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Seriously attempting to wrap my head around what just happened in my life this past week and hoping y’all good folks could help me better understand my situation, for which I am thankful!
My story begins 6 years ago. While I on a cruise ship, I was outside eating dinner when a lovely woman asked if she could join me. I was a bit taken aback as that had never happened to me in the past, though I said sure and invited her to sit down and chat. During the next 48 hours, we went from complete strangers to absolutely inseparable and I felt as though I was the luckiest guy on the planet to have had such good fortune!
She lived two states away and I went to visit her a few weeks later. Things went wonderfully and we had a spectacular time. Upon coming home, I kept thinking about her vehicle and how it was in such bad shape. Attempting to be the nice guy I am, I purchased her a very nice, paid for vehicle and begged the guys at the dealership to deliver it to her 100 miles away, which they agreed to happily upon hearing my story. She called and thanked me. A couple hours later, we were chatting again and planning for her to come down for the holidays. I explained that my daughter, 8 at the time, would be at my place for a few days and that due to her mother having conditioned her to not be able to sleep alone, something I had no choice over as I have been divorced since she was 1, I was hoping she could help me find a solution for her to not sleep in our bed, yet still be comfortable.
She flew off the rails, accused me of being a child molester, and proceeded to call the police and try and have me arrested. Yes, no kidding! I told her point blank we were through as I could not have someone that could do something like that to me in my life, and that for my daughters protection, could no longer date her. I sent someone to pick the vehicle up and have it stored until I found time to bring it down to my home.
While driving to her state to pick the vehicle up a few weeks later, she calls and relates that she is pregnant and would like to see me while I’m there, to which I agreed. We chatted and decided to get back together. Fast forward a few weeks and I drive there again to pick her up for the holidays. When she arrives, things are seemingly going well, expect for the fact that she immediately found a drug dealer and was smoking marijuana from morning until night. She also did not sleep much whatsoever and was up at all hours of the night.
After a wonderful time at my folks house, we came home and she demanded that I take a bath with her right then and there. I explained that I needed 10 minutes as I was on the phone helping my dad with his computer and would be there shortly. She exploded, yelling, screaming, and pitching a huge fit. The next few days were constant fighting. She would find the smallest things and accuse me of everything imaginable, things which did not even happen. The end of that stage came when I finally calmed her down one evening, made love to her, and thought things were fine. 30 minutes later, she gets up and starts violently screaming at me again. I calmly asked her to pack her things as I could not live like that and drove her 1500 miles round trip back home, stopping only for fuel. The entire way there, I tried to talk with her and honestly was hoping we could repair what was happening, though she said nothing. No apology, no nothing. When I got home, I literally fainted in my front yard and called 911 to send the ambulance as I was exhausted beyond my limits. Turns out she was actually not pregnant either.
Over the course of the next 5 years, she would contact me from time to time, always to ask for money due to some situation she had gotten herself into. Being an empathetic person, I always believed and helped her, never to hear from her again until she needed more money. The stories were always about how someone screwed her over, though one was really strange. She needed $25 to pay the college or else they were not going to let her attend class. What college would do something like that for $25? Yes folks, I am an idiot!
Come to find out that she had actually become severely addicted to drugs and had been to rehab 7 times over the course of these years. Fast forward to February of 2018 when she called me via video chat to relate that she was in bad shape, got into a fight with her boyfriend, was living with a friend, and that she needed $100 for food and a bed for her 1 year old child. Although late and exhausted, I drove to Walmart and sent her $300 to better her situation. She promised to send me pictures of the nice things I was expecting her to get for the little guy, and instead, never heard from her again.
You would think I learned my lesson by now? Yeah…no! In May, she wakes me up at 1am, relates that her and her child are in a homeless shelter, and asks that I buy them plane tickets to come to my place that evening, which yes folks, I did. After missing three flights and not hearing from her, I called United and was told they had actually made it to my city. Not knowing what to do, I drove around the terminal time and again until I received a call from EMS relating that she was in an ambulance, drugged out, and that I needed to meet them so they could speak with me. They put her in my car, strapped her son into his seat, and related that she would not cooperate with any information, though she passed out on the plane and no one could wake her up whatsoever.
What am I thinking? No, there’s no way! She’s just exhausted and needs rest, right? We come home, have a nice evening, and go to sleep. The next day, she is raging, screaming, yelling, and losing it, for what exactly, I will never know. I was literally crying like a small child asking her to please stop, yet it continued every day for the course of her being in my home. During this time, it was my daughter’s birthday and they became best of friends, something I now see as her way of sinking her claws in further into our lives.
Over the course of this time, she spoke very badly of her ex-boyfriend constantly and told me that he had been arrested and convicted of assaulting her two times. She related that in order to escape his violence and have a better case for custody, she would like to marry me. Being a good person and thinking about the welfare of that wonderful kiddo, I said yes and bought her a nice ring. We made plans for around six months out as I wanted to ensure our relationship would be solid, though she somehow managed to convince me to get married the next week as the date fell on her first ever boyfriend’s birthday. Yes, no kidding! As he had passed away, I didn’t think much of it and tried again to make her happy, though now see how I was actually triangulated with a poor guy that was not even here any longer!
We were married the next week and over the course of the next weeks ahead, this peaceful home was turned into a living hell. She was up at all hours of the night, would yell, scream, and start fights over everything and anything, and if I slept 4 hours, that was actually a good night. I became severely ill with every ailment imaginable. At one point, she moved her things into my office building in the back yard and related she was moving there. I managed to calm her down and when I went to bring her things back into the house, discovered that she has absolutely trashed the place and had hung a picture of her and her supposed abusive ex-boyfriend on the wall as well.
I calmly asked if when she had time, she could please go clean the mess she had made and that evening she went back into the office, supposedly to clean. 5 hours or so later, she comes back claiming to have cleaned the place and is upset that I could ask such a thing. I told her thank you and was completely calm. Curious as to the cleaning she was so upset about, I went out there the next day to see what it looked like. To my absolute and complete horror, not only was the place even more destroyed, she had also thrown and smashed all of my electronics and computer equipment as well.
During this time, I began to figure out that she had severe mental problems and added her to my health insurance in order to get her help. I made countless appointments and she never attended any of them, with a different excuse every time. After the incident with the office, I sat her down and told her we had to have a serious conversation about what was going on, to which she confessed that she was taking 8 different drugs at the same time. She promised to stop and I tried to get her into rehab, though she refused to go. Told me that she would go to outpatient and meetings, something she never did. Related that she flushed all the drugs down the toilet, something I later discovered was also a complete lie. In fact, everything that ever came out of her mouth was a lie.The next day her dad came into town on the 4th of July. After a huge argument the night of the 3rd, I left and went to the airport, stayed in my car, and picked him up at 6:30am. At this point, I wanted to be anywhere other than in the middle of another argument. On the drive home, her dad, who has been diagnosed as schizophrenic, told me I should get some rest and he would speak with his daughter. Actually, I will never forget the fear that went through me when he looked at me straight faced and told me that he was actually God and that everything would be ok. I went into my office and tried to sleep, when her dad came, knocked on the door, and told me they were taking my vehicle and going to a friend’s house about an hour away and would be back soon.
Upon leaving, I went back into my home to discover that my things were thrown everywhere, the place was a complete wreck, and 80% of her things were gone. Upon texting her, she replied with horrible, vile words and told me that she was going back to her state and they would make arrangements to eventually return my vehicle. I called her, asked her to please come back home so we could talk, and she agreed. When she came back, I found it strange that she was very anxious and demanded that I contact her “abusive” ex-boyfriend immediately and form a relationship with him. Mind you, this is the same guy that supposedly beat her multiple times and was the worst guy on the planet. I tried to explain that this wasn’t a good idea, though she became angry and I called him. Strangely enough, after introducing myself, he told me he had wanted to get a hold of me to warn me before I became her next victim, something by that point, I could see very well.
We then left for an Airbnb on the beach, as planned the week prior. I took her and my stepson out to eat at a nice restaurant and instead of spending time with us, she was writing a letter to the ex-boyfriend the entire time. I didn’t say anything, choosing to keep the peace I so much desired, and we went to see the fireworks afterwards. Upon returning to the Airbnb, which was in someone’s home on the second story of a building, she went out of the kitchen window and on to the roof to drink. She got dangerously close to the edge of the roof, laughing like it was funny that she was going to fall off, and the lady that owned the home begged me to go and get her back into the house, which after some cajoling, she finally did.
My lovely wife then took all the alcohol with her and went to spend time with an artist she had seen while on the roof. I went down with her and after a while, related that we should be going, though I was promptly shushed and basically told I had no right to speak. I went back upstairs, not sure what exactly to do about the situation and when she didn’t come back for hours, went back downstairs and around the alley to see if I could hear what was going on. I heard soft talking, silence, soft talking, silence. I will never to this day know what was going on between those two, and quite actually hope to never find out.At that point, I simply could not take any more and told her it was over between us. She went absolutely insane, begged me not to leave her, even going so far as to lay down in the middle of the street in an attempt to get run over by a moving vehicle. Trying to calm her down and in an effort to keep her from doing something even more insane, I related that we should get some sleep and talk when we woke up. We went upstairs, she asked me to make love to her which I did, then went to sleep. That was at exactly 6am. At 6:05am, she gets out bed, cusses and calls me every name in the book, screaming, yelling, slams all the doors in the house, and storms off.
I was in shock and was quite literally reliving the exact scenario of 6 years prior. At that time, I had been without any sleep in 72 hours and could not take any more. I calmly went downstairs, got in my vehicle, and drove away. Down the street, I stopped, called the police to relate what had happened and to ask they go check on her, and called her dad to come pick her up, which he did.
She proceeded to write me the most mean, awful and terrible things I have ever read, and I wished her luck. After ending up in a rehab facility back in her state that evening, she continued to call and ask me for favors every day, and for some reason, I gladly obliged every time. Feeling like something else was going on, I decided to check her social media which was still logged into my computer, and discovered that she had gotten into a relationship with a guy in the rehab less than a week after we last saw each other. Not wanting to stir up any trouble, I said nothing and proceeded to file for divorce and had her served.
During this time, I actually ended up having to file harassment charges against her father as well, as he threatened to destroy and kill my entire family on numerous occasions, as well as texting me these types of threats every 30 seconds for 8 hours straight. I asked over and over again, politely, that he stop, and the more I did so, the worse the threats became.
Turns out she got kicked out of rehab for continuing to use the same day I was able to serve her and thank God for that timing! Next, she wound up in a halfway house and would call me from time to time. One day she loved me, the next I was the worst person on the planet, and so it went on a daily basis. I finally had enough and one day asked her to tell me the truth about the new boyfriend. She screamed at me, said she wasn’t a cheater, I was crazy, called me some more horrible vile things, and hung up on me. Mind you, by then, the boyfriend was publicly posting photos and saying how much he loved his girlfriend all over facebook, to which she was saying the same to him. Did she really not think I would see that?
I heard nothing else from her and went complete no contact until 2 weeks later when she texts me photos from the hospital, suggesting that she just had a miscarriage. I was completely supportive and she asked that I send her some money for her prescriptions, which I did. I’ll never actually know if she had a miscarriage or not, as I found out later that she told her ex-boyfriend that she was going to have an abortion.During this time, I had actually been in contact with him and we talked from time to time. He told me, and I also saw with my own eyes on her messenger, that she had accused me of bringing her down here in order to sell her and my stepson and that I was upset as I had lost $20k because that never happened. She told folks that she had been pimped out, tied up, and that the Airbnb at the beach was actually a house where she was held before being sold and put onto a container ship, and she only managed to escape when the police found her and kicked down the door. This is only a sample of the things she said about me to anyone that would listen and yes folks, you can’t make this stuff up!
You would think by now I would be running for my life, but no, I continued to stick by her, encourage her, all while she told me she loved me every day. One day, she related that she was going to meet with her ex boyfriend to discuss custody issues. She has not seen him in months at this point. A couple of days later, she texts me, tells me she loves him, has moved back into his house, and is demanding that I divorce her immediately so she can marry him. She goes so far as to say that she did not cheat on me, rather she cheated on him by marrying me. Wow is I could think! With my heart ripped out of my chest, I wished her well and setup the date for our divorce to be finalized.
Two weeks later, I receive a call from her boyfriend asking me to check messenger as she went missing with his vehicle for 3 days. I thought it was odd that he didn’t actually seem to care about her whatsoever, just needed his car back. Told him he was insane and needed to call the police immediately. I began to call, text, use messenger, and attempt to get a hold of her in every way imaginable. After a few minutes, the boyfriend called me back and said she had made contact and I was thankful she was ok.
The next day she called me from the local hospital to let me know that went to a drug dealers house, was kidnapped, held at gunpoint, drugged, and forced to perform sexual acts against her will. She asked me to come to her city to help her to which I agreed. This, while her boyfriend and dad told her it was all her fault and she had to suffer the consequences of her actions. She said she had to go and get checked out and would call me back. She never did and the next day her phone was disconnected.
Another two weeks went by and I receive a call from her. She related that she was in a good, all women’s, Christ centered rehab center in the middle of nowhere on a farm. Being a good husband, even though at this point she had cheated on me two times in the last two months, I sent her a nice bouquet of flowers and a card to cheer her up. Phone use there was restricted to 3 times per week for one hour so we couldn’t chat much, though she called me and related that she had written and sent me a letter in the mail. I waited on pins and needles for that letter to arrive, expecting an apology and kind, loving words.
Unfortunately, the letter was three pages of explanations as to her childhood and why she is the way she is. She also related that she hoped to one day be able to apologize for her actions, though offered no apology whatsoever. She did say she hoped to be able to come back home and asked me to figure out a way to make that happen. The part that I fell for, I believe, is that she related that this was the first time in her life that she was being honest (for a change), and I truly wanted to believe her.
This being my wife whom I loved very much, I set a plan into motion. I would pick her up at her rehab graduation ceremony, go with her to see her son 6 hours away, which she asked to do, then head home where she would start a life of intensive outpatient rehab, therapy, and church guided counseling, all of which she asked me to setup for her. I worked with her therapist for 2 weeks getting everything in order and 2 weekends ago, headed out for the 2 day journey to pick her up. During this time, she professed her love to me, said she had made a huge mistake, couldn’t wait to see me, missed me, and made me feel like to the most special person on earth. She also said she found God, which I thought was odd, seeing as she has always been a professed Christian that listened to sermons and read the Bible regularly.Upon arriving at the rehab center, she gave me a hug, though I could already sense something was off. She was to give a graduation speech and everyone got out tissues, expecting to cry from the things she was going to say. Sadly, it was the most self-centered speech anyone had ever heard and instead of crying, everyone there was pretty much in shock. She and the girls that were there with her had made friends over the last weeks and they were so excited to sign her flower vase for her before leaving, something they had all planned. Instead, she walked out without saying goodbye to anyone. I was simply in disbelief.
On the drive to see her son, I could sense that she was ice cold, though pretending not to be. She first told me that husbands and wives should be friends, something I completely agree with, though can see now that those words were a setup. I related to her how excited my daughter was to see her back home, and instead of joy, she said nothing. While driving through a tiny town where her favorite brother and his wife lived, she said she was hungry and asked to stop for lunch. I suggested calling her brother to join us and she made up an excuse instead.
Sadly, I blew off this off and didn’t think anything of it. Almost to the town she was from, I asked if we could stop at the hotel, unload the car, and change as I would like to get into comfortable clothing. I was promptly denied and told that I was to drive straight to her boyfriend’s house. While there, I could sense that something was very wrong. She was playing house like they were a couple and even went so far as to cook him dinner in front of me.
Later that evening, we went out to dinner and upon reaching the restaurant, she spent 15 minutes on the phone with him, telling him she loved him at the end of the conversation. I was in shock! She looked at me and said, why are you looking at me like that? It’s only habit. She also confessed that she had flushed her wedding ring down the toilet, however was not sorry for doing so. Later that evening, she said she had something funny to share with me…that the boyfriend had offered her the sex toys he had at the house that day and that she had told him that she didn’t need anything like that with me. I’m supposed to be laughing at that? Really?
By now, I’m thinking, how much worse can this possibly get? Well, that evening in bed she asked me to make love to her, which I did. She then proceeded to start crying and told me that she felt bad as she had promised the boyfriend a family. I was simply in disbelief. Was this my wife or some other guys’ girlfriend?Quite frankly, I did not sleep even one wink that evening and spent the entire night in prayer while she slept like a rock. The next morning, she was again cold as ice, though trying to pretend as though she wasn’t. She suggested we go and get her a replacement wedding ring, to which I happily agreed.
We then headed off to the local investigators office where I stayed in a waiting room for 4 hours while she gave her statement of events from the “hostage” incident that occurred the month prior. Upon leaving there, we had an appointment scheduled with an attorney to start child custody proceedings against the boyfriend, something she had also asked me to do while in rehab. I asked her point blank in the car if this is something she really wanted to do and her reply, word for word, was “I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life”.
We met with the attorney, I paid him, and he was to start emergency custody proceedings immediately at her request. My step son, who just turned two, was living, quite literally, in a crack house with a father that had not worked in years (the boyfriend). There were quite literally drawings of male genitalia on the walls. Mold was everywhere. Animal urine and feces in the home. This place was a disaster and no place for a child to live. Additionally, the father had not taken the child to see a doctor, was not current on his shots, and had not taken him for the eye surgery he desperately needed. All this, while he had insurance. He is also taking the child to ride 50cc dirt bikes with training wheels. Yes folks, he just turned two! Did I forget to mention that the father was actually not the father at all, rather just on the birth certificate as such and that he was bisexual as well?
Upon leaving the attorneys office, I asked to go to starbucks and get some coffee as I had not slept the night before. I was promptly denied and told we were going back to the boyfriends house. We got there and I noticed that one of the tires was going flat quick. I explained that I had to go and get this fixed and left. After getting the tire fixed, she texted me and asked that I pick up a grocery list for dinner, which again, I found odd, though did so. Showed up at the house with the groceries and she cooked dinner. Got herself, my stepson, and the boyfriend a plate, while telling me the food was on the stove if I was hungry.
Can’t for the life of me imagine why the heck I didn’t just walk out at that point, though I stayed, saying nothing negative and being cordial. Later, the boyfriend walks into the house and sits down on the couch next to me. He proceeds to tell me that he is feeling that something really strange is going on as she told him “do you think I would really leave my son here with you”, and asks me to fix the situation. I told him I would speak with her and see what was really going on. Later, while she’s giving my step son a bath, I walk in the filthy bathroom to spend time with them. She walks outside, saying nothing and leaving me there. I asked his grandma to please watch him and walked outside to speak with her.
Seeing her walking down the street, I caught up with her, asked her “sweetheart, is everything ok?”, and put my arm around her. She threw my arm off of her, proceeded to yell and scream violently and told me she wasn’t going anywhere with me. I tried calmly to ask her to talk about what was going on and she told me she had no intention of doing so.
I still don’t understand and most likely will never learn the truth on this. Did some switch flip in her head or was this planned all along as a way to use me to pick her up from the middle of nowhere and take her back to her boyfriend? One thing I know for sure is that if I didn’t pick her up, no one else would have. I’ll forever be wondering as to the motivation, though pretty much confident I was used the entire time.
The boyfriend’s entire family showed up and cornered me. Come to find out that while I was getting the tire repaired, she had told them all that the custody attorney was all my doing and that she didn’t want any part of it. Really? Wow! Craziest part is that we read the Bible that morning and it was about the betrayal of Jesus by Judas and Peter. Talk about fitting!They proceeded to tell me that she was my wife and was my responsibility, and that I had to get her insane self out of that house, to which I calmly related that while she was in fact my wife, I cannot force anyone to go anywhere. Her dad picked her up and I drove the 800 miles home in total shock.
The next day, I sent a text asking her what exactly I had done to receive such awful treatment and her reply was cold as ice. “I do not love you, have never loved you, and would never ever ever ever (yes, that is a lot of evers, though what she actually wrote) be in a relationship with you. I love my boyfriend. Divorce me immediately”. As if I didn’t have enough daggers stabbing me, this one felt like death, or more so, I would have rather been dead than to hear those words from someone I love and care so much for.
This week, I have gone no contact from my end, except to explain that we are clearly not meant for each other, that we should go our separate ways, and that we should not talk any longer. Didn’t hear back except for her badgering and demanding that I send all of her things back immediately, which went on for 3 days. I sent those things back 2 days ago and received a “thanks” text today.
I am in shock. Have lost 25lbs and am down to 100lbs wet. Cannot eat, cannot sleep, my brain feels like it’s been through a blender and I am unable to function in the least. My savings has dwindled down to nothing, my business is destroyed.
Yet, I still love and care for this woman with all my heart and want nothing more than to fix this situation and to be with her. Have I completely lost my mind? Is love that powerful?
There are so many more details I could share, though it would be an entire book and I’ve tried my best to share the events that can help explain this situation. Any and all help y’all could share on better understanding what happened and why I would be so stupid is very much appreciated. My heart and love go out to each and every one of you that have had to deal with these monsters. God bless and thank you in advance!
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I’m so sorry this has happened to you!
…IS STILL happening to you!
You cannot keep trying to handle this on your own. She’s clearly got her hooks deep into you, and you sound like you’re simply unequipped to be detached. Some people are just wired to be generous and forgiving to a fault.
There are two children involved here, so you’ve got to get help and advice from a professional. Please, please find a qualified, trust-worthy therapist and get help dealing with the situation. We can give you our experiences and advice, but the best advice is to get professional help immediately. This is serious stuff.
And keep praying. I’ll be praying for you and your family and everyone involved.
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Crazyinlove – I am so sorry for your awful experience. The truth is that these relationships are highly addictive, and what you are experiencing is not love, but addiction.
She seduced you, took advantage of your good nature, controlled you with sex, and hijacked your brain and emotions. I explain how this all happens in detail in my webinar, “Why it’s so hard to get over loving a sociopath and how you can recover.” You might want to check it out — it will explain a lot.
In the meantime, No Contact is the solution. You must stop all contact with her. This will allow the fog in your brain to clear, so you can start to see and heal from the painful truth — she never loved you. It was all about using you.
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Crazyinlove,
At what point will you come to terms with the fact this woman has shoved you down the rabbit hole of hell?
Thank goodness you are putting two & two together that she is highly disordered. She has a brain defect. No amount of rehab is going to change this birth defect. The fact she was kicked out of rehab for not following the rules just goes to show you she does not intend to get help.
Her father is disordered mentally. She is disordered mentally.
She has been to rehab 7 times…yet, when you pick her up she is still playing mind games with you.
She is playing mind games with you for fun!!
This is what sociopaths do!!
You are a nice person. Who has endless amounts of empathy. But you are wasting your time & energy on this woman. She will never change. Even if she sobered up, she would still play her mind games with you, this other guy, with EVERYONE!!
I’m sorry that you are in this cycle of abuse.
YES!! YOU ARE IN A EMOTIONAL, MENTAL, VERBAL & FINICALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP!!
Do you realize you are being abused emotionally, mentally, verbally & finically??
Do you know that manipulation is emotional, mental & verbal abuse?
Do you know omission is a form of emotional & mental abuse?
Do you know that lying is a form of emotional, mental & verbal abuse?
Do you know that cheating is a form of abuse?
When you realize that YES you are being abused, this is the point you realize that you CAN walk away. That this is not a healthy situation for YOU or your child to live in.
You can not fix her!!
You are trying desperately to fix this situation to fix, this woman, to fix this relationship.
There are some relationships that can NOT be fixed! One being with a sociopath or someone with a personality disorder.
YOU WILL BREAK EMOTIONALLY & MENTALLY if you continue to try to fix this relationship.
Do you realize you are on the Hamperster Wheel to No whereville with this woman?
I spent 12 plus married years trying to fix my marriage. The problem was I was not the one breaking the marriage down…my ex h (a sociopath) was breaking the marriage down with his lying, cheating, drinking, manipulation, con games etc. And at my rock bottom I realzied that I needed to save MYSELF because he could not be saved.
YOU NEED TO COME TO TERMS THAT YOU NEED TO SAVE YOURSELF OTHERWISE YOU END UP BROKEN.
It’s time for you to walk away from this horrific situation that is breaking your sprite down each minute you stay. You need to implement the No contact rule. This is the ONLY way to have peace & calm in your life.
DO YOU KNOW YOU DESERVE BETTER THEN WHAT YOU ARE SETTING FOR WITH THIS SOCIOPATHIC DISORDERED WOWAN?
It’s not easy to walk away. I can tell you from my own experience of hell at the hands of a sociopath husband (now ex), but the best gift I ever gave myself was driving 3000 miles away from him & filling for divorce.
I HAVE ZERO REGRET GETTING HIM OUT OF MY LIFE FOR GOOD!! ZERO REGRET!! My regret is that I stayed for to long. Please dont have this regret.
Seek help for YOU not her to break free. If you can Mary Ann Glenn counselor (here at Lovefraud) has FREE group phone/internet counseling sessions that you can listen to for Free. I would highly recommend that you call in for this (just do a search here at lovefruad for her next session it’s coming up soon). Also look at the Yellow box on the Home page of Lovefraud. Plus donna’s book see book store top of LF.
I think for men they are to embarrassed to seek help from a abusive relationship. I was embarrassed myself that I got myself into a nightmare of a marriage but seeking counseling & group meeting at my local abuse center plus support from sites like Lovefraud I was able to educate myself on the hell I was in and finally slammed the door shut on my ex for good.
It’s not an easy road to heal. Please Get help for your stress. Look into Adrenal fatigue symptoms…some sites to educate you on what toxic stress such as a absuvie relationship does to your adnreal glands.
See sites like:
Adrenal fatigue. org
DrLam. .comPlease know that ALL sociopaths create sleep deprivation in their mate so that they have full control over them. My ex did the same thing as your mate is doing now. She is intentionally not letting your sleep to have control over you. If you are sleep deprived you can not think clearly to leave…this is what they want. They dont want us to leave them.
It’s time to look after yourself. A sociopath will always “need help” (my ex too) but at some point you have to realize they are playing a con game with you and set yourself free.
You state:
She also related that she hoped to one day be able to apologize for her actions, though offered no apology whatsoever.
Yep!! This is part of her con game…she is leaving the door open for you to always accept her phone calls because you think she is going to apologize to you. Sociopaths NEVER apologize, you never get closer directly from them.
Your closure with a sociopath is finding out they are disorders, educating yourself & most importantly slamming the door shut for good on them.
Wishing you all the best. Keep venting here & reading. Watch Donna’s videos up at the top of Lovefraud they are incredibly informativeness. When you are angry, sad, crying etc come to love fraud & watch the videos & read, read, read to open your mind up from her brain washing. She is your cult leader & you are her cult follower…that is until you brake your mind free from her control.
You should be so proud of yourself for researching for the truth & educating yourself and most importantly posting here at love fraud. These are HUGE healing steps!!
Do a serch here at love fraud and the net:
Gas lighting abuse
no contact rule
sociopath smear campaign.
SOCIOPATH PITY PLAY MANIPULATION -
PS. I thought at times I was in love with my husband…that is until I really started to process reality & realized I never loved him…he just conned me into believe that I did. I think this is the same with you. I think she conned you into loving her.
When you break free from her I think you will realize that it (like Donna states) it more like an addiction that she created in you. This addiction is NOT love. Once you leave you will have a light bulb moment and see the truth.
Also please do not try to sweep things under the rug…ie what she was doing at beach house rental with that stranger. SEE the truth!!
The truth will set your mind free!!
IT’s not easy to see the truth with your spouse. Denial is a safe place for us to remain but it breaks are spirt down. I did not want to see my ex husband was a serial cheater at the time…it was safer for me to just ignore it, to not fight with him. But once I left, I saw the truth. And the truth was my ex cheated on me from day one. That he used me for money, to look normal etc. P
Ask yourself: what was my wife doing at the beach house rental with that stranger? Be truthful to yourself!! Be honest!! See the truth of her. She was not just talking.
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Crazyinlove – I hope your appointment with the therapist works out. But if you get the impression that he/she does not understand or believe you, don’t continue to waste your time. Lovefraud’s research shows that about half of therapists have no clue of what goes on in a relationship with a sociopath. These therapists can do more harm than good. So if you are not feeling supported, find a different therapist.
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Crazyinlove ,
Good for you! You are taking the first steps, and it’s so hard to do, but you’re doing it!
Hang in there. She’ll try again. But you’re in control of your choices. Stay strong. It gets easier, I promise.
STAY NO CONTACT!
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I agree with Jan7 100%.
Block, block, block. Block your phone, block your facebook, instagram, whatever it is. Take back your power. If you’re having a weak day and want to reach out, come back to this blog and realize that she’s TOYING with you.
You’ve become a toy.
A game to pass the time.
It’s fun toying with you….But, HOW DARE SHE! You deserve respect, love, and peace in your life. You’re a good person who loves and feels true emotions. She’s an empty shell, a tortured person who has been using you. There’s no love with someone like that. Not now, not ever, not with ANYONE….not even her boyfriend. Not the next guy. She will destroy whomever it is.
My formal relationship with the sociopath ended 4 years ago…and he would randomly text me via instagram every 3-6 months…I ignored them because I received my closure when I realized that he is a sociopath and will destroy EVERYONE’s life that he encounters. He almost destroyed mine. I almost lost EVERYTHING that I worked very hard for, while he chased his next entertainment without even a goodbye.
Recently, due to health reasons and because I can’t stand being in conflict with anyone, I thought to reach out and close things formally with him…rather than ignore his contact attempts.
What a mistake. I felt like an alcoholic that had her first relapse drink. I was an addict all over again. I didn’t see him….thought I had control of the text conversation, but he was able to manipulate OVER THE PHONE. I quickly realized that I was one of Pavlov’s dogs who had been conditioned to salivate after hearing a bell. I had been conditioned. When I didn’t get a text for over a week, I would wait for it (and he knew this, it was his game, he was calling the shots), and I was conditioned to wait and yearn for a crumb, a spec, whatever it is that he was offering. After talking to my best friend, I went COMPLETE NO CONTACT. I never wanted to block him so that I too could leave the door open. But…
I’m an addict. I’m conditioned by him. This isn’t a normal person, so I took back my power. I blocked him in every way possible and won’t commit No Contact suicide (i.e., breaking no contact). It’s not healthy. They’re not normal, and never will love.
My advice is— ALWAYS FORWARD. Close that door and be thankful that you got out. Move forward, for you and your children. You need to heal, and there’s no better time than now.
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