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Hello everyone; I want to share a response that Mathew McConaughey made in answer to a question on a recent talk show. The initial question has nothing to do with disordered personalities, however his response is something we certainly could use dealing with our Narcissistic, Sociopathic personalities whether or not they are current partners or “Hoovering” ex-partners.
I’m para-phrasing, but his response goes something like this,
“I won’t comment or answer because your statement or question would indicate a game I have no intention of playing.”Perhaps this would fall under the tactic “Grey Rock” if you are still involved with the disordered personality. At any rate, I thought this response could be a tool that would immediately shut down any further discussion you want no part of.
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Hi FunLM – thank you for sharing – that was brilliant. Andrew over at Narcdaily did a You Tube about the power of silence. He brought up the urge we sometimes feel to “ tell off “ the narc and explained why that is not a good idea and why our silence is more powerful. I very much agree with that and have practiced it many times through the years, but often wondered how one could keep their silence when someone asks a direct question. Now I have the answer ! Thanks so much. Love and light to you.
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Here is some other information along the line of what we are discussing – The brilliant Suzette Hayden Elgin wrote a book ( actually she has written many ) called ” You Can’t Say That to me – Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse An 8 Step Program “. In it she addresses the issue of when abusers ask questions that are not questions at all ( she explains this very well ) and how to deal with these types of questions. The most powerful response was something like you posted in which the person can say ( I’m paraphrasing too, cuz I don’t have the book in front of me ) ” – hey, I won’t play this game ” or something like that. However, she goes on to say that if you are not in a position to do that ( like if it is your boss etc and you don’t want to be fired on the spot ) then she has a technique called ” Boring Baroque “. In which you don’t exactly answer the question ( remember it really wasn’t a question anyway ) and you go off on a long winded tangent ( perhaps leading into your mother in law’s knitting – my idea but a good example I think ). So the abuser just gets too bored and wants to stop the conversation. Kind of like Grey Rock in the boring department.
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Yeah – after we really understand the narc and don’t get pulled into their psychosis anymore, we see how boring they actually are! By the way, krytonite was actually the only thing that could weaken and destroy Superman – but I understand what you meant. Love and light
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Oh – sorry, I see what you mean now – that our doing all our wonderful healing things would not be good for the narc – got it !
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