A letter to a high-functioning Psychopath-1

[psychopathfree]

Dear Mr. XXXX RoZier

Time flies, it’s been over half a year or 3 years. As of now, I have gained a really clear clarity on the entire 5 years of cross-path and overlap of our lives since August 2014. There is no doubt that resigning from XXXX and forcing myself to give up on you- a black hole and completely get away from your ruthless abuse was the best decision I ever made in the past 5 years, I am so much happier now, full of energy and laughter, waking up from a 5-year facade and a 3-year horrible nightmare. When XXXX said to me “he stole 5 years of life and youth from you”, at that time I didn’t quite comprehend the full meaning behind it, because I still held gratitude for the ‘true love we once had’ and ‘some fun time’ as you call it. Now I’m fearful to entertain the thought that what if I didn’t wake up back in Feb ( I’m not being extreme or bias here, looking back every step, every tricks, every word, every behavior you did ALL follow a complete system and patterns which have been studied by many people throughout the years) ; but I’m glad I did wake up, although it took freaking 5 long and painful years. Fortunately, I have an incredible AQ and made the best out of the worst to transform to be a much better self which will benefit me the rest of my life. I truly love who I am now. Nirvana rebirth is truly what I have experienced and transformed- this is my biggest gratitude I get out from being associated with a human like you for 5 years, survived with victory although once was wounded badly, close to be broken.

Besides this biggest gratitude, I do appreciate the little things, the memories that are positive between us such as teaching me ride bikes(although it later became a dessert joke between you and XXXX- I wonder what kind of bike she can ride when she laughed at me), the good vacation trips, the ‘beautiful love letters, promises’ and ‘the intimacy’ that I was so drugged on for such a long time, although I am fully aware that those are nothing special for you, using your own words ‘it was some fun time’ and it is only valid until the second it came out of your mouth. I know you have played the same stories and said the same ‘loving and touching promises’ script lines many times with your other ‘lovers’. Just a little suggestion – maybe you should try to be a little more innovative and creative on the story lines and the scripts to ‘win over their hearts’ with your next ‘lover’, it will make it more interesting for you and better help relieve your boredom issues.

I’m sure you feel the same – your life is FINALLY fully of ‘love, sunshine, joy and happiness’ – the magic of the ‘red pill’ of ‘being in love’ with your new ‘wonderful lovers’ now especially after dropping this old sex toy and trophy with negative balance sheet value . Sorry you weren’t able to squeeze as much net benefit gain as you wanted out of my source of supplies , I might have ‘taxed your emotions’ a little more than your other sources, well, what I can I say- I’m a truth seeker, highly intelligent, simple with a pure and loving heart, don’t tolerate any bullshit, lie, cheat and can’t put up with manipulation and frigidness . And isn’t that exactly why you quickly moved me from your settle-down target to your transitional target?

After learning so much about psychology, sociology, biology, philosophy, Catholic religions, Buddhism, Spirituality, history and now neuroscience, I am finally able to answer almost every question mark I had and have, regarding to you, myself and every little thing happened between ‘us’ and my life. It is a really good feeling!!

I am able to be a rise-above observer and able to see right through you in every level, from your physical, emotional, mental, all the way to your soul. I understand the mental and psychological problems and traumas from your childhood that you are constantly suffering and battling and your desperation and longing to grasp peace, tranquility and real happiness your whole life. I used to not understand why you are always drawn to the dark and evil aspects of everything in life and have tendency to follow the dark side instead of the light – from historical figures to CEOs and leaders in modern society and many other things in life. Nature of most us humans are drawn to love and light and tend to move closer towards this direction. And you don’t behave as the majority of us and I didn’t know why.

[psychopathfree]

I deliberated for a long time whether I should write anything, if I do, after completion, whether I should send it to you or just burn it. I simulated the pros and cons of the outcomes of different scenarios, wearing different hats from many different aspects and decided to send it out. I’m well aware of the possible consequences and effects this brings.

0.01% this could generate any positive outcome. For this 0.01% possibility to happen, the following conditions would have to be in place:

1. Since I interacted with you the last time, you have raised your conscious awareness significantly than you were a few months ago

2. Because of #1 , you could actually comprehend the messages I am delivering here simply as it is without adding any negative twists and manipulation; you could actually grasp the good intention and the ‘light’ of life I am trying to create out of this experience – it is a much deeper level of meaning of life than your previous understanding. It is probably beyond what you can comprehend. But you have a high IQ, I will give it a shot.

3. You actually have the ability to empathize and care; able to forgive the weakness of human nature and understand the psychology and biology that are driving all those; and your Spirit desires to be awake and have some awareness that could actually enable you to understand and appreciate what I am trying to do here :
a. Help you elevate your energy, awareness and your spirituality towards light instead of keep hovering in the dark and dense side. If you are suffering, help you get out of it
b. Create some light, some positive energy and deeper meaning of the life overlap we had

4. I know you intended to seek some solutions for your issues , trying to raise your consciousness and balance your mind, before you met your Pilipino ‘angel’, and then stopped pursuing this right direction and defaulted back to your old usual way that you have been on your whole life. I think you know exactly or at least have a really good sense of your problem I am talking about here, struggling your whole life. Based on all the snippets you told me before, I think you already have a good awareness of this since you were young and was able to control and regulate to become high-functioning instead of going to prison. And you knew you were hard to live with and deal with ( you told me in a joking tone when we were in your staged ‘heaven’ phase, but I took those words like a passing breeze, along with other big warning signs). I know you were up and down at managing it throughout your life with all kinds of approaches. I can confidently tell you that constantly distracting yourself, surrounding yourself with stimulation, changing environment, juggling ‘lovers’, lots of sex, creating chaos, extreme sports, adrenaline high, ect….. is like using Ibuprofen to control bad migraine that root caused by something deeper, only a superficial way to temporarily relieve the problem. If you actually want real happiness, tranquility, equilibrium and have a real meaningful life, you need to address the root causes and follow the right natural principles in all levels- physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually to live a life that is meaningful which will give you much deeper satisfaction and sense of fulfillment.

This may sound like gibberish to you and at this point , you have no idea what I am talking about or you are maybe sneering and thinking ‘who the fuck do you think you are to lecture me on life with your 12-year old maturity’. I’m prepared for the 99.99% possibility of resentment and hatred from you or the best – silence:

1. A sense of ego inflation ( or maybe not, maybe your ego is always full inflated irrelevant with me) and satisfaction out of the perception that you still capture my attention and you’ve made such an important dent in my life and I “still can’t forget about you”.
2. Twist the real story and use it to boast in front of your current ‘lover’/target. Show it off: look – “how crazy in love this woman is with me, in another word, how charming and high value and in high demand I am, and see the ‘pain’ I am suffering for not being able to get away from her pest and chase?” – to gain ‘sympathy’ and ‘admiration’ out of your new ‘lover’ which brings closer ‘bond’ and ‘connection’ between your pair
3. Reply back with vicious words intending to harm and retaliation
4. Simply ignore and delete to show you really don’t care and never cared, how insignificant and no-value an old transitional target (me) is to you, since you have no intention to recycle me and string me along any longer…
5. Some other negative and may be way worse outcome such as full force revenge, threats you will take towards me that I couldn’t think of in my scenarios ……..

You see, if you followed some boundaries, ethics and right principles and didn’t take advantage of my affection/love towards ‘you- the staged figure’ and my persistence towards the ‘idealization’ you manufactured which you actually had no intention to follow through, exploited my insecurity and vulnerability to string me along until you find your next ‘settle-down’ target, there would have been less hurt. You don’t seem to understand how the affection and energy works, what real affection and energy you put out, it works like a boomerang, it always bounce back to you. Since you’ve stopped acting towards me for a long time because I’m just transitional for you until you find your next ‘ settle-down’ target, I actually had the chance to look at what’s inside you, the real you.

[emilie18]

psychopathfree: Good for you for seeing this person for what he really is – and for getting OUT of the relationship. You are right about sending him this letter, though – he will predictably react in one (or all) of the ways you listed: anger, blaming you, using it as an ego booster or character assassination. These people have no capacity to accept blame, to feel empathy or guilt, or to sincerely apologize for their behavior. None. In their minds it is NEVER their fault – and it doesn’t matter either way to them if it is. They see the rest of the human population as beneath them, as stepping stones to their own nefarious desires, game pieces in their private chessboard of life. No use looking at their past to see what made them so — they were born this way. And how can you trust their back-story anyway? If it comes from their mouth, it is assured to be a lie.

So – get it out of your system – writing things down is essential to self-healing. Take back your own story and live the very best life you can. Success is the best revenge, as they say. Proud of you!

• This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by emilie18.

[psychopathfree]

emilie18, thank you so much for your support! I really wish the general public have more awareness and education about this group of people than the current state. It is usually after hurt, people seeks the knowledge, the healing and try to understand what just happened. I’ve read tons of papers and research about psychopaths and sociopaths. Psychologists and scientists have been studying those group of people since 1930s , but somehow the awareness is still low. I am going to do my part on the internet (although it is very small, still better than nothing:) to help victims and raise more awareness. And thank you for doing the same!!

[psychopathfree]

With all that, if you are still interested to read, here they are:
You said to me ‘ you are just an unhappy person and I regret spending time with you’, but you are totally wrong. You forgot – I was the person who chased every sunrise and sunset, fully immersed myself, truly appreciated and enjoyed every beauty in the nature, danced through all the hiking trails, concerts and music I hear, I was the person who always found the interesting things to do, noticed little beauty in life, smiled big out of heart and soul and explored life in many dimensions as much as I could- both geographically, physically and mentally. I was the person who sang and danced while I was cooking delicious meals. I was the person who hugged my partner firmly and tightly each morning and night with sincerity and love, not afraid of showing him all my affection and heart with no holdbacks, calculation or manipulation. I was the person who bought all the pretty little things to furnish “our home” in Nashville (I don’t expect you remember any of that but I know only the fights are vivid in your memory). You forgot there was a reason you said to me ” If I die tonight, I’m content, because I met you, you filled the hole in my life” in Secaucus hospital bed, in and out of deep coma. See, in most cases, these kind of things will create deep bond and connections between two healthy and normal humans. It certainly did for me, I created a huge bond, attachment and connection towards you. But little did I know, you are neither normal nor healthy. I wouldn’t be surprised that if you had and have said the similar script line to other ‘lovers’, the only difference is that it’s probably in a hotel bed, her bed, that full-size bed in the guest bedroom or the king-size memory foam bed that I bought in Nashville.

I had a lot I wanted to write because it is so complex and intertwined for me. I’m guessing for you, it was simple- we were ‘lovers’ who had some fun time together – one you thought for a few months might have some potential for future and life , one you tried to make it ‘work’, for a few months, but ‘failed’, then ‘tried’ to make it a ‘non-monogamy lovers’ relationship in which case, totally against the ethics and principles, the life guidebook I follow and also way beyond the emotional capacity and boundaries I was able to handle, so you manipulated with cheats, lies, abuse, harm with the best weapon I handed to you – ‘my love and commitment towards you’.
To be honest, how many weeks out of the entire 4.5 years you actually were really exclusive and honest with me?- only God and yourself know. And when you brag about all the women around you for the purpose to show off your ‘charm’ and ‘capability’ to other men, do you honestly think they actually admire and envy you? You have no idea what our team members actually talk about and think of you behind your back. Think about what the rest of your West points friends think about when the Italian guy brought a high-class companion to show off and the ones who constantly changing their ‘young girlfriends’. Real intelligent people can see beyond the crap and the shallowness and know what is the true value and things to admire and envy.

[polestar]

Hi psychopath free –
I’m glad that you were able to articulate all that you have gone through with the mistreatment and unkindness that you were shown. That is a part of healing and getting to the point of moving on. I hope that you will get to the No Contact phase very soon though – both on the stage of life and inwardly in your own mind and heart. It gives the best protection from any further abuse from this person and to get them out of your life completely. If I were you, I’d read everything I could about No Contact and how to put it into affect. This is in no way to minimize the experience or the suffering that the character disordered one caused you. The best victory that we can demonstrate is to be a real survivor – one who has come out the other end of a horrific abuse and can stand strong, and can love and laugh again, without looking back. That person who you wrote about never deserved to be anywhere near you in the first place.
Blessings

[johnacox]

Its nice to read this article but I am not so good writing work and that’s why I always get help from my writing work from https://eduzaurus.com/free-essay-samples/science/ like sometimes I have to write the essay and 2 days ago I got the help of free essay samples on science and I liked their service so much. You can improve your writing by reading about the essay on this website.

[psychopathfree]

Hi johnacox
This is not an essay. We are all here to support each other to recover from Sociopaths and Psychopaths, not criticize on writing skills and give advice on how to write essays . You totally miss the point of this forum.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by psychopathfree.
• This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by psychopathfree.

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