2.5 months and haven't heard from him… Help!

Hi Taylorlynnx11, I’m sorry that you were discard by this narcissist. It hurts like hell when out of the blue the just leave & to find out he was cheating is heartbreaking.

What i can tell you is good reddens to this manipulative guy!! Thank goodness you found out the truth about him! You were very smart to research his behavior & come to the conclusion he is a narcissist.

I think most professional athletes are very narcissist. Especially if they went up in the College arena where they are recruited and praised for their sports ability vs their personal conduct.

Both College & professional level teams while recruiting a player will literally bring them to strip clubs & brothels to get the player to pick their school or team. Not saying all schools but most do this type recruiting conduct. So these young boys are taught to mistreat woman & see them only as objects instead of actual people who have feelings at a very impressional age.

Then thrown in all the groupies and sponsor parties and these male athletes are so use to woman throwing themselves at them and their egos just go out of orbit. Plus add in social media which effects every relationship because a cheater can hide his contact of other woman very easily.

Coming out of a relationship myself from being married to a sociopath I can tell you that the best thing that ever happened during our marriage was him discarding me while we were still together & he was still coming home while cheating on me multiple times. Why was it the best thing?

Because I finally woke up to the fact he was never going to change. And most importantly I woke up to the fact that I kept changing to please him. Nothing was ever going to please him!! Not the 5 women he was cheating with in two different states or all the other women he cheated with during our marriage.

We women are taught that if our boyfriend/husband is not happy it’s our fault. ITS NOT OUR FAULT…there a some people that will never be happy with the one they are with. They will always be seeking out the “next best thing” that gives them attention & supplies them with praise. They will always be trying to fill their egos. This guy that you were dating is one of these guys. He will never be happy with the one he is with. Mark my words if he ever does marry he will be a serial cheater & his wife will finally leave him.

You deserve better!!

DO YOU KNOW YOU DESERVE BETTER?

Do you know that you were settling with this guy? There are 7 Billion people on this planet!! DONT SETTLE!!

Yes, his resume looked impressive…sports athlete, driven for success, (most likely) good salary = stability, knew how to pretend to be nice’

But look at his TRUE behavior.

He needs his ego filled = this is exhausting for all the people around him to always be their filling his ego while he is never their for you emotionally.

He lied to you!

He cheated on you!

He manipulated!

He is a con man!

Do you really want to be with a liar, cheater, manipulative con man?

Ask yourself that question again!

Do I really want to be with a liar, cheater, manipulative con man?

What you see is what you will always get from him. He will always play his same pattern of mind games with you. Coming & going in the relationship, cheating, lie, manipulate etc.

Let go of this guy!! Let him go, he will only bring you misery! Mark my word they do not change they get more blunt with their cheating, lying & manipulation. I spent 12 years married to one…it was a NIGHTMARE…the divorce was the bottom of hell trying to get him out of my life while the courts & him dragged on our divorce.

And you Deserve so much more then misery! You deserve to be happy, healthy, and you deserve a nice, kind hearted guy who will love you & be there for you.

Who will NOT suck the air out of the room so that no one else can breath.

Best advise is:

1) Follow the NO CONTACT RULE (look this up on Lovefraud & also google)

2) Block him from your phone, email, social media ASAP that also means that you do not look at his sociol media to see what he is up to. YOU know what he is up to = lying, manipulating & cheating.

3) Tell your dad who this guy really is = a narcissist
Ask your mother & father to read up on this personality disorder. Then tell them they too need to Block this guy also asap!!

4) Every time you have the urge to call him come here and vent and read!

5) Every time you are sad, angry, crying, etc come here and read everything to remind yourself that this guy is a con man and that you deserve better.

Hugs to you!

ps:

Just wanted to let you know that there is help for you:

Donna Anderson’s book Lovefraud 10 signs you are dating a sociopath is an excellent read

Donna Anderson (Lovefraud site creator) also has a personal consultation program for a small fee you can talk with her on the phone. Just go up to the top of Lovefruad & look under the Red tab “Contact” then “personal consultation”

There is also your local abuse center where you can receive free counseling & attend free women group meeting.

Taylorlynnx11, Jan 7 has said it all. One clarification — there’s likely a Women’s Crisis Center in your area.

Where I live, there is a group of Abuse Recovery Ministry and Services (A.R.M.S.) is the most amazing and helpful group I have ever been in. They have an ongoing series of maybe 10-15 lessons, which are repeate over and over. The groups are free, and you can start at any part of the lesson series. The lessons are printed on one or two pages, which give information that I never found at the particular Women’s Crisis Center here. “Although” they are an evangelical Christian group, I felt totally welcome and truly at home there, and they welcome women of every religion or none. They will not proselytize. Also, they are actively educating and explaining to misogynists ministers all over the country that wives are human beings with minds of their own. (I can’t state exactly what the ministerial program does…you’d have to ask them at their phone number below.)

Before I went to ARMS, I had the educational misfortune of attending a church service where the male minister preached total obedience from wives and children. I also worked as a temp book sales person at a huge coliseum where this all-male group Promise Seekers had books preaching the same things, and denigrating women.

They are ARMS groups Oregon, Florida, Montana, Idaho, Washington, California, Illinois. Tennessee & Maryland that are closed groups.

If you want to call us [ARMS] and get specific locations or the call-in number, please feel free to do so anytime Monday through Friday 8 AM to 5 PM (PST) at 866-262-9284.

Hi taylorlynnx, no doubt he learned his foundation of behavior from his father. And his mother is brain washed by the father to follow his orders. This is what a relationship looks like with a narcissist or sociopath narcissist. This is what your relationship looked like to outsiders. Did you feel submissive to your boyfriend?

Do you want your boyfriend to contact you?

Not making any suggestions or judgment here…Closure is definitely what most of us would want. Sometimes we never get that. Maybe that’s why I’m on this forum! Why am I here???? I really don’t know, but I guess/think it really is so I can find some sort of pattern or meaning in more than 3 experiences with sociopaths/narcissists. Not only in my partners, but people in workplaces, too, and even one or two neighbors. Most of them — maybe none of them — I got no closure. I have a good man now, who treats me very well. I treat him well, too. We never have fought. I told him, and all my friends, too, that “NOBODY screams at me! Anyone who does — I walk away and never look back! I’ve spent too many years of my life being screamed at and screaming back. Never again!”

Re closure: A therapist gave me a wonderful cartoon! It shows this huge dragon, picking his teeth with a knight’s sword, the knight’s armor scattered all around on the ground, no sight of the knight. The caption is: “Sometimes the dragon wins.”

Oh, horrible.. You wrote: “I can’t believe that 2 weeks after talking about the future of our lives together, he cut me off cold turkey. It makes no sense.” A close relative of mine had a very similar experience. This guy she’d been close to for 3 years, did something similar. But I must say that she had broken off with him more than once, and even gave back her engagement ring one of those times. But then he gave it back when the made up. She told me she got bored with him — but then the flames would come back. Still, she was devastated when he abruptly cut her off. How it happened was, a week before Christmas he told her he wanted to spend the rest if his life with her. 3 days after that, he broke it off. They used to go to ALL the same cultural events together. So she knew, when, a few months after breaking of off with her, he had found another woman. Those two were going to the events where my relative was going. I think she still avoids her favorite places to go — and it’s been about 3 years since the breakup. She is terrified of seeing him and the other woman there. One time I went with her to a show, and she saw the two of them there — she made us move to another part of the theater. I told her that was not something I wanted to do again, so I only go other places with her, where there is no chance she might see him. But, I have urged her not to look at him or the other woman — but she always does. Big mistake.

Hi Taylorlynnx11, it’s good that you are honest about what you want and what you need from him. You have to remember that he pretended to be someone he is not and love bombed you into a relationship with him.

Guess what he is doing now with another woman (maybe many women)?

Yep. He is love bombing her.

And she is loving all his attention and she is showering him with attention. And that is what he wants. HE is getting his “supply” of attention. She is feeding his ego. She only sees him in a “good” light, but she will soon be cheated on too.

Will he return to you? will he call you?

Most narcissist will only call their past victims when they have no new supply. This could be 5 months from now, 5 days from now or 20 years from now.

This is why it’s important now to open your mind up from his manipulation & brain washing to see him for exactly how he is…not who he pretended to be.

My guess is he is young, athletic, has money and will have an endless supply of new victims. Maybe when he is 40 he will not be able to get a new victim quite so easily & this is when he will reach out to a victim…maybe you, maybe someone else in his past, who can easily be manipulated out. One who is not educated. YOU are educating yourself. This is good! This is a HUGE step!

I know it’s hard. I know you want to talk to him, you want to “fix” things with him. I know you want the “good guy” back. But he has shown you who he really is and you need to take your rose color glasses off and see the true guy he is = not a good guy.

Who do you do this? How do you see the true guy?

You have to be fully honest with yourself.

You have to fully see the whole relationship not just the “good” times. When you do this, you will see there were NO “good” times. There were more times then not that you bit your tongue so not to have a fight with him. There were times that you just wanted things to go back to the beginning when he was a “nice” guy who love bomb you…but it was all lies & manipulation.

What is your closure with this guy?

The fact that you found out he is a narcissist!!!

That is your closure!

Say that again:

What is my closure? I found out he is a narcissist!!

Then I educated myself on what a narcissist really is…

Then I set myself & mind free from him.

THAT IS CLOSURE!!

Hugs to you. It’s hard hon, but the No contact Rule is the best rule to get over him. It’s up to you to impose the No Contact Rule. That means you dont contact him and you dont let him contact you.

Wishing you the best.

ps dont be upset with the other woman he is with…she is just a vicim like you in his con game. Keep all the focus on him.

Hi Taylorlynnx11, You are so welcome! Been there too. It’s a emotional nightmare to understand their behavior on your own. So happy that you found your way to Lovefraud, Donna (site creator) has saved so many people, including myself with her wonderful site. And like you, I was lost when I first came to her site. Confused, bewildered, wanting answers. SO keep asking away. I’m not sure if I can answer all but I’ll give you my thoughts.

Yes, narcisiist & sociopaths can get their “supply” from pets & children, a neighbor, co-worker, friend etc.

During my marriage we had a friend that who I believe now to be a narcissist and YES he too had a robot dog. I thought it was kinda of cruel to the pet during the time as the pet was not natural or happy. He was always waiting for the friend to give him a command. The poor dog never really played he just sat waiting. It was not until I left & started to have knowledge of what I saw & the red flags I saw with certain individuals did I fully understand. I think they should teach kids about narcissist & sociopath traits so that kids know to follow their guts.

I have read that one the wedding nights of some victims their mate literally changed going into rants & being abusive. I look back at my own relationship and their were RED FLAGS right from the second I met him, but because he has a large group of friends, I let my guard down. HUGE MISTAKE…we can never let our guards down in this dangerous world.

How was it fake? They just know that then are not normal. They know that they have zero emotions. They know they are different and they have learned to mimic others who have emotions. I also think that he was hanging out with lots of narcissist in the sport arena maybe many sociopaths too where he could let his guard down.

His life style I think added to his narcissists. You hear so many rumors about sports athletes who cheat on their girlfriend & wives and sometimes even when the wife finds out they still stay because they are controlled by their mate…stepford wives…aka robot.

I think wrapping your head around that fact that people on this planet who blend in can be evil is one of the hardest parts of recovery. My ex was pure evil. I knew this during our marriage…I keep saying to myself even in the beginning “I need to get away from him”. But he had my head so twisted up right from the second he met me that I ignored my gut.

Do you think your ex is a sociopath narcissist?

If so, he is PURE EVIL!!!

I dont think you are in “denial”, I think you, like most victims have been brain washed by him and that has lead to “cognitive dissonance” which means you are holding two different belief systems.

One = he is good

two = he is bad

Because he brain washed you with love bombing you “know” he can be kind, nice and loving. But it was a con game…these type of people would not normally get a nice person to date them so they FAKE it until they have the person hooked into their con game then they drop their mask.

Do a search here on love fraud up at the top right on cognitive dissonance and then do one on the net. Read everything on this subject. It’s quite emotionally when you start to unravel the trickery that they do. And it will leave you stunned. But the more you read the more you see the truth with this guy & more importantly with you relationship. That it was not all good…more like it was more all bad.

It takes time. Dont rush anything. When you read something stop and analyses it with what this guy did to you. Keep a note book on your bad thoughts him.

Also watch the videos Donna has posted up at the top of Lovefraud. They are excellent at explaining “Why” sociopaths do these things to control us.

Glad you had the courage to come to love fraud & post. This is a huge step. If you need to talk with someone Donna Anderson has a personal consultation program where you can talk with her on the phone & ask questions. If you ago to the top under “contact” you can find out more info on this. I have not used this service of hers, but others have and they spoke highly about it as it help them to further understand the relationship.

Take care,

Yes this does happen! Sometimes they don’t break it off because they are leaving their options open and they are able to do so because of an extreme ability to compartmentalize… i have to leave for work but I’ll be back to write as soon as i can. Glad i found your post….

Hi, just stumbled on this thread, here’s a few points to consider, above all, no contact is essential, getting closure is highly unlikely but what it is likely you will eventually be contacted by him when his supply of new victims is running a bit low – stay strong, don’t let him anywhere near you.
Your replacement will soon become his victim, I came across a quote I particularly remember “watch the light go out in her eyes”; you hate her at the moment but she will become you before long: I met my replacement recently and I saw myself in her after less than two years with my ex; it had happened, she looked desperate! Remember, you can do so much better.

Hello, Hofren — welcome — I’m often the first to write, but Donna Anderson is the host, owner, and power behind the site, and standing side by side with us all. You wrote: “watch the light go out in her eyes” I learned something about that when I was married to husb/ #2. One time something wonderful must have been said or done, and I was very enthusiastic. The bro in law said, “Wow, Synergy! It’s nice to see you so enthusiastic!” I think that was the first time I realized something was seriously wrong. “I’m an enthusiastic person! Always have been!” I thought to myself. But I realized then that my enthusiasm had died. After I dumped him, after NINE YEARS OF SUFFERING, my enthusiasm gradually came back. But I grieved for several years, and became almost psychotic — doing things I would later be embarrassed to admit.

Hey girl, do you want him to message you? If so what for???

Seriously ask yourself, why do you love him? Why do you want him in your life?

There is no time frame of when a narc will contact you. I went/am going through the same situation. Here is my story and maybe it will help you because it is extremely relatable to your story.

I dated this guy for two years. He was my first love and I thought he would be my last. I was 100\% devoted to him. His huge charismatic personality drew me in. He seemed like the absolute most perfect human to exist for me in particular. He took his car off the road to save money for school. He decided to go to university at 25 years old. So he walked from his house in the country to my work to bring me flowers. This was a 3 hours walk!!!! He once bought two journals and combined them into one because I was looking for a specific look that I could not find in stores so he literally spent $100 to make this journal for me. He took me on lavish dates and spoiled me with beautiful and heartfelt gifts. I was never a materialistic person but I felt so adored and loved by this man.

We NEVER argued for the first year and a half. We were planning to get our own place and our own dog. Then things suddenly shifted. Out of the blue he became distant and he was NOT the man I thought he was. Turns out there were red flags from the beginning but I chose to ignore them. I was so brainwashed by this man. Once we started having problems he made a tinder account. We would never argue really, it was more of him just ignoring me and leaving me completely oblivious to where he was and what he was doing and who he was with. I cried so many nights so confused and desperate to get back what we once had.

I made myself sick. I would literally get physically ill because I was so heartbroken that this guy who was supposed to be my best friend would treat me like garbage. My family and friends saw how sad I was and they had no idea what was wrong until I would finally speak up and they were shocked because they were compelled by his allure just like I was. He was so good at lying and so good at making himself look like such an amazing person.

We broke up for a week and I forgave him and took him back but he did not want to change his FB relationship status after we got back together. He wanted to keep it as SINGLE. I told him that he should make it private, that we didn’t even need to go public with our relationship but I didn’t feel it was fair for it to say single when we were still together. I can’t believe I was so desperate for this man. I was completely brainwashed. It only took about 6 months for him to meet someone else and no he never did change his FB status from single…he told me I was immature for wanting him to change it that it must be our age difference since I was 22 at the time and he was 26 by then.

He met a new girl while he was with me. Began ignoring me again and I was left heartbroken for two weeks I didn’t know what was happening but my gut told me he was with this girl and I was right. Mere days after he broke up with me via text message he made it FB official with her. I wondered what she had that I didn’t. Fast forward to New Years, he was on vacation with her in Australia. He messaged me. I didn’t respond. He messaged me again 3 weeks ago. Today would have been our anniversary if we were still together. I replied when he messaged me 3 weeks ago.

He said breaking up with me was the biggest mistake of his life. He said if he could go back he would and he would love me the right way. I ONCE AGAIN let him fool me. I let my emotions cloud my judgement. I asked if he was still with the girl he left me for and he said that YES HE IS STILL WITH HER. He changed my name to “Nick” in his phone….so that she wouldn’t know that he is messaging me. I was so confused for those 3 weeks of talking to him. I am so embarrassed for letting this guy control my emotions so much. I will never ever get back together with him. A week ago I was still pining for him but not anymore. I know what a narcissist is now and I cannot let him break me the way he did before.

Please go out with your friends. Ignore that loser when he comes back because I guarantee he will. He will come back when you LEAST expect it, he will come back at a time where you are feeling your best. DO NOT LET HIM BACK INTO YOUR HEART. You are a good person a pure soul with a lot of love to give, don’t give your time and love to someone that doesn’t deserve it. Don’t waste your precious life on someone that doesn’t even know what love is.

It is unfortunate, it’s a harsh reality. Focus on yourself and how you can make your own life better. Enjoy your new found FREEDOM! Eventually you will find a true love. But be cautious. I hear that many times people fall back into old habits even in new relationships because those narcs have a way of scoping out the good people…trust your instinct and love wisely, don’t ignore red flags.

xoxo

Taylorlynnx11,

If you need a bit more validation I was also with a very narcissistic man, who was super charismatic, very egocentric, handsome, and the life of the party. He wanted to marry me, for the first time he said he found the ‘right woman’. He planned for our future. He introduced me to friends. Fast forward 9 months and I find out he has slept with 7-10 other women, 8 confirmed.

He tried, after a time, to reconnect ‘as friends’. I did not respond. He asked a mutual friend if he should continue to try and get in touch with me and she told him no, to leave me alone.

But here is the thing, too. I changed ALL my contact information. He was not friends with my family, so no worries for me there. I DECIDED I wanted NOTHING to do with him.

Fastforward, again. I see him with a beautiful young woman, half his age, who looks absolutely drained, exhausted, blank eyed. Just like I did after just under a year.

There is no timeline for when/if these sorts will try to reconnect with their victims. It varies. Sometimes it NEVER happens. That does not mean they are not off their rockers. It just means they have moved onto more victims, more drama, more SUPPLY. When they do circle back around it is because they are out of ‘fresh meat’, and need to nibble on an ‘old carcass’. Sorry to sound so gross, but this is how they operate in the world.

Take care of yourself, cut him off. If he should try to apologize, cry, beg, and make up…IGNORE HIM. Nothing good will come of it.

Slim

2.5 months and haven't heard from him… Help!

Hi menilew – I don’t know your story or if you have it posted elsewhere. All I know about your situation is from your post – but this is what I think and presume : the reason that you haven’t heard anything for 2.5 months is either due to a long silent treatment ( silent treatments are mini discards ), or else it could be an actual discard. Either way, disappearing for that length of time without talking to you or texting etc., is totally unacceptable behavior. You are on the receiving end of abusive treatment and are left in limbo and waiting which causes stress and anxiety which you do not deserve. Therefore you need to turn it around and go No Contact on your own initiative. Block that person from being able to contact you in any way – block their number from your cell phone etc. Your anxiety will immediately disappear because you have taken back your power. You will need to face the emotions of a breakup and process them, but at the same time you will be healing from an abusive relationship. Get Amber Ault’s book called ‘ The Five Step Exit ‘ to help you get through it all and to be able to take care of yourself, love yourself and to move on to a better, happier life. If there are any details about your situation that you need to clarify, please post and we will give you more feedback and probably better too with more information to go by.
Blessings