My sister is involved with a creepy manipulator, and he has verbally attacked me

Hi nexboo – what he did with the bleach incident is a combination of gas lighting and a smear campaign. It is gas lighting because of accusing you of doing something that you didn’t do and no matter how you try to defend yourself, he will keep turning it around to act like you did. Then because of the incident, you will feel justifiably wronged and the more you try to defend yourself the more unhinged you will feel. Then he will point to your upset and have his “ proof “ that something is wrong with you. It can also be called simply “ putting you on the defensive. “ The main plan in gas lighting is to make the person ( you ) start to doubt your own mental health and have less and less confidence in yourself to the point that the target will actually begin to have psychological problems but the problems were all caused by relating in any way with the sociopath. That is why it is important to get away from him. The next step is the smear campaign because even if you are very mentally strong and don’t doubt yourself, they will say all kinds of lies about you to turn those who were close to you to turn them against you, or to get them to doubt you. So he is doing all of these things against you and your dad. You are right about his wanting to isolate your sister from her own family. He is very dangerous. By staying in the situation, you will be harmed one way or another by him, and you will not be able to help your sister since you are under attack yourself. The best advise I can give you is to move out ( it sounds like you and your dad and your sister all live together ). Even if it is to live for awhile with a different relative. I don’t know your financial situation in relation to your dad or sister, but it is essential for you to withdraw from the living situation and from your sister and her toxic boyfriend. If you are concerned about your sister, realize that if she comes to realize that he is a predator, she would be able to turn to you for support – but only if you are not in the situation. So the bottom line is that you need to go No Contact with her boyfriend and living where you are is giving him the opportunity to manipulate the circumstances as he did with the bleach scenario. He will find other ways to keep that up and make your life a living hell. Another idea would be if your father could stand up to him and tell him that he is not allowed in the house. But as I said, it is difficult to make an informed recommendation when I don’t know the specifics of your living situation. If you wish to post more and explain I would be very happy to try to help problem solve with you. Meanwhile keep up your personal strength knowing that he is very psychologically sick, and that is no reflection on you.
Blessings

PS – my suggestion about his wanting to have a talk with you, is to go No Contact with him and that means in no way talk to him at all. And do not be in the same room with him ( if he comes in, you leave ). Completely stay away from him. If he makes accusations against you via other people just say that you do not want to hear any messages from him at all or anything that he has to say.
Blessings

PPS – Hi again nezzboo –
I just thought of a few other important things : 1. If he comes to the door and no one is home but you – keep it locked and do not open it. And if someone else is home – let them deal with him. I think you would be in danger if you were alone with him in your house.
2. About pleading guilty about the bleach incident. You were coerced into confessing to doing something that you did not do. That was a serious accusation that your sister’s boyfriend made against you and it could have further repercussions because you plead guilty. I am thinking that you could reverse this. However, I am not versed in legal matters, but you can email Donna directly on the contact page at Love Fraud and ask her if she thinks that you should make a statement to the police about your innocence re the bleach incident, and if you should file a complaint about his harassment towards you. Donna would know the best course of action about that. You could also call an abuse hotline and ask them, because an accusation like that against you was abusive and you don’t want him to be able to use it against you at some point.
Blessings

Nezzboo – As Polestar said, the guy is trying to isolate your sister from you and your father. And yes, she is under his spell, as if she were in a cult.

This is a very difficult situation, because you and your father should stay away from the guy, BUT you should also maintain contact with your sister.

I suggest that you and your father talk to your sister. Explain that you love her, will always love her, but you refuse to be abused by the guy. She is welcome to visit but he is not.

Know that your interpretation of the situation is correct, he is a manipulator and you did nothing wrong. This is very painful, but you may just need to wait until your sister comes to her senses. Then, do your best to help her escape him.

Yes in that situation I would tell my sister that I love her and that she is welcome anytime but that I will not have any contact with her boyfriend.

I would tell her I think her boyfriends is manipulative, dishonest, angry, and controlling and that he likely has a personality disorder. I would tell her that I understand she is happy with him now but that he is love bombing her which is a known precursor to abuse.

And I would tell her I understand if she wants to take a break from our relationship but that she is welcome back anytime once the guy discards her or abuses her. Tell her I love her and I understand her situation but there is no compromise as I do not wish to have the guy in my own life at all.