Caught at motel with two guys

[tundra]

I have a scenario I need feedback on.
Friday night, my live in GF, who has every indicator of being an N, left the house “to get some air”. She ended up at the neighborhood bar and along about 1 am she turned her location off on her phone and made a point to message me and tell me it was on purpose. I didn’t hear anything from her until about 2, when she called me only so I could overhear a little of a conversation. She was obviously in a car with a man and he was saying they were going somewhere to sing karaoke. A few min later she called and said they were going upstairs, but would never tell me where they were. Then she started texting me and telling me they were going to rape here, but still no location. I told her multiple times to turn on her location. I started driving to the area I believed she might be and that’s when she called me and told me in a coded manner that she was at a a motel. I arrived in less than 10 minutes. Upon arriving, I could hear her screams from outside and found the room. They were not screams of objection mind you. I beat on the door and heard two male voices asking who is that?? She immediately told them to get in the bathroom. She opened the door against the security lock while trying to cover herself with whatever she could grab. I told her to open the door and she told me just a minute. I told her to open the fucking door, and upon opening the door, she was completely naked, making no attempt to run out. I went directly to the bathroom and the two guys immediately started telling me that she did not tell them she was with anyone or had a BF. Said the one had picked her up at the bar. The entire time she is making no attempt to get dressed and is mad at me and fighting me.
My question is, rape or consensual?

[Jan7]

tundra, sitting on a bar stool is a dangerous place for a woman, especially if she is alone. These days you have to worry about a date rape drug being slipped into your drink, even if you are sitting there talking with someone. And now the people that are taking woman (kidnapping) tell them to turn off their phone tracker.

It happened to my friend, while a group of us all went out & were standing together. Luckily, in this case, our friend saw this stranger putting something in her drink. But, it could have been a very different story if she did not see him doing this that night in a dark crowed bar. Scary world. This was years ago.

You need to listen to your girlfriend & what she has to say about this night. if she says she does not “remember” or she felt drunker etc then she needs to go to the police. And the police needs to go & interview the bartender that was on duty that night and these two guys & the hotel clerk to make sense of this story.

I’m sorry that you are dealing with someone that is a narcissist. That is a separate issue to this story you tell. With her being a narc,you need to educate yourself by reading everything here at love fraud and learn about the no contact rule.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Jan7.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by Jan7.

[Sunnygal]

tundra- If your live in girlfriend leaves to get some air, goes to a bar and meets up with 2 guys, she sounds narissistic. You might read about going No Contact.

SG

[polestar]

Hi tundra – my take on the situation is that sometimes people need some alone space and that was what she was basically telling you when she left saying that she needed “ to get some air “. But when you are in a relationship, it is not honest to leave one’s partner to go to a socializing place without telling them – especially if you both were together at the same place initially. A person who is part of being a couple, would kindly ask the other if they would like to go to the bar with them. Just the first part of your story shows someone who is not being truthful to you, not considering your feelings, and not respecting your relationship. From that alone, I would personally not want to continue to be in a relationship like that. And I think if you get out of the confusion of the bar/motel scenario, and really think about what you want in terms of someone to share your most intimate heart dream with, you will come to the conclusion that you deserve to be with someone who loves and honors you to spend your energy on. Otherwise, why waste your precious time here on earth in a situation that is contrary to the love and joy that you truly wish for ?
Blessings

[Donna Andersen]

Tundra – I would say consensual. The whole “I want to get air” routine is very suspicious

[shiningstar]

I have no idea why other than Donna everyone is sugarcoating the response. 100% not 99.9 100% this was consensual. She has you so brainwashed that you’re actually not seeing that this was 100% consensual because she just wanted you to chase after her and play her little game. There are so many signs. The fact that she turned off her locator, the fact that she went to a bar, the fact that she told them to go into the bathroom. If she was being truly raped she would’ve ran into your arms sobbing call the police call the police. She definitely would’ve covered up because she would’ve felt violated.She’s playing with you. The sooner you see this the better off you’ll be

[shiningstar]

And if it was the date rape drug she would be so out of it she wouldn’t be able to stand, open the door, or converse with you. I know you don’t wanna hear this but she is really bad news, she is a true narcissist and you will always suffer if you stay with her

[need2heal]

I agree 100% with every word shiningstar has said!! She straight up ditched you, and then taunted you knowing full well what she was doing. There was no rape and no date rape drugs involved. She would have been like a rag doll if she was drugged.

[polestar]

Dear shining star – You have a strong point of view and that is respected. What is wonderful about Love Fraud is that many survivors have had very different experiences ( even though character disordered people oddly seem to follow the same script ). So when someone posts a question or a concern, it is very helpful for them to get feedback from different points of view. That way they can gain a broader perspective. Most if not all participants are survivors who have gone through much and have had great fortitude and courage on many levels. That is why not only do we wish to give support to those who post with concerns, but we also are here to support each other. I thank you for posting your helpful insights.
Blessings

[nosp]

I’m also wondering about possible sex addiction on the part of the girlfriend tundra described, that is potentially a very sick fantasy she was living out & wanted to involve tundra in, it could have gone horribly wrong for her & for tundra.

I don’t know about rape vs consent for sure, this sounds like possibly the acting out of a pseudo-rape fantasy. Who knows what the 2 strange guys knew or whether they were acting etc?

I also don’t know about the girlfriend’s narcissism, but tundra needs to get tested for STIs & consider going to therapy for tundra’s own mental health.

This girlfriend is a mess, yes it’s possible she’s got a history of childhood sexual abuse & other psychological & emotional issues. I’d insist she go to therapy & not see her unless until she does assuming tundra still wants to have anything to do with the girlfriend.

Yikes!

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