By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC This is the last article in a series about my work with a client, “Mary,” in which I used the empty chair technique. This therapy technique helped her explore generational abuse and express long-suppressed feelings to her father, who was deceased. You can read the previous articles here: Empty chair technique to resolve issues with deceased father Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father Her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex During Mary’s processing of her emotions through this empty chair technique, she realized that she had nothing to do with the origination of her family’s chaotic problems. Mary learned that while s …
Sociopaths make terrible parents, not truly concerned about your wellbeing. These articles are for, and by, people who lived it. They may comfort you.
Dealing with dying Cluster B parents
Editor’s note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader, “Matt,” a long-time member of the Lovefraud community. By Matt It has been many years since I last posted on Lovefraud. When I first joined Lovefraud in November 2008, I was among the walking wounded having just pried my sociopath boyfriend out of my life. This site was my godsend. Among the many topics covered, although it wasn’t on my radar at the time, was dealing with Cluster B parents as they came to the end of their lives. Having buried both of my parents within the last 5 years, I’d like to share my experiences dealing with such parents. My parents My parents were two martinets who treated their children as …
Her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC In my last two articles, I described how I’m using the “empty chair technique” to help a client, Mary, get closure about her disordered, but deceased, father. She wanted to know why her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex. Read the previous articles: Empty chair technique to resolve issues with deceased father Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father Here we have a continuation of the empty chair technique with Mary and her father. Mary finished the last session discussing how she was infantilized and abused by her mother. In this third session, Mary confronts her father about his relationship with her ex-hus …
Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC In my last article, I described how I’m using the “empty chair technique” to help a client, Mary, get closure about her disordered, but deceased, father. Here we have a continuation of the empty chair technique with Mary and her father. Mary finished the last session telling her father that she is finished trying to reason with unreasonable people. In this second session, Mary picks up where she left off. She wants to discuss her abusive mother. Mary’s father makes a choice too Joanie: Mary, you told your father you are done reasoning with unreasonable people. You told him you made a choice. Did he agree with your choice? Mary: No, by his silence, …
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Childhood trauma inflicted through narcissistic families continues into adulthood
by Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., BSC/MT "These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them." —Rumi Let us say in the present moment you are a 45-year-old man or woman who experienced childhood trauma. You may have children you are raising and an array of responsibilities. Perhaps you have a university education or have been on a quest for self-improvement. On a less positive note, let us say that you are struggling emotionally. You know that there is something wrong with your spouse, but you doubt your gut instincts. You believe you are too hard on your spouse and are being overly judgmental. However, you understand that the spouse mistreats you often, but you never connected the …
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Emotional incest and enmeshment in narcissistic families
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC Since Joseph was very young, he lived with his mother, father and grandmother, as well as several other older siblings. Joseph’s mother was always controlling. Any time Joseph protested the demands she place on him, she said, “I’m the mother, and what I say goes." And the demands were relentless. Instead of allowing him to socialize with his friends, she wanted him to stay home so she could always monitor him. Never mind the fact that she did not even interact with him while he stayed in the house. All she needed was for him to be present physically. Joseph’s father was a workaholic and was never home — which enabled him to avoid confronting his wi …
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Sociopathic Abuse and Impaired Executive Functioning Skills
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., BSC/MT What are executive functioning skills? As a behavioral therapist, I work with many clients who have impaired executive functioning skills. The term sounds pretty fancy and quite technical, but there is a simple explanation. The term executive functioning skills refer to a set of management skills that assist children and adults in achieving their goals through: prioritizing organizing remaining focused regulating emotions As children grow and become critical thinkers, it is necessary to be able to adapt to change and have the ability to revise strategies to reach personal, social and academic goals. What happens when executive …
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Growing up in a narcissistic family—is it abuse?
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.ED BSC/MT “Be who you were created to be, and you will set the world on fire”—St. Katherine of Siena Admitting abuse, especially by a family or family member, is extremely difficult. Families are supposed to be safe havens where you are loved unconditionally and respected as an individual. Being treated poorly is not normal. Those who are abused in families tend to make excuses for the abusers, especially abusive parents. To come to terms that abuse is taking place in your family is to admit the unthinkable, that you were never loved. So how can know you are part of a narcissistic family? What happens in a narcissistic family that makes it abusive? Please …
Claudia Paradise, LCSW: How to talk to kids about an absent daddy
Lovefraud received the following question: Can you address absent sociopathic fathers and how to respond to a young child who has begun asking about him? My 4-year-old has started talking about her “daddy,” who she could not possibly remember. The last time she saw him was when she was 2 and the total time spent with him in her lifetime has probably been 12 hours total. I have cut things off with him entirely since his last visit. Anyways, lately she pretends to call him on her toy phone, or tells me that her daddy is going to pick her up from school. I think all this talk has stemmed from her best friend at school, whose dad comes to pick her up every day. Not surprisingly, none of th …
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How psychopathic parents create complex trauma in their children
By Dr. Kathy Ahern An earthquake strikes in the middle of the night. A four-year-old child is trapped in a demolished house. She is left without food or water, help or support for three terrifying days. In a different city another child the same age is neglected by her self-absorbed parents. They ignore her cries of hunger and fear for three days. Years later, the earthquake victim suffers no ill effects from her experience. The child who was physically and emotionally abandoned grows into an adult suffering from complex PTSD. The physical and emotional traumas were identical. So why the difference? Betrayal. The neglected child was dependent on her parents. She needed them. She …
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