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Lately I’ve been struggling with feeling stupid for being conned by my sociopath ex.
I used to struggle with “how could he do this to me?” but lately it’s become “how could I fall for this?”
I am now fully educated on sociopaths and how wily they are, how skilled at manipulation, how good their tactics are, how gaslighting works, how trauma bonding works, etc. I know it all.
But I’m still struggling with just feeling stupid for falling for his con. And just wish I had been smart enough to see through it.
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Sept4 – I am so sorry you are struggling – totally understand. It took me a while to get over my self-blame. However, in reading all the stories on here and elsewhere it finally dawned on me that it was NEVER my fault. I hope you can come to that realization, too. Every single victim goes through this. “How could they? How could I fall for this??” – yet if you read carefully you will see that ALL of the victims have one thing in common – not that they were gullible or naive or stupid – nope – it is that they were vulnerable and trusting. They were ALL good people, looking for love. They trusted that other good people were looking for the same thing. That they got caught in a web of lies, manipulation and fraud was not their fault. Flies are not to blame for being caught in a spider’s web, nor rabbits for being trapped in a snare… Sadly, these dangerous traps – and people – are out there, looking, knowing how to fling their nets. I pride myself in my intelligence, savvy, business acumen, loving heart and life experience. BUT I got caught. Why? Because of my very human need for connection. Is that MY fault? Nope. Most of us are the same way — we are wise, smart, cautious – but we fell for these con artists. Why? Because we are HUMAN. They are not. The very essence of humanity is compassion. They have none. Once you truly believe that this was NOT your fault you will start to heal. Truly believe it. You are a good, trusting, love-filled, hopeful person with a huge heart. Never lose sight of that. Hugs!
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Just got conned bad.. and he assaulted me .. got a restraining order for a year ..court is next for him assault and battery , will have dated a year next week . Totally in love , no real clue until a few months ago caught him in some lies .. guard began to go up .. he broke into my house at midnight last week after an argument we had . Alarms went off , police came .. I left him stay he talked me into him staying .. next day gut telling me something not right I texted his ex , she called me and told me what she went through and that he’s been in contact with her all year trying to get her back .. anyway .. my heart is broken , two weeks ago in love now I’m going to court hoping he gets punished .. so you are not alone or stupid
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nancyw – I am so very sorry you are going through this. The ultimate betrayal, the essence of hurt – and the destruction of trust. Glad you are prosecuting this inhuman piece of *&^%. So many do not for fear of further retaliation. Stay strong. Stay resolute. But take all precautions. These types just do not give up easily. Proud of you!
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