Do not fall for an impeccable public image

First, thank you Ms. Andersen for allowing me to share my story here. I already posted a part of my story under “Sings your body warns you about sociopaths.” I can’t tell would this person ever smear me or not, but I guess only time will tell. I was scrambling unemployed after divorcing my ex-husband in his country and not seeing my child due to custody arrangements. My daughter was only 5 and sad from being separated from me. I reached out to a man I met while doing my PhD abroad in hopes of connecting with him since he was a single dad. We had maintained correspondence but lost contact along the way. In so many ways, I truly admired this man. He was a professor, and an entrepreneur, and was even interviewed on German television for his contribution to science. I felt so honored he shared with me he raised his daughter alone. I thought he was a kind, benevolent, and giving man. I approached him with good intent and am still struggling in the aftermath of my encounter.

During our 7-month correspondence, I realized this man did the following:
1. Mirrored my personality to get what he wanted (my photos, info, etc.)
2. Pried into my life by asking personal questions
3. Used mind control tricks to build trust and intimacy
4. Pulled inexplicable disappearing acts and doled out silent treatment to punish, control, and provoke anxiety
5. Weaponized my private info against me
6. Dismissed me, magnified my past trauma, and demonized my family
7. Exposed me to emotional cruelty
8. Abandoned me when I needed him most
9. Feigned ignorance when his actions were questioned

I called him out when I was fully invested in the relationship and desperate. I did it because I did not know what I was dealing with. I felt yanked, intimidated, and betrayed. His personality flipped 180 degrees to the extent I wondered whom I was even talking to. It felt as if he invited another person to the conversation. And yet it was him; he was cold, vindictive, and full of contempt. He questioned my intentions and sanity and spewed hatred toward my family members — going straight at their political backgrounds. He tried to gaslight me and presented himself as the victim. Eventually, I was deemed a bad useless person and discarded.

A good friend of mine intervened and instructed me to go no contact immediately. Traumatized from the whole ordeal, I got a shingles infection and lay bedridden for weeks unable to take care of my daughter. What person would do that to a former colleague and a parent in their time of need? I wish never to cross paths with this man again. I believe he is a psychopath, pathological liar, con man, and abuser. I shrugged off his possessiveness and anger issues from the get-go. Trust your gut when something feels off even if you desperately want to trust the person: they don’t have to hold a gun to your head. Now I am haunted by the awareness this man keeps an alienated ex-spouse somewhere behind the scenes and that I cannot help her.

Cheers and thank you for listening