He's a self-confessed sociopath

[Ceridwen18]

Hi there. I’ve been living with my partner for three years, and have known from the beginning that he was different. One day, early on, I asked him outright if he was a sociopath. He replied, “Would it matter if I was?” Of course, being in love, I thought not, and for two years he has been the most wonderful partner and stepdad to my two boys. They really love him. Twleve months ago, the “cold b*****d” that he said he had been for many years as a young man reared it’s ugly head, over money. He decided he wanted something, just for himself, so he bought it, and he was remorseless. He was so cold and unfeeling, like I had never seen although I’d been warned (by him), that I had a panic attack. All went on for another 12 months, he did nothing else, then I discovered he had gone behind my back to contact an old flame that he has had a 20 plus year friendship with (and who I have a huge jealousy issue over). Again, the icy justification without any recognition of the deceit (he outright lied when I asked him if he’d been in contact), he simply said that he needed someone to talk to and that was that. The loss of my trust was insignificant. He has never hidden what he is, but his mask is so secure that it slips only occasionally. I understand now that the real man is the sociopath, the kind, rational calm man is just frosting on a rotten cake. As I am somewhat financially dependent on him, I am considering my options very carefully.

[Donna Andersen]

Ceridwen18 – It sounds like you have a good understanding of what you are dealing with. You are also right to be cautious – but I think your situation has the potential to turn really ugly once he decides that he is finished with you.

[Ceridwen18]

Thanks for your reply. I think so too.

[AnnettePK]

It will help you in the long run to always keep in mind that he does not care how you feel nor care how what he does affect you. I was so overwhelmed by the pain I felt from my ex spath’s betrayal and it took me a very long time to truly believe the truth about his motivations.

You might consider making your number one priority right now becoming financially independent without raising his suspicions that you’re on to him. Spaths can be very dangerous. There’s no downside to getting your financial independence, no matter what you decide to do and when.

Situations involving spaths usually go downhill with time. You might also consider having a safe place for you and your sons to flee and having a plan to get away, just in case.

Take care.

[Sunnygal]

I hope you are O.K.

[Author]

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