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Hi – the issue in question is about my tenant who looks to me like she is anorexic and then what I should do about it. Back story : I had rented to her for about 5 years but had never met her personally because I lived in a different state. We became friendly on the phone though through dealings with the house. I then moved back to the state that the rental is located and met her in person and was shocked by what seems to me to be her state of dangerous thinness. This was quite recently. I am not a physician so I cannot say for certain that she is anorexic though. She showed me the house and it was immaculate and she told me in the past that she cleans all the time and mentioned she was OCD ( her self diagnosis ). In the meantime she is very close to her sister who lives in close proximity to her, she has a long time job and attends church regularly so surely someone else must have noticed. The question is what should I do? I could call her sister ( I have a # if it is still current ), I could text her directly and tell her of my concern and suggest she talk to her doctor about it ( though I think she has had minor surgery lately so a doctor would have seen her ), ask her if it would be OK for me to talk to her sister, or just stay out of it because pretty soon I will be moving close by her in a kind of duplex situation and “ familiarity breeds contempt “ in that maybe it would be better to keep our dealings less personal? Also it was strange because when I met her in person she was not amiable to me at all as opposed to our phone conversations, so now I would actually prefer to keep my distance. Therefore, does anyone have a recommendation as to an opinion about what I should do in this situation. If you do, it would be much appreciated. Thank you so much.
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Polestar – It is great that you feel concern for her – it shows your humanity. However, if she’s not ill and seems to be functioning in life, there probably isn’t anything for you to do right now. Maybe she’s a vegan – I know a person who is vegan, very thin and has a yellowish tint to her skin. But she’s married to a doctor and they’re fine with it. So maybe just keep your eyes open and if she starts to get ill, do something then.
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polestar – I love that you are so compassionate and concerned, but I also agree with Donna – probably not your place to get involved. I have always been a bit “fluffy” and trust me, I did NOT appreciate the pointed looks when I reached for a dessert, or the brochures left on my desk from Jenny Craig and Weightwatchers! Yes – my friends were concerned and yes I knew I had a problem. When I finally got bariatric surgery and lost 100 pounds, I also did not appreciate the questions about if I had cancer or if I was feeling ok! Since this is your tenant, you need to be even more careful – this is a business relationship, not a friendship. Mixing the two can be very complicated! Eating disorders are more than just eating too little or too much – they are very often deeply rooted in trauma, anxiety, coping mechanisms – or they can be hereditary or disease related. Bless you for caring. It is hard to see someone so obviously “not normal” and not say something. However, I am sure she is very aware of her body. The fact that her personality was so different in person than over the phone is very telling — she is probably very guarded about what people say to her when they see her. It is not easy living with a “difference” that others comment on. Blessings to you.
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