Am I having OCD?

[alma]

I don’t want my love life to be complicated. But I think I am making it complicated. I am very concerned about my boyfriend. I keep on ringing him and send messages to him. Is it any kind of OCD? I become very anxious about him. I used to wait for his calls. He says I am crazy. I understand that it might be causing disturbances for him. I know he is getting uncomfortable with this. But I can’t resist my thoughts. I keep on checking my phone repeatedly to make sure whether he has sent me messages. I get anxious when I receive any notifications and messages on mobile. If it is obsessive compulsive disorder, I don’t want it to get worse. It is causing disturbances in our relationship. I don’t think I can manage this anymore. I have decided to take OCD treatment from Toronto. Do you have any suggestions?

[Redwald]

Hi Alma! I’m sorry nobody has had the time to respond to you yet. I’d hate to think anyone posting here would feel they were going unanswered, or being ignored. But I think the trouble is that nobody here knows quite how to answer you. We’re not experts on OCD, so far as I know. So my guess is no better than yours, as far as what your “problem” might be. Still, that won’t stop me from taking a shot at it.

Off the top of my head, I’m thinking there could be any of three factors responsible for the problems you’re struggling with. The first one is simply, well… OCD, just as you said! It could in part be due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, which might be alleviated with suitable medications. It might very well be alleviated instead (or with help) by cognitive-behavioral therapy, to eradicate the obsessive thought patterns that are bothering you so much. I do know you’re far from the only sufferer, and it’s easy to Google information about this. One article is specifically about “relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder,” or “ROCD,” which can be found here:

“Overly jealous or insecure about your relationship?”

Another article is here:

ROCD: Relationship OCD and The Myth of “The One”

Well, you get the idea! You can Google this stuff for yourself.

But in the second place, it’s quite possible that your anxieties might not just be a “brain problem” or a “thinking problem,” but might have other causes in your background: real reasons from your past that could account for your unusual feelings of insecurity. They might stem from being mistreated, ignored, or abandoned in a past relationship, say. Or in your childhood, by parents or so-called “care”-givers whose duty it was to take care of you and make you feel secure, but who may have let you down by failing to do that and leaving you feeling frightened and insecure. It’s wise to explore whether that could be true, if it’s adding to your problem. And if you find that hard to explore, it’s worth while enlisting a qualified therapist to help you do that.

Third, I’m not ignoring the possibility that your anxiety might have a basis in reality. Could your boyfriend, despite his protests, be provoking your feelings of insecurity with “on-again, off-again” behavior? That is the kind of problem people are used to dealing with on this Web site in particular: that it could be your boyfriend’s treatment of you that’s the problem, not yourself. It’s no cause to jump to conclusions, and you’d have to ask yourself relevant questions, such as whether you’ve always felt this kind of anxiety in any relationship, or whether it’s just this particular boyfriend you’ve been feeling this anxiety with.

Even if that’s the case, it may not necessarily mean it’s “his fault.” It’s just a complicated issue that needs a lot of details and interviews to get the cause sorted out.

So you’re following the right path by seeking professional help from those people in Toronto. I myself have nothing better to recommend. And good luck to you up there in Canada! It’s a long time since I was there. But I do have good memories of Ontario, from a fine dinner in the CN Tower to fishing in Gananoque—my elderly mother, who had never fished before in her life, enjoyed it thoroughly despite falling out of the boat at one point, with great merriment to my wife and myself. You should be able to enjoy life freely without all this anxiety, so I hope you get your problems resolved.

[Author]

Posts