Question for those who found new relationships after the sociopath

sept4 – Finding a new relationship does not heal you – only you can do that. And moving on to a new person too soon does not give you time to heal – it only masks the pain and confusion. For me, I met the narcissist because a “nice guy” I had dated for 3 months got cold feet and dumped me, so in retaliation I went online to “see what is out there” and the narc found me – fresh meat, so to speak, still stinging from the rebuke and discard, looking to fill the hole. I was ripe for the picking and never even knew it. Looking back, I should have just let myself feel the pain and disappointment, should have taken time to mourn and get on with my life. Instead I leapt into the arms of the first person who showed an interest. After the narcissist nearly ruined me emotionally and financially, the original “nice guy” slowly came back into my life. He was gentle and kind and understanding and, honestly, DID give me time to process and heal. I was with him for 7 years when I finally realized that he could never be “the one” – he was too emotionally damaged himself – and I was no longer willing to settle for less than. I believe my experience with the narcissist helped me redefine what it was I needed and wanted in a relationship. It certainly clued me into what NOT to accept. It made it much easier to finally say “No – that is not acceptable and I will not tolerate it” and to leave when the “nice guy”s treatment of me became unacceptable. It took me years to stop being bitter about how the narcissist fooled me. My new relationship helped a little – made me feel like I was worthy and lovable for who I was, not what I had, but it also took me years to recognize that I needed someone in my life who put me first. And “nice guy” had his own hangups and hurts and a huge wall around his heart that I never could break through. Whenever things got too serious he backed away. We split four times in those 7 years, with me always making the first move to reconcile. It’s been almost six months since I went No Contact with “nice guy” and I do not have the intense grief and emotional swings and melt downs like I did when the narc left – so I think I might have healed and found my true core finally. We only get stronger with our permission. I rarely think of either of them any more, and when I do I allow myself to remember the good times and thank the heavens the bad times are behind me!

sept14 – healing comes first. When you’re sufficiently healed, fthen you’re in a good place to find a new relationship.

If you are still thinking about your ex after all these years, then it sounds like you have not fully recovered. This is certainly possible, because the trauma from the experience of being with a sociopath can be severe.

I suggest you keep reading Lovefraud, especially the recovery sections. You may also want to check out our webinars. Mandy Friedman has presented several that may help you.

Also, check out our webinar on “EFT Tapping to break your addiction to a sociopath. Maybe that’s why you’re still thinking about him.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 3 weeks ago by Donna Andersen.