Hooked by a sociopath

Does my psychopath miss me?

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Editor’s note: The following article refers to male psychopaths. Women can also be sociopaths, psychopaths and other disordered individuals.

Does my sociopath/psychopath miss me?

The short answer is “no.” The qualified answer is “yes, in appearance, but only as long as you can afford him.”

Since psychopaths are unable to have true feelings, once you are removed from his picture, you are gone forever. Somebody else with financial security will replace you, and then when the money is gone or things go sour, somebody else will replace that person.

Psychopaths, we know, are not able to feel gratitude, love, loyalty or any kind of guilt or remorse that could tie him to you. During the time of the … Read more

Posted in: Explaining the sociopath, Hooked by a sociopath

29 excuses that sabotage our instincts about sociopaths

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Almost all of us have an instinctive warning that something is terribly wrong early in an involvement with a sociopath (antisocial, narcissist, borderline, histrionic, psychopath). Almost all of us ignore the warning.

Last week I wrote about the physical symptoms that we often feel in 8 ways your body warns you about sociopaths. I included fear, chills, difficulty breathing, crying, pounding heart, upset stomach, nightmares and a nagging feeling. The post was widely shared, and several Lovefraud readers added more physical warning signs: immobilizing exhaustion, poor appetite, nervous tension, tiredness, cloudy thinking, vague upset, tightness in the chest.

When we’re involved with a predator, our bodies desperately try to get out attention to warn us of the danger. … Read more

Posted in: Donna Andersen, Hooked by a sociopath

8 ways your body warns you about sociopaths

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It took millions of years for our species to evolve from apes to modern humans, and during those years we spent a lot of time fleeing for our lives. Our very survival depended upon being able to sense danger from predators. We still have the ability to sense danger, although today it comes not from saber-toothed tigers, but from human predators, aka sociopaths.

This protective sense is our intuition, which is part instinctive knowing, and part physical reaction. Our bodies tell us when someone or a situation poses a threat. Here are eight ways that our bodies warn us of danger:

1 . Fear. This is the ultimate warning sign. If you are ever suddenly gripped by … Read more

Posted in: Donna Andersen, Hooked by a sociopath

How to dump the sociopath

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Suppose you realize that you’re in an unhealthy romantic relationship. Or, your instincts are telling you that the person in hot pursuit of you is bad news. How do you end the involvement?

When you’re romantically involved with reasonably normal individuals, you usually try to spare their feelings. You don’t come out and say that they’re boring, or needy, or oafish, even if that’s what you feel. You make up excuses. You tell them that you’re getting back with an old boyfriend or girlfriend, even if that’s a lie. You say you’re just not ready for a relationship right now, even if that’s also a lie.

In essence, when breaking up with an okay person who just isn’t … Read more

Posted in: Donna Andersen, Hooked by a sociopath

3 steps to prevent a sociopath from taking advantage of your vulnerabilities

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Image by Gustavo Verissimo

“Is it really a vulnerability to respond to somebody (apparently) liking and desiring you? Is that not just a basic human need that we all want to have fulfilled?”

The Lovefraud reader Dorabella asked these questions on a story that I posted a couple of weeks ago, The sociopath as your soul mate. They are great questions. The answers are: Yes, it’s a vulnerability to respond to someone desiring you, and yes, it’s a basic human need. So although these are vulnerabilities, they are also normal human qualities.

To be human is to have vulnerabilities.

A vulnerability is a weak point, and whenever we want something, that creates a weak point. Most of … Read more

Posted in: Donna Andersen, Hooked by a sociopath

How to dump the sociopath

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Suppose you realize that you’re in an unhealthy romantic relationship. Or, your instincts are telling you that the person in hot pursuit of you is bad news. How do you end the involvement?

In essence, when breaking up with an okay person who just isn’t … Read more

Posted in: Donna Andersen, Hooked by a sociopath, Recovery from a sociopath

My sociopathic partner: Once the smoke begins to clear…

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Chapter 1-wow! You’re an amazing guy!

It all began innocently…my daughter’s halloween party invite which happened to include an invite of his daughter too. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the horror insanity and chaos we were about to embark on.

Perhaps it was the recent loss of my mother…or the stress of having an aging father to care for…or a sister who is only interested in the financial gains she feels entitled to…maybe it was a transition from a single mom to a single mom with an aging sick Dad coming to live with us…maybe it was a fear of being forever alone and unable to date in any normal sense of the word…but … Read more

Posted in: Hooked by a sociopath, Spath Tales / Letters to Lovefraud

Living with a Sociopath

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Well where do I start? I guess right from the beginning.

1999

I was 31 when I met the most handsome charming man in the world, I had travelled well, I used to be a holiday rep abroad, so I thought I was a pretty good judge of character……..

I met him on a night out with friends, on a Saturday Night, we talked all night long, I even went back to his place (no funny business) and we talked all night there too!!

We arranged out 1st date the following Mon, what a great night we had, he even told people that we were on our honeymoon, such a laugh as is was our very 1st date!!… Read more

Posted in: Hooked by a sociopath, Spath Tales / Letters to Lovefraud

Explaining love addiction with a sociopath

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According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, romantic love is an addiction. The drive to find a romantic partner is buried deep in the brain, and biologically intertwined with the brain’s reward system, which is linked to wanting, motivation, focus and craving. To hear Dr. Fisher explain this, watch the video.

Dr. Fisher points out that when you love someone and are rejected, the addiction is worse. Not only do you continue to feel the intense romantic love, but you love your beau even more. Your love becomes an obsession. It turns out that the brain system associated with rewards becomes even more active when you can’t get what you want.

So what happens when you … Read more

Posted in: Donna Andersen, Hooked by a sociopath

After the sociopath, a man with borderline personality disorder

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Photo by Alon

Editor’s Note: Lovefraud received the following email from reader Victimcindy. Donna Andersen responds after the letter.

My first relationship, after my 18-year marriage to a sociopath, was to a borderline personality disordered (BPD) man. Do you find this common as the disordered traits are opposite in some areas? We think we are getting something new and healthy.

Spath vs BPD: sex

My spath-ex withheld sex as power. The borderline was highly sexual. My spath-ex was charming, but lacked empathy and was emotionally unavailable. He also abused substances, was opportunistic with casual sex outside marriage and secretive.

Spath vs BPD: love

The borderline was vulnerable, overly empathetic, very emotional and had undying loyalty in a clinging … Read more

Posted in: Donna Andersen, Hooked by a sociopath, Recovery from a sociopath