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I am overwhelmed with PTSD, stress, anxiety, fear, loss, betrayal and trying to save myself

I am overwhelmed with PTSD, stress, anxiety, fear, loss, betrayal and trying to save myself

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we’ll call “Catherine18.” Other names have been changed.

I am writing this after a pretty hard day. I have them a lot these days. I’ve made it a habit to tell people that I’m fine or ok. Before that, before everyone knew what happened, I just smiled, laughed and was a pretend version of myself so that I wouldn’t let on what I was suffering. I learned to protect the person hurting me from my mother’s abuse of me. I am 42, and I have never not been abused. Ever. I’m now being honest. I am saying I’m not ok. People don’t help you when you finally get honest. I have been betrayed, abandoned, pitied and had people talk behind my back because I’m being honest.

Useless advice on how to spot a lie

The Daily Mail just published a silly article in which a psychologist explains how to tell when someone is lying.

The behavioral psychologist, Jo Hemmings, dispenses all of the usual and useless advice about watching for microexpressions, lack of eye contact, convoluted explanations and changes in behavior.

Okay, so the advice might work for spotting a normal person who is uncomfortable with lying. It will never work for spotting a sociopath who lies like he or she breathes.

In fact, the article is accompanied by a sidebar in which new research published by Edinburgh University finds that it is hard to spot a liar. Why? Because liars may intentionally suppress the tell-tale signs of lying!

 
When you discover the appalling truth, do not confront the sociopath

When you discover the appalling truth, do not confront the sociopath

You’ve felt like something was off about your romantic partner for a long time, but you could never quite figure out what it was. Then, suddenly and harshly, you learn the truth.

You discover that this person is cheating on you. Or forged your signature to open up credit cards. Or has kids you never knew about. Or is only pretending to go to work every day. Or is married to someone else.

However it happened, you learn that your partner is betraying you.

Your first instinct is to confront your partner and demand answers.

DON’T DO IT.

Dealing with a sociopath: Fight or flight?

Dealing with a sociopath: Fight or flight?

Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting people. When you’re the person who has been exploited, how should you respond? Do you try to hold the sociopath accountable? Or do you cut your losses and run?

Lovefraud is an open forum, with many people expressing opinions about what you should do. In the past, some folks have posted comments saying give up, run away, don’t fight, you can’t win.

I don’t necessarily agree with that. Yes, in some cases, fleeing is the best course of action. But sometimes the only way to survive is to fight. Or sometimes standing up to the sociopath enables you to reclaim yourself, even if you don’t win the battle.

Posted in: Uncategorized
 
MaryAnn Glynn, LCSW, to host free call in support group 10/21/18 at 5 pm EST

MaryAnn Glynn, LCSW, to host free call in support group 10/21/18 at 5 pm EST

  Experience the support of people who know!  Join our free support group Sunday, October 21, 2018 at 5 pm EST.  Go www.destructiverelationshipshelp.com and use the Contact Form at the bottom of the home page to state your interest in joining.  Do this every time even if you have joined us before!  We will reply to you with instructions to join the conference call.  It is anonymous and no personal information is displayed or shared.

Share your struggles, questions, get feedback and clarity from people who get it!  Hope to meet you there!

Posted in: Uncategorized
Domestic violence advocate allegedly killed by her ex-boyfriend

Domestic violence advocate allegedly killed by her ex-boyfriend

Nathaniel Mitchell (Tarrant County Correction Center)

Donna Alexander, 34, of Grand Prairie, Texas, was a domestic violence advocate. She founded an “Anger Room,” where people could blow off stress by smashing things, rather than their loved ones.

But Alexander herself was allegedly attacked by her estranged boyfriend, Nathaniel Mitchell, 34. Mitchell brought her to the hospital with severe head injuries. A week later, Alexander died of her injuries.

Mitchell has been charged with murder.

Anger Room founder allegedly beaten to death by ex knew relationship ‘Would be the death of her’: Sister, on People.com.

Posted in: Media sociopaths
A sociopath explains how she loves

A sociopath explains how she loves

If you’re like most Lovefraud readers, you’re here because you were romantically involved with a sociopath. This person probably declared love for you repeatedly, exuberantly and convincingly. Then the individual lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you, abused you and perhaps even threatened you.

You were left stunned, distraught and devastated. How could someone who loved you treat you so badly?

A letter Lovefraud received recently might help you understand why that person’s love was so shallow:

Donna Andersen and Attorney Megan Lyons talk sociopaths

Donna Andersen and Attorney Megan Lyons talk sociopaths

How many sociopaths are there? What are some of the warning signs at a romantic partner is disordered? How are people with personality disorders diagnosed?

I address all of these topics — and more — in a wide-ranging conversation with Megan Lyons on her Transcending the Trauma of the Human Experience podcast.

Megan is an attorney who thoroughly understands what happens when someone is involved with a sociopath.  She presents two Lovefraud webinars:

How to Navigate a Court Proceeding when the Opposing Party is a Sociopath or Cluster-B Disordered Individual

Obtaining Injunctions Against a Sociopath

Video: Why you need the right attorney when you’re divorcing a sociopath

Video: Why you need the right attorney when you’re divorcing a sociopath

Most divorces are bad. Divorces involving a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath or other disordered spouses are catastrophes. The best way to get through the emotional and financial minefield is to have an attorney who is up to the challenge.

Susan Shofer, the Divorce Consultant, teaches you how to choose that attorney in her upcoming webinar:

How to choose the right attorney when you’re divorcing a disordered spouse
Thursday, Nov. 1, 8-9 pm ET • $25
Instructor: Susan Shofer, the Divorce Consultant

Sign up today!

How to choose the right attorney when you’re divorcing a disordered spouse

Do you want to tell your story? Complete the Lovefraud Media survey!

Do you want to tell your story? Complete the Lovefraud Media survey!

Donna Andersen being interviewed for the TV show, ‘Who the Bleep Did I Marry?’

Lovefraud’s primary goal is to educate the public about sociopaths. One of the most powerful ways to do that is for people like you to tell your story.

Many Lovefraud readers have told me that reading about the experiences of others on Lovefraud is incredibly validating. They learn that no, they aren’t crazy — others have been through the same madness.

Would you like to share your story? If so, please complete the Lovefraud Media Survey.

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