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Eleanor Cowen posted a beautifully said piece in the Blog about looking at hurtful actions as symptoms. For some reason I was unable to post a reply there — so will here…. I wanted to thank her for reminding me that a bit of grace goes a long way. My dear sister in law is in final stages of Alzheimers, but I remember about 6 years ago I had started to withdraw from her because of hurtful, snippy remarks she made during family get togethers. When our brother eventually gave us the diagnosis, it all became clear — that wasn’t the beloved, sweet, funny, loving lady who had married my brother — she was gone. I should have seen the symptoms. Two years ago my sister was diagnosed with a painful neurological disorder (Polymyalgia rheumatica) and she would often snipe at me when we talked – but learning from my SIL, I did not take it personally – it was the pain talking. So, yes – looking at some behaviors as symptoms makes sense, and should probably be the first place we go when people who should be loving suddenly are not.
But there is still a component of self-protection that comes into play. Even when disease or pain is the underlying cause of behavior changes, just how much should you allow into your life? Sometimes withdrawal is the safest place to go. For those of us who have been emotionally and psychologically damaged by other’s behavior, sometimes it is the only choice. My sister is better now – therapy and medication controls the worst of the PMR, and we have talked about boundaries – and I have gotten better at saying “stop – not acceptable”. But I am still wary around people who are fairly new in my life – watching for actions that cannot be explained by pain or disease, and walking away when I need to.
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Emilie18 – Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I don’t know why you weren’t able to post it on Eleanor’s article. I will copy and paste it there.
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You tube video titled:
“I Catch Psychopaths & This is How Diddy Fooled EVERYONE (Women NEVER stood a chance)!
on channel: Lisa Bilyeu
Hope you & Terry are doing well. Take care
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