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Hi everyone. i discovered this amazing site and I am so happy about that. My abusive ex discarded me for the second time 1 month ago, he discarded me in a cruel way, by message and without explanation (the day before he was acting nice and sweet) I am going no contact, i blocked him and changed my email but i can’t stop thinking about him, i feel confused and is hard for me to believe how someone that seemed to love me could treat me so bad. Now i think about how evil he was, i am going with a therapist and i am trying to be positive but he still haunts me in my thoughts. It is normal? Will this pain go away or will I be able to stop thinking about him someday? I just want to feel normal and forget him.
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That is all totally normal. It takes time to heal and to break the addiction to an abusive relationship. I have a friend who is maybe 4 or 5 months NC now? She is thriving. So hang in there. Hugs
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hi moni – it is going to hurt because you actually had real feelings for him. it sounds lame but it really does take time. you will find ways to focus on yourself, and keep the thoughts about him away, and eventually you’ll see they get less and less frequent. like this site says – it is an addiction! and it took over your life. i’m only 2 weeks NC (for my third try) but every day it feels better because i’ve finally chosen it. you may be stuck in memories but remember your mind is only letting you focus on the good times, remind yourself of the bad ones too and know you deserve so much better!
use sites like this to vent, look into meditation apps to re-focus when you need it, and take care of yourself! -
Hi Moni,
I agree with the above; after a 4 year relationship and 5 months from break up, I only now starting to feel better and broke NC twice (see my recent response under the NC post by summertimesadness on this forum).I would say, for each year of relationship give yourself 2 months. And it is going to be harder if it never progressed to devaluation and discard phases (which was the case with me) as you will be left with love bombing memories and not enough negative ones to balance them out.
Good luck with NC and please take each day as one at a time
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