How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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    • February 6, 2020 at 11:45 pm #56013
      polestar
      Participant

      I wanted to thank all the participants here at Love Fraud for helping me to “ dodge a bullet “. Briefly, I have rental property and was going to rent to a woman who looked very good “ on paper “. But – her behavior was subtly manipulative and things she was saying were not adding up. I was not feeling good about renting to her, yet there was part of me that wanted to dismiss my intuition and unease. I did confront her about different issues and she always had excuses or else would somehow sidestep my point. But, Love Fraud to the rescue ! I remembered many stories I have read and all the education from so many participant’s replies, and realized that she was trouble and if I signed a rental agreement with her, she would have so much legal power and I would have been put in a vulnerable situation that could have brought me many difficulties ( as she was already causing difficulties ), but also it would have been terrible for my peace of mind to have to deal with her on an ongoing basis. So I told her that I did not trust her and that I would not rent to her. She tried to guilt trip me. But I feel relieved by my stance, and I really don’t think that I would have had the awareness of what I was up against if not for Love Fraud and all of you. Lies and manipulation and emotional manipulation can be difficult to perceive if you are not aware. So I thank everybody !
      Blessings

    • February 7, 2020 at 5:52 pm #56018
      Sunnygal
      Participant

      polestar- Good you listened to your gut and didn’t take a tenant who could be problematic.

      SG

    • February 7, 2020 at 6:24 pm #56020
      polestar
      Participant

      Hi SG – thank you so much for your post. After I let her know that I wouldn’t rent to her, I felt so relieved and my peace of mind returned. It’s amazing how a person can get sucked in just by a lot of little things that suddenly all add up. But anyway, thanks for your support.
      Blessings

    • February 8, 2020 at 4:27 pm #56021
      polestar
      Participant

      Update – I just rented the place to someone nice and a pleasure to communicate with. It is like night and day in comparison to the other person. So the moral to the story is that there are many worthwhile people in the world and we should not waste our time and energy with those who bring nothing but difficulties and misery !
      Blessings to everybody.

    • February 8, 2020 at 8:38 pm #56022
      Sunnygal
      Participant

      polestar- Glad to hear you got a good tenant. Very nice!!!!

      SG

    • February 9, 2020 at 5:14 pm #56023
      polestar
      Participant

      Thank you !!!

    • February 11, 2020 at 6:11 pm #56032
      monicapz
      Participant

      Dear Polestar,

      You are under no obligation to explain yourself, especially at the beginning of a relationship, whether it be business, friendship or romantic. You yourself need not know the reason – if your gut says it, remove yourself and the reason will come to you! Don’t wait for you to formulate a “reason.” By then, it may be too late!

      Yours truly,

      Monica

    • February 11, 2020 at 11:54 pm #56033
      polestar
      Participant

      Hi Monica – Oh, you are so right ! To think that I actually woke up one morning feeling sick about the prospective renter, and still bypassed that message from my own self. It is hard for me to understand how I could have let the communication continue as long as I did is beyond me. Considering that I have read books and am a participant here, and yet I just barely put the breaks on in time. But anyway, as I said, you were so right about not needing to give a reason to myself or others – that is key. Part of the problem was that I spoke to the woman’s references who all said what a wonderful etc etc person she was. So that made me doubt myself – but those psychopaths can have a stellar persona. It is a lesson that I need to learn – and fast ! that my point of view and feelings are valuable. Thank you so much for your supportive response.
      Blessings

    • February 16, 2020 at 11:38 pm #56063
      Sunnygal
      Participant

      polestar- It is good you are aware of personality disorders. I know some apartment managers who are not.

      SG

      • February 19, 2020 at 3:36 pm #56129
        Redwald
        Participant

        I’ll bet scads of apartment managers are not aware of personality disorders! Including managers of large apartment blocks. They’re only ordinary humans, after all. They might be on the lookout for “disreputable” renters, or people with dubious incomes, a poor credit record, or no references; things like that. And they might pick up on “bad vibes” from someone. But the disordered person who’s slick enough to pull the wool over their eyes they might very well miss altogether, and be amazed at how some of those people behave.

        • February 20, 2020 at 12:49 am #56135
          Sunnygal
          Participant

          I know a manager who had a personality disordered antisocial tenant. She had threatened people verbally then physically. He acknowledged she was mentally ill but described her as being psychotic, not in touch with reality. He was not aware that there are 20 different types of mental illness. Not all are psychotic.

    • February 17, 2020 at 1:45 pm #56072
      polestar
      Participant

      SG – Thanks Another issue I realized that I have a tendency to make mistakes about is that if I have a doubt about somebody, I will stick around to find out if my hunch is correct and wanting to give someone the “ benefit of the doubt “ and to be sure. But then what happens is that I get sucked into some dreary situation with a bad experience. But when some kind of contract is involved, that mindset is disastrous! But in other situations, it is still a harmful method of proceeding. So henceforth, my new plan of action is to look for Red Flags, and exit immediately. Thanks so much for your support.
      Blessings

    • February 20, 2020 at 10:54 pm #56142
      polestar
      Participant

      Thanks everyone for your insightful input. I’ve been contemplating the issue some more and what I realized was that without education, people in any social capacity are vulnerable to psychological abusers. Awareness and education are key.
      Blessings

    • May 21, 2020 at 8:22 pm #62798
      Sunnygal
      Participant

      polestar- yes, education is very important.

      SG

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