Has Your Career Been Affected by Love Fraud? Share Your Journey and Seek Support

[CJ1366]

Have you experienced career setbacks due to being a victim of love fraud? I certainly have and would like to provide a safe space and supportive space for those who have faced similar challenges, specifically in relation to how your employer or professional mentor and/or colleagues reacted to and handled your traumatic experience. I hope that by sharing my story I can shed light on the impact that employers/mentors can have by perpetuation your trauma, and the career consequences that can occur as a result of being the target of abuse and fraud.

I know that sharing our stories can help us heal and find strength in vulnerability, as I have gained strength by listening to many of you who have bravely shared your own stories with Donna on her podcast and through this forum. In this forum, I will share my personal journey and the consequences I faced after being conned, held hostage, and abused; as well as the steps I have taken to overcome these career obstacles. I hope that we can support and guide each other through rebuilding our careers or starting new ones.

Summary:
Imagine the feeling of returning to the university where you have an impeccable 15 year history of academic accomplishments, including your PhD honors, and a successful independent research program after enduring the horrors of being conned, held hostage, abused, and being witness to your abusers’ suicide. You’d expect to return to your career with the support and care of your mentor and colleagues. Instead, you are only met with blame and disbelief from your trusted academic mentor and friend.

This is the story I want to share with you today. Despite my reputation as someone who never missed a meeting, responded immediately to all texts/emails, was meticulous with my research, always called out unethical practices, and was a perfectionist with writing… my mentor not only questioned the authenticity of my abuse, particularly the suicide, but also extended his judgement by calling into question my ethics as a scientist and the veracity of my research data and publications. This after spending years working closely together on these projects that received multiple research awards, and with none of the data analyses or written publication or grant being submitted without his final approval. I felt like I had just been punched in the gut, causing me more pain, distrust in human beings, and isolation. Furthermore, due to my mentors strong position within the university, his opinion also caused me to lose the trust and support of my colleagues, leaving me shunned, alone, and in disbelief that not even my female colleagues reached out to offer their support. The consequences of my LoveFraud con were immense, affecting my access to resources, recommendations, and opportunities in my field.

Seeking Resolution:
In my quest for justice and understanding, I turned to the campus ombudsman, hoping for mediation and support. While initially promising, the outcome of the investigation brought disappointment, leaving me feeling unsupported and unheard. The weight of my mentor’s influence continued to cast a shadow over my career prospects, causing further setbacks and frustrations.

Rebuilding and Finding Support:
The journey to rebuild my career continues to be an uphill battle. Along the way, I took temporary jobs, which helped restore my confidence and provided a glimmer of hope. It was during a genetics conference that I encountered an influential academic leader who listened to my story and believed in my potential. Their support and connections opened doors I thought were forever closed. However, my financial challenges still persist, as I work for 0 – minimal income while writing grants and publications to sustain my research and progress.

Looking Forward:
Despite the setbacks, I refuse to let this experience define me or my career. I know my worth as a scientist and expert in my field, and although the effects of my PTSD have occasionally deflated my motivation, I refuse to let the actions of a sociopath and a sexist mentor stop me. I continue to work on clearing my reputation and the unwarranted questions about my research deter me. I have upcoming publications that will validate the integrity of my work, and working to obtain my clinical licensing to broaden my career options and ensure financial stability. While addressing the abusive behavior of my mentor remains important, I am currently focusing on strengthening my position before taking further action.

Call for Support:
If you have encountered similar career setbacks due to LoveFraud or workplace abuse, I invite you to share your journey, embracing vulnerability and seeking support. Together, we can create a network that empowers and advocates for change. Let us stand united, providing resources, understanding, and a safe space for women to rebuild their careers. Our collective voices will help expose the injustices faced by survivors of abuse, LoveFraud, and workplace abuse, ensuring that no one feels alone or silenced.

[Donna Andersen]

Hello CJ1366 – thank you for your post. I have heard from many, many people whose careers were ruined by sociopaths/narcissists. And yes, often there are bosses and co-workers who are not supportive, maybe only because they consider the distressed employee to be too much trouble.

It’s a one-two punch – The abusive relationship is bad, and then you lose your career/financial support.

It can be rebuilt, but yes, it may take time.

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