A few “ Ah ha “ understandings

[polestar]

Hi – I wanted to share about a You Tube that was amazing because what was articulated was something that I have experienced but wasn’t really aware of it because I wasn’t able to put it into words and had never read or heard about it described. The You Tube is called “ Who is your safe person “ by Laura Charanza at “ Surviving Narcissism “. The first thing that I identified with was that she was describing about how when you come into a room and you immediately feel like something isn’t right and you feel uncomfortable or when a particular person makes you feel that way – just kind of their presence, versus someone who you may meet who makes you feel very safe, or a group of people who feel safe. I knew I felt those things but wasn’t really conscious of it. Though truth be told, narcissists can really lay it on so you will feel safe, but I’m thinking that as we become more knowledgeable about them, we will probably be able to feel something off about them first thing. The second thing that I really found insightful that Laura said was about when we feel lonely when we are with someone. She described a large disconnect in a level of emotion where there was a huge divide even when relating to that person. I never really thought of it that way but it seems so true in my experience. I think she actually described it really well in her You Tube, so you might like to view it. Otherwise, I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving ! I’m thankful for this forum and all of you.
Blessings

[Redwald]

I have heard more than one person say they felt “alone” when they were with their abusive partner. As for the “safe” or “unsafe” feeling, I guess it’s possible to pick up subtle behavioral clues from other people without consciously registering or identifying them. That’s how “intuition” works: it’s a kind of “unconscious thinking.”

[polestar]

Hi Redwald – so good to get your post! What you said is so true. And the next step ( which is why I created this topic ) is to make those intuitions more unconscious feelings to become conscious. That happens when things that just naturally go below our radar, are pointed out by somebody, and we get an “ ah ha “, and though we’ve known about it all along, suddenly we become aware of it, can see it, and work with it on a conscious level. This brings so much freedom first psychologically and then we can make more conscious decisions for our highest benefit. Thanks so much for reading and responding to my post.
Blessings

[raquel185]

polestar- so true! That uneasy feeling can even manifest physically. I remember attending a party at my friends house and as soon as i got there my hand started shaking. I was so embarrassed i tried my best to hide it while holding my drink but i kept thinking to myself “what the hell is going on?” after everyone left I even mentioned it to her. I guessed I must have been nervous about attending the party (i don’t have social anxiety) and shrugged it off. It wasn’t until later when everything came out and I saw the true nature of my “friend” that i realized IT WAS HER! She made me feel uneasy because she was a phony who was calculating her next move. My body was literally rejecting her presence. So yes everyone should be more aware of their feelings and even nervous ticks!

[polestar]

Hi raquel –
That was amazing how your body was able to have such a strong reaction, and was letting you know to “ get out of there “. But it was all about your deep belief about the sharing of friendship which I am sure is a high ideal for you and that caused you to not understand your message to yourself immediately. Plus you obviously have a trusting heart and have grown to be a very empathic and nurturing person. It is a shame that there are those out there who try to take advantage of those beautiful qualities. But now you get to gain the wisdom to go along with your love and through those difficult relationships, I know that you will be all the fuller the kind warmhearted person you really are, who knows yourself better and has learned to value your feelings both physically and emotionally. Thanks for responding to my post.
Blessings

[Author]

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