FEELING ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR NOT REALISING IT WAS ALL FAKE

[hamil1290]

Hi all, I don’t usually do this, write on forums, but I feel like I need to express what has happened to me and seek a bit of comfort from others that have been affected in the same manner. My story is as follows.

I met a high powered exec at work, he started to pursue me and we eventually started dating. Stats: I am 37 and he is 46 years old. He told me he was separated with 2 kids. After a few weeks of dating, he started the love bombing. I was the love of his life, he never loved anyone like he loved me and he wanted to marry me. Sometimes he would have tears in his eyes when he would say it. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Physically he wasn’t my type, he made up for it with the charm, intellect and sense of humour. We got on like a house on fire.

Few months passed he left the marital home and started renting a flat. He was so nice to me, bought me presents, took me on holiday and treated me like a princess. Texts, calls all day long. Constant communication. Very attentive and caring. Cooked for me. Ran my baths! He told me he cheated on his wife for 3 years with an ex gf and was not faithful for 12 years of his 20 year marriage. He told me that he was now a changed man that he met me and liked what I brought out in him, he wanted to be truthful with me; he started to copy me – adopted my ketogenic diet, listened to same music, started to dress well, working out like me (never went to the gym before) and watched same tv programmes as me. Constant I love yous. 8 MONTHS IN – HE PROPOSES TO ME!!! He got me a £10k diamond ring – whilst still married, divorce was apparently on the cards but it was going to take time. 9 MONTHS – my father posses away, and I am devastated. Two days after the funeral I go to see him, my partner. He was in a bit of a weird mood that day. That evening we decided to cook and I put some dirty dishes in the sink – HIS MASK SLIPPED AND HE SWORE AT ME, SAYING I DIDNT WASH UP ENOUGH. First time ever seeing this verbal explosion – it scared me. I walked out and tossed my ring in the air. I wrote a letter to him via email and dumped him. he wrote one back saying I agree, lets part ways. That was it! He didn’t even try to get me back although now I think it was a blessing.

I am just angry at myself for not seeing that all of his behaviours to date were that of a sociopath – I THOUGHT I WAS A GOOD JUDGE OF CHARACTER.

How do I MOVE on from this, knowing that I shared my true self with an evil man who never actually cared – it was all lies!

I know he has probably moved on to a dating site already and is looking for his next victim.

I just feel a bit let down by myself. Lucky escape as I am sure even if we did get married he would have cheated on me and put me through hell. First sign of the mask skipping and I ESCAPED. That comforts me. He once told me that his wife called him a sociopath FYI.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation, it would be great to hear from you.

Thanks for reading this. 🙂

[Donna Andersen]

hamil1290 – First of all – Congratulations! You took action at the first sign that he wasn’t what he portrayed himself to be. You are to be COMMENDED!

So many of us see that first sign, and brush it off. We make excused – he’s having a bad day. Maybe I shouldn’t have put the dishes in the sink. But not you. You ACTED! Good for you.

Please don’t be hard on yourself. When someone is showering us with attention and proclaiming everlasting love, it is very difficult not to believe him or her. We want to be loved. We want it to be true. It seemed so true.

I can tell you though, that my ex-husband did the same thing. He told me that he had not been faithful his previous wife (neglecting to mention that there were three of them), but I was SO CAPTIVATING that he would NEVER CHEAT AGAIN! HA! He was with at least six women during our 2.5 year relationship — and those are the ones I know about.

You will get over this. Give yourself time to heal. Remember, you did nothing wrong. He took advantage of your love.

[Sunnygal]

hamil- They can be very charming. Just take it as a learning experience so you are aware in the future. You might get in touch with anger. Best wishes.

SG

[polestar]

Hi hamil – he was a cheating liar. He wanted to have a mistress and chose you. Married men who want to have an affair, are always just about to get a divorce, or say that their “ wife doesn’t understand me “. I agree that it was fantastic that you “ opted out “ at the very first sign of abuse ! That was great ! Apparently, there is a whole social stratum of married men and their mistresses. My eyes were totally opened by reading a book called, “ So, You’re Having an Affair “, or something like that. If you are interested, I can get you the exact title and name of the author. I got it because I thought it would help me to understand the phenomenon of “ triangulation “ better – and it did. It turns out that mistresses suffer from triangulation starting at some point ( after the Love Bombing Stage ) just as much as wives do. So the man ends up having 2 women to abuse at the same time ! Anyway, just know that you saved yourself from an incredible amount of pain. And be sure that you don’t abuse your own self with self recriminations or blame. We all congratulate you on your very good move !
Blessings

[freeatlast]

Gosh, I echo what everyone else has been saying – WELL DONE! For spotting what was underneath the mask and GETTING OUT QUICK! If I had only done the same i would have saved myself 20 years of emotional torture. So even though you may be feeling cross for wasting 9 months on him, it could have been a lot, lot worse – those 9 months could have turned into 9 years (or more) of heartbreak. Great job!

[Author]

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