Is my narcisstic ex trying to get my attention?

Starryeyed,

He is stalking you. He is trying to get your attention. He is bored and needing to toy with you (and likely other women too). He is too narcissistic to care that you ‘figured him out’. He could also turn very dangerous and do something you do not expect.

I get checking on him to see ‘where he is’. But this might be part of the reason you are still asking questions about what his motives are. IF he knows you will eventually make contact with him, or allow him to make contact with you, then he will do this FOREVER. It is just a game to him, but one that could turn out very badly for you.

Well, of course he’s trying to “get your attention,” starryeyed!

From his point of view, any reaction is better than no reaction. If he’s hooked you and “hoovered you in” once again, that to him is a victory over you. But even if all he gets is a hostile reaction from you, because his behavior disturbs or angers you, it’s still more satisfying to him to know he “got through” to you and pissed you off than to get no reaction at all. To him, that’s better than being impotent to affect you in any way at all.

This is all about the basic laws of behavioral psychology. If an action (like his) is “reinforced” by any kind of response from you–even a negative, hostile response–your response, whether positive or negative, “reinforces” his behavior and makes him more likely to repeat it. Then he’ll continue to bother you.

While you can’t “control” his behavior, you can at least stop encouraging it–by simply ignoring him, putting this obnoxious fellow out of your mind as far as you can, not letting his behavior bother you, and above all, keeping no contact, rejecting any temptation to respond to him in any way whatsoever. That will piss him off just as he deserves; but far more important, when you don’t respond to his behavior, since it gains him no reward of any kind, he’s more likely to give it up altogether. This technique of non-response is called “extinguishing” a behavior. There’s never any guarantee of results, but in the realm of probabilities, the less you let him bother you, and above all, never let him know that anything he does is getting through to you in any way at all–so as far as he can see, he just doesn’t exist in your mind!–the more likely he is to quit bugging you, and sooner rather than later.

Yes, he undoubtedly is. I think he sounds like a sick, pathetic loser. The only reason he is following you on social media after he ghosted you months ago is he wants another opportunity to torment you again. He’s bored and probably has no life outside of toying with people; otherwise he’s find more constructive ways to entertain himself. When there’s no one around for him to play with, he probably gets very frustrated.

Simply not liking someone any more is not enough for people like him; they have to persecute that person as well. Going after someone he hates probably gives him a big ego boost, a feeling of power, and a temporary high. He probably has a stable of people he behaves this way with, including those other women.

If I were you, I would block ALL his accounts, including his real and fake ones. He might be trying to dig up dirt about you, or using your information in another way that could end up seriously hurting you.

Even though people like him are lame and childish, they can also be dangerous. Often, they’ll dig up their victims’ info in order to ambush them in some way; to find ways to attack their victims that are the most effectively hurtful. If he chooses to think your blocking all his accounts means he’s gotten to you, that’s OK. He can think whatever he wants. More likely, he’ll realize that you’re ignoring and moving on from him, and you want absolutely nothing to do with whatsoever. It is much better to let him have NO access to you whatsoever.

i would block his friend too, which I find just as pathetic. Most likely this friend is a flying monkey of his. He probably had this friend contact you so his friend could report everything you said back to him.

Ghosting someone and then stalking and spying on them on social media months later is pathological behavior. There is a term for it: orbiting.

Here is an article about orbiting:

Hope all this helps.