Ex-husband with ASPD who I believe is torturing my son.

[survivor2]

I used to post on here under a different name 13 years ago. I suffered domestic at the hands of my ex-husband. I left while only a couple of months pregnant and went no-contact. I went to a domestic violence shelter and got set up with help with housing and found stable income. I was across the country and safe.

Ultimately, my ex-husband found me and I’ll spare you the details, but he won in custody in the courts. He’s charming, has a PhD, a successful career and makes a lot of money. I couldn’t afford much for an attorney and it was horrible. Although I received visitation, he never let me see my son. I haven’t seen my son since he just before his 3rd birthday and he is now 14 years old.

I have been anguished by this, but the police and child protective services wouldn’t do anything to help me. He even has returned all correspondence and packages I have sent many times per year, over the years. He won’t allow my dad to see my son either. I have tried to pick up the pieces of my life that he left fragmented, but obviously cannot really do so, as I worry about my son constantly.

I have now received my own education and am a mental health professional. I try to pour myself into helping others and my dog. That’s it.

I check out my ex’s social media from time to time. He stopped posting anything of my son and only of his other two sons, whom he shares with another woman, years ago. He posted something troublesome though recently. I just saw the video on Friday night. It is of someone who cannot be seen, in an inflatable dinosaur costume of some kind. It doesn’t look like there’s a way to see out of it, and the head of “the dinosaur” was facing away and up, moving in a panic, aimed towards the bridge, with traffic on a highway below. It looked like a highway the person was on. The vantage point was from within a car, slowly driving slightly at the side and behind the person. The person in the costume was riding an electric scooted. On the video, there is very creepy violin music that one would expect to hear in a horror movie of some kind. It is dark outside and there is a lot of traffic. It looked very dangerous.

My maternal instinct immediately kicked in and I can’t shake the feeling that the person in this costume was my son. The height matches what I would assume my son’s height is. It says the video was posted on November 1st, so perhaps this video was taken on Halloween. I have a feeling of dread and need advice on what I should do. Thank you for your time.

[sunnygal1]

Have you seen One Moms Battle by Tina Swithin? She talks about parenting with a narcissist. Blessings

[survivor2]

Thank you for this, sunnygail. I will check it out.

[survivor2]

I want to add a little bit more. I always wanted to have a child more than anything before I had my son. I left my abuser specifically to keep my son safe, after an attack landed me in the ER and I almost lost him while pregnant. I sacrificed everything I had for his safety from my ex-husband. The attacks happened fast, after we married. I was only with him for a few months. It was a shocking experience.

Although the damage my ex-husband did to me was a lot of work to overcome in intensive therapy, I was very happy in the life I had with my son. I did everything I could to parent a child who has come from someone with ASPD. I did gentle parenting. I did extended breastfeeding and many mom-child play groups and activities. I provided well for him and gave him so much love. We were both very happy.

I feel like I’m almost living some kind of “shadow life” without him. He was my everything. This was my worst nightmare. I’m trying to live the best I can and try to do a lot of volunteer work to keep myself busy. Five years ago, I adopted an abused puppy from a shelter. We saved each other, in a way. We go for many walks, hikes and adventures. I don’t date, but I try to stay socially engaged. I’m really doing my best, but I am horrified when I think about what my sweet son could be going through. He was, and I’m sure still is, such a sweet and gentle child. My ex-husband is very sadistic and told me once that he would “forever get even” with me for leaving him while I was pregnant.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t have enough evidence from this video to make a report to the police or CPS. I just am at such a loss, but have to do something!

[Donna Andersen]

survivor2 – I am so sorry that you are distressed. Is it possible to tell who made the video? Maybe you could get someone to post a comment asking where he got the video? If he didn’t make it himself and it’s just some random thing that he found online somewhere, maybe that would alleviate your concerns.

[polestar]

Hi survivor2 – you have a legal right for visitation with your son as decreed by the court. I would strongly suggest that you press for your rights. You mentioned that the police and protective services would not help when your X would not allow you to see your son. Then you must get an attorney and go go court and tell the judge that you have been prevented from exercising your parental rights. This can be legally resolved and you can definitely have your rights restored and be able to see your son regularly. Then you can ask your son himself if he was in the costume.
Blessings

[need2heal]

I agree with polestar! I understand your question is about what to do regarding the video. IMO I think it was just Halloween silliness. The bigger issue is you absolutely have a right to see your son! Use the court documents to your advantage. A JUDGE gave you visitation rights and your ex does not have the authority to disregard that decree. Get an attorney and use the police to enforce that court order. The police will not physically force your child to leave the house, and potentially traumatize your son, if your ex flat out says he’s not handing him over, but you can use that refusal to go back to court. Obviously, your ex isn’t putting his PHd to good use because he certainly knows that keeping you and your son apart is not healthy for either of you. He sounds like, as he said, just punishing you. Don’t give up! Fight for your rights! Wishing you the best of luck.

[Author]

Posts