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the articles/ info i’ve been able to find on this arent so helpful, so what if ignoring and refusing even normal conversation was the main abuse tactic? what would be the explanation for this?
i don’t mean after an argument or confrontation, i mean no good morning no good night, if i tried to talk to them i would be ignored so i just stopped trying. they would text me around 8/9 at night “hey babe how are you” and even if i responded, the response would be completely ignored. this was every day. they would talk to me once a day and ignore my response. if i asked to talk on the phone they would either say no, or wait like 4 hours then call me and barely speak. it was quite clear they did not want to talk to me and did not care what i had to say.
when i would ask them why they refuse to talk to me and tell them it was hurtful, they would ignore me as long as they could and use every excuse why they couldn’t talk. one time they stalled for 3 days. then when i finally got them to talk to me, they would scream at me and break up with me, and then the next day send me a long paragraph apologizing and saying they love me and aren’t going to give up on the relationship etc.
so clearly they were ignoring me intentionally, but this was genuinely the most confusing part of the relationship. why?then , it eventually turned into only hanging out with me once a week for a few hours. the only time i could have a full conversation with them was in person so i could only have a conversation with them once a week. at that point i was tired of it. so i began ignoring their one text a day. i went about 3/4 days and they blew my phone up pretending to be worried. that was when i knew that all the excuses about being busy etc were all lies and they were playing a game. i think they liked the fact i was waiting for them and that i was in pain because they ignored me for so long and i would sit there everyday hoping for a text that i knew wasnt gonna come and even if it did i wouldn’t get a response.
could anybody please explain this or shed light on some possibilities? this is the most damaging part of it all.
xx thank you
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Since you looked it up, you’re already aware that it is a passive/aggressive abuse technique to gain control.
While this may at first frustrate you, may I suggest that you commit (for now at least) to stop trying to find logic and rational explanations for sociopathic behavior?
That’s not saying such behavior should not be analyzed, studied, so that the social part of humanity may learn to treat it, prevent it, or at the very least neuter it and immunize ourselves from it.
But for now, it’s drowning you. It’s pulling you under and it’s have a detrimental effect on your life. Those moments you’ve spent on this have been sucked away and you won’t get them back. It’s still pulling at the rest of you that struggling.
Now is not the time to analyze how this cesspool drowns people. Right now you need to get yourself out and far away. And once you get out, don’t stand at the edge looking back in, test the waters, etc. Get far away to safety.
Once you’re long since safe, and that cesspool is long gone and not lurking nearby or doing a siren’s song to lure you back, then it will be the time for analysis and study.
My apologies if this does does not answer the question but please… right now you need to swim out of this, get on solid ground, get far away from this danger and stay back until you are safe and no longer drawn towards that edge.
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Yes this is just another abuse tactic for power over you and to hurt you. Remember abusers only want two things: money and power. Ignoring you is a way to dehumanize you and devalue you. It’s a power play to obtain psychological control over you and to hurt you.
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I actually do think abusers are easy to understand with logic and rationality. Everything makes sense once you understand their goals are money and power. Everything they do to you is with the goal to take money from you and/or to obtain power over you and control you.
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AT I know exactly how you feel. At the worst of my abuse my sense of self had completely disappeared. I literally thought I did not exist as a person. I was so confused that I ended up calling an old friend that I knew before I met my husband. I figured that if she remembered who I was then that must mean I actually existed as a person.
Thankfully she did remember me lol. We are close again now and we sometimes joke that if she had said “I have no idea who you are?” I would have probably literally lost my mind and ended up in a psych ward with a schizophrenia diagnosis. But of course it’s not schizophrenia or a mental illness at all. It’s just a trauma reaction to abuse. Once you are NO CONTACT with your abuser for a longer time it will go away. The abuser causes these trauma reactions.
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Here is a good article about it.
http://www.psychologytoday.com
“why-the-silent-treatment-is-a-tactic-of-abuse-and-control”
(Forum won’t let me post the link)
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