Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?

The woman on the phone desperately wanted someone to believe her. She was being emotionally abused by both her husband of 21 years and her 19-year-old son. Yes, she’d had an affair, but the husband thought it was a good idea. Then he abandoned her. Then he returned, but refused her any access to the family financial assets. Then he embarked on a smear campaign—telling her relatives how concerned he was about his wife. In his opinion, she was bipolar.

The son, in the meantime, threatened to slit her throat.

To me, the woman sounded like she was being manipulated by sociopaths and suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. She needed a therapist and a lawyer in California, where she lives.

Do you know someone who can help her?

Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide

Lovefraud gets requests for professional referrals all the time. Do we know a shrink in New York City? Do we know a lawyer in Chicago? Do we know someone who won’t be fooled by a sociopath?

In response to this dire need, we are launching the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide. This will be a national—and perhaps international—online directory of professionals who understand the machinations of a sociopath. It will be part of Lovefraud.com.

The Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide will include listings for:

  • Therapists (psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers)
  • Lawyers
  • Child advocates (guardians ad litem, child and family investigators)
  • Private investigators
  • Forensic accountants
  • Expert witnesses
  • Social service organizations

Here’s what will make our directory different and important: Every professional will come with a recommendation that he or she was effective in dealing with a situation caused by a sociopath.

Many professionals are competent and caring, but unknowledgeable about sociopaths. They may not realize how calmly and convincingly sociopaths lie, how they recruit others to lie for them, and how they disregard the rules, even court orders.

Those are not the professionals who will make it in our directory. When it comes to sociopaths, the service providers in the Lovefraud Professionals Resources Guide will get it.

Built on your recommendations

How will we build this directory? With your help.

If you’ve dealt with a therapist, lawyer or other service provider who was able to help you, let us know. Please send the following information about the professional to [email protected]:

  • Name
  • Mailing address
  • Telephone number
  • E-mail address
  • A brief description—one or two sentences—of how the professional helped you.

Lovefraud will then contact the service provider and ask him or her to participate in the directory.

It doesn’t matter where you are located and where the service provider is located. Sociopaths are everywhere, and professional help is needed everywhere. In time, we hope to have listings from all over the United States and the world.

Having been through the meat grinder of sociopathic deception, you know how devastating it is, and how important the right assistance is. Please help Lovefraud help other victims. If you know of an effective service provider, send the information to [email protected]

Posted in: Donna Andersen

Comment on this article

30 Comments on "Will you help others by recommending a professional resource?"

Notify of

To Free,
Thank you. Your title says it all. There is freedom in truth. I know that I should have spoken up many years ago to my husband, but truth be told, I was terrified of him, for the sake of my kids. Due to circumstances, I wasn’t working outside the home, but I baby sat to earn some extra. He was the one working, but he didn’t want to even do that. My marriage has been such a mixed up arrangement, that I am so soured on the idea that I doubt whether I can ever go there again.

But through all that debacle, God was there. I thought at the time that He had forsaken me, but He was waiting for just the right time to move. And He did. I’m still in awe how He brought about the transformation in stopping the abuse of power. My only concern at that time of my life was my children. I had so many hopes and dreams for us as a family and truly thought my husband shared them. He did to begin with, but I realize now the most was lip service. He married me for all the wrong reasons and when responsibility hit, he couldn’t handle it. I went all those years feeling like I was his mother, too. I used to observe how other people did it, and I knew there was something radically wrong with us, but couldn’t label it. Bottom line, we were living a lie. I wanted to live in such a way, that it was the same in public as in private. That to my was truth. What God could see when no one else did. I thought everyone lived that way, especially the ones who proclaim Him.

I had the hopes of living each day and processing it, the good and bad, and moving on. I wanted us to make memories along the way and put them into our archives for a rainy day. We have to be somewhere in life, so why not make the most of where we are. He didn’t see that. He was the most miserable man I’d ever been around. He had all the creature comforts, but hated his existence. How does one bridge a gulf like that? I didn’t know. I just prayed for truth. God allowed it and it wasn’t what I thought it would be. My husband pretty much told me I ruined his life and turned his kids against him. I was appalled. God knows my heart but He also knows his. I tried so desperately to get my husband to be the man and father he was to begin with. He quit, I didn’t. I have given up as far as that is concerned. I’ve learned, through others and those here, that you can’t force someone to care or love. It’s a choice. He chose to not want what he had.

He used to say quite often over the course of the marriage, especially if he heard of trouble in someone else’s marriage, that it’s better to go through life wanting what you don’t have than having what you don’t want. That was engraved in my heart. I felt from his treatment of me, that was a subliminal message to me. That was just one thing. There were a multitude of others. He’s given me so much to forgive him for, and I have. I could have gone on pretending marriage, but I wanted truth. I wanted to know when I came before God, I wasn’t hiding anything. I’ve learned along the way that I’m not responsible for his soul. I was told that. No. He was created a long time before me. He’s responsible for finding his way to God, just like me. I was responsible for my children, until they reached the age of accountability, then it was up to them. They have secured their souls with God. That amazes me too, that I was able to impart truth to them. They are living proof that God does exist. And the fact that I’m no longer in that miserable existence.

Now I’m so cautious, that I question everyone’s motive where I’m concerned. I don’t trust and I doubt whether I’d be a good candidate for marriage or even any man/woman relationship. I just know that God knows. It’s only through Him that I have been able to forgive. It’s not something that instantaneous. It comes in stages. At least for me. I feel with all my heart and all my heart gets hurt. I have to process the hurts and turn them over to God and remember to leave them there. It’s not an easy way, but it’s the only way, especially if we want to be free.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in resentment and bitterness. Most of the members of my husband’s family, including himself, have lived like this. But God does set us free from the bondage of slavery. We don’t need to be in a physical prison to be imprisoned. Our minds, hearts, emotions, can keep us bound. I want to be free to choose, just like the ones who chose to not want me. I, too, have that freedom. I thank God for that.

Everything I’ve read says no contact. If you have kids-as little as possible and by e-mail if possible. My therapist says she doesn’t want me to talk to my ex right now, but in the future she wants me to be able to talk to him and if he starts getting off subject (visitation, payments, etc.) to tell him to stay on topic and if he doesn’t hang up. She knows he’s a N/P. She diagnosed the N and I told her I thought he was a sociopath(with examples). She agreed.

Is this something that I should be striving for? I just started refusing to talk to him on the phone and it felt good. I understand she wants me to get strong – to the point where he can’t get to me, but why go back to dealing with him?

tryingtorecoveer, and others–

My NM abused me religiously with a “definition” of “forgiveness” that was NOT Biblical–her definition was that you “pretended it did not happen.” My entire life I knew in my soul this was not “right” but when the pain got too much to “pretend” any more, I read the Bible with NEW eyes, and realized that God’s definition of Forgiveness is not to pretend it never happened, but to GET THE BITTERNESS OUT OF YOUR OWN HEART–it has nothing to do with staying a victim, or “pretending it never happened” or letting these predators back into your “circle of trust.”

If you look at the story of Joseph in the old Testament, he was victimized by his brothers, and though he forgave them and overcame their treatment and rose to power, when he saw them again he did not open his arms and yell “Hi, guys, it is me!” He tested them to see if they had changed in their attitudes or if they were the same men who had thrown him to the slavers.

There is nothing Biblicaly wrong with “testing” a person’s repentence to see if by their actions it is really sincere.

My spirituality and my life have I think been saved by my belief in a LOVING God not the one that was presented to me by my disordered mother to justify her dysfunctional behavior of enabling the psychopaths in our family.

I think, whatever your religious beliefs, that spirituality is part of the healing process along with emotional growth, mental growth and healing as well. We have to some how see that something positive came out of the experience, if it is only our own healing and growth.

The professional resources in my area are quite “thin” to be sure. Most domestic violence shelters have social workers that might be tapped but I am not sure that they help people who are not housed there. I have yet to find a lawyer who isn’t either ignorant of personality disorders, or who isn’t one themselves.

I was fortunate that my local sheriff did listen to me and helped me. When the Ps did violate the law overtly, they went to jail and by knowing the evil nature of these people, the sheriff was very cooperative with our family in quelling the dangers to our lives.

I was allowed by the district attorney to present a victim statement at their bail hearing so that their bail was raised to where the could not make bail with the money they had stolen from my mother.

I strongly suggest to anyone whose P is in any way stalking or violent or you even think they might be planning something to speak to your local law enforcement and file a report. That way when they do something that the law can sanction, you already have something on file and on record.

Whatever you do, do not give up in seeking validation and support–no matter how many times you try and fail, keep seeking help.

Tryingtorecover–as much NC as possible will help you to grow and become strong. Setting boundaries, like “I will only speak to you about the children” and STICKING to it, no matter how he tries to cross that boundary will help to give you some sanity and restore your strength. Be aware though that when you set a boundary, he will INCREASE his attempts to break it until he sees that you are NOT GOING TO LET HIM CROSS IT, NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES. So at first, it will make him “worse” but then when you stick to it, it WILL get better, and partly because that boundary will give YOU strength and a feelilng of control over your own life, your own emotions, etc. God bless.


Send this to a friend