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I have been divorced from my ex for about 17 years. Our children together are now 19 and 21. My son, the youngest, left me about 5 years ago because he was told by his father that he had to choose (and he better choose right!). My daughter moved out a year ago last Christmas accusing me of ‘gaslighting’ her. I didn’t even know what that meant. My ex and I have been through a mediator, who actually found in his favour and reduced his child support payments to me (because he lied about his income and his circumstances). He stopped paying me child support for my daughter three years ago although it was supposed to continue until she finished her degree. Last night I was served with papers requiring me to go back to court as he is seeking back child support for my son for 5 years, and money for his education. I have nothing – a very modest house, no investments, an 11 year old car. I am remarried and live very modestly. I can’t afford a lawyer or payments to my ex. Meanwhile he owns his own company with 25 employees and a revenue of $5 Million dollars, a nice house, and sends my kids on trips all over the world. He has sent my daughter to China (against my wishes, when she was 16), and to Europe twice. He buys my son anything he wants, including really expensive sneakers, things that are a waste of money like hundreds of dollars worth of t-shirts he ordered online with logos on them. I buy a lot of things at thrift stores. Now he wants to have our two former agreements tossed out so he can get more money. My husband and I agree that he will not stop until I am dead. I am beginning to think that is the only solution for me. I don’t trust the court/legal system anymore in dealing with my psychopathic ex. How can I prepare a lawyer (if I can scratch together enough money to actually pay one!) to deal with what he will do in court – lie, manipulate, and charm? And how do I deal with going to court, when even seeing him again makes me crumble because he has already torn my life apart? I thought once he managed to wrangle the kids from me he would stop, but he isn’t happy with that, now he has to try to take everything else. Is there witness protection for victims of psychopaths? My kids are victims too, but I know that they would even lie for him in court. It is so sad to see this happen to them – to not have a relationship with their mother – sometimes I don’t even think we share the same DNA.
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This is a difficult situation. You might see how O. N. Ward handled it is her book Husband, Liar, Sociopath. The links are in the topic below yours.
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Nutmeg – I am so sorry for your situation. Your ex is coming after you for sport. He may not even care about the money – he just wants to torment you.
Here’s a suggestion – don’t get a lawyer. I’m not sure what country you’re in, but I imagine you can represent yourself. The court system may even offer assistance for people who are representing themselves.
Present your case exactly as you presented it here. Your ex owns a company making plenty of money. He has a nice car. He sent your daughter to China and buys toys for your son. He stopped paying you child support years ago. Gather up documentation for everything that you say.
Tell the court that he filed the lawsuit simply to harass you. Even as uninformed as many courts are about psychopaths, hopefully a judge will see that the lawsuit is ludicrous.
In the meantime, prepare yourself emotionally for court. We have a webinar called, “surviving court when you’re traumatized.” It is specific to the United States, but it will still help you.
Remember, this is a game for him. Focus on your healing, and you’ll have the strength to deal with it.
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Donna- Great advice.
SG
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I ‘ve had a similar experience. With healing you can deal with it.
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Test post from webmaster. Please ignore.
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Nutmeg- Hope you are doing O.K.
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Hi nutmeg –
I had to represent myself in court and I felt concerned that I would be able to say everything I needed to say logically and to remember all the details I wanted to address. I spoke to a judge personally about that and the advise he gave me was to write out everything and that it was perfectly acceptable to read my statement in court. That is exactly what I did. And by the way, I did win my case.
Blessings to you.
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