Discarded by my brother

[polestar]

Hi – I thought I had done much healing work and learned a lot, so I thought I was in kind of a safe zone … but alas- I got kind of blindsided and got emotionally upset, and reading many of everybody’s posts helped me so much to get my knowledge back to the forefront, and I am feeling so much better now. What happened was that I had been brought up with my cousin and so we considered each other siblings. My “ brother “ had done many nasty things towards me but I had always kind of overlooked them and just thought that it was just him being him and during our adult lives, we really didn’t have that much of a connection. But we would see each other at family gatherings before our “ parents “ died. I don’t want to go into a whole lengthy story about the details, but I did something 20 years ago to declare my independence and autonomy which was a healthy thing for me. I didn’t put it in anyone’s “ face “ – it was really for my own mental health and did not affect anyone else. I feel that my confidentiality may be at risk if I disclose details, but suffice it to say that it became known to him a few weeks ago and now he emailed me to tell me that he no longer considers me his sister and to not contact him ( except for something totally necessary ). The thing is that I did nothing wrong, it had no affect on him and was none of his business anyway ( though things of his doing did have tremendous consequences to me financially). So I was reeling a bit, but as I said, just reading many posts of participants helping others ended up being such good advice and helped me get my bearings back. So thank you, one and all. Sometimes when something is very close, we just don’t see the obvious for ourselves though we can see something so clearly for someone else. In any case, I thank you all very much for the care and understanding you have given so much. Blessings

[emilie18]

Polestar: I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this with your cousin/brother. To be punished for something that happened 20 years ago – and that was for your own personal benefit and did not impact anyone else – is pretty entitled on his part. You have worked so hard on your self-healing and are so compassionate and giving in helping others — you don’t deserve this blindside. It sounds like he was a bully to you in your youth and selfish and unkind as an adult. He probably is acting now out of long-held resentments and jealousies to “punish” you yet again. I am so glad you have been able to use this site as a means of centering yourself and seeing the truth. I have always valued the advice and comments you make on here – you have helped me many times, as you have many others. Keep strong and KNOW you are the better person.

[polestar]

Thank you Emilie – your post was so validating. And what you said was so insightful and true about this situation. Like what you said about his feelings of entitlement was exactly point on. And about punishing me. I think the positive part of what occurred is that it brought up poisons for me to clean out of my system now. As a child and actually until learning all about sociopaths, I really had no way to assess the situation or what he was about at all. But his latest behavior has put it all in focus and now it is crystal clear to me. And that clarity feels very good, indeed. I don’t even have the words to express how much I appreciate your kind support. Blessings always to you.

[sunnygal1]

Polestar. Glad you are seeing the truth about your brother. Families that are dysfunctional become more so during the holidays like now. Glad reading here has helped. Blessings to you.

[sunnygal1]

Polestar. I think this has happened because of holiday stress and after the holidays he will be friendly again. The holidays create a tremendous amount of stress for people and they lash out at people close. I think this is temporary. I would detach and see how it goes in January. Blessings

[polestar]

Hi Sunnygall – thank you for your encouragement to try to believe that this is just holiday stress on my brother’s part. The thing is that I grew up with him and my “ sister “ and “ parents “ and you were so right about the dysfunctional system I was placed in. It was just that I was so focused on my Aunt/Mother because her narcissism was so off the charts with her screaming and ranting but being able to be a socialite, that my “ brother’s “ behavior was kind of below the radar. But now I can see his patterns and know that his psych disorder is long standing. Sometimes I think that we can only see something when we are ready to do so ( so denial doesn’t kick in ) and I guess that with all of my self education on these personality disorders etc, it had made it possible for me to face difficult truths. But I thank you very much for trying to see the possibility of his being really OK. And I thank you very much for responding and also for your blessings and many from me to you as well.

[Donna Andersen]

polestar – It sounds like your brother/cousin has revealed himself, and now you have the strength to see and accept the truth. And if your aunt was a narcissist – well no wonder everything else happened.

I wish you the best as you move forward.

[polestar]

Hi Donna – thank you for your validation and support. It has brought a warmth to my heart. Joy and love to you.

[Author]

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