Challenges of recovery

[funluvmusic25]

I’m only three months in with NC that I initiated after a 7 year on and off again long distance relationship with my sociopath/narcissist. For the most part I’m doing fairly well, yet there are times my emotional brain takes over my fact driven intelligent brain and that’s where I struggle.

I find myself longing for all of the “good” conversations we had and feeling empty inside. My non-emotional brain realizes everything was a lie, I’m better off and that what I’m experiencing is an addiction and trauma bonding.

Okay, so I know all of this, but how do I work through it without having a total relapse? Today is his birthday and a part of me wants to do the “decent” thing by texting him birthday wishes, yet I know he would respond and the merry -go-round would ensue. Perhaps I should do something good for myself rather than honor his day! I hate these sentimental, emotional times. I journal a lot which helps, yet if I go on and on about him in my journal it brings everything to the surface and I feel sad and empty.

Okay, so I guess I just needed to vent and be honest about how I’m feeling today. My plan for today is to turn up the music and take to some household projects I’ve been meaning to attack. Tomorrow will not be his birthday and hopefully I can move through it at a normal, less emotional pace.

I’m also planning to purchase Donna’s book on recovery. I have also purchased “The Psychologist & Her Narcissist” by Jenny Tamasi after seeing a recommendation on this forum.

Thanks for listening everyone……I think I feel better already- yay!

[emilie18]

funlove – I admire you for your honesty and introspection – and you are right — the only way to get through is to push through. Three months is a celebration point for sure! So what if it is “his” birthday…make it YOUR day of self-congratulations. Do something you have been putting off (household projects would also be on my list!) Treat yourself to that ice cream or donut that has been tickling the back of your mind for a week. Watch a movie that will make you laugh. Or cry. Stay strong!

[funluvmusic25]

emilie- I like your suggestions! Let the day be a celebration of my victories! I think I will head over to Panera for a healthy salad or soup for sustenance and some frosted Valentine’s Day cookies for a special treat. I do have some old movies that I could enjoy tonight and yes, life is what we make it, right?! These emotional feelings shall pass and tomorrow is another day. I’ve always been an open and honest human being – probably an easy read for my ex, yet I wouldn’t change that part of me for anything. What I can change is allowing anyone to emotionally abuse me.

Thank you for your encouragement emilie …..it means a lot!

[funluvmusic25]

I stand corrected…..What I meant to say is “what I can change is NOT allowing anyone to emotionally abuse me.

[funluvmusic25]

Movie stars dancing to…’I’m So Excited!’

Fun video to listen to and watch so many stars of the past dance to. The choreography is so well timed to the music!
Hope you can open it as it will lift your spirits!

[thesmiths]

Congratulations on three months of NC. Keep going and keep strong. The longer you stick with it, the easier it gets.

Here’s a song I thought was hilarious when it first came out in the 1980s. Have loved this band forever & have taken my user name from them. Anyway, I played this nonstop when it was the crazy sociopath’s birthday and had under a year of NC. It helped!

[funluvmusic25]

the smiths- Thank you for your encouragement. The song and video are hilarious. Nice to put a different spin on the birthday!

I know with time NC will get easier. Right now I seem to get caught up in my emotions. My emotional brain goes to all of the “nicer” times we shared and the hopes and dreams that he projected and I bought into. That’s where I get sad and feel so empty and actually miss him. In reality the intelligent side of my brain knows that state of “niceness” would be short lived before the disappearing act, the condescending remarks and the loneliness would set in. I know I don’t want to get back on that hamster wheel, but hate feeling that he is just out there having a great time with his new “victim.”
Truthfully, there are times when I get angry, but it seems like the tearful, sad times are more frequent and harder to get past. This is when I worry about a relapse. The only thing that keeps me strong and on the path of NC is that I ended it. Maybe truth be told I made it easier for him as he more than likely was already involved with his next “victim,” and with me ending it he no longer had to scramble to make excuses and lie to me. Now that’s funny……I’m giving him way too much credit for actually having any feelings or thinking things through. Ha, ha!

Thanks again for your encouragement. All of these posts give me hope that things doo get better.

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