Help! I'm a wreck.. New here and Need to Vent. All advice, accepted.

Hi. I’m new here. I just got done reading the most eye-opening book, ‘When Love is a Lie’ and wow, all I can say is I am glad to know I’m not alone.
I’ll start by saying I have a child with a narcarsisst. We met online through a mutual friend and literally were together for 2 magical months and then I found out I was pregnant.
I say magical because they were. We were “soulmates”. We kayaked together and cleaned up the rivers of trash, we shared all the same interests, he would call/text every day.
But something was fishy, he was living with a room mate in a house on a cot instead of living in HIS OWN HOUSE that needed renovations. New plumbing, new furnace, huge renovations but he just kept leaving it be. Reasons upon reasons. I felt sorry for him and when I got pregnant, I thought it was best that we live together where I worked– as a live-in nanny! The family was very accepting and allowed him and his evil dog who bites everyone and everything in site to come and live with us. Ugh.
He would go to work and I’d be stuck working as a nanny and taking care of his non-trainable and devil dog.
We were happy when we found out I was pregnant. Decided to keep the baby and she’s literally the sunshine to my gloomy days. I’ve had a lot of those.
He was supposed to be working on the house, making it a home for us and our new family. He failed miserably at that.
I told him that I didn’t want a dog and a newborn baby. That it would be a lot of work and that I strongly suggested adopting her out. He never budged. Always picked the dog over the baby and I. I was even chasing her after she escaped from inside to outside (she was infamous for that) once and FELL ON MY STOMACH. Immediately went to the hospital to be checked and he still kept the dog. It literally broke my heart to have to keep repeating myself over and over.
There were times I’d cry and get extremely hormonal and say crazy things… I’d never been pregnant before, telling him to leave and would immediately apologize begging him to not go. He’d stay but only because he didn’t have anywhere else to go.
I felt so crazy.
Finally, I ended my job a month before my sweetheart was born. He claimed he was working on the house and so I went and stayed with a friend at 37 weeks pregnant. He would ignore my phone calls and texts and I’d get crazy again. Telling him not to come to the birth and asking why he wasn’t answering me.
He clearly wasn’t ready to be a father, let alone a partner.
I remember I would sit in my car crying while I was pregnant begging him to get rid of that awful dog and house and let’s rent somewhere and be a family.
Finally, labor happened. We seemed happy, things were going okay. I wound up having a c-section. I mean, who wouldn’t under all the stress I was in?
His mother opted to get us a hotel suite for a month in a half. BRINGING YOUR BABY BACK TO A HOTEL SUITE INSTEAD OF A HOME. So pathetic.
I was depressed. Situationally depressed. Resentful. So fucking angry at him for putting me in this situation of not having a home.
Then, his cousin died. He went completely MIA… Ignoring phone calls and texts. I went to the viewing with our baby and cried so much. He never showed to that viewing but the one I couldn’t go to because I was exhausted. I get that everyone grieves in their own way but don’t ignore your family. Let them be there for you. He even went out to eat with them and drove right past the hotel and never texted me or anything inviting me out to that. I felt stupid. And so alone.
Thank goodness for amazing friends.
Time came to move out of the hotel, a friend had to help. I
Moved in with her. She is an alcoholic, did cocaine and we had to share a bed! Great environment for a new mother. He started giving me money every week and spending time with our baby without me on the weekends. There was and is still so much animosity and resentment that no conversation can even go on between us without me fuming! It’s hard. I know our child comes first but does he? Then the girl I lived with kept telling me to just get over things and that I couldn’t live there, I went to live with family who enable drinking and are negative and have a completely different lifestyle than I do but I am grateful for them opening up their home.
He and I developed a schedule of when he would take our babe and things seemed okay. Anger and hatred lingering but okay. I would have to call and say goodnight to him and let him say goodnight to our baby. He never asked how she was doing through text or anything. Still never does.
Then, one night after talking but not agreeing to it, he kept our baby overnight, refusing to bring her home. I went ape shit. Crying, screaming to bring her home, telling him I’d come and get her. I had no idea about my rights and he said he would call the police so I just let him keep her that night. I was a mess. He brought her back the next day in the morning and I found out later, HE MOVED WITHOUT TELLING ME AND LIED ABOUT WHERE SHE WAS SLEEPING! My anger grew and grew. I found out that without a court document or a contract in writing, he could have kept her until I got one and that set me off. So as soon as my baby was back with me, I demanded we get something in writing and that SUPERVISED VISITS were the only thing he was getting. He didn’t like that one bit. Guess what he did? Called freaking CPS on me and said I was abusing my child. We had to ride in the back of a police car, go to the hospital ,get my baby examined, CPS came into my house and examined it. I mean… It was crazy. He literally tried to get the state to take away my child.
That was when I lawyered up. I didn’t feel safe or like I could trust him anymore than I already didn’t feel.
He didn’t pay child support for two weeks and was paying it when he was getting her for the day and refused to give it to me, kept calling me names. Pulled out a video camera and started recording me trying to snatch money out of his hand. I mean he would make me snap and do things in a million years I never thought I would do. I’d tell him I didn’t wanna be recorded.
I kept feeling empathy though and heartbreak, especially for my child and arranged a meeting at a public library. He brought some woman to record the whole thing. Hoping I would snap. I remained calm and followed him the whole time for his supervised visit. He even took her outside in winter, no hat, coat, socks (she is 9 months old) and went to his car. My heart was racing!! I was scared he was going to take her. This visit happened he demanded “his” car seat back and the cloth diapers that he bought. Pathetic. I felt stupid for allowing him to see her again.
He made all these claims against me on the filing he did for custody which he got to first! He has 60 days to serve me and still hasn’t! His 60 days will end on the 21st of this month.
I’m a nervous wreck. My anxiety is so high and I fear losing my child.
I’ve done NC for almost 2 days now and I feel good about it. I told him if he wanted to contact my lawyer about things, he could. They had a meeting set up and he never showed up. He ignored my lawyers phone calls. This man truly doesn’t care about custody or his child. I’ve had a contract written up describing everything we already do and he refuses to sign it. He wants all the control and I won’t let him have it! I need to stay strong but having a child with someone like this is the hardest thing over ever done in my life.