love, as you and I understand it. Real love includes caregiving, and sociopaths simply cannot put someone else's well being before their own. …

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10 Red flags of a sociopath that I saw but did not understand

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Yes, the red flags were there. Like you, I saw behaviors in the man I married (far too quickly) that were warning signs of his sociopathic personality disorder. Like you, I didn't know what they meant. My book, Red Flags of Love Fraud — 10 signs you're dating a sociopath, reveals the tactics of social predators who pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation. This book explains how sociopaths seduce their targets, why it’s hard to escape the relationships, and how you can protect yourself. Most people targeted by sociopaths actually see the warning signs, but don't know how to interpret them. Red Flags of Love Fraud explains the patterns of behavior, so you can …

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Gender identity: fun and games for psychopaths

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One of the issues raging through the political landscape these days, stirring up passions on the left and the right, is the Equality Act, passed by the United States House of Representatives on May 17, 2019. Proponents of the law generally say that everyone should be treated the same, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. Objections to provisions of the law are often based on opponents' views on biology or religious convictions. But this law should also be evaluated in the context of the millions of psychopaths living among us, who I believe will have a great time exploiting it. And that's what Lovefraud's research — highlighted below — indicates. What the Equality Act …

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What do narcissists want?

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At first, narcissists are charming and attentive, but eventually they turn cold and cruel. Many people are totally baffled by the behavior, and come to suspect they’re dealing with a narcissist. They turn to the Internet and ask variations of the question, what do narcissists want? Here are 20 of those questions — with the answers. 1 . What do narcissists want? Narcissists want what is called "narcissistic supply." In her Lovefraud webinar called, Understanding and Recognizing Narcissistic Abuse, Tiffany Kettermann, LPC, CADCI, explains that narcissistic supply is, "Anything or anyone that feeds the narcissistic person's ego and keeps the person artificially pumped up, protecting their …

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