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I’m sure many of you are familiar with what I’m going to say. My ex psychopath bf calls me after 3 months. Thank God I found this site! He’s in therapy (there’s no therapy that can help what he has going on). He’s sorry for talking to another female while we were in a relationship. Every single thing he did was awful and there’s no excuse for it. He’s sorry for everything. I was perfect he said. He hopes I find someone who treats me well. I’ll never hear from him again…he just wanted to let me know all of this.
The old me would have responded immediately whether it would have been giving him another chance or telling him off then being hooked by him again. Boy have I changed!!! Did I want to respond and tell him off? Absolutely. But he won’t hear it. All he’ll see is that he had an effect on me enough that he thinks he can get me back….and in the past he has. Not this time Josh. I’ll never hear from him again? I will. He’s a pathological liar so why would I believe this. I’m shaken by the voicemail but I’m strong. Much stronger than I ever used to be. -
You done good! And you are right – this wasn’t an apology – it was a way to slither back into your life. Your non-reaction will drive him crazy…keep it up! I am delighted that you have found your strength and resolve. Now go belt out Helen Reddy’s anthem to all powerful ladies “I am Woman – Hear me roar!”
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Hi Angel – Yes, that was a hoover. You are doing absolutely perfect by not responding. It is so hard for us not to get pulled back into their psychotic world because it is not the reality that we function from, so whatever they say, we process through our own way of understanding and that is why it makes it so hard to resist a hoover. Even to just tell the person off is so tempting – but any response, as you mentioned, pulls you back in. I would say that they would welcome even or especially, a good argument. I heard somewhere about dealing with AI ( not sure of the context ) but it was said that the only way that you can win is not to play. Same with the psychopaths. So good for you !
Blessings -
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Hi angel –
The great thing is that he said that he was calling to ” tie up loose ends ” which means that he is looking for a response from you so that he can have closure. We survivors struggle so much with the issue of closure that we can never receive from sociopaths because an understanding can never be arrived with them in a conversation or otherwise. So now he is getting some of his own medicine. The closure he wanted by tying up his ” loose ends ” would actually be to wish for a ” win ” in his mind and he would have felt he succeeded if you had responded in any way. It would never be to come to a mutual understanding. So if you had answered, he would have just left you hanging. They have a win/loose mentality, so it is obvious from his hoovering that however your relationship ended, he must have felt that you somehow ” won “, and is trying to reverse that. So you have come out waaaaay ahead. Go Girl !
Blessings -
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Hi Angel – please don’t take my response as being argumentative. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but when we survivors can discuss our different points of view, I think we can all gain from our differences while acknowledging all we have in common too. I don’t really know your back story because I took a break in posting for a time. But anyway, there are many ways of leaving someone hanging. In terms of sex, it can be a psychopath’s biggest method of leaving a victim hanging – by being physically intimate while checked out emotionally. Or love bombing that is actually a ploy. I appreciate your wisdom of realizing that healing is our true closure and that it does take time.
Blessings to you. -
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Hi Angel – You and Xylophone were having a deep conversation which I appreciated so much for your support of one another. I then responded to both of you on her initial forum topic place and by accident, I wrote hi to ” Amber and Xylophone “. I meant to say Hi to ” Angel and Xylophone ” and didn’t realize it until right after I posted. So I tried to correct the error. I hope you saw that because you were the one who was in the original conversation with Xylophone and I did not want you to feel slighted at all. From your posts I can tell what a good hearted and sensitive person you are. So I apologize very much for that error.
Blessings to you -
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Hi Angel –
That was amazing !!! All of what you told him and how you put your foot down and how you took back your power was so fantastic ! We can read and learn and understand so much about dealing with sociopaths, but to actually take action on our own behalf and to actually put a stop to their invasiveness, is a whole different skill. So I congratulate you. Way to go !!!
Blessings -
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Hi Angel –
I really agree with you and do not consider giving a very firm stop message as breaking No Contact. I see it as putting down a firm boundary after you have withdrawn from the relationship, and he still would not respect it. His invasive behavior was bullying and you needed to put an end to it – once and for all. As you said, he knows that if he tries it again, he will not be in contact with you, but will face police action and now you have a ” paper trail “. By the way, your post stream is not on the front list so others can’t really tell when you have posted. I think it would be wonderful for you to begin a new post stream the next time you post, because you really are an inspiration and that way people could gain so much by reading what you say.( If you want to )
Blessings -
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