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First, thank you Ms. Andersen for allowing me to share my story here. I already posted a part of my story under “Sings your body warns you about sociopaths.” I can’t tell would this person ever smear me or not, but I guess only time will tell. I was scrambling unemployed after divorcing my ex-husband in his country and not seeing my child due to custody arrangements. My daughter was only 5 and sad from being separated from me. I reached out to a man I met while doing my PhD abroad in hopes of connecting with him since he was a single dad. We had maintained correspondence but lost contact along the way. In so many ways, I truly admired this man. He was a professor, and an entrepreneur, and was even interviewed on German television for his contribution to science. I felt so honored he shared with me he raised his daughter alone. I thought he was a kind, benevolent, and giving man. I approached him with good intent and am still struggling in the aftermath of my encounter.
During our 7-month correspondence, I realized this man did the following:
1. Mirrored my personality to get what he wanted (my photos, info, etc.)
2. Pried into my life by asking personal questions
3. Used mind control tricks to build trust and intimacy
4. Pulled inexplicable disappearing acts and doled out silent treatment to punish, control, and provoke anxiety
5. Weaponized my private info against me
6. Dismissed me, magnified my past trauma, and demonized my family
7. Exposed me to emotional cruelty
8. Abandoned me when I needed him most
9. Feigned ignorance when his actions were questionedI called him out when I was fully invested in the relationship and desperate. I did it because I did not know what I was dealing with. I felt yanked, intimidated, and betrayed. His personality flipped 180 degrees to the extent I wondered whom I was even talking to. It felt as if he invited another person to the conversation. And yet it was him; he was cold, vindictive, and full of contempt. He questioned my intentions and sanity and spewed hatred toward my family members — going straight at their political backgrounds. He tried to gaslight me and presented himself as the victim. Eventually, I was deemed a bad useless person and discarded.
A good friend of mine intervened and instructed me to go no contact immediately. Traumatized from the whole ordeal, I got a shingles infection and lay bedridden for weeks unable to take care of my daughter. What person would do that to a former colleague and a parent in their time of need? I wish never to cross paths with this man again. I believe he is a psychopath, pathological liar, con man, and abuser. I shrugged off his possessiveness and anger issues from the get-go. Trust your gut when something feels off even if you desperately want to trust the person: they don’t have to hold a gun to your head. Now I am haunted by the awareness this man keeps an alienated ex-spouse somewhere behind the scenes and that I cannot help her.
Cheers and thank you for listening
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Yes he will definitely smear you. In his stories to others he will revise history so that you are the villain and everything is your fault. That is just what these people do.
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Chris yes if this person is a sociopath then they will definitely manipulate the court. All their interactions with others are manipulative. Nothing is ever genuine and they have no morals. So yes they will lie under oath, destroy evidence, forge evidence, influence witnesses, intimidate and bribe witnesses etc.
The best way to understand these people is as criminals. They might not be doing anything illegal that you know of but their mindset is that of a criminal. They will lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate to get what they want. They have no morals and no regard for the law or for the rights of other people. They simply don’t care about any of that. They only ever care about their own self interest.
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chris2601 – I am so sorry for your experience. The guy is likely a psychopath or antisocial. The behavior you described is classic manipulation and exploitation.
It truly is a shock to the system to realize how much you’ve been betrayed. That’s why you got sick. But know that full recovery is possible – and by that I mean full emotional recovery, so you can move forward to the life you truly want.
We have lots of info about how to do it here on Lovefraud.
The first step is to commit to your recovery. It will take time and effort, but is absolutely worth it.
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