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Author Archive: Emi

I have an obsessive-compulsive, habitual dependence on these types of relationships. It’s like a drug habit. In a way, I was set up by the mores of society when I was growing up to never put myself first…always put others needs before my own. Being “unselfish” was the accepted behavior back in the 50’s. To do otherwise was “selfish”. I learned this behavior extremely well from my mom, the narcissist. This dependence is a distraction that prevents me from being whole. The cure is to learn to appreciate and nurture myself, and to cultivate self-love, which will trickle down into my relationships with others. These are my own words and definition. I believe that things are already changing for me as I practice self-love abundance.

A second factor was the family alcoholism, codependency, and my mother’s narcissistic behaviors that squashed all of my natural personality traits. Looking back at an Easter photo at 3 years of age, I see a tiny, solemn, very withdrawn, sad, fearful, dissociated child, who looked like she would have been much more comfortable disappearing into the woodwork, rendering her invisible. In fact, I was dressed in a - probably expensive - dress coat with matching bonnet. The bonnet was so huge that it almost obliterated my face. Symbolic? At 3 years old, my mother had already overpowered her first born daughter more than likely with many disapproving admonitions and harsh criticisms. All sense of joy and exuberance had been bullied out of me. I remember being not much older and feeling a sense of uncomfortableness in my own skin. I had severe anxiety. I am an empath, too. Back then, I know I was very sensitive to people’s energy, and often felt bombarded with the negative energy of other people. Is it any wonder that my first desire was to be invisible? As I write this, for the first time, I realize that my nephew, who was adopted by my mother when he was one year old, often looked and acted in a similar manner that I did when I was 3 years old. I also remember at the age of 5 realizing that I had these strong feelings bubbling up and I was very puzzled and uncomfortable with them. Some years ago, realized that some of these feelings were feelings of anger, possibly rage. Since I was programmed to be an “unselfish, good little girl”, I did nothing with those feelings, except continue to suppress them, and store them far, far away.

As an Adult Child of two Alcoholics and Adult Child of a Narcissistic Mother, I am now learning to trust my instincts reading people and situations.

I'm a codependent. New paradigm term is "Self-Love Deficient". Codependents and "Sociopaths" are complete opposites and have a strong, magnetic-like attraction. Moving into Self-Love Abundance with current, ongoing therapy. As a codependent, I have a difficult time being without a "romantic relationship". My dependency, and self-love deficit, sucks me back into unhealthy relationships. Attending CODA, or Codependents Anonymous meetings, which are extremely supportive.

At 70 years old, all romantic relationships have been with men with Antisocial Personality Disorder, including psychopaths, sadists. Sadly, a number of same sex friendships have been with sociopaths, too…another one just bit the dust a month ago.

In therapy for 7 months with an expert, $250 per hour, and am FINALLY making progress. YaY! I have a job where I can make a good deal of extra income. Funds my wonderful therapy….worth * every * dime. Therapist encourages this will all get much better.

Just went No Contact with my last exploitative relationship of 10 years ago...we had remained "friends". My personal experience has been that "Sociopaths" and Exploiters don't just happen. They are literally everywhere, including work, church, 12-Step food programs, the general public, next door, landlords, “best friends" - HA! - and have had many of those, too. Last summer on a family get-together, realized both brother and sister are married to controlling narcissists. Both siblings behave so differently when their spouse is present. I watched my sister have a meltdown during what should have been a simple - but manipulative - conversation with spouse...then I knew something was very wrong. Their spouse’s presence also seems to influence their body posture/body language, conversations, and well-being. Very, very depressing for me. Considering whether I need to go No Contact with both siblings.

I often must deal with the Pathological Loneliness that comes from breaking ties with these twerps. Sucks. Yet I also have some very good days of happiness and contentment. Therapist encourages me to spend a good deal of time learning to enjoy my own company. Very important for those of us who have filled all of our time being caretakers for "Sociopaths". Caretaking someone with a pathological mental disorder fills my time so that I’m not in touch with my own self-care needs, inner life, and my natural inclination toward joyful happiness.

Learning to set boundaries at work. Extremely important. Somewhat disillusioned b/c this never ends....must be on my toes at all times. I learned to dissociate as a child and have carried this with me all my adult life. Therapist says as I keep setting boundaries, learning to place my own self-love first, I will get much better at it. The stage I'm in is "Setting boundaries in a hostile environment.".

Recently, I have been invited out to dinner with a group of people related to my job. Mostly older men….over 60. Oldest is 95 years old. Noticing that these men all drink, many are very wealthy, and their sense of humor is limited to making almost slap-stick “humorous” comments about everything that people say at our dinner table. No meaningful conversation. One in particular doesn’t take very good care of himself, is overweight, orders twice the wine that the others do, has a girlfriend who is wealthy, is on a board of directors, but she is often gone on business trips or personal trips out-of state to visit friends. Last night, I wondered…WHAT does his girlfriend see in him?? He even looks medically unhealthy. At first I thought about one man who seemed fairly “normal” but last night I was hit with this epiphany that none of these men are emotionally or psychologically healthy. The one man I work with is a PNARC. He can be very nasty…he is the Nasty Man’s Nasty. I’m glad my intuition is working so well that I have written this entire group off as Not My Types, or NMT. If I could get out of these dinners I would, but doubt that will happen since it is connected with my job.

Clear to me that I can never let down my guard, not even for one minute. Learning there are very few people I can trust. Appreciate Love Fraud's website b/c it's one more tool that increases self-awareness. We can never forget what has happened to us, b/c there are plenty of people waiting to find us and exploit us all over again. Learning to be more loving with myself is worth it. Keeping my self-love bright and shiny resolves a lot of the problems I used to have. My love to all -- Me

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Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths
By November 12, 2018 3 Comments Read More →

Here’s the absolutely best way to protect yourself from sociopaths

Yes, you can avoid letting a sociopath into your life. All you have to do is listen to your intuition.

Security expert Gavin deBecker, who wrote The Gift of Fear, explains that intuition evolved within us over the millennia for one reason: To protect us from predators. Sociopaths are predators, and our intuition will warn us about them.

The key is to pay attention.

Sometimes the warning is blatant — one woman told me about feeling instantly terrified when a man approached her. But instead of heeding her internal warning, she berated herself for being judgmental — after all, the man had done nothing to her. She talked to him; they became romantically involved; he was, in fact, a sociopath; it ended in disaster.

Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, host free conference call support group 11/18/18 at 5pm EST

Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, host free conference call support group 11/18/18 at 5pm EST

  Experience the support of people who know!  Join our free support group Sunday, November 18, 2018 at 5 pm EST.  Go www.destructiverelationshipshelp.com and use the Contact Form at the bottom of the home page to state your interest in joining.  Do this every time even if you have joined us before!  We will reply to you with instructions to join the conference call.  It is anonymous and no personal information is displayed or shared.

Share your struggles, questions, get feedback and clarity from people who get it!  Hope to meet you there!

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5 Ways to Feel Better After Dating a Sociopath
By November 10, 2018 1 Comments Read More →

5 Ways to Feel Better After Dating a Sociopath

Life gets everybody down now and then. Sometimes, we get hit with truly traumatizing experiences such as dating a sociopath. Sociopaths can cause a massive decrease in self-esteem, self-confidence, trust, happiness, and just ruin your life in general. Sometimes, when you get stuck in a hole of sadness due to this terrible person, it’s hard to climb back out again. If you focus on your sadness, it gets bigger, more overwhelming, and harder to chase away.

But you don’t have to resign yourself to feeling down. Whether you’re sad about something that’s happened in your life or you’re just in a funk, it’s possible to feel better. Here are five things you can do to lift yourself up and renew your optimism when you’re sad.

Recovery from the sociopath through self-forgiveness

The sociopath devastated your life, and you feel like it’s all your fault. In this webinar you learn that through understanding and gentle self-forgiveness, you can put down the burden of guilt and find peace.

Travis Vining, the instructor, teaches from his heart — and from experience. His father was a serial killer who pressured Travis to help cover up his crimes. Talk about guilt! It was so traumatic that Travis repressed the memories for years.

Finally, in a reflective and spiritual way, Travis found peace. In this webinar, he shares his approach with you. Click for more information:

 
My emotionally abusive ex-wife almost caused me to commit suicide

My emotionally abusive ex-wife almost caused me to commit suicide

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Andrew18.

My ex wife was emotionally abusive throughout marriage. She had female “friends” throughout marriage of 21 yrs. Every weekend she went out with them and left me to watch kids. Played mind games of saying I should discipline kids but when I did she would overrule it and let kids off every time. She loved humiliating me in front of others by saying how she almost left me after our first born because she didn’t need me but decided to stay for our child. Love was a carrot to dangle in front of me. Be a better husband and maybe she would not be mean to me. She regularly would slap my arm or leg if she didn’t like something I said or did.

Social worker charged in plot to hire hit man

Social worker charged in plot to hire hit man

So today I open up the newspaper and see that a local therapist, Diane Sylvia, 58, attempted to hire a hit man. She wanted a guy’s “pretty little face” bashed in. She also wanted his arm broken, so he could no longer work out.

Diane Sylvia is a licensed clinical social worker practicing in Somers Point, New Jersey. According to her title, she is also a certified domestic violence counselor.

One of Sylvia’s clients had belonged to a criminal gang. She asked him if he knew anyone who could do the job. The client notified the authorities, who then wanted him to introduce Sylvia to a hit man — except that it was really an undercover FBI agent.

How to dump the sociopath

How to dump the sociopath

Suppose you realize that you’re in an unhealthy romantic relationship. Or, your instincts are telling you that the person in hot pursuit of you is bad news. How do you end the involvement?

When you’re romantically involved with reasonably normal individuals, you usually try to spare their feelings. You don’t come out and say that they’re boring, or needy, or oafish, even if that’s what you feel. You make up excuses. You tell them that you’re getting back with an old boyfriend or girlfriend, even if that’s a lie. You say you’re just not ready for a relationship right now, even if that’s also a lie.

Utah track athlete shot by ex-boyfriend who lied about his name, age, and sex-offender status

Utah track athlete shot by ex-boyfriend who lied about his name, age, and sex-offender status

Lauren McCluskey (University of Utah)

The story of University of Utah track athlete Lauren McCluskey, 21, is a tragedy from beginning to end.

She started dating Melvin S. Rowland in September. A month later, she found out who he really was — a 37-year old sex offender who had recently been paroled. When Lauren broke off their relationship, Rowland stalked her. Then, on October 22, he shot and killed her, leaving her body in a car on campus. He fled and later killed himself.

Here’s a timeline of the events in the extortion and shooting death of University of Utah student Lauren McCluskey, on SLTrib.com

My ex wants to eliminate me from my son’s life

My ex wants to eliminate me from my son’s life

Spath TalesEditors note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as “momto4kiddos.”

I dated my psychopath for almost 3 years. He manipulated me into having a child with him. My son is now 5 years old.

I battled at court with him for 4 years now. He retained an attorney as ruthless as he is to obtain custody and put him on a path to totally eliminate me from my son’s life, including trying to put me in jail. He even filed bogus reports with CPS to have my then-boyfriend ordered out of my son’s life.

Webinar tonight! How to choose the right attorney when you’re divorcing a disordered spouse

Webinar tonight! How to choose the right attorney when you’re divorcing a disordered spouse

Most divorces are bad. Divorces involving a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath or other disordered spouses are catastrophes. The best way to get through the emotional and financial minefield is to have an attorney who is up to the challenge.

Susan Shofer, the Divorce Consultant, teaches you how to choose that attorney in her webinar tonight:

How to choose the right attorney when you’re divorcing a disordered spouse
Thursday, Nov. 1, 8-9 pm ET • $25
Instructor: Susan Shofer, the Divorce Consultant

Sign up now!

How to choose the right attorney when you’re divorcing a disordered spouse

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