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I have recently managed to get away from my narcissistic partner, mainly in my head! I have two poorly 16 month old twins with him and he is draining the absolute life out of me. The moment I get some kind of strength from no contact he finds a way back, mainly using the girls, who I can honestly say he does not give one s**t about them.
How do I keep going through the urges to contact him and vent my frustrations how do I keep strong when he contacts me.
I want my life back.
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GeorgiaB – I am so sorry for your situation. It is very difficult when you have children with a disordered individual.
I recommend that you thoroughly educate yourself about what you are dealing with – we have lots of information here on Lovefraud.com. Also great info in our webinars.
The best thing you can do is get this man out of your life and your daughters’ lives. He will never be the partner or parent that he should be, and will continue to drain you, as he is now. Offer him a deal – if he gives up his parental rights, you won’t go after him for child support. Some guys go for this – money is more important to them than their children. It may sound daunting, but he’s unlikely to pay child support anyway, or he’ll use child support as a way to control you, so you won’t really lose anything.
It this doesn’t work, limit the amount of exposure you and the children have to him. You shouldn’t see him at all – communicate via “Our Family Wizard.” If there are exchanges for visitation, send the children with a trusted friend or relative.
Also, learn not to react to him. Part of his objective is to torment you, and if you don’t react, you are no longer any fun for him. Maybe, if you’re no fun, he’ll just go away.
These are some ideas – we have lots more on Lovefraud.
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There are some good articles here on no contact. Good luck!!!
This might not be anything you would consider but you might have an open adoption. The girls would get a good home, you could maintain contact and you could have no contact with the disordered individual.
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georgiab – my heart goes out to you and the twins. Your post touched me deeply. I am glad others have already given you information on how to begin. Would like to also recommend this site for use as a way to educate yourself on all of your options, and also for just good ol’ down home support. It’s empowering to read how others have resolved their issues, even if they aren’t your issues … yet. There is a wealth of recovery information here. Love and hugs to you, georgiab, Emily
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Resist the urges to contact him/verbally ‘fight back’..all this does is give him the satisfaction that he’s ‘winning’..getting under your skin and causing more chaos..(and getting your ‘goat’ too)..try as often as possible ‘the gray rock’ method..by Skylar. You can find this on Lovefraud. If you can, with legal help, offer him that deal of parental rights in exchange for no support. He’ll use child support (or lack thereof) as just another war against you. If a lawyer can do this, it will save you a LOT of grief/headaches/contact. The less you deal with him legally, the better. He will pitch fits, screaming about not seeing the kids, but that’s just another ploy..If he cant use the kids as weapons..that’s just too bad for him. Please, don’t feel sorry for him, give him any sympathy. Guys like this aren’t worth your time/effort/blood/energy. Less ammunition you give him, the better.
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