STD

First, Be patient with yourself hun

It all seems so overwhelming in the beginning once you start realizing you arent supposed to be treated this way. At some points you may feel like you deserve it but deep down you know you dont. It took me 2 years to finally leave after I started opening my eyes to what was happening. I was with my Exnarc for 8 years it was in our 6th year when I finally started to realize he was toxic for my kids and I.
I read the book “should I stay or should I go”, I binge watched youtube videos from “queen beeing” “from surviving to thriving” and “royal we” plus a few people from my local women’s shelter and ladies here on lovefraud helped me tremendously
I was focusing more on who I am and what I want out of life. I did more things with just me and my kids.

Leaving was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do but it was 100% neccessary. If you feel the need to distance yourself from him do so without giving him your number or new address. Make sure he cant contact you and DO not contact him. He will make you feel like the only girl in the world and that he loves you so much more than he thought then suck you right back into the relationship….it will be great for a week or so and then it will go right back to what it is now. It is literally an endless cycle.
In time you will see what is best for you and take the action needed.

You ask for help but I promise you already have the answers hun 😊

Hi pleasehelp – 1st of all, about the STD, just go to the doctor and do what the doctor prescribes – there are plenty of good drugs on the market, and you can go on to live a healthy life and have healthy children and everything. I guess that you got the STD from your current boyfriend, so regardless if he is a sociopath or not, you need to stop having sex with him so that you don’t get reinfected. The last issue is about his abusive behavior towards you – it is unacceptable. Here at Love Fraud we know all about sociopaths and he definitely fits the profile. We have protocols for dealing with sociopaths, for leaving the toxic relationship, and for emotional healing afterwards. I understand how difficult it will be to end it because of the deep love you felt for him ( due to his love bombing ) and that you probably still feel for him even through his abuse. It is very common for survivors to feel like you do – it is from, what is known as “ intermittent reinforcement “. This means that as soon as the sociopath gets a hint that you’ve had it with their cruelty and put downs, then they swoop in and start being nice enough to re-hook you. But then the meanness starts all over again. What you need to understand is that for each round of the cycle, you get weaker and weaker – both physically ( due to hormonal stress etc ) and emotionally. The end game for sociopaths is usually what we call a “ discard “ – when they have hooked you to the degree that you are totally addicted to them and the abuse and are at a very low place, then they will dump you. So it is better to use your will power now, before you hit rock bottom and get out of the relationship. Since you are in college, they may have free counseling that will help you. Of course with all this virus stuff happening worldwide, your school is probably closed. In any case here at Love Fraud there are wonderful books to educate you and webinars and this forum. Please keep communicating with us so we can support you through this ordeal. It is definitely not like an ordinary breakup. I did want to also mention that in some cases, when the victim gets to rock bottom, the abuser doesn’t dump them, but keeps them strung along like a slave while they have all kinds of other relationships and use the victim as a scapegoat horrifically. It does happen, so be one of the victorious like we are here! Be a survivor and gain back your self love and your self respect! You can do it and we are here to help.
Blessings

PS – for pleasehelp – 1st Step is to get educated about how to go No Contact and what that entails and how to manage it. You can find info here or books about it on Amazon etc. If you’d like more specific recommendations, let us know and we’ll respond.
Blessings

Hello Pleasehelp, as difficult as it was for you to post your post tonight, I’m glad that you did. You have just made a huge step out of this abusive relationship.

EVERY VICTIM OF A SOCIOPATH FEELS STUCK!! Every victim of a sociopath feels confused…which is a RED FLAG that you are in a very emotional & mentally abusive relationship with this guy.

I too felt stuck in my marriage for 12 plus years. I never even wanted to date my ex h, let alone move in with him or marry him. And every day of my marriage I wanted to escape him. But, he twisted my head up so much that I could not even find the door out of my marriage. I has zero self esteem once I started dating him. he was very stealth of how he eroded my self esteem away without me even realizing it.

We all know how you are feeling. So it is so important that you recognize that you want HELP!!

YOU BRAVO TO YOU FOR ASKIGN FOR HELP!! This is a HUGE HUGE HUGE step!! So pat yourself on the back..

Like most, I had zero idea that I was in a emotional & mental abusive relationship. At times I would say to my self that all my ex mind games were abuse. But, I truly did not understand abuse…I thought that it was physical abuse. Which a few times he did become violent with me. But, he would always talk be back in.

he manipulated my mind so much I felt like a complete failure at everything, from washing the dishes (and leaving soap on some, where he would let me know that I left soap on the dish) to heating up water in the microwave for his tea and he would let me know I could not even do that correct. All this despite me having a very technical career and had accomplished so much professionally, he broke my sprite daily. All intentionally go control my mind & prevent me from thinking clearly from leaving him.

This guy is doing the same to you hon. He wants you to have low self esteem so that you never leave him. His evil words towards you are to control your mind. WHAT HE TELLS IS ALL LIES…and manipulation! All to control your mind!

But, the good news is your mind is AWAKENING FROM HIS BRAIN WISH & MIND CONTROL!!

HERE YOU ARE TONIGHT…BREAKING YOUR MIND FREE & REACHING OUT FOR HELP!

THIS IS A POWERFUL MOMENT!! THIS IS YOU WANTING YOUR FREEDOM FROM HIM!!

Do you know what emotional & mental abuse is?

Do you know that the bulk of domestic abuse is emotional & mental abuse?

Do you know that typically physical abuse does not occur until the victim is about to leave or has left her abuser?

THIS IS FROM THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE (USA look up their website & read everything!! Plus everything here at love fraud):

What Is Domestic Violence?

“Domestic violence (also called intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.

Domestic violence does not discriminate. Anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender can be a victim – or perpetrator – of domestic violence. It can happen to people who are married, living together or who are dating. It affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

Domestic violence includes behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want. It includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation. Many of these different forms of domestic violence/abuse can be occurring at any one time within the same intimate relationship.

Here at The Hotline, we use the Power & Control Wheel* to describe most accurately what occurs in an abusive relationship.

Think of the wheel as a diagram of the tactics an abusive partner uses to keep their victim in the relationship. While the inside of the wheel is comprised of subtle, continual behaviors, the outer ring represents physical, visible violence. These are the abusive acts that are more overt and forceful, and often the intense acts that reinforce the regular use of other more subtle methods of abuse.

*Although this Power & Control Wheel uses she/her pronouns for the victim and assumes a male perpetrator, abuse can happen to people of any gender in any type of relationship.

Power and Control Wheel

(LOOK UP THE POWER & CONTROL WHEEL ON THEIR WEBSITE!!)

Warning Signs of Domestic Violence
It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.

In fact, many abusive partners may seem absolutely perfect in the early stages of a relationship. Possessive and controlling behaviors don’t always appear overnight, but rather emerge and intensify as the relationship grows.

Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partner.

Some of the signs of an abusive relationship include a partner who:

Tells you that you can never do anything right
Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away
Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members
Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs
Controls every penny spent in the household
Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses
Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do
Prevents you from making your own decisions
Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children
Prevents you from working or attending school
Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons
Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
Explore the tabs below to learn some of the common warning signs of each type of abuse. Experiencing even one or two of these behaviors in a relationship is a red flag that abuse may be present. Remember, each type of abuse is serious, and no one deserves to experience abuse of any kind, for any reason.”

I did not fully understand abuse until I escaped my ex. And then I went to a very knowledgeable counselor who told me that I was married to a psychopath. I did not fully understand what that meant…only that it was my answer to why he was so crazy and it was also my escape out of my marriage for good.

In addition to going to that counselor I also went to my local abuse center for free counseling & women group meeting. They will not say the words sociopath/psychopath/narcissist etc but, they do give you guidance and the women group meetings are powerful..they will give you the awareness that YES you are in a abusive relationship…they help to open your eyes & mind…and to know you are not alone. So I highly recommend that you call your local abuse center asap & set up a free counseling session with them. And also go to their free women group meeting.

In the USA National Domestic Violence hotline 800-799-SAFE You can call this hotline to get local abuse center numbers. If you are not in the USA you can do a search for your countries hotline.

Ask them for help with a Domestic Abuse EXIT & SAFETY PLAN (google this too)!!

The most important thing right now is to get your health in order. The bulk of domestic abuse victims have PTSD. Right now most likely you do to. The stress this guy has been putting you under is not doubt enormous and the stress of finding out that he gave you a health issues is incredibly stressful.

Look up adrenal fatigue symptoms on sites like Dr Lam. com and Adrenal fatigue .org. Part of PTSD is healing your adrenal glands. Look up the free documentary called “Super juice me” on you tube and also on you tube Jason Vale juicing, Jay Kordich juicing, Dr Fuhrman Eat to Live, Dr Mindy Pelz (look up her videos on water fasting fights virus( and also Dr Berg (water fasting). Obviously DO NOT change your diet unless you are under doctors care…right now you are stressed out so you dont want to stress your body out anymore so this is why it’s important to have a doctor supervising you. Look into a Endocrinologist doctor this is the type of doctor that deals with adrenal glands.

I KNOW YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR WORLD IS FAILING APART..but, I promise you this one you get this guy out of your life and follow the no contact rule (look this up on LF and net) and get your body working correctly again…you will realize the biggest blessing was wanting to get out of this relationship and having the strength to post your post here at love fraud. We have all been exactly where you are..you feel paralyzed and cant figure out what steps to take. But, you should be so proud of yourself for making this huge leap tonight and asking for help!!

Keep asking questions here, vent, and read, read, read everything. Donna & Terry have created a library full of unbelievable info and a safe place to ask questions & vent.

Please know that you are not alone any more hon…

WE HEAR YOU!!💚

WE ARE HEAR FOR YOU!! 💜

SENDING YOU HUGE HUGS!! 💜

Look up at the top of Lovefraud and look under the bookstore tab for excellent books. And also look up Donna Anderson Lovefraud videos on you tube. They will give you fantastic info on who this guy really is.

Wishing you all the best.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Jan7.

Do a search here on Lovefraud (up at the top right) for the following:

No contact rule

Gas lighting abuse

narcissist Smear campaign

narcissist triangulation

Hi pleasehelp – I am so sorry that you feel so sad. That is the hardest part about a relationship with a sociopath – that they cause excruciating emotional pain. That is part of how they can hook victims : what they do is figure out where exactly your vulnerabilities are, and then they “ twist the screw “. Cheating seems to be their favorite technique because it hurts women who love them so much. Anyway, then when they know how very miserable you are, then they “ return “ and tell you a bunch of lies, and the victim gets relief from their suffering. This cycle goes round and round, much like an addiction. By in large, as I had said, in the end they will just discard you and make you feel like garbage. If you are smart, you will leave before the final discard, because though you can get through it, it is more difficult than if you cut the ties through your wisdom. I would advise to “ break up “ with him immediately and it would be easy because you can just tell him that you don’t trust him due to that girl. He might protest and say that you have all the problems because he is not cheating or whatever – but be firm and say, “ my feelings are my feelings and I don’t trust you anymore “ or something like that. Then cut off all avenues for him to try to contact you. That is going No Contact. By the way, my daughter, when she was about your age from what I understand, got an STD, and though through the years I haven’t talked about it specifically with her, but she is now married to someone wonderful and they have a wonderful healthy little boy. So be done with the sociopath who is making your life miserable, and read all you can about psychological abuse and take the steps to heal yourself on every level. You are young and have your whole life to live in front of you.
Blessings

ps look up “Grieving stages”. This is what you are going thru. You will go thru all of the grieving stages many times. It’s a horrible process but, it will bring you back to the light again. Take care. Keep venting here at LF.

Hi pleasehelp – getting over a sociopath is definitely a process. There are many stages specific to get over an abusive relationship as well as the stages of grief that people go through from any loss. So even though you now know that your ex was a cruel person, at one time you perceived him as everything wonderful that you could wish for in a mate. You experienced a love and a joy of a relationship that you thought was perfect. So to have that taken away from you even if it was only from the realization that it was never true is still a terrible loss. That is very difficult to go through. Then to add to that the abusive treatment and all the pain that was caused from your ex is a whole other layer of exhausting emotional turmoil to go through. It is just so overwhelming that it is very difficult for your higher reason not to be aced by the emotional distress. I understand because I have been there and looking back I think that the main hindrance that made it difficult for me to move forward in my healing was that my self esteem became so damaged. Somewhere within the relationship, the other person and their opinions became more valuable than my own self worth. I have come to see that once I worked through that issue ( I will not presume that I am completely there ! ), then every other issue became much easier to overcome. So I will take part of what you posted as an example. Please do not take what I am going to say as a criticism, because, as I said, I went through the same process. It is just to point out what I mean : You were so hurt because he blocked you and said he hates you. When you get centered in your own self esteem, and feel self love and value yourself – then instead of being hurt, you would would see your ex as the jerk that he is. You would know that his saying that he hates you is total gas lighting because you have always given love and kindness to him, so he is just saying that to try to drive you crazy. You would know that you would not want someone around you who would even say that in the first place and that you would definitely choose to go No Contact with someone like that. You would know that his “ blocking “ you is actually doing you a big favor because you have gone No Contact anyway. Anyway, my point is to really hone in to learning about self esteem ( look up books about it etc if you wish ) as well as continuing to learn about sociopaths. Also, as I said, it is a process. For example I would have read about a concept, and would understand it, but then later would understand it in a much more complete way with more “ a ha “ realizations as I moved through my healing. Lastly, to contact him in any way would be to betray yourself and it is your own self who you need to give your loyalty to. By being loyal to yourself, you make leaps and bounds into your self love and esteem.
Blessings