Feeling so empty

[chelle2012]

I had been with my ex partner for 16 months, everything to me was perfect, she was my first female partner and I honestly thought I had found my soul mate. Now I was just seen as a challenge to her as before getting with her I had never been with another female. She seemed to just get me, was super generous and seemed to want the same things as me for the future. Everything for me was perfect until beginning of November when she was going away to work, she became distant when away saying she didn’t know what she wanted and felt confused, she had only moved in 2 months prior to working away. She came back and basically ended things, I then found out she had been seeing and continuing to see someone while she was away.

I have since found out she has done this to 7 other people over a period of 8 years and uses people for her own gain and is never in short supply of people. I have not had any contact with her for 2 weeks despite her messaging me twice. I am feeling like such a fool and empty. I know the person I was with doesn’t exist but I feel so hurt and like I will never move on from this hurt or be able to trust again while she gets to move to someone else and be happy.

Any advice or words would be greatly appreciated

[Sunnygal]

Sorry to hear this. Sandra Brown’s book Women Who Love Psychopaths has helped me alot. She will just use the next person, can’t love. Will not be happy. Take care of you.

[chelle2012]

Thank you so much for your comment!
When does this begin to get any easier?? I am finding myself thinking about her all the time, unable to sleep and thinking she must be much happier and having so much more fun without me! It still really hurts and is sore. I do try and tell myself that the person I loved doesn’t exist but that doesn’t help.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

[resilient85]

It takes time. It sounds like you are in the “obsession stage.” I was just like this for the past almost 3 months. I couldn’t get the image of him that I adored out of my head. And, I was jealous of his new wife. I’m now in an anger stage and not feeling like that as much. You will get better. But, you have to go through the grief, anger, etc.. to have true healing. Take advantage of the resources of this website. If you can see a therapist, I fully recommend it. I do a lot of praying. I feel that God had me go through my experience for a reason and to grow as a person. It’s an awful experience. But, I know that I will be a stronger and better person because of it. It’s a tough lesson to learn. I hope you find that as each day goes by, your recovery improves.

[Stargazer]

I just had a brief work involvement with a contractor who put the “con” in “contractor”. I feel that empty feeling, too, and I didn’t even date him! First, the most important thing is don’t poke at the hornet’s nest. In other words, don’t try to reach out to her or to play games with her, get back at her, etc., etc. This will keep you engaged, and it’s very toxic. Just walk away. If there’s business stuff you have to do regarding her, do it from a distance in a businesslike manner. Second, there is only one thing you can do, and that is to feel the pain and emptiness. Don’t fight it – just feel it. It is there for a reason, and it is trying to tell you something. There is wisdom in the pain of how you let yourself get hooked to begin with. Just be gentle with yourself and give yourself a wide berth for the process you are going through. I’m going through it again for the first time in 10 years, but I have much more awareness this time, so it’s not as devastating. It’s part of your life path to go through this. If it wasn’t her, it would be someone else who would trigger these feelings. So just experience them and see where you come out on the other side. It will be a much better and more grounded place guaranteed. It’s okay to feel broken and to be a mess right now. It will get better.

[Roxana D]

Hi there Chelle,
After I escaped the sociopath I was married a few months ago with this forum’s help, I learned to look inside me instead of trying to understand or comprehend things. My ex was full-blooded psycho and he has been harassing me since but I have gone complete no contact since my escape.
The reason I mentioned looking inside yourself is because I learned that we go out seeking love externally sometimes from the wrong people, but it is important to look inside yourself and find that self-love you can always give to yourself and have a more fulfilling life. It is only then we can attract the right people. I have come across a few guys since my escape and they all happened to be sociopaths and I am not joking! We attract the wrong people into our lives without recovery!
Here I embarked on a 30 day self-love journey and I am posting a video every day about a self- love recovery that I have committed to for the rest of the month.
You can follow me here, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4Z-bIXdazRZ-sSJ9yeeEfw
Today’s exercise was about Thinking and how to get our thoughts to serve us. I am not American so I speak with an accent and relatively slow, but it shouldn’t matter, as long as you don’t laugh at me for those silly moves! Have fun and move on because if she doesn’t appreciate you, she is not the right person anyways 😉
Rosy.

[Anonymous]

chelle2012 – it sounds like the woman was a user and abuser. I know it hurts, but I am glad that you are away from her. Don’t let her back.

[Author]

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