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This is the short version of the hardest part of my predicamint. Due to a family medical situation, we acrued a lot of debt. In 2018 my husband and I had discussed debt consolidation. I recommended Consumer Credit Counseling, as I knew a few people that had worked there. However, my husband chose a company without telling me! So he starts sending this comapny money, but they aren’t making any payments! They were “negotiating” with our creditors, but not making any payments. Then just days before Christmas, we have creditors literally knocking on our door!Merry Christmas.
So once again, my husband makes the decisions without consulting me. He sets up payment plans with all the creditors. This plan leaves us with all most nothing of an emergency fund or to even see a movie. He said he had to plan it that way to avoid going to court. He assures me that as soon as the debt is paid off, we’ll be able to have fun again! I’m just supposed to be there waiting to go out on the town when the debt it paid off! I worked part-time for minimum wage. That’s what is available after being a stay at home Mom for years. If I want something, I have to ask him for it.
Literally days before Christmas, the car dies! He has a work vehicle that drives all the time. Anytime I had mentioned car repairs, he said:”you drive drive, you make repairs! I guess I was supposed to pay with my good looks! So here I am without a car though. He’s informed me that we can’t replace the car, until the debt reducation plan is paid off. I can’t even get to work anymore! This is not a walkable community either. His answer is find a job where I can drop you off and pick you up! I can’t work the night shift, because I just can’t stay up all night.
I did my best to get through Christmas & New Year. This has been the final straw for me though.
When I found out about the debt elimination plan, all these red flags went up! FINANCIAL ABUSE! He literally controls all of the money! It sucks. -
Hi shellybelle – I was wondering if you have any relatives that you can stay with, where you can go to ASAP. If so, when he’s not home etc, get some stuff together and depart. You can deal with finances and anything else that is pertinent via email etc. If he starts threatening you in anyway, contact the police and get a restraining order. It is a completely untenable situation that you are in and it will only get worse due to financial stress. Another alternative is a woman’s shelter. But as everybody has said, just don’t let him know you are planning anything – just move out. It takes a lot of courage to face everything that you are, and you have much to be proud of yourself for looking at the truth of your situation. I look forward to hearing how you are doing. I usually reply to posts pretty quickly, but I’ve been snowed in where I live and need to go to town to get internet access – just so you know. In the meantime, I will be thinking of you and sending you lots of good energy and blessings.
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polestar- Good luck to you while you are snowed in Take care.
SG
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shellybelle – one objective of financial abuse is control. That’s what he is doing – besides, of course, not paying the bills. It will not get any better. I agree with Jan’s suggestions.
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Hi shellybelle – I wanted to apologize that In my last post I made it sound like you needed to run out of your house immediately or something like that. I do believe that you need to leave the situation and I think that you agree with that – however, I should have mentioned and supported you to first get a plan in order and to get some counseling help with figuring out the safest and best exit plan for you.
Blessings -
Hi sunnygal –
Thank you. Happily the snow has subsided – for now. Most often I can get out even when it does snow, but every now and again either I can’t get down the mountain or else it would be unwise to try. But your kindness brings me sunshine, so sunnygal is the perfect name for you !
Blessings -
hI polestar- Good you are careful. I’m in CA where it rains but no snow. Snow can be pretty be challenging. Sounds like you are doing O.K.
sG
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Hi SG – I grew up in CA ! I haven’t lived too long in this area where it snows in the winter, so it’s not something that comes naturally for me. Truth be told, it’s a lot more fun to go somewhere to enjoy the snow than to actually live with it ( kind of like some people – ha ha ). Thanks again for your caring.
Blessings -
I work in the credit counseling world. Your husband used a debt settlement company which is awful. I’m so sorry. Please go to nfcc.org and request a counselor. A lot of times the counselor can help you after you have been negatively affected by the debt settlement company. I believe they can assist you in figuring out a way you can extract yourself from him so you can leave. The goal is to give you some control back.
Do you have anyone you can stay with until you can get on your feet? I know that’s so hard with the car situation. Are there any positions you can do online from home like medical billing or something?
There are also nonprofits that can assist with your car issue. Try workingcarsforworkingfamilies.org
Good luck. It’s not easy, but there are people out there who can help you and want to help you.
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