I'm new here and could do with some support/advice or clarification please.

Hi, I’m new here and am hoping that by joining this site it may help me move on from my ex. I was with him for three years. I had the typical whirlwind romance that is listed in the checklist. We had an amazing year. There were promises of marriage, children a family home. Basically it was my dream come true, I had finally found my Prince Charming who treated me with such kindness and respect. He was falling over himself to be with me.

I was a hard working independent woman who was about to buy my first home and had just got the keys. However, after a year of being with “Prince Charming” I discovered that he actually hadn’t worked for the entire year we had been together. Not only that he hadn’t worked for years before hand and had racked up £10,0000 debt that he had no interest in paying off. He didn’t tell me this, I found out through finding a bank statement that he had left out. Not only did he lie about this to me, when I confronted him about his finances he flipped and told me that I have a problem with anxiety and it’s nothing to worry about. He still wasn’t working and had creditors after him. He had told me earlier on in the relationship that he lived alone and it turned out he lived with his mum. He was 34 when we met. Looking back it was a red flag and I should have ran but I didn’t. He also told me he had previously had a successful plumbing business and it turns out that wasn’t true either. However, by this time I was emotionally attached to him. He made me feel great and instead if leaving him I supported him and helped set up a bathroom fitting business with the idea that he would actually work and build up a business. He seemed keen at the time and promised that he would get working to pay off his debt. He worked for about 8 months.

Sadly, this took a massive toll on my health. All the stress caused me to become extremely unwell and I was admitted to hospital for 2 months. It turns out that the stress had brought about an underlying condition called Lupus. It’s a life long auto immune disease that attacks every organ in your body. My partner suddenly became the knight in shining armour. My parents and friends were astounded at how he cared for me. Then after about 6 months the resentment kicked in. I gained a lot of weight due to the medications, I had terrible side effects and I lost most of my hair. I would cry in terrible pain and when I needed a hug I would be pushed away, sometimes physically. I was so ill that sometimes I could barely dress myself and relied heavily on strong painkillers like morphine to manage the day. I was often accused of being addicted to the medications, despite the doctors reassuring me that this wasn’t the case. When I couldn’t get myself made up and was just in my PJs I was told “have you seen yourself” and when I sobbed due to the pain and side effects I was told “you need to go to a mental hospital”.

Anyway, cutting a long story short, when I met him I was a slim athletic independent woman who was doing ok for herself in all walks of life and then after I got sick I couldn’t work anymore, I lost my hair and gained weight. I needed love and reassurance. I got none.

I was shunned in bed. There was no affection anymore and my partner just stopped working. He was living with me off my sick pay and when I asked for him to pay more towards the rent he said, I can’t I’m looking after you instead. After a time my sick pay dried up, he still wasn’t working and if I asked him about going back to do work he would blame me for nagging him or saying I worried too much. I was desperate about how the hell I would pay the mortgage. For three months he watched me worry, stress and agonise over the mortgage payment. I should point out that stress only makes Lupus worse. At this point I had inflammation in all my joints, brain, heart and left lung. My prognosis wasn’t looking good and I was on 18 different meds.

My partner eventually left me on New Years Eve 2015 after we had to leave a party because I was on Chemo and couldn’t be around anyone who was ill. There was a girl at the party with flu. It would have been really dangerous for me to stay. It was a long way from where we lived and he told me on the way home that he had wanted to stay and the party and the relationship was over as we had to come home. A week previously he had promised that our relationship was solid and that we could be married in 2016.

After we broke up I found out from a friend that he had inherited £100,000 four months previously and had not told me. He had told plenty of his friends, who he kept me Separate from, but not me. He watched me stress and agonise all that time which just made my health worse.

After he left me I was devastated and he told me and my family to our faces that he was sorry, that he would call every week. He even said that he would take me to the hospital for my appointments. After not hearing from him for three weeks I phoned him to see how he was, I was missing him so much. I was an empty shell and my house where he had lived felt awful without him. He had moved back in with his Mum at the age of 37. He answered the phone and told me that he had no feelings for me whatsoever, he didn’t care what my family and friends thought and couldn’t give a damn about my feelings. He said he had to break up with me for himself. He called me a nasty , lying, manipulative little c***. I was so shocked. This wasn’t the man I had fallen for. I had also just been told that I had to have emergency infusions due to my condition and if they didn’t work there was nothing more that they could do for me and the disease would take its natural course. Despite my mother and me telling him this he accused me of lying. This wasn’t the kind sweet charming man that I fell in love with.

This all happened almost a year ago. My health is in bits. I am financially ruined and have little social life as I can’t get out much and no self-esteem. The pain caused by my condition is terrible and the fact that I’ve had to give up my beloved work is soul destroying as it was my identity.

I feel like I was a whole person when he met me and sucked everything he could from me. Now he is holidaying with his money. He drives around carefree slagging me off to people and generally living a fantastic life and having a great time with his friends. I know he has stopped the business I set up for him and started two new ones, both of which seem to be failing simply because he is so workshy. It’s almost as if he is too good for work.

I could never do that to anyone I loved. I feel like I was dropped as I didn’t suit his image anymore because I got sick. It also makes me sick to think that I shared a bed with a man who it turns out I hardly knew.

I still think of him everyday and blame myself for the break up. I think “if only I hadn’t got sick we would have been OK” or “if I hadn’t cried so much because of the pain.” No one gives you a handbook to help you deal with getting a diagnosis like this. I wanted to talk about it but he refused.

How do I move on? I’m still in love with the man that I thought I knew and can’t stand the idea of him being with someone else or not having him in my life. I’m an intelligent woman so what the hell is wrong with me and why can’t I get over him?

Any help, tips, advice or even a tough talking to are welcome. But my question is…was he a sociopath?

He certainly showed no empathy, no emotion, stared at me when he was talking/lying to me. Had a massive sense of entitlement. Was manipulative. Looked down and judged others. Was obsessed with image. Wouldn’t engage with my friends who were professionals but would stick to his group of friends. He was also secretive. If I raised a concern he would turn it around and put any blame on me and he never took responsibility for anything. Was he a sociopath?

Thank you in advance and sorry for the long winded post. Just had to get it off my chest, thank you.