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I need your help and support on how to avoid the psychopath I have in my life. I tried the no contact rule and it worked for a few months until he stalked me at my work and broke into my car and left me a note begging me to come back.
I can’t believe I gave him another chance, and he has been a nightmare ever since. I had moved on and was living my life nice and peacefully until his return.
He has been mentally, physically and verbally abusive.
Please help me get him out of my life once and for all. Any tips are much appreciated. -
Do you have witnesses at work that can say what he did when he showed up? Do you still have the note he left for you? Right now you need to make him aware that you will take legal action if he contacts you again. This is the point I am at with my ex psychopath. He had a minor run in with the police and he’s contacted me twice within the last month. I just told him if he contacts again, it is just evidence. I will contact the police and file a restraining order. Block your psychopath and document everything. I have a doorbell camera so if mine shows up, I have evidence. This is our chance to do something different and actually follow through on the consequences. Hopefully it’s enough to keep them away. Best of luck to you!
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Hi N0M0re, Document everything, block him. Call the police every time he has infringed your privacy and threatens you/harasses you in anyway to make you feel scared for your own life. Repeatedly calling the police will help you pile up the evidence when you have to file a restraining order against him. Hope you can get through this, you deserve so much better than being tormented by this abusive psychopath.
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We are all trauma bonded unfortunately. We all feel that pull even though we know it’s wrong. Please don’t go back to him. It will only be worse and he’ll never change. He is incapable of change. We all need to do the right thing this time for ourselves and each other. We are in this together. If you are feeling like you might take him back, feel free to post here and we will help you. You also need to work on processing your feelings. The longer you are away and the more you feel the emotions, the easier it will become.
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Hi n0m0re,
I’m glad you’re here to seek support. I was in your boat. It will take some time to break off the cycle of trauma bond and start the recovery process. You can come here on the forum and post as much about how you feel. As I read about sociopaths and psychopaths, they can never truly bond or form attachment with anyone. The only people bonding with them will be us, or the partner who is in a relationship with a psychopath or sociopath. They would pretend and say things like “I love you” or “I will change…please don’t leave” which all mean nothing to them. To them, this is all a part of their very sick crazy-making and deception and just one of many of their seductive and exploitative tactics. Please don’t go back to him.He said he wont, but watch for his actions versus words, then you can judge for yourself if he’s truly authentic or means what he said when he promised he wouldn’t hurt you or verbally abuse you again. In my experience, sociopaths and narcissists are all very emotionally, physically and verbally abusive. They will never change, that’s just who they are.
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n0m0re:
I’m sorry you feel traumatized and frustrated, I can definitely relate. You can do it, and you know when you keep your sense of self stronger, and work on your self-confidence and realization that you’re worthy and deserving for an empathetic, caring and loving partner instead of this toxic, sick, mentally unsound and cunning sociopath partner. These experience will help you become a stronger, happier and empowering woman just like you are the way you are. He wants to win, that’s all sociopaths want in addition to power and control. He thinks he can reel you back into his sick game, don’t let him.I’m happy you’re in therapy, that’s a great progress into healing and recovery. You can do this! I am here for you.
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n0m0re:
Thank God you know he was a diagnosed sociopath with APD, same with my ex boyfriend. We have very similar experiences. I’m here to support you. Hang in there, you are worthy of happiness and a loving and respectful partner, not someone who’s emotionally, physically abusive and manipulative on top of being a pathological liar. Every time your partner belittles you and starts gaslighting tactics on you, slowly you would be manipulated and brainwashed into believing his bullshit and minimization of your sense of self and you would find that your sense of self is gradually depleted and disappearing. That’s why you feel frustrated and traumatic. Your life will be so much better without dealing with his drama and turmoil. It will get better, I promise.
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Hi Nomore –
Yes, you have definitely been trauma bonded. In Nazi Germany they scientifically refined the process of trauma bonding and thus created a high degree of ability to enact mind control. One dramatic way was to take someone vulnerable and treat them so kindly and lovingly, and then after some amount of time, boom – suddenly they would change grammatically and become more cruel than you can imagine. Thus the person’s brain could in no way comprehend that and this would cause a split. That means that the person would dissociate. They would have then two parts of their brain working so that the part that was horribly abused would go deep into hiding, so that the person would only be aware of the “ kind “ mind controller. Then more and more of theirselves would go into what we call denial. It is an automatic process that the brain does to protect itself from something too painful. The point of this whole discussion, is that somehow the sociopaths have been able to do this kind of mind control without even any scientific investigations! It seems that it is something they just have an ability for. So how this all relates to you is that you can be sure there is a lot more denial going on with yourself than you can possibly be aware of as long as you have any connection to this sociopath who has targeted you. I know that you want to go No Contact and have made good efforts to do so, so that means that you still have much of yourself that has not been programmed to take abuse any longer and that you have educated yourself very well. So I want to really give you so much appreciation about all of that. There is a person called Kathy O’Brian who has written some books on the subject of mind control because she was mind controlled through an actual program. She was rescued by a man called Mark Phillips who had been taught the principle’s of mind control, and they actually have antidotes to the process. More to come because my iPad is another printing properly so I’ll continue on another post -
Hi nomore –
As I was saying, Mark Phillips actually rescued Kathy O’Brian, and took her to his house for her safety – it is all written about in her books. But the antidote to get the parts of her brain that had been purposefully dissociated to be able to be reintegrated back into her main self was actually quite a simple process of writing any slight memory that came up into her mind, and by writing more and more would get uncovered. She wrote a book about the whole technique called “ Time To Heal “. So do what the other participants have advised you about keeping the sociopath away from you, and then you can start to do the healing work. I know you have already been reading about this issue which is fantastic and then get a journal, if you don’t already have one and really take the time to journal because it is so important. Mark taught her that writing uses a different part of your brain than thinking or talking, and that it is the writing that is the antidote. Like everybody has said, keep posting as much as you feel the need for support because we are definitely here for you.
Blessings -
N0m0re – Relationships with sociopaths are highly addictive, and sometimes we need help to break away. Is there anyone you can go and visit for a while? Someone who lives far from where you are and the sociopath doesn’t know? If you can get away and distract yourself for a while, it may help you to start to remove the hook from your heart.
The key is No Contact. So if you can get the No Contact started, you can build the strength to stay away.
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N0m0re – Relationships with sociopaths are highly addictive, and sometimes we need help to break away. Is there anyone you can go and visit for a while? Someone who lives far from where you are and the sociopath doesn’t know? If you can get away and distract yourself for a while, it may help you to start to remove the hook from your heart.
The key is No Contact. So if you can get the No Contact started, you can build the strength to stay away.
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Hi N0M0re,
If it will help you go through this, I would love to share. I don’t mean to hijack your thread in any way. Before meeting my sociopath ex boyfriend, I was married to a narcissistic ex husband of more than 8 years. I had years of suspicion because of his gaslighting and pity play on top of constant threats and manipulation. He pushed me and scratched my wrist. I wish I called the police, but I didn’t know it was physical violence at the time. I was brought up being agreeable and obedient, I had been always pleasing others, observing my parents’ emotions, so I wouldn’t do something to piss them off. I was dating someone in high school, my parents threatened to disown me. My ex husband and ex boyfriend almost were a replica of one another, or you can say evil twins – same gaslighting, manipulation, power, control and pity play. Except that my ex husband started a smear campaign, he was a textbook narcissist. It’s been difficult to coparent with him, but I also started no contact with him and blocked him on all my social media channels.
My sociopath ex, he’s also a classic sociopath. Like your partner, he was diagnosed as a sociopath. You weren’t imagining. Your partner was definitely doing something sneaky by dimming his phone. My ex boyfriend did the same, his phone was in iphone’s dark mode crap, same with all his apps – always dark. He would never let me touch or even be close to his phone, and I didn’t even want to touch his phone. That was when I started realizing he continued cheating. I confronted him, he called me a liar, crazy psychopath and that I was seeing things. He claimed he was checking some news/weather and one time he even outrageously lied that he was only changing the WiFi setting, which was a complete lie. I know what I saw. Just like you saw something, and your partner completely played mind games with you and made you believe you were seeing things. My ex boyfriend was a pathological liar, physically, psychologically abusive and very manipulative. He would do something then told me I made him do it. A few examples would be, he would binge drinking – like he did every night, then blaming that I made him do it. Same with my ex husband – that’s why I count myself lucky, how on earth I attracted a narcissist and a sociopath.
I’ve come to the realization that the only way to live a healthy life, and eventually find a healthy partner is when we work on our self-love, build up our self-esteem and self-identity. We weren’t raised to trust our instincts or self-love. That was why when those sick people carefully targeted us as their supply, we were completely confused and traumatized. They would say we’re crazy or make things up (gaslighting) or telling us we make them do something like hurting us, or whatever or going out of control with anger outbursts (and blame us for it). We need to have the confidence to believe that we are worthy and we deserve to be happy. That’s the only way we can start having positive vibes that eventually lead to the right and healthy partners.
You can do it, and you deserve a great life instead of dealing with those sick people. We would never understand why they did what they did. No contact is hard at first, but once your mind is disillusioned and can steer things clearly and understand that they saw us as a supply, a target, you will find peace. When you start trusting your instincts and work on your self-love, it will be an amazing and empowering journey to help you grow and live a healthier and fulfilling life.
A few movies about sociopaths if you’re interested. Today I watched “Anna” – female sociopath. “Gone girl” – female sociopath. “Fight club” – male sociopath. “American Psycho” – sociopathic psychopath. “Joker” – sociopath. “American Psychopath 2 ” – female psychopath. I’m very happy to know you’re educating yourself more about sociopaths and that will really help in getting off the hook. You’re a strong woman and very courageous and smart, so acknowledge your progress and being more in touch with the self.
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Hi nomore –
Your antidote was a perfect description of gas lighting. It does make us feel so confused. In the book called ” psychopath Free ” by Jackson MacKensie, he wrote about a concept called ” word salad ” that is like gas lighting in that the conversation leads to just a crazy making experience, like gas lighting does. I wanted to share my experience of being the receiver of word salad, because it was such an insidious form of abuse that was so hard to detect. When my ex and I first got together, and have conversations, I thought it was so wonderful that he would come up with such unique points of view about things. I found it intriguing. And I thought it was great that we would have so much to talk to each other about. Fast forward to when we were way into our relationship – these conversations started to make me feel crazy because he had a knack of twisting and confusing things so much. I would be pulled in by thinking that if I really tried and asked for clarification etc, then we could arrive at some understanding. But alas, that just was the hook to drive me deeper into talks that made no sense and then I would become frustrated and angry, and acting way over emotionally. I think it was due to Jackson’s books and others that got me suspicious that he was doing this on purpose to confuse and upset me. So then I started to use a technique whereby any time I started to feel confused when talking to him, I would dramatically change the subject. That worked wonderfully, but of course then it just uncovered more of his other problems. I know this example is not the same kind of gas lighting that you experienced, but I thought I would just share what I went through. Of course there were other issues in that relationship, but this word salad thing was so very subtle, that it made it very hard to detect what he was doing. I’m glad that you are finding support here at love fraud. I too feel a wonderful comraderie with everybody.
Blessings -
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